Darkness.
I was walking, pacing through a space of absolute darkness. No matter where I looked I couldn't specify anything near my vicinity, almost like a thick mist that couldn't be pierced, making the space around me seem larger than a simple train carriage. But unlike the foggy composition of mist, this was darkness, complete and utter darkness.
Not everything, though. A thin, distinct line stretched across the distant horizon, marking the separation between the ground and the sky. Which meant that the darkness surrounding me wasn't caused simply by the absence of light, and wasn't absolute. It was simple darkness as if a realm with no light existed but was still perceivable by different contours and shapes.
I walked through the all-enveloping but not absolute darkness unsure of where I was headed or if I was even moving forward at all. My drunken senses were already disorienting enough. The distant clattering of the train became mute, making me believe I really did step into some other realm where light was never an existing concept.
The only reason I knew I was moving forward was because the light emanating from the doorway through which I entered was gradually getting smaller and smaller with each step I took.
Soon, I managed to spot something in the distance. It was difficult to tell what it was but I knew it was there because there was faint light emanating from it. I quickened my pace, somewhat hopeful. Step after step I drew closer to this mysterious object.
Not long after, I reached it. Standing tall before me was a mirror, reflecting the seemingly endless darkness that surrounded me. It was held up by thick rectangular dark beams and framed by a rough opaque texture.
A large ferocious snake coiled around one of the support beams, nestling its head right at the top center of the mirror. The snake remained unmoving, seemingly there for decoration.
I stood in front of the mirror as a whole, scrutinizing my reflection closely. I didn't know how, if there was barely any light to reflect objects. I was in a bad state. My eye bags were dark, a result of my lack of proper sleep. My hands were swollen red and littered with bite marks and my skin was tightly pressed against my skeletal frame due to my lack of food.
I continued to stare into the weird mirror, soon realizing that the reflection staring back at me was not just a simple mirror projection. It was darker and more intense, its eyes burned with a certain glow as if it knew something I did not. Almost immediately after realizing this, my reflection self smiled ominously. An expression I couldn't pull off even if I tried.
Startled, I took a step back.
"Look at you." A rippling utterance flowed into my ears, the voice a chilling replica of my own. "Staggering through this trial like a fool, lulled by drink. You thought alcohol would numb your pain, drown out the voices gnawing at your sanity? Pathetic. You've only made yourself weaker, easier prey for that which hunts you. Tell me, Damien, is this the best you can do? Relying on a bottle to face your fears? Even now, you're running away, hiding behind a haze of intoxication because you can't bear to face what you are."
The reflection chuckled, the sound harsh and cold. "You want to be in control, but you can't even control yourself. You're just another hollowed soul waiting to join the ranks of the damned. How much longer before you lose yourself completely?"
Seeing my own reflection moving and speaking left me at a loss for words. The only thing I could do was stare wide-eyed as I listened to its harsh words.
"So desperate to escape the reality you've, so willingly, put yourself in. You hide yourself behind the fact that this trial will bring you power, but deep down, you know the truth, don't you?" The reflection's eyes narrowed, its voice dripping with contempt. "You're terrified of being weak. You've always been. That fear has driven you to grasp at anything, anyone, to gain control. But what has it really given you? Power? No. Far from it. Just more chains, shackles of your own making."
The reflection stepped closer to the surface of the mirror, its presence almost tangible. "You envy those who seem content with less, who don't need to claw their way to the top to feel whole. But do you even know what whole feels like? Or have you only ever known the hollow pit in your chest, the one that no amount of power can ever fill?"
A smirk twisted the reflection's lips, a cruel mirror reflecting my own insecurities. "You think this trial is about surviving envy. If it were that simple why aren't you out of here already?" The reflection's voice lowered to a whisper, yet cut deeper than before. "You are your own worst enemy, Damien. The voices you hear? They're not trying to break you. They're showing you what you really are. And until you face that truth, you will be trapped in this endless cycle of desperation and fear."
The reflection leaned in closer, eyes locked onto mine as if it were trying to gaze into the deepest part of my soul. "Tell me, what do you truly want? To conquer others, or to conquer yourself?"
"S-Shut up," I stammered.
I clenched my fists, the reflection's words hitting me harder than I'd anticipated. My mouth went dry as I struggled to muster a response, my mind clouded with shame and defiance. My hands shook as I tried to grasp onto any semblance of control. But before I could retort, the darkness behind the mirror began to shift, rippling like disturbed water.
Then, emerging from the shadows, a shadowy figure took shape. With gleaming green eyes, a shadow similar in shape to me lumbered into view. It was small, thin, and, faceless, however, surrounded by the darkness it seemed to be more than that. As if this space was its domain and I, a mere ant had just stepped foot in it.
My eyes snapped from side to side as dozens of similar opaque figures appeared out of the darkness. It wasn't alone. With a hiss, the green-eyed figure's presence intensified and the darkness all around it seemed to stir. Instinctively, I recoiled and shot the mirror a glance, looking for an explanation.
My reflection sneered, the disdain in its eyes unmistakable. "Look closely, Damien. What lies before you is a part of you. A piece of yourself, twisted and malformed by your own envious feelings. This… thing… is the truth you've tried so hard to deny."
I felt a cold sweat trickling down the side of my head, my heart hammering in my chest as I faced the projection of my own darkest feelings of desire. I gulped down, frozen, unable to move, unable to confront this horrifying reflection of my inner self.
My feet were tied but the primal instinct to flee overpowered the paralysis gripping me. I finally managed to take a step back and turn my back on the many indistinguishable figures.
With no hesitation, I began to run. As I did, the mocking laughter of my reflection rang painfully through my ears, chilling me to the bone. "Haha, run, run, it's all you know how to do."
I didn't dare turn back, fear eating away at my mind with the hunger of a ferocious beast, and merely continued running, eventually reaching the distant light emanating from the entrance to this place. I didn't stop there, however, I continued making my way through the carriages.
The clattering noises drowned out completely as I passed all those wailing hollowed. Even then, I couldn't focus on them, my mind was too frantic to register anything but the overwhelming need to escape. I yanked open the doors one by one, my paranoia not allowing me any rest. It felt like the darkness was chasing me, closing in from all sides, even if it wasn't.
Finally, I burst into the first carriage, my legs threatening to give out from under me. I slumped down at the base of the door, panting heavily, my body shaking with exhaustion and fear. My thoughts raced, a chaotic storm of feelings, questions, and doubts clouding my mind.
What was that mirror? All those shadowy figures. Could I really pass this trial? Have I stepped into something beyond me? The things that mirror told me…
"Look closely, Damien. What lies before you… that's a part of you…" Flashes of its words popped into my thoughts, repeating over and over until they were all I could think about.
The words hit me harder than anything else I've suffered before. A part of me? That twisted, malformed shadow that's only brought me pain and fear, was that really a part of me? Perhaps there was some truth to that. For some reason, since I first encountered it, there's been an inexplicable connection between us.
When I'm in its presence I just feel so insignificant. Strong flashes of fear and longing take hold of me like it knows exactly where my weaknesses lie. The reflection said it was a part of me, a piece twisted by envy. But what does that even mean? Envy is just a feeling, a fleeting emotion. How could it manifest into something so tangible?
I can't help but think back to all the times I've felt a twinge of envy, that growing desire to have what others have, to be more, to not be who I am, which happened a lot. Truth be told I've always wanted more but I knew I could never have more so I disregarded that desire. Who knew it would come back to haunt me one day?
How do I even begin to fight something that's a part of me? How do I face a reflection of my own worst fears, my most deepest flaws? How can I bring myself to confront it, to accept this twisted figure born from my own twisted feelings?
It's like facing the unknown, knowing that if I dive in I might never return. Yet, something tells me that until I do, until I face whatever this is, I'll never truly move on.
The reflection had spoken of envy, of my fear of being weak, of my desperate need to control… Was it right? Have I been driven by this selfish need all along? I've always wanted power, yes, but have I been fooling myself?
I've done so much to survive, to push forward. What if all this time, I've just been running in circles, trying to outrun a part of myself I didn't want to see?
I'm envious, yes.
I've envied others… Those who seemed content with less, those who don't have to claw their way up just to feel whole… That gnawing feeling in my chest, the one that's never quite gone away…
I… I hate myself…
What now? What do I do now?
I can't keep running. That much is clear. The reflection was right about that, but facing this… facing myself… How am I supposed to do that?
Just then, a chorus of wails pierced straight through my thoughts, pulling me back to the present. The hollowed miserable cries echoed through the carriage, reminding me that I wasn't completely alone in this nightmarish train. But then again, these people were nothing, just empty husks of human skin. I might as well have been completely alone.
My head already ached like crazy, the pressure in my skull mounting with each pitiful sound. It was all too much, everything was too much. The weight of my own fear, my self-loathing, the relentless noise. It all came crashing down at once.
I quickly stood up, my body acting on frustration as I took in the sight of the hollowed, writhing in misery. They were too damn loud.
"Shut up! All of you! Just shut up!" I bellowed, my voice raw and forceful, drowning out the cries of the hollowed. My shout bounced off the walls of the carriage, the words hanging in the air after my violent release of all the anger and fear I had been holding in.
To my surprise, the hollowed actually fell silent. Every head turned toward me in eerie unison, their empty eyes locking onto mine. They just stared, their movements unnervingly synchronized, like lifeless puppets controlled by an unseen hand. My eyes widened in shock as the scene took me by surprise. It was quite literally a scene straight out of a horror film.