Daji takes a deep breath, and I can tell she's not used to being challenged this way.
"I'm your partner?"
"YES. Did you expect anything less when you bit me and mate me your mate?" I narrow my eyes. "Or was all that stuff about wanting a strong mate by your side just a ploy?"
She huffs. "REALLY, human!"
"Oh, can it, Endora."
"What?"
I roll my eyes, figuring she might not get the reference to the classic TV sitcom "Bewitched." I can't resist quoting Endora, the witch mom on that show. "I know, I know. You will not stand here and be insulted by something which is 94 percent water."
Her black eyes look like volcanic glass. "You aren't just a human. You're immortal now."
"I am human. I may have been juiced with the god equivalent of steroids, but I'm still bona fide flesh and blood. Red-blooded American male."
She sneers. "And I suppose, like Stanley Kowalski in that play, you'll insist on being the big macho man?"
I huff. "If I were Stanley Kowalski in 'A Streetcar Named Desire,' my grandparents would have disowned me and my parents would have moved, no forwarding address."
"True. I'm sorry."
For some reason, the orb seems to respond to my words, like some godly Alexa. First, it plays "Bewitched," then Marlon Brando screaming, "STELLAAAAAH!"
I glare at the orb. "Off."
It switches off.
Shaking my head, I say, "What is that? No one ever bothered to explain to me."
"Really? Well, if you hadn't been knocked out by the egg, you would have seen about a hundred of these in the collection."
Daji is a lot friendlier now. Maybe the whole "theater of the absurd" vibe is mellowing her.
She continues. "Our traveling wyvern salesman—"
"Holy macaroni. I forgot about him! Where is he???"
She swats my arm gently. "You were taking care of my nephew, my dearest family in all the world. Other than you, the only family I consider worth my time. But Erlang Shen is a bad influence. He'll get what's coming to him."
I don't think I want to know what she means.
I have enough on my plate. I have spinning plates that I can't take my eye off. I wonder if any of these gods have had the divine power of keeping infinite plates spinning. If I mentioned that to Daji, she'd just go all Endora on me again.
She continues. "Let's go look in on Wukong, and then you can browse the wyvern's wondrous wares to your heart's content."
"Sounds good," I agree.
We make our way back to the infirmary, where Sun Wukong lies on the med bed while Pius adjusts the crystal-studded helmet. "He's much better now," Pius explains. "His head wound is all better, but he still needs to rest. No more martial arts, no more front desk work, and no running around chasing women for a while."
Sun Wukong responds, groggy. "Then I'll die of boredom. Gods CAN die, you know. Or fade away. Or just fall into a coma …"
"Oh, stop being so dramatic after you worried me sick." Daji strokes his fur with an affection that I can feel. It's palpable. It's a living thing.
I envy their bond.
She continues. "What can I do to make the time pass faster?"
His rubbery lips stretch in a smile. "You could bring some pretty females here."
"You're hopeless. At least Mjollnir didn't critically damage your skirt-chasing ways."
"Or my spirit, or my charm," he adds. "And Odin is falling all over himself … if I asked, he'd probably give me a Valkyrie for my very own."
"Give? No one is 'giving' people women while I'm in charge," I say, bristling. "And the same goes for men. I know that gods take what they want—"
Wukong's eyes travel between Daji and me, and the smirk on his face makes me shut up instantly. Me and my big mouth.
"Do as I say, not as I do?" he queries.
I decide against making a crack about "monkey see, monkey do." If I spend hundreds of years with Daji, I have to parcel out my simian humor.
He continues. "Do I start calling YOU a monkey's uncle now?"
"And here I was going to spare you the monkey cracks," I mutter.
He flashes his teeth in a smile. "Of all the consorts she could have tricked into mating with her, I like you the best. When I get out of here, we need to have a family dinner. In my house on the Mountain of Fruit and Flowers."
"Great," I agree. "But no after-dinner entertainment from you and Erlang."
He huffs. "Spoilsport."
I stroke his fur, feeling the curled, soft rope of his tail. We're likely to stay at the hotel for quite some time. Decades. We'll bond in a way that I haven't managed to do with ninety percent of my human family.
"Ah … we're going to see what the wyvern version of Amazon has for us," I say, fighting the longing I feel for a family.
How is it I'm more at home with sly fox Daji and manic monkey Wukong than with regular humans? Daji and I hold Sun Wukong's hands.
"This is what the Wendigo Inn is all about," I say impulsively. "These family moments. We can be the Sandals Resort for the godly set. In fact, that's what our marketing campaign should say. 'One Big Godly Family. Book all your reunions here. You know you all get tired of dealing with mortals' endless wars, plagues, political scandals, and general stupidity, not to mention what we're doing to the planet. You deserve family time to relax and unwind.'"
Sun Wukong gives a monkey sound of approval. "Get me a computer. I'll design that marketing message for you."
"I have a marketing team," I say.
"Yes, but I'm the greatest! Who's better at marketing than me? I'm so good at marketing myself that they modeled a character after me in 'Dragonball Z.' Sun Goku." Sun Wukong stares up at me with unblinking black eyes. "I can design your campaign. It'll give me something to do to keep me from melting into a puddle of boredom. What do you say?"
Looking at Daji, I know I owe her this. Happy wife, happy life.
"Okay." I rub his tail, and he purrs like a cat. "You work on our marketing campaign. Daji and I have to go see our wyvern supplier."
As we walk out of the infirmary, Sun Wukon can't resist a cryptic message.
"If he offers you the Ring of the Nibelung … don't take it. You could doom the entire inn."
That's all I'd need! More trouble with Odin.