...this time it wanted someone that was poison to my soul.
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The pain I was feeling was evident, and it felt like there was a tight knot around my chest. What's this unfamiliar pain? I asked myself.
"Is this what betrayal feels like?" I mumbled, trying to grasp some air.
It's been a month since the incident; why did seeing her make me feel like this? It felt like an open wound.
I stood by the window. Watching through the window, all I could see was the darkness of the night with just the city lights dimly illuminating the city with soft glows.
If I could be with Olivia, maybe I would because she has the purest heart that any man would be happy to have in his life; maybe that was what attracted me to Diane.
Anyway, I wouldn't just do something like that. I don't even know if she felt the same way, and even if she did, it would be so wrong.
My thoughts were distracted when I heard knocks on the door. Knowing who it was, I just asked her to come in.
"What is it, Olivia? Do you need something?" I asked her as I noticed her presence in the room.
"What the hell, Neal? Why have you isolated yourself?" she asked. I didn't turn; I only kept my gaze outside the window.
Knowing that it wasn't the first time a woman had come to plead with me, I've always sent them away with money and pleasurable encounters in which they left smiling. Yet this time was different.
"Don't tell me you really fell for her?," she said sarcastically.
"If you must know, I wasn't in pain because I felt something for her. The fact that I trusted her and she chose to betray me stings somehow," I said to her before finally turning my whole body to face her.
Seeing the worried look on her face, I had to speak up to reassure her.
"It's nothing, Olivia. It's just some mistake I've made in the past that came to haunt me, that's all," I said, clearing my throat.
"Will you be okay?" she asked.
I could feel the tenderness in her voice when she spoke.
"Yes, I'm fine," I said, giving her a weak smile.
"How can you let that woman, Diane, have such an effect on your mood?"
If only she knew I got entangled with Diane just to get away from my feelings for her.
"You recognized her?" I asked in surprise, ignoring my thoughts. She nodded. Well, how could she not?
"You were asking earlier why I was kind of in a bad mood, right?" She nodded in confirmation.
"Well, the thing is I got a call from Michael that Diane has been asking around about me. She wanted us to meet and also to apologize, maybe get back together."
"So you invited her over?" she asked, giving me a disappointed look.
"No, I did not. Please do not accuse me," I cautioned her.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way," she said before coming closer and giving me a hug. Having her in my arms felt so right that if she wasn't my half-sister, maybe... maybe I wouldn't have gotten so messed up in the first place. I would have opened up my heart to her.
I know I have always teased her, making her feel uncomfortable, but I don't want to disrespect her by putting the idea of being with me in her head. Even though most times I tend to overdo it, like I almost kissed her today.
"What's wrong? Still thinking about her?"
"It's nothing, Olivia. I'm just glad I have someone like you, and if you were not my sister, maybe, just maybe..." I trailed off and couldn't bring myself to complete the sentence. "… Just know you are the only woman that has my heart," I said to her. She laughed.
"Neal, please stop making jokes. You know I love you. You're the only family I have, and I will do anything to see you happy again," she said, cupping my face with her soft palms. As she continued to speak, "…so don't let her ruin your smile. She is not worth it….." She paused for a moment as our eyes locked. I gulped hard.
Then she continued to speak, "…It's already night. Let's just go to sleep. Tomorrow we'll go out or something, maybe do one of your favorite activities, please," she added, trying to cheer me up.
"Okay, my darling, you'll always have my undivided attention. You know that you are the only woman I can trust?"
Maybe I should not have said that, but that's how I lose self-control every time I'm around her.
"Yeah… yeah… yeah," she said as she continued to giggle.
"You could say that a million times. We both know that as a family, we have to stand up for each other, right? I mean, we only have each other," she smiled.
My heart skipped a beat. I don't know if it's because I was somehow broken or maybe I was genuinely finding her more and more attractive.
"Don't worry," she spoke up before taking my hand and leading me out of the door.
"You want to share a room tonight? If that will make you feel better…. If you wouldn't want to sleep alone, maybe I can sleep in your room so that you will feel less alone," she asked.
"I may take advantage of you," I teased her, which made her spank my shoulder.
As much as I loved the idea, I wouldn't have her sleeping next to me. With all my mixed feelings and emotions bottled up, I don't want to do something that will make her detest me.
It's not like we are related by blood, but it is a secret only I know, and I plan on taking it to the grave. But how can I if I keep feeling this way about her? She had always looked up to me as a big brother, and I've always been responsible for her.
"No, thank you. I think I will be fine. You don't have to worry," I assured her.
"Let's go to the aquarium tomorrow. There will be an opening, and I'm sure it will be more relaxing," I told her, trying to ease the worry that was starting to build up on her face.
"Okay then, goodnight, Neal," she said before giving me a peck on my cheek. I watched her as she made her way to her room.
I went to my room. As I lay down, I had so many thoughts on how to deal with Diane. She had trespassed, and this time she had nothing against me, and I'll make sure I ruin her.
I picked up my phone, scrolling down to a particular contact, then placed a call.