Adelaide wrapped her arms about herself. Here she was, a married woman in a house three times the size of her father's, surrounded by luxury and countless servants, and she'd never felt more alone. It cut especially deep that just when she had resolved to put her need for love behind her and try to make the best of this marriage, Luca would reject her.
Obviously he regretted the marriage, for he had been acting strangely from the moment the priest declared them man and wife.
Adelaide, now alone in her new bedroom, felt a tremor of fear as Jenna, her personal maid, began helping her out of her wedding dress. The grand gown, heavy with intricate lace and silk, was slowly peeled away, revealing Adelaide's trembling form beneath. Jenna's hands, though gentle, were not enough to reassure her. The weight of the evening's expectations pressed down on Adelaide, her mind racing with apprehension about the rituals and intimacies of the night.
Jenna, noticing Adelaide's distress, tried to offer a comforting smile. "Everything will be alright, Miss Sinclair. It's a new beginning. The Duke, he's... well, he's a good man."
Adelaide nodded absently, her gaze falling to the floor, where the layers of her wedding attire lay in a heap. The prospect of the ritual that awaited her, the loss of her own control and the potential pain as she recalled her conversation with her grandmother years ago.
"You'll have separate bedchambers, of course. In future, he will inform you when he wishes to visit yours. Always admit him, unless you have your courses. The visits might be frequent to start, only natural when the conceiving of heirs is yet to be achieved. But once you have done your duty as a proper wife, he will graciously leave you be and indulge his manly appetites elsewhere." 17 year old Adelaide gulped.
"Is it so very bad?" The older woman's lips pursed. "The first time will be extremely painful as he takes your maidenhead. But if you lie very still and quiet, it will soon be over with."
"How, exactly, does he, er, take my maidenhead?" blurted Adelaide, her cheeks so hot they probably could have boiled water.
"Gracious me. I thought I had cured you of such coarse inquisitiveness. Oh, do not look so woebegone. He will lift your nightgown to your waist, part your thighs and put his male part inside you, stir it about, and release his seed. Then he will bid you goodnight and leave." Adelaide stared at the wooden floor. Really? That was the great secret that couldn't be shared with unmarried women because it would corrupt their souls? It hardly seemed feasible that such information would tempt anyoneto ruin, not when it all sounded so unpleasant. Perhaps the poets and writers who waxed lyrical about the joys of carnal love hadn't actually experienced it.
"Does it hurt every time?" she said eventually, daring to raise her gaze to her grandmother's once again.
Her grandmother sighed irritably and shifted in her chair. "After the first coupling, there will be discomfort rather than pain. As I said, if you are still and quiet, it will be over sooner." "So it is never, ah…" Adelaide swallowed hard,"Nice?"
"Perhaps. If you are a filthy whore."
A shocked gasp escaped at the use of such a word, and her heart sank at the frigid fury on her grandmother's face. Never had she looked so angry.
"What?" "Only whores enjoy the act. That is why courtesans and mistresses have few children. When they revel in depravity and find their own pleasure, it kills any baby being created. You would not want to murder your own son or daughter because you were selfish and immoral, would you?"
"No!" she said quickly, so horrified she rose to her feet and wrapped her arms about herself. "Then heed my words. Women who lure men away from a righteous path never prosper. Why do you think my mother died? Because of her disgusting hot blood, and her bold, willful, inquisitive nature. Fortunately I was saved from total corruption, although I still hold grave fears for you all.
However, if you behave as a proper wife, you will soon quicken with child and please Him. Do not embarrass yourself by behaving lewdly, asking silly questions, or speaking out of turn.
"Do you understand?"
"Yes, ma'am."
Meanwhile, in his chambers, Luca prepared himself with a heavy heart. His scars, reminders of past battles and suffering, made the act of undressing a challenge he faced alone.
The weight of the night ahead felt even more daunting knowing that his appearance, marred by injury, might further complicate an already difficult situation.
He longed for connection and understanding but feared the reaction his scars might provoke.
The soft chimes from the wooden clock sitting on the carved oak mantelpiece startled her from her reverie, and she winced.
Midnight.
If Luca wished to come and claim his husbandly rights, he surely would have made an appearance by now. Good heavens, he confused her. How could he have near-devoured her with his gaze at her father's townhouse and kissed her at the ball with such heated promise, yet he didn't want to bed her?
Adelaide bit her lip and stared at the door connecting their chambers, willing it to open.
Even the horrible, painful act of losing her virginity that Grandmother had described would be better than this clawing feeling of rejection.
It wasn't like she would sleep easily.
The bedchamber was just so big, the furniture unfamiliar, and the sounds of the room all wrong.
Unless everyone was lying to protect her sensibilities and Luca had departed to be with his mistress?
Someone experienced and skilled, who knew how to bring a man great pleasure?
"No," she said loudly, as though volume might make her believe it.
Blast it, this was her wedding night. Time to find out where she stood.
Hurrying over to the connecting door, her nightgown and robe swirling around her ankles, Lilian halted, took a deep breath, and knocked.
"Your Grace? May I come in?"
Ding Dong. Ding Dong.
Seconds and Minutes passed with no response.
And with that, Adelaide turned and marched back through the door, closing it firmly behind her.
Only then did she slide down onto the cool wooden floor and allow her tears to fall.
Yes, she had done her duty and saved her family from ruin, but that victory seemed hollow when faced with the stark reality of marriage to a stranger who already didn't want her.
Not for a moment had she thought it might hurt so much. Her friends still had the chance of finding love, enjoying a happy marriage, but she… She would be trapped in an empty union.
Until death they did part.