BANG-
my ears rang with a loud noise. but it was already too late.
the deer turned to me. and smiled.
it warped into a humanoids skeletal form made of rotting meat and bone. keeping its cervine head its eyes glowed in a red haze. my ears felt static around me. like i was underwater or passing threw a portal.
hello.. contestant. it spoke in an otherworldly malicous voice. that sent chills down my shoulders.
you may enter the trial phase of your admission. may the cards be in your favour.
wHAT? i screamed. as the world around me faded to a static haze as the ground around me collapsed. and i fell threw the leaves. and into a whirl wind threw time and space to another world.
i looked around me. still dazed. but i did a roll call of body parts. to make sure im still intact. and also not crippled.
arms. check. legs. check. fingers? *points the finger* checkarooni. head? check. obviously. mouth. check.
burning hatred of the people who cant make their own food? CHECK. still got it.
i get up. and look around me. things are still blurry. but the air feels moist? huh thats weird it wasnt raining when i got here. how long have i been out cold.
i blinky my eyes and look at the ground. still a ton of dead leaves. but the trees look less orange then i remember them being. but the sky is a familiar english gloom. just how i like it. with the sun barely breaking threw the cloudlines. like an absent parent. just passing by for the weekend. to give you your family heirloom enfield so you could shoot at cans in the backyard. like youth are suppose too.
thanks dad.
the tree line around me began to clear the thickets and brush where less dense. i can sense i was at the edge of the forest. this place was alot more wooded then the uk. i dont think i was in europe anymore? or wat counted as this worlds version for europe. there was large pine trees but also apple trees.
there was a road in the distance a small rural highway by the looks of it. i was lokey thankful that i didnt get sent to a warm climate like the tropics or the desert. it seems the place ive been sent to was something like a light thundra or arboreal forest.
the cold mountain air breeze felt so fresh. there was animal calls in the distance. something about the great outdoors . brings something primal out in me. but also a innerpeace not the kind i would reject not the kind society imposed onto me. but a natural state of calmness like i didnt have anything to be angry about in the world anymore. i could just smile and be happy again...
i began following the road. it was bound to take my somewhere. wat was that thing i saw the skeleton deer monster. it was really unerving. but also kinda cool. i wonder wat it ment by having me go threw a trial? em i suppose to do some survival task? i remember the game on the forum mentioning that. i guess this was sorta some arg? in another world. was i even in another world? or had i decieved myself. well i was at least out of england. i could just be in some nordic country or maybe germany or eastern europe. maybe even the balkans. it didnt feel like another world.
i expected some alien trees and fantasy peoples but so far its just woods. but im grateful that the air is much cleaner. but the sky is just as down cast and moody. my favorite. the precipitation and air currents from the mountains around the forest keep this area dark and shady.
i miss south africa. the wide open wilderness. the farm the ranch. i even miss the people and my old friends. too bad the place is ruined now. the lights couldnt stay open for more then a few hours. business tanked. the economy was bust. taxes where too high. crime was threw the roof. it just wasnt safe anymore. but i do miss my friends there. i enjoyed their way of life the subsistence living of a hunter in the field. i dont know why schools existed to brainwash that out of them. we didnt need to bring our culture to them. they where fine just the way they are. all we did was ruin them.
step. step. step.
and now look at the mess weve made. i wish i could be like those primitive hunter gatherers. they seemed so happy. and everyone appreciated their work and skill. i would kill to get that same feeling from my own community. but their head is too far in the ground to listen anymore. oh well.
it would have been fine to leave.. but wat bothers me was we where kicked out. its not like i didnt deserve it but.. it still hurt that they didnt see me as one of them. thats wat hurt me the most. that for all my differences to the average english dude. they still saw me as one of them.
even do the english didnt see me as their own at that point.
a deep frown smeared across my face. i kicked a rock in rage. and it echoed across the empty streets. and into a puddle.
i was alone again. i was somewhere else. but i was alone. with all my regrets and i had nothing to take out all this anger on. all this feelings of powerlessness. all those years i couldnt do anything or say anything. where i had to pretend i agreed when i really didnt. i bit my lip too long in life and i would give anything to tear my mouth off and say wat i really wanted.
but wats the point? theres just no one to say it too anymore.
i look at my face in the puddle to see if my reflection is still me. wat was i hoping for? that i woke up as someone else and could leave it all behind? and start over. i guess that was the fantasy but no, it was still just me.
i couldnt leave behind the baggage. i couldnt forget who i was. i couldnt be someone else. aldo i really wanted too. how many times did i start over? at least 3 to 5. maybe more i lost count. moving around alot does that too you. being born in south africa. moving to hk. then to australia. all because of your parents. work. build some roots just for all of it to be uprooted.
all the friends that said they would keep in touch. but never did. all the good deeds and selfless moments i did for others. just to be forgoten and trampled on. it was wrong to want something in return. but the fact they gave nothing is probably a sign. they didnt care. because if i did those things for someone. id at least say thank you?
sigh maybe im not good enough for that. they thank other people why not me? its tru wat they say its not wat you do. its who you are doing it. thats all that matters. the person they percieve you as. not who you show your tru self to be. they dont really care about innerself just your outershell.
if i get a do over. i wont be me anymore.
i take one last look at myself. baggy jacket an outdoorsy camo type hoodie. a red backpack. some comfortable running jeens. nice pair of shoes. and my miserable face. same greyish white complexion. rosey cheeks of someone who clearly cant get a tan. a pair of light greyish brown eyes. brownish muddy blonde hair that seems to have faded in color with my bad health. over all my face is miserable. not ugly? but not pleasant it has an off putting demenor. i guess it reflects my inner self.
an empty hollowed out shell. full of sadness.
urgh. i was so tired of being sad. i needed to kill something again to feel better. a unslinged my rifle and began walking faster. there was a small store ahead. it looked like it was a gas station department store. it had this 50s look to it. i wonder if there was some critters i could end the life of in their. *i load a fresh shell into the gun* with a flick of its semi auto handle.
bad thoughts can only be dispelled. by bad actions.
i