It was a morning routine, walking in the park. But this time, I wasn't with my pet. I didn't even know where Liam was.
It had been a week since Maria had passed away, and Liam had vanished too. He might have run away when the house caught fire that day.
But I wasn't sad. Maybe it was because my relationship with Liam wasn't as close as I thought. But that just made me confused about myself.
"Why did I save him that day if I wasn't afraid of losing him?"
The more I thought about it, the more I understood, and the more I realized that I had known all along.
I had unconsciously felt a fear of losing something. It made me more certain that I had been running away all this time.
"But if I was afraid then, why didn't I cry when I lost Liam now?"
The answer was simple. It was because I had already managed to let go of something even more precious than him.
It wasn't that I was belittling Liam. It's just that my time and feelings for Maria were stronger than my feelings for Liam.
The more I pondered, the more I understood myself. But the more I understood myself, the more I realized that I didn't really understand myself.
"If I can't understand myself, then who can?"
The answer was simple, and is no one. I knew this much better than I thought.
Birds chirped in the playground, where children were playing. Some of their parents were around, watching over them to prevent anything undesirable from happening.
They protected those children because of their love. Because the desire to protect grows after love blooms. Especially the love of parents for their children. It was pure love that grew purely without any coercion or special methods.
They were dazzling to me. They were still perfect, unlike me, who had failed to fulfill my duty as a good brother.
"I'm a really bad brother."
Feeling satisfied enough with my time there, I was about to get up. But suddenly, a thief appeared running with a knife, robbing a woman who was walking her dog.
Although the dog was small, it had the courage to jump and bite the thief's shirt and wouldn't let go. It made me smile and want to honor its courage.
So, I quickly controlled the wind around the dog. I made its saliva that was dripping fall within my control. Then, I turned it into ice to create a wound on both of the thief's leg muscles.
The spray of its saliva was so small that people around wouldn't know that the thief fell because of an extraordinaire. The dog received praise from its owner, and I was able to leave peacefully after that.
But my actions made me question myself again.
"Why am I hiding my abilities?"
I could have used my abilities for evil and received the death penalty for it. But I didn't do it because I was afraid.
I was afraid of being hated by others, because it hurts. Because it causes wounds that can't be healed.
Even so, I would definitely accept any punishment and any hatred that came my way. Because deep down, I felt I deserved it all.
"What do I really want?"
I didn't know myself. In the end, I realized that I was just a hypocrite. Again, I realized that I was just an ordinary human being.
The me that exists in other people's minds is the me that they believe in. But that's not the real me, because there's only one real me, and that's me. As long as I remember this, I think I'll be okay in the future.
"I won't lose myself again." After making up my mind, I walked towards the familiar path.
The neighbors who knew me greeted me and chatted with me. This made me happy because finally, my efforts to be known by others had succeeded.
But most of them always discussed the same thing, my current condition.
Of course, I knew that the direction of their conversation would be there. They must also be aware of how close I was to Maria. They must think that I would be deeply affected by Maria's death.
"I'm fine," I could only say that to answer and leave with a forced smile.
My problems are my problems. There's no need for anyone else to get involved in this. Besides, all they can do is ask, and that doesn't help at all.
Worrying without act is just a form of hypocrisy. They must also have their own problems to solve. It's impossible for them to have time to act to cheer up a young man like me.
Knowing this made me relieved because I knew I would be alone from the start. It's just that the disappointment in my heart was a little disturbing.
"Oh, wait! Wait for me!" shouted a girl running from behind.
"Beatrice, what are you doing here? It's 9 a.m., aren't you in school?"
"W-wait a minute, breath... My breath huft...! Breath!" Beatrice seemed to have difficulty breathing.
"O-okay..."
After calming down, Beatrice asked, "Are... you okay?"
"You're stupid, aren't you? Of course not."
"Ugh... Sorry..."
"Yeah, I know you're worried, but if you just ask that, it'll just make you look like a hypocrite. So stop asking people that even if you're worried. Sometimes, pretending not to know is better, you know?"
"Sorry...," Beatrice seemed to feel more guilty with every word I said to her.
"Good, I'm glad you understand."
"Then..."
"Hm?"
"Are you free tomorrow?"
"Yeah, I'm still on leave this week."
"Then come with me somewhere! I'll take you to have fun!"
"What's with the sudden change?"
"You said yourself that worrying without acting is hypocritical, right? So I'm going to do something to make you smile!"
I didn't answer her right away because I was a little surprised. But in the end, I smiled and replied, "Okay."
She looked happy and excited about tomorrow. Without hesitation, she planned it right after she got home from school.
As long as she's happy, I don't mind.
After that, we parted ways, and I arrived in front of my burned-down house.
Looking at it for a long time made me remember bad memories.
It left me with no choice but to move away.
I chose to return to the path I had taken before. But not towards the park, but towards the small bridge that had always been a special place for me.
I had forgotten why I often sat under this bridge. But I also felt comfortable when I was there.
The reason I met Mio and the mysterious old man was also this place. It was a strange yet amazing place.
Maybe it's because it's so quiet that I often come here. This place suits someone like me who lives among shades of gray.
It's ironic that I've lost my color again and become gray after losing someone.
Human emotions are truly a mystery, changing so quickly and diverse.
Some things torture me, but sometimes also make me comfortable.
But out of all of that, I realized. That this is life, and life is like this.
As I was lost in thought, sitting on the edge under the bridge, I heard the sound of someone's footsteps. The person was also carrying a very noisy cat. But I didn't care because it might just be a stranger passing by.
But the sound of that person footsteps stopped right behind me. It made me curious and I immediately turned around.
My eyes widened instantly when I saw that person's face.
Her wide, loving smile.
Her small hands holding a cat.
Her cute and short legs.
Her long, straight black hair and her gentle eyes looking at me.
I wanted to shout at that moment. But my voice didn't come out because I was so surprised and confused by the situation.
But suddenly, the person, still with a smile on her face, said.
"Project B.H. is completed, my dear brother."
Her voice, which I knew so well and heard most often among other people's voices. It was impossible for me not to recognize her voice and her face. It was really her, my beloved little sister, Maria Harrington.