Finley's POV
His hand held my face, and he kissed me deeper. Blood rushed through my body, and I let out a soft moan. That was enough to break me out of the spell. What in the name of the heavens was I doing? I had just kissed a man—not just any man—the prince. The prince I was meant to be protecting. This seemed familiar, too familiar.
"Um, we..." I took a step back, unsure of what to say. How did I let this happen? I was supposed to be protecting him, not... not doing whatever I just did. If the King hears of this... I don't even want to imagine.
"This was a mist..." I hadn't even completed my sentence before I saw hurt flash across Edward's face, but only for a moment. He quickly put on a mask I knew too well; his gaze hardened, and I could see his walls slowly going back up. What have I done?
"Edward," I tried to reach for him, but he pulled away as if I carried a disease. With calculated steps, he walked to the table beside his bed, picked up his herbs, and downed them in one go.
"Get out," he said in barely a whisper, facing away from me. He's voice cracking just the slightest and that sent torns and needles straight to my heart. The last thing I want is to hurt him.
"Edward, please." I was desperate. I needed him to listen. I didn't even know what I wanted to say, but he needed to hear me. He turned to face me, fire blazing in his eyes. I had never seen him like this; he looked at me as if he absolutely loathed me.
"Out!" he yelled. "And from now henceforth, it's Prince Edward to you, Sir Finley." He spat the title like it was a curse, something beneath him—filth at the bottom of his shoes. I tried to form words, but nothing would come out, so I simply bowed and left his chambers. What have I done? I just ruined whatever friendship Edward—no, Prince Edward—and I had been building.
"Oh, hey, Sir Finley, how are you?" I came face to face with Anabella and her question as I stepped out of the prince's chambers. I forced myself to smile and not look as broken as I felt inside.
"I'm very well, thank you. And please, Anabella, just 'Finley' will do just fine," I said, forcing a tight-lipped smile.
"Okay, Finley. Are you okay? I had no idea when you and the prince left," she said, looking up at me with a smile. I really wasn't in the mood to talk, but I couldn't just leave her standing there. I stared into her hazel eyes and all I could think was—why not her? Why wasn't she the one I shared a kiss with? It would have been a lot less complicated if it had been her. In another life, maybe I would have, and maybe we'd get married and have children. I can imagine that life but, in the same breath, I really cannot. I refuse to dig deep into why that is, but I cannot.
"Finn, is everything okay?" That snapped me out of my reverie. What was it that she had asked again? Oh, why we left the ball early.
"Yes, everything is fine. We had to leave because the prince was a little tired and needed rest. I need rest myself if I'm being truthful. See you in the morning, Anabella," I said, not waiting for a further response and swiftly returning to my empty room.
Tossing and turning did not help me sleep better; all I could think about were the events of the last few minutes. How could I have let that happen? What was I thinking, kissing the prince? Not only did I kiss him, but I also pushed him away all at once. Oh, Finley, what have you done? You have betrayed Christopher. I had been trying my hardest to ignore that little voice in my head, but I can't anymore. The man who died because of me was at the forefront of my mind.
This felt like a disservice to Christopher—the man I once loved, my best friend, and... something more. Something I once again refused to acknowledge. I knew it couldn't be good in the long run, but this was now, and I needed to get this off my mind. I was going insane with all of this turmoil.
I knew what needed to be done. Tomorrow, I'd go to the prince's chambers, apologize, and continue my duty as usual. It was all just the excitement of the ball. Nothing more. There was no need to put meaning to something so simple, and the only reason Christopher was on my mind was because Edward was the closest thing I'd had to a friend since he... well, since then.
Everything would be fine by morning, and I'd realize this was all a big mistake and that I had exaggerated my actions and their consequences. Yes, I was simply worried for absolutely no reason.
Satisfied with my reasoning, I laid my head on my bed, drifting off to sleep with a singular memory on my mind. I... I love you. Kiss me.