The Mountain of Fruit and Flowers.
How did I get here?
It smells amazing. I've been to see the superblooms in the Southern California desert, like Anza-Borrego State Park. This mountain full of flowers puts them all to shame.
I get up, stark naked, probably with petals sticking to my body—hopefully covering my private parts. Maybe there's a fig leaf somewhere.
Daji stands up, unconcerned about being in her birthday suit. Her tail has sprouted again A naked fox woman is standing right beside me on a heavenly mountain of flowers. Is this where Daji and Sun Wukong live when they're not at the inn?
A carpet of flowers covers the mountain as far as the eye can see. Golden lotuses spring up before me. A nearby hill smells of peaches. Tall bamboo, "flowers of jade" like in Sun Wukong's story, wisteria, and other exotic plants surround me. A brilliant orange-and-yellow bird spreads its wings on the cliffs above and gives us a disinterested look.
"Is your uncle here?" I ask.
"NO. He's manning the desk on Earth. He just came from here," she says.
"Oh. I thought since you're here …"
She grins and loops her arm around me. "He thought that it was time you see some of the places you can take your guests to. That list talks about the excursions you can plan. Well, the gods often prefer visiting each other's sacred homes to the French Riviera or Ibiza or Turks and Caicos."
"Right. I guess they would. They don't have to hide here."
"Oh, there are plenty of places where they can go and be themselves. The Alaskan wilderness … the Indonesian Archipelago, lots of unspoiled islands … Niihau in Hawaii is a favorite for the Australopacific deities … vast regions of Russia … the forests primeval in Eastern Europe."
We wade through the mountain brook fringed with fragrant wisteria. "Where are we going?" I ask, still trying to process all of this.
"You wanted to see where my uncle and I live."
I groan. "I did, didn't I? But we left the inn. I have to be up early. Delegating doesn't mean being an absentee boss."
"Idiot! I just said that this is part of your work. How are you going to arrange excursions if you're not familiar with the 'hot spots' for gods?"
"You're absolutely right. I bet Fuxi lives here part-time, too."
She gives me a nod of approval as we walk. "He prefers the Kunlun Mountain, where we'll also visit—you'll like it there. But he sometimes enjoys coming here. So do his wives, Nuwa and Mifei."
Of course, a dragon god would have more than one wife. "I didn't see them check in with him. I wish I'd brushed up on that part of mythology."
"Well, don't believe everything you read. Your human legends say that Nuwa is his one and only wife, but other legends say he's married to Mifei. Both are true."
We walk up the slope and I don't feel fatigued at all, or even self-conscious about being naked. I suppose I'll need clothes at some point, especially if I meet other gods. For the first time in my life, I don't feel self-conscious.
She notices and grins. "I must say, I like this more relaxed attitude of yours. I may change into my full fox form, and you can cling to my tails, and I can pull you along."
With Daji, she could be serious. "Be my guest."
She takes that literally, and before I know it, a beautiful mid-sized fox is standing beside me, with her nine tails streaming out like ribbons in the wildflowers. She gives me a look from her deep black eyes, and I grab handfuls of fur.
Daji takes off at a fast clip, running up the mountain, agile of foot. I cling to her tails like a water skier, being towed by the fox goddess up the mountain slope. It sure beats walking. Daji is beautiful, her fur rippling as she runs.
We pass the Chinese red deer and the dragons. I'm tempted to wave, like all those photos of people waving while they water ski. Instead, I cling to Daji's tails and surrender to the journey we're taking. Monkeys and leopards look up as we pass, and other maguc foxes bow to Daji.
Eventually, we reach a rainbow waterfall cascading from green crags down the mountain, where dozens of monkeys cheer us and turn cartwheels. I wonder if they're Sun Wukong's monkey posse. He's the original monkey gangster, the OG.
Daji leaps through the waterfall without warning me. I let the rainbow spray bathe my face, and suddenly, we're standing on one side of an iron bridge as big as the Golden Gate Bridge. I reach out for Daji's tail, and grab droplets of water instead. Daji stands beside me, an amused look on her face. "Sorry. I should have warned you. Come, we're late."
"Late? Late for what?"
I don't have my phone or even my calendar.
Daji takes me by the hand. "It's my nephew's house. It's where he first made his home when he emerged out of the stone egg."
A sign by the bridge is in Chinese, and I read some of it. Daji translates the rest. "HAPPY LAND OF THE MOUNTAIN OF FLOWERS AND FRUIT, CAVE HEAVEN OF THE WATER CURTAIN." Certainly sounds nice. Great advertising.
We walk across the bridge, the river rushing all around us. On the other side of the bridge is a moss-covered mansion with the doors wide open. Daji and I walk right inside the house with the emerald-and-blue mossy walls.
Dragon pearls cascade from niches in the walls. The windows look out on the waterfall. Tall bamboos sit in pots, and plum blossoms add their perfume. Pine trees grow inside the house, and it smells like Christmas.
A stone table is set for a meal, with stone chairs. Stone bowls have been put out, and I smell food like I've never imagined. It definitely beats the finest Chinese restaurant I've ever eaten in, and don't even mention all the strip-mall takeout I've ordered.
Monkey servants come in with red Chinese silk robes. I happily put mine on and tie it securely. Daji's fits her as if it was made just for her. The silk cushions my buttocks as we sit down at the table.
It feels like days since I ate dinner, and whatever this food of the gods is, I devour it without even asking permission, Daji tears into her food too, in a ladylike way. The food is heavenly, no two ways around it.
"Are the beds stone too?"
She grins. "You won't notice. But I do believe my nephew has cushions, and other luxuries. We're going to spend the rest of our wedding night here. Other guests have enjoyed it from time to time."
"But he doesn't just let anyone stay here, I'm guessing."
She pulls me out of my chair and wraps herself around me. "You're so oblivious and yet so clever at the same time. I find it adorable."
"And I find it hard to think right now, so take me to that d*mn stone bed."