When I woke up my eyes first fell on the sunlight that came through the window. For some reason, it felt harsher than usual, like it was trying to burn away my pain. The room was awkwardly silent, except for the faint ticking of the wall clock. I could hear birds chirping coming from outside…
I shifted under the blankets. I suddenly remembered what happened last night. Even now it felt like yesterday night… Everything… all of it was just a bad dream….
But when I glanced beside me, the bed was empty. Maki was gone...
I exhaled slowly. I ran a hand over my face, sighing to myself…. I lifted up my blanket and sat, leaning against the bed. I saw strains of blood on the bed sheet….
For a moment, I just stared at it. For some unknown reason, my heart felt heavy, I was suffocating with guilt. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough… Enough to remind me of what we had done... Yesterday night… It… It wasn't a dream… A knot twisted in my stomach, not regret, exactly… but the reality and the gravity of the situation hit me like a wall…
I stood up slowly from the bed, my head still felt heavy and kind of dizzy. My shirt was lying on the floor, tangled with Maki's hoodie. The memories of her kisses… her whispered words… came rushing back…
The house was quiet, only broken by the sound of soft clatter that was coming from the kitchen. I opened the door and pushed myself out of the room, pulling on my discarded clothes, and followed the faint sounds that were coming from the kitchen…
I was standing at the stare case getting down from the second floor. There I saw her… Maki…
Maki stood at the stove, her back to me, flipping something in a pan. The scent of miso soup and fried eggs filled the small kitchen. But the tension… The memories of the previous night… All of it was palpable in the air…
She was wearing one of her oversized hoodies again… the sleeves were too long for her small frame. Her hair was slightly tousled. She looked like she didn't have much of a sleep either…
For a moment, I just stood there, leaning against the doorway. I watched her in silence. The image was strangely domestic… Maki, cooking breakfast as if everything were normal. As if nothing had happened between us… All of it was just a dream….
Finally, she glanced over her shoulder and looked at me standing there. Her eyes flicked to mine, and for a brief second something unreadable crossed her face…. Was it embarrassment?!... Uncertainty?!... I wasn't sure…
"Morning," she said softly while turning back to the stove.
"Morning," I replied, my voice rough from sleep.
I stepped into the kitchen and sat down at the small dining table. She carried two plates over, setting one in front of me. For a moment, neither of us said anything. We remained silent. The only sound was the soft clink of chopsticks against ceramic as we began to eat…
The silence between us wasn't awkward, exactly... It was heavy and suffocating… I wanted to ask her how she felt about last night, and what it meant for us going forward. But the words stuck in my throat…
Maki broke the silence first, her voice quiet but steady. "Are you okay??!! You don't look good…"
I glanced up from my plate and met her gaze. Her eyes were soft, but there was an edge of uncertainty in them… Like she wasn't sure if she had done the right thing??!!... If I was regretting it…
"I don't know," I admitted. "What about you??!!"
She gave a small, hesitant smile. "I think so..."
We fell silent again, and the weight of everything crashed down on us again. I could feel that something had changed between us… something deeper than just physical intimacy… But I wasn't sure of myself if I was ready to face it yet…
Maki set her chopsticks down, folding her hands in her lap. "Shin," she started her sentence with much caution, "about last night…."
I looked up, bracing myself for what she was about to say.
She took a deep breath, her eyes unyielding yet filled with deep emotion, "You need to let go of Rina…"
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. It was sharp and straight. I opened my mouth to say something… to reply… but no words… no words came out of my mouth. She reached across the table and laid her hand over mine.
"I know you loved her," Maki said. "I know she meant everything to you. But she's gone, Shin... And if you keep holding on to her... you're going to end up hurting yourself more…"
I swallowed hard, my chest tightening, "I don't know if I can…" I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.
Maki's hand squeezed mine gently. "You can…" she said softly. "I'll help you…."
The sincerity in her voice broke something inside me. I closed my eyes, taking a trembling breath. I wanted to believe her… I wanted to believe that, I could move forward. That there was still something worth holding on…
When I opened my eyes, Maki was still watching me, her expression open and patient. She wasn't demanding anything from me-just offering...
And for the first time in a long time, I felt like maybe… Just maybe… I wasn't completely lost…
After breakfast, Maki stood to clear the plates, and I helped her without a word. There was a strange sense of peace in the quiet domesticity of it—like we were learning how to exist together in this new reality.
As we did dishes together, side by side, she leaned her shoulder against mine, just lightly…...
A small smile played on her lips. "I'm still your family, you know…" she said softly.
I gave her a small smile in return. "Yeah... I know."
It wasn't perfect. There were still cracks between us, cracks that came from years of shared sorrow and unspoken pain and suffering... but for the first time, though, it felt like we were starting to seal those cracks… one small crack at a time...
When we finished the dishes, Maki turned to me, her expression soft but serious. "We'll get through this, Shin…" she said quietly. She held out her hand and said, "Together…."
I hesitated for a moment before reaching out my hand. But in the next moment, I nodded and reached out my hand, holding her the knot in my chest loosening just a little. "Together…"
The morning was a new start to our new life. It wasn't a perfect start and it also wasn't easy. The memory of Rina still lingered in the corners of my mind… like a shadow that refused to fade… But Maki's presence was a light in that darkness… She was guiding me forward, step by step.
We didn't talk much about the things that happened last night. There was no need to talk about that. It was something that we both understood without any words… a shared moment of vulnerability that had made us closer… forging a new bond between us….
As the days passed, I found myself relying on that bond more and more... Maki wasn't just a friend or a roommate now…. Now she was my anchor… The road ahead was still uncertain and filled with new challenges and doubts… But now I felt like I wasn't walking it alone… Someone was by my side… Someone to rely on…
The final year of the university came faster than I expected… Days blurred into nights as we juggled lectures, research assignments, and projects that had seemed to drag on forever. But amidst chaos from academic life, there were some good times... Some good memories…
Even though there was a lot of pressure in the final year, we still managed to spend some time with each other. There were some nights I had to spend hours on hours bent over textbooks and research papers. But after these late-night sessions, we would crawl into bed together. I was exhausted by my academic pressure. But I was grateful to Maki for her presence. There were moments when… out of nowhere… Maki would reach for my hand, intertwining her fingers with mine as we sat quietly in the living room or over breakfast.
Our relationship wasn't perfect. There were days when the weight of the past felt heavy between us, like a shadow we couldn't quite shake. But we were learning how to live with it, how to move forward together….
One night, as we lay curled up on the couch, the glow of the TV casting soft light across the room, Maki rested her head on my chest, her fingers tracing lazy patterns along my arm.
"You're doing better these days…" she whispered, more to herself than to me.
I kissed the top of her head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. "Because of you..."
She smiled, the corners of her lips lifting in that soft, knowing way she always did. "I told you I wouldn't let you go..."
There were no more words after that. We just sat together, our heads resting on each other, feeling the warmth of each other presence, her fingerers intertwining in mine…
As the final year progressed, the university released the announcement that would change everything…. the Kepler-009AV Mission was officially opening its registration. The Kepler Program wasn't just any mission. It was one of the most ambitious space explorations ever attempted by humanity. Only the top students were allowed to apply, and competition was fierce. The chosen crew would travel to a distant planet, Kepler-009AV, located 12.3 million light-years away, to conduct research and explore the potential for future human colonization.
When I saw the notice, my heart raced. This was it… the opportunity I had dreamed of since I was a kid. To leave Earth… to explore the stars… to do something that mattered... I knew deep down in my heart that this was the chance I had been waiting for my entire life….
"You're applying, right?" Joseph asked, leaning over my shoulder as I stared at the digital registration form on my tablet.
I nodded slowly. "Yeah. I have to… This has been my dream since I was a child… I ain't gonna let this go away…"
"Same here," Joseph grinned. "It's the whole reason we're here, right??!!..."
Abdul, sitting across from us with his legs crossed, gave a small smile. "I'm not going…" he said while adjusting his glasses…
Joseph frowned. "What!! Why not???"
"I have other plans," Abdul replied, his tone calm and resolute. "JSRI has a research division that needs good scientists. I'll do better there than on a spaceship..."
Joseph sighed dramatically. "Man, you're no fun…"
Abdul chuckled softly. "Someone has to stay behind and make sure the two of you don't mess things up…"
Joseph grinned, slapping Abdul on the back. "I'll make you proud, buddy... I'll bring you back a moon rock or something…. or the skeleton of an alien…"
Abdul smirked. "Make sure it's not radioactive..."
The three of us laughed, the moment light but filled with meaning. This was what we had been working toward for years—our dreams were finally within our reach.
That night, as I stared at the registration form, my thoughts drifted to Maki. I knew she wouldn't be happy about me leaving, but this was my dream. It was something I had to do, even if it meant facing the unknown…
With a deep breath, I filled out the form and submitted my application.
The night I told Maki about the Kepler Program, we were sitting on the couch, her legs draped over mine. I hesitated before speaking. I knew this conversation wouldn't be easy…
"Maki…" I began, my voice low, "I applied for the Kepler Mission."
She froze her hand still on my arm. Slowly, she turned to look at me, her expression unreadable. "You did what??!!..."
"It's the opportunity I've been waiting for," I said softly. "The mission... it's everything I've ever dreamed of since I was a kid…."
Maki's lips pressed into a thin line; her eyes dark with emotion, "And then what about me??!!"
The question hung heavy in the air between us. I reached for her hand, squeezing it gently. "I'll come back, Maki... I promise…"
She looked away; her jaw tight. "People always say that before leaving…." she whispered. "But they don't always come back…."
Her words made my heart ache. I knew she was scared… She was scared of losing me… of being left behind again.…
A part of me wanted to stay beside her… stay close to her…. But another part of me knew that if I didn't go, I would regret it for the rest of my life…
"I'll come back…" I whispered again, hoping she would believe me.
Maki's shoulders slumped, and she let out a shaky breath. "Just... don't forget me, okay??!!..."
I pulled her into my arms, holding her close. "Now you are hurting me. I will always remember… Till my last breath… I promise..."
We stayed like that for a long time, wrapped in each other's arms, the weight of the future pressing down on us.
TO BE CONTINUED