Long smooth orange hair and her blue eyes. Those are the characteristics of a girl I know. Her name is Beatrice, a beautiful girl who is popular at school and also my childhood friend.
At first, I felt like she didn't like being around me. Because she seemed scared when she first visited my house and stayed over because her parents were out of this town at that time.
My mother instructed me to play with her for 3 days. However, she was very difficult to approach and didn't speak a word to me. She would run away and hide behind my mother when I tried to get close.
My mother always scolded me and accused me of doing something naughty to Beatrice. But I just stayed silent and didn't try to deny it. Accepting criticism from others is better than trying hard to explain and ending up arguing with others.
I just stayed silent, bowed my head, and tried to show myself as someone who truly felt guilty. It was an easy thing to do, and if it took too long, I just had to pretend to shed tears so my mother would feel sympathy for me and end her scolding.
In the end, my mother said, "Play with Beatrice and don't be naughty with her again! I don't want you to become a naughty child who bullies others!"
I stayed silent and slowly looked towards Beatrice who was hiding behind my mother.
"Maybe she is afraid of my stiff face?" I thought at that moment.
I tried to smile at her, but my smile was very awkward. Beatrice looked even more scared, and my mother scolded me again for it. She scolded me even though she knew that I really couldn't smile.
It was normal, because there was no one else to blame but me in my mother's eyes. Especially since Beatrice was indeed afraid of me, not anyone else.
"But shouldn't she be angry at me just because of that?" I thought at that moment. But in reality, I knew that my mother didn't mean to corner me. She just wanted me to try to change, to try to smile nicely, which was one of the things she wanted me to do. So there was no reason for me to be angry back at her. As long as her intentions towards me were good, I didn't mind it.
From that day on, I distanced myself from Beatrice and tried to practice smiling normally.
"Mom... I don't think Beatrice would want to play with me."
"Why is that?"
"She's afraid of me... Why can't you be the one to accompany her to play for the last 2 days?"
"Hmm... Actually, starting tomorrow, I have to go to the academy."
"Academy? Why?"
"To be an examiner, I was invited there. You're also going to enter junior high school soon, remember that," my mother said with a smile towards me. I knew she was proud of me, but I didn't care too much about it. I was just graduating from school and moving to a new school with a different level of learning. There was nothing to be proud of in that, because anyone else could do it besides me.
I seemed to be a person who never appreciated what I had. Of course, I was not grateful, even though I knew it was bad, but being grateful actually hindered my development. As long as my potential as a human continued to grow because I never appreciated something in myself, I would continue to be like that for the rest of my life.
"So what about Beatrice," I said, waiting for my mother's answer, who seemed to be thinking.
My mother then decided to call some other neighborhood kids to play at our house. For those 2 days, our house was very noisy every day with the loud laughter of the children.
But strangely, Beatrice didn't seem to enjoy playing at all. She smiled, she laughed, she played along, and there was no bullying among them. But when others moved away from her, Beatrice would show a vacant expression.
That's when I realized something. I realized that Beatrice and I were the same kind of human. the kind of human who feels empty even when around other humans.
That's when I started to be interested in her. I started to think that maybe with her, my world would be more colorful. I began to practice smiling while also training other skills just to create a situation where Beatrice could feel comfortable around me.
My feeling at that time was not love, but hope. It didn't mean I expected something from her, but I hoped for something I could get from her. At that time, I really didn't know anything, I thought I could return to normal because I had a friend.
"Mom... What do you think makes a woman interested in a man?"
"Ehhh? Do you already have someone you like at such a young age?"
"No..."
"Ahh... You don't need to lie. So, it seems like my child is growing up."
"Eh? Why do you say that... Answer my question quickly..."
"Ufufu...," for some reason, my mother smiled at me teasingly. She seemed to misunderstand my intention.
But in the end, she still gave me a clue.
"Show your talent to her, maybe if you show yourself as someone great, she will be interested in you."
"How do I do that?"
"Music..."
"Music?"
"Try learning the piano."
"Piano?"
"Yeah, that's right... Piano, maybe she will be interested in you. Especially if you make her listen to you play the piano. Maybe she will fall in love with you right away. and to be honest, mom likes the piano."
"Mom... You misunderstood me, but it seems like it will work. Thank you for the advice, mom."
"Hmm... You're welcome, get the heart of whoever you like!"
"I won't..."
"Even though honestly, I don't mind, why are you so shy in front of your own mother. Look, you're blushing."
"I'm not..."
"Your cheeks are red."
"I'm not..."
"Hmmpph... You're no fun to joke with."
Although my mother sounded very annoying, she still gave me advice. At least I was truly grateful to her deep down in my heart.
I started practicing the piano with a teacher recommended by my mother. I was a little surprised to find out that Beatrice was also one of the students of the teacher who taught me.
But slowly, I realized that music was quite enjoyable. I could feel strange vibrations piercing my heart every time I made music with my fingers. I became interested in other musical instruments and ended up practicing all of them.
In the end, I won many competitions in various types of music I learned just to captivate Beatrice's heart.
I thought I was doing it just to captivate Beatrice's heart. But slowly, I began to enjoy the whole process, and my father, who knew about it, offered me to participate in competitions.
Piano, violin, drums, guitar, flute, and many other instruments. In the end, I won all those competitions and made many other people look at me with hatred and envy.
Maybe this was what they called a talent from birth. But I didn't care too much about that. Because all I wanted was to attract Beatrice's attention and be able to be her friend.
Moreover, when I won the piano competition, I met Beatrice. She seemed to have made it to the finals and competed with several people, including me, and won second place.
That was the first time I shook hands with Beatrice. The other who lost congratulated me as the winner. And Beatrice was one of them, she said the same thing while smiling like Others.
I felt a little happy knowing that Beatrice smiled at me. But for some reason, I felt strange when some people who had previously looked at me with hatred now also smiled and did the same thing on stage in front of everyone watching that day. But I didn't think too much about it, because from the beginning, I never cared about their existence.
All I thought about at that time was to be the best, make my parents proud, and be friends with Beatrice, nothing more.