Cara leads us through the city towards the river. Along the way, I don't see any other enticing products. However, I do see a couple of sweet-looking baked goods. That makes me wonder...do they have sugarcane here? Or at the very least, a plant that sucrose can be extracted from.
If I could get my hands on some sugar, I could make caramel. Combine that with the newly found apples, and I can produce caramel apples! Even better, those kur'kes that I had when I was in Avalon already use a nut that looks and tastes very much like an almond. So, I could even make chopped almond-covered caramel apples!
As my mouth starts to water over the thought of such a delicacy, I notice that we're approaching an iron gate leading to a riverfront mansion – Cara's family home, I presume. There are two men guarding the gate, and they straighten up when they notice Cara. The older of the two, mid 30s-looking, speaks up.
"Lady Cara, welcome back! I'm sorry to trouble you so soon, but Prima Devon asked us to convey his desire for a meeting as soon as you returned. What would you like us to do?" (older guard)
Cara's jaw clenches, then she sighs deeply. I'm going to go out on a limb and say…she doesn't like this Prima person. Speaking of which, why does he have a last name that I don't recognize? I thought last names were a sign of nobility, and as far as I know, I'm aware of all the elven noble houses.
"Hmm…one of you can go inform him that I've returned – I'll meet with him when he arrives." (Cara)
The guard in question nods, then turns to the other guard.
"Do as our Lady asked, and I'll take care of guard duty until you return." (older guard)
The younger guard nods, then takes off back the way we came. This seems like a good time to satisfy my curiosity, so I turn to Cara.
"Lady Cara, I am confused by this Prima fellow. I thought only the elven nobles had family names, and I'm certain that Devon isn't one of them. Could you explain?" (Mizuki)
Cara turns towards me in surprise, and I see Alto smile in amusement.
"Prima is not his name, Mizuki, it is his title. He is the Prima of Wellick." (Cara)
Uhm…is that, like, a mayor or something? Also, thanks a lot Alto…you could have told me about this instead of just laughing at my ignorance.
I stare at Cara blankly, and she seems to get the message. She rolls her eyes and continues.
"Nobles' territories often have many cities…too many, in fact, for one person to properly manage. So, we appoint a qualified individual as Prima in each city to manage its welfare on our behalf. As she builds more cities, Lady Alara will need to begin appointing Prima as well." (Cara)
Right…so, mayors. I nod gratefully to Cara for schooling me on elven positions of power. Then, I notice the guard watching me curiously. I realize that he hasn't acted surprised or nervous around me even once.
"Sir, you don't seem that surprised by my being human. In new areas of the Elven Kingdom, yours is a reaction I'm quite unaccustomed to. I'm guessing you know who I am?" (Mizuki)
The guard looks briefly surprised by my addressing him, then he nods.
"That's correct, Lord Mizuki, and you will find that to be the case for many others here. Lady Cara informed her staff by carrier pigeon about the events of the royal announcement, and she was explicit that Lady Nedonera and all her subordinates were to be treated with the utmost respect if they ever visited." (older guard)
I glance at Cara suspiciously, but she maintains a poker face. Also, what is with this 'Lord' nonsense again? Is Cara responsible for that, too?
I smile politely at the guard.
"Well, I appreciate the courtesy…I wasn't aware that Lady Cara had gone through so much trouble. However, you're welcome to spread the word that nobody needs to call me 'Lord'. I hold no such title, so just calling me Mizuki is fine." (Mizuki)
Without hesitation, the guard shakes his head and smiles faintly.
"With all due respect, Lord Mizuki, I'm afraid you'll have trouble convincing the elves of Wellick to address you so informally. As you know, Queen Elira has decreed that the escorts of an Elder Dragon are to be treated as foreign nobles. I, for one, won't ignore my Queen's decree and forego your appropriate title of 'Lord'." (older guard)
"Exactly, Mizuki, so you are of appropriate station to drop this stiff 'Lady' nonsense when you address me now, even around other people. All of my staff should be aware of that fact, so just call me Cara." (Cara)
Cara finishes piling on with a smirk. So, that's how it is, huh? I sigh deeply and look back at the guard skeptically.
"I suppose I understand your position. Nonetheless, being willing to do something and being accepting of it are not the same. Tell me honestly, does addressing me like that bother you?" (Mizuki)
The guard flashes me a confused expression, then it turns into an amused smile.
"Fufufu…no, I can't say it does. Human or not, you've been given unprecedented support by Queen Elira, Lady Cara, and an Elder Dragon. That alone indicates to me your worthiness of being addressed with respect. After all, I cannot boast of such an accomplishment." (older guard)
I sense a rush of satisfaction from Nina…that can't be good.
"Hahaha! Now this is more like it, Mizuki! It's about time the elves started being a little more respectful towards you!" (Nina)
I grimace in embarrassment, and Nina just looks on at everyone smugly. Alto seems to share my embarrassment over Nina's behavior. I sigh and turn to the guard again with a curious expression.
"Ehem…well, my Lady's feelings aside, I appreciate your kind words. May I ask your name and role here?" (Mizuki)
Cara interjects.
"His name is Vito, and he's my most trusted personal guard – I've known him since he was a small boy. When I insisted on traveling to Eden alone after the nobles' meeting, he declared his intention to return here and guard my home. He wanted to be the first person to see me when I returned." (Cara)
I turn to Vito in surprise. Now that she mentions it, he does look kind of familiar. I think he was one of the guards I saw with her during the first nobles' meeting. In that case, he's obviously a little bit more familiar with me than I assumed.
Vito just beams with pride at Cara's characterization of him…which I find incredibly wholesome. I'll remember that, but for now…
"Well, it sounds like you have a faithful attendant, Cara. Now, on to other matters…shall we deal with the MMC before your meeting with this Devon fellow takes your attention away?" (Mizuki)
Cara's eyes light up excitedly, and she nods eagerly. Vito looks on in confusion following the term 'MMC', but he doesn't inquire about the unfamiliar reference.
"Yes, let's do that! Vito, we'll be going to my office. You're welcome to return to my service after another guard is available to replace you at the gate. The rest of you, please follow me!" (Cara)
Vito nods his acknowledgement dutifully, then opens the gate for us. Cara leads us through, towards the riverside mansion. The estate is much more expansive than our own, with lush green grass and large trees lining the stone walkway to the mansion.
As we approach the house, I notice that it's only two stories, but the area covered by its foundation is at least triple that of our own mansion. It's…obnoxiously massive. Based on what I've learned about her so far, her mother and father are both gone, and she has no children. Does she live here all alone with her guard and servants?
We come to the front door, and a late 20s-looking high elf woman is sitting in a chair on the porch. She has dirty-blonde hair and brown eyes, and she is around Nina's height. She has a relatively lean build, and the way her hair is cut gives her a tomboyish vibe.
She seems to be enjoying a cup of tea, and she is watching our approach with a vaguely curious expression. However, when we arrive in front of her, she freezes. The strange elven woman stands up, and an eager smile spreads across her face as her gaze rests on Alto.
I glance at Alto, but there is no trace of recognition on her face. Instead, she just seems confused and maybe slightly uncomfortable with the obvious attention. Uhm…what's going on here?
I hear Cara sigh in annoyance.
"Alyse, could you show some decorum and introduce yourself properly to everyone...this is the party of an Elder Dragon, after all. They're our guests for the day – Lady Nedonera, Mizuki, and Alto." (Cara)
Huh…okay, so I guess Cara does not live here alone. Since they're obviously very familiar, is this a sister? Cousin? Lover? Gasp…will I need to keep Cara's relentless flirting with me a secret? I've never been a homewrecker before.
Alyse's gaze breaks from Alto, and she rolls her eyes at Cara before giving us a very sarcastic looking curtsy.
"Sure, sure…it's nice to meet you all. My name is Alyse Egris, oldest daughter of our house. As you may have gathered from how Cara talks to me, I'm somewhat of an outcast." (Alyse)
So, sister…not lover…damn. She's a little abrasive towards Cara, though, so it's possible I'll still be treated to some drama. That said, I'm expecting Cara to sidestep Alyse's dig with her general grace. But…
"Tch…Alyse, you aren't an outcast. You're literally living in our family home. If the other members of our house aren't as receptive to your company as you'd like, have you considered behaving in a way that gives a better impression than this?" (Cara)
Oh ho? For Cara to act like that, there must be some seriously entertaining beef between them. Consider my interest piqued. Alyse turns an annoyed look towards Cara, and snorts derisively.
"I could blow flowery compliments up their asses year-round and it wouldn't make them accept me, Cara. They resent me for the same reason I'm not head of our household…because I won't take men in my bed." (Alyse)
I'm sure the shock clearly registers on my face. Colorful language aside, this very much seems like a family matter to be discussed privately – not in front of us. Not that I mind their loose tongues, of course. There's not reality television in this world.
Still…is Alyse saying she's gay? More importantly, is that actually something the elves have a problem with!? All their other views on intimacy have sounded so relaxed, so I just assumed…
"We're not prejudiced against women loving other women, Alyse. This persecution of yours is all in your head." (Cara)
Alyse narrows her eyes at Cara, and her voice starts to have traces of anger in it.
"Don't be naïve, Cara. I said it was my lack of romantic interest in men that our family takes issue with. As I've said before, they consider that an affront to my very purpose as a noble – to produce heirs. Aside from Mother, Reynard is the only one who's ever been supportive. It's a shame h-" (Alyse)
"Fufufu…well, amusing as this is to watch, could we save sibling bickering over family succession for another time? This is not how I want to spend my time here." (Nina)
Before the conversation can go any further, Nina interjects. Not for the first time, I'm a little disappointed in her doing so. Although, my reasons are a bit less noble this time. I'm curious about this Reynard person that Alyse mentioned…what was she about to say?
Alyse and Cara both look to Nina in surprise. Cara becomes embarrassed and nods apologetically, while Alyse gives a restrained smile.
"Certainly, Great Dragon…I apologize. For the record, however, any bitterness on my part is over Cara's persisting inability to see the situation for what it is. I'm not interested in being head of household. In truth, I much prefer the freedom that comes with not being heir." (Alyse)
I'm officially invested in their family drama now, so maybe I'll do a little poking around while we're here. It will be a nice distraction from my actual problems.
[Hey, Nina…is what she said just now true?] (Mizuki)
Nina looks over at me in confusion. Based on her statement moments ago, I assume she's wondering why I care at all.
[Well, yes. At least…she wholeheartedly believes all her words are the truth. However, the same applies to Cara.] (Nina)
Oh? I wonder where between their perceptions the reality of the situation lies. I've never known Cara to be a poor judge of character in situations like this…she's quite perceptive. On the other hand, her less than graceful dismissal of Alyse was unexpected, and family has a way of biasing your outlook on things.
My thoughts are interrupted by an apprehensive Cara.
"Ehem…sorry for the display, that wasn't very hospitable. Please, follow me everyone – let me give you the tour!" (Cara)
Without another word, Cara walks past Alyse to the mansion door and opens it, then waves for us to follow her with a polite smile. I guess we're pretending that awkward exchange didn't happen.
As we pass into the large reception hall, I see several elves walking past – they're dressed like service staff. A couple of them take notice of us and give quick bows towards Cara before continuing with their duties. As I'm looking around, I notice something even more interesting – Alyse has followed us in. She's at the back of our group, right behind me.
Catching my surprised and inquisitive gaze, Alyse smirks and whispers to me.
"Is there room for a second outcast in your tour group?" (Alyse)
Her tone has a trace of amusement, and I think she's implying that I'm the first outcast. Strangely, I don't sense any animosity from her in the statement.
I chuckle and give her an amused smile, then I nod my acknowledgement – I don't mind her joining us. My response causes her face to twist briefly in confusion, then she narrows her eyes at me thoughtfully.
So, that wasn't the reaction she was expecting, huh? I smirk at Alyse before returning my attention to Cara, who is now leading us towards the stairs.
As we ascend, Cara is describing the layout of the mansion, and some details about its history, but I'm not really listening closely. Truthfully, something else has been invading my thoughts today when I let my mind wander too long, and it's getting harder to ignore. Unfortunately, it's not the Egris family drama or caramel apples – it's the nobles' meeting tomorrow.
There are some discussion points that I consider unavoidable, like the Belmod massacre and the train system between Avalon and Eden. And, I'm uncertain how much information to give the nobles regarding those topics. Moreover, many of the nobles are clever, so I worry how many problematic questions they'll ask surrounding those events, regardless of what information I give them.
First, it was never made clear to the nobles that Nina is part of my adventuring party. If they don't already have basic intelligence on the Belmod massacre, they will soon. They'll realize that someone powerful beyond normal elf and human limits must be in my party. It will be even more damning if they manage to acquire my party's guild registration info.
They'll either infer that Nina is the party powerhouse, which will beg the question why an Elder Dragon is masquerading as a human adventurer and my subordinate, or they'll assume it's some unknown human in my party, which will incite all kinds of concerns from the human-wary elves. Of course, it's also possible that they'll be suspicious of my abilities.
The question, naturally, is which reasonable interpretation do I preemptively support? I'm leaning towards just copping to Nina's presence in my party and saying that she killed most of the Empire soldiers – it has the benefit of being the truth. That strategy will raise more questions about her anomalous dynamic with me, but the only real alternative is just outright telling them how strong I am, which is at least as problematic.
On the other hand, Darak may already know about me. After all, his daughter was one of the elves I rescued, and I wasn't as concerned about disguising myself at the time. So, she saw no shortage of magic from me, and Nina and I weren't acting like master and servant. Ilina asked for their discretion, but what are the chances she's kept it from her own father? She obviously didn't tell Darak about me in her letter to him before the royal announcement, but there could be many reasons for that. In fact, I might as well assume that Darak will know some of my secrets now.
Next, while there's nothing hostile or illegal about the trains we built, I'd be shocked if we weren't pressed to provide more of that magic technology elsewhere in the kingdom. Naturally, I'm opposed to the idea.
I'm not really worried about the elves using the trains to harm people – they are so docile that it strains the imagination. There hasn't even been vandalism of the existing train system. My bigger concern is the magic components of the trains being studied, and elves learning something about magic that forces me to start executing people in compliance with Azazel's rules.
If it weren't for that one uncertainty, I'd already feel comfortable making a network of trains in the Elven Kingdom. However, that lingering concern is a hard one to overcome. So, I'm not sure how to address the nobles' inevitable requests to get trains of their own. Declining them with little justification will probably raise tensions – Jorah and Tessa will no doubt see it as a somehow hostile action on my part.
Finally, there's the overarching question of my plans for the Elven Kingdom and the Empire. The nobles will inevitably be concerned about how my party's actions, both towards the Empire and in developing Eden, are going to affect their country and people. I can't pretend they're not entitled to some input on those matters.
My recent decisions, unexpected though they were, have also made me responsible for massive impending changes in the lives of people in the Empire, Elmesia, the Elven Kingdom, and the various demi-human territories.
I already knew it before, but my recent discussion with Ilina made it clear…I don't know the first thing about the nuances of ruling over a country or even a city. That's why I've avoided large-scale influence so far.
Honestly, even if they weren't somewhat entitled to input on how I handle our current predicament, I might need the nobles' additional counsel on how to best move forward. Unfortunately, that would require being more honest with them about my plans and abilities. They can't make informed, and therefore useful, suggestions otherwise.
For the most part, I've tried to keep a low profile and hide my abilities since coming to this world. Initially, that's because I was scared about the hazards to my health if I stood out too much. However, as I've learned to use my magic more effectively, the fear that normal people can hurt me is now almost nonexistent.
My lingering desire to hide my origins and abilities derives at least partly from a concern that it will be detrimental to the few friends I've made here. Logically, however, I know that my recent actions have already put them in the spotlight. Keeping my abilities secret probably isn't protecting them anymore.
In that case, might it be best to just come clean to the nobles about myself and my plans? Objectively, that's what it seems like. After all, Darak may already know the truth. If so, I'd earn goodwill without truly exposing myself. It'd also make the other matters we need to discuss simpler, though not necessarily easier.
However, the very thought of publicly revealing my power…it fills me with dread. As for why…I can't quite put my finger on it. If I can't think of a logical reason for the dread, though, perhaps my feelings shouldn't be a factor in the decision. Maybe the best course of action would be to discuss it with my inner circle and see what they think, then go from there. If they all thi-
"Mizuki?" (Alto)
Alto's concerned voice snaps me from my reflection, and I look around to see everyone's expectant faces. I also sense confusion from Nina. Did someone ask me a question?
"Uhm…sorry, Alto, did you say something?" (Mizuki)
Alto shakes her head, and Cara interjects.
"No, it was me. I was letting you know that this is my office. I spend a decent amount of time here, writing letters, signing official documents, and taking meetings. Would you like to see?" (Cara)
Cara gives me a pointed look, glancing briefly toward Alyse's unexpected presence. Between that and her emphasis on writing letters in her office, it's clear what she's trying to convey. She wants me to install the MMC in her office, and she is probably wondering what to do about Alyse. That's partly my fault; distracted by my thoughts, I encouraged her to tag along.
"Sure, that sounds great! Sorry for spacing out, Cara." (Mizuki)
I direct a follow-up thought message to her and the members of my party.
[Cara, just tour us around the office a bit, and indicate covertly to me a blank area on the wall where you want the MMC. After that, just find an excuse to talk with Alyse outside the office and leave us alone in there. I'll take care of the rest.] (Mizuki)
Cara smiles appreciatively and nods, then leads us into the room. I guess I understood the assignment.
As far as offices go, it looks most like Dargo's. There's a desk, a couch for visitors, and lots of shelves around with papers and other official looking items lining them.
Directly behind Cara's desk, there's a massive red cloth banner hanging on the wall. It has a white emblem on it – a downward pointed sword with a snake wrapped around it.
After walking us around the office briefly, Cara stops near the banner. She gestures toward it and smiles over her shoulder at us.
"This is the Egris family crest…keeping it hung behind the desk here is traditional, even though it covers all this perfectly good wall space." (Cara)
Cara gives me a knowing look as she finishes her statement. Oh? Aren't you clever!
I smile at Cara.
[Got it. I'll build the MMC there, so that it's hidden behind the banner.] (Mizuki)
"It's a lovely crest, so I'm sure the wall space isn't wasted." (Mizuki)
Cara smiles back and nods her acknowledgement.
"Thanks, I appreciate it." (Cara)
MMC location – confirmed. Unfortunately, Alyse is looking between us like we're deranged, following that admittedly odd exchange. Cara and I won't be getting any Oscars for that performance.
"Seriously, Cara? You're boring them with our family crest now? I can't believe you implied that my behavior was inconsiderate to them...this is painful to watch." (Alyse)
Cara sighs and looks at Alyse like she's annoyed, but I detect faint signs of relief from her.
"Alyse...dear sister...could I speak to you outside? Lady Nedonera, please feel free to make yourselves comfortable here, I'll just be a moment." (Cara)
No wonder she seemed relieved…that was the perfect impromptu reason to drag Alyse out of here.
Without waiting for a response from Nina or Alyse, Cara walks towards the office door, then gestures towards Alyse to follow her. Alyse reluctantly obliges, and Cara shuts the door behind them as they exit. That's my cue.
I cast a silencing spell over the room, then quickly begin installing an MMC for Cara behind the family crest banner. I intend to include messaging capabilities to both Avalon and Eden.
As I'm working on the MMC, I sense…curiosity…from Nina. She doesn't leave me guessing for long.
"Mizuki, I felt an unnatural amount of apprehension from you earlier, when you were too distracted to notice Cara talking to you. Is everything all right?" (Nina)
I turn to Nina in surprise, and I notice Alto staring at me as well.
"I was also concerned about your state of mind, Mizuki. I may not have Nina's connection to you, but I know you well enough to see that you were troubled by something. Is it anything I can help with? If so, remember that we're a team." (Alto)
I can't help but smile at their remarks…especially Alto's. I guess it's not really that surprising that they noticed...after all, they're good friends. I nod at them thoughtfully as I continue my work.
"Let me ask you both – at this nobles' meeting tomorrow, do you think that I should tell them the truth about myself? The things that don't violate Azazel's terms, that is. What you felt earlier was me pondering that question." (Mizuki)
I sense shock from Nina, and Alto looks troubled by my question as well, but they're both silent for a few moments.
"Mizuki…where is this coming from?" (Alto)
Yeah, I guess that does seem like a rather extreme and sudden thing to discuss seriously. I give a conceding nod to Alto.
"I've set events in motion that will impact whole races and countries, including the Elven Kingdom. I don't feel right making further decisions about their futures alone. So, I wonder if it's best to solicit the nobles' counsel. But it'd be pointless if I keep them in the dark about me. Besides…after what we did in the Empire, and what I'll still do if they fail to heed my warnings, my anonymity is probably doomed anyway." (Mizuki)
Alto looks off into space and nods absentmindedly, then she turns her gaze back to me. She looks rather conflicted.
"For argument's sake, I don't think knowing the truth about you would worsen your relationship with them. Tessa and Jorah may grow more distrustful, but I don't think they'd be more antagonistic – they're not idiots. Well, Tessa's not, and Jorah would follow her lead. That said, if this knowledge spreads – unlikely, but possible – then it could cause fear among elves that are less familiar with you. I think you should ask Princess Ilina for her opinion." (Alto)
Yeah…that's pretty much as I already suspected. I don't blame her for kicking the can down the road to Ilina. I nod appreciatively to Alto, then turn to Nina, who is wearing an intensely thoughtful expression.
"Nina, what do you think?" (Mizuki)
Nina smiles apologetically towards me.
"Truthfully, Mizuki, I would support you no matter what. If you want to be yourself, I'll help you try and assuage their fears and protect those you care about. If you instead want to keep up this charade, I'm happy to be a part of your schemes. However, there is one thing…a question I'd like to ask you." (Nina)
Nina is looking at me with a mix of curiosity and…guilt? Apprehension? I can't quite place the other emotion.
"Of course, you can ask me anything." (Mizuki)
"Well…what do you want? What goals have driven your actions? I'm realizing...I don't know. If I were asked what my mate's deepest desire is, I'd be at a loss. I'm too ignorant about your motivations to give you advice." (Nina)
I can't hide the shock from my face…where did that come from? That's an unusually philosophical question for Nina. Still, her words echo in my head…what I want.
There aren't many limitations on me in this world – I'm free to do pretty much anything. So, what do I want? What's my purpose? I've been so busy since I came here that I haven't really given that much thought…I've just done what felt right in the moment.
I'm not sure what my purpose here may be, and in all honesty, I think that was the case on Earth, too. I guess that I've always felt driven by day-to-day curiosity, making reactive decisions. That's even why I studied physics – I had no grand ambition, I just enjoyed passing my time solving life's little puzzles.
Though I wasn't aware of it at the time, I've begun to suspect that I wasn't very happy on Earth. More accurately, I can't remember a time when I'd felt fundamentally fulfilled. That said, I can't say that I know why I felt that way.
I enjoyed my studies, and even though I was a virgin, it wasn't like I lacked success with women. I always had a few friends, too, and I spent plenty of time with them. If you'd asked me, in any moment together, whether I was enjoying my time with those people, I know the answer would have been yes. Sure, my parents were annoying weebs, but it's not like I hated them either.
All my individual actions made me happy, so why wasn't I fulfilled? I certainly feel fulfilled in my new life…what's the difference? As I reflect on the changes that took place around my transplantation from Earth to Azura, I'm startled by a realization – my life was…empty…on Earth.
In retrospect, I didn't have any strong career goals, and every relationship I'd had was shallow at best and completely hollow at worst. Sure, I enjoyed my friends and girlfriends in the moments we were together, but it's fair to say that I wouldn't have experienced any special sensation of loss if they went away. They were basically just acquaintances that I saw more often.
Even my relationship with my parents was superficial. My mom was an astoundingly unsuccessful writer, my father an unrecognized artist, and both were delusional enough to name me like this. Obviously, I'm more science oriented, and I'm appalled by that parenting decision, so it's not hard to admit that we never really related to one another.
But it went deeper than that. They always seemed more interested in their own jobs – or hobbies, given how little money it made them – than being parents. They never really attempted to find common ground with me, other than trying to get me interested in their art or writing. To be fair, I can't say I was much better on that front – I didn't really crave their company, so I didn't try and entice them to offer it.
Still, it felt like them having and raising me was an attempt to create something they could be invested in, and when I wasn't as interesting as they'd hoped, they just cut their losses, took care of my most basic needs, and focused on what did interest them. So, while I don't hold a grudge, I never really cared about having them in my life, nor did I think I was that important to them.
All that's to say – after I died from that bus, it never crossed my mind that my death was consequential to anyone else. The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that nothing in my past life was meaningful. To me or anyone else. Why am I just now noticing that?
It's actually quite alarming, compared to my life now. If any of the people I consider friends on Azura were to die, or even just stop spending time with me, I know it would be crushing. Why am I so much more invested in these relationships?
I think the difference is – I really feel like I'm a critical part of their lives. If Alto's rage at me the other day is any indication, having me around is important to them. Don't get me wrong, I also enjoy their company, but that was true of my Earth friends, too. It's safe to say that I treasure my friends on Azura so especially because they make me feel like my existence is consequential.
I have to say...that's a little ironic given how much I've preached about valuing non-interference in this world's affairs. Wouldn't adhering to that principle be the epitome of an inconsequential existence? That's in direct contradiction to what seems to give me fulfillment in my relationships. What am I supposed to make of that? What do I actually want?
Nina asked what has motivated my decisions so far. Reflecting on them now…maybe it all boils down to valuing autonomy. Living life on one's own terms. At a glance, that can seem very similar to non-interference, I suppose. I avoid inserting myself into certain situations, or overexerting my will through force, out of fear that I'll deprive others of the influence over their own lives.
Similarly, all the times I've violated a policy of non-interference have been to punish people who were trampling on others' autonomy. I killed Kent and his group because they would rob me and others of their very lives, and I killed the slavers and Belmod because they'd rob them of their freedom.
Hell, if I'm being honest with myself, autonomy might be the only thing I value. I'm getting ready to risk war with a superpower, and murder an entire power structure, if necessary, just to free slaves. I don't mind killing people at all, and I practically tortured Belmod. I was downright vengeful when he couldn't be dissuaded from depriving my friends of their lives or freedom. I even slaughtered his guards without remorse.
I said it was because they were complicit in trying to harm my friends. That was true to a degree, but it's not like the guards were going to directly participate. They were just trying to keep me from physically harming their ruler, to uphold the system of law they'd sworn to protect. They might have otherwise condemned Belmod. If I'd really wanted to, it would have been easy to just immobilize and incapacitate them.
So, why didn't I? More importantly, why am I still not actually bothered that I didn't, even knowing this? I guess it's simple...I only cared about their choices. So long as I gave them some semblance of control, a way to save their lives through their choices, I felt my moral obligations were satisfied. It didn't matter to me that I knew they'd never take my threat seriously, so long as I voiced their options and let them choose.
I can't help but wonder…what does that mean for my answer to Nina's question? What do I want? I guess…I enjoy being able to freely pursue whatever curiosities or interests arise for me. I also have a strong urge to protect that autonomy for others that I learn of. I find it fulfilling when my friends use that autonomy to do what makes them happy, and when they value my role in supporting those opportunities.
Yes, I think that's it. That's all that really matters to me. Everything else is just a symptom or a leftover ethical imperative from my upbringing on Earth. So long as I do that…killing, lying, theft, fraud…none of it's going to faze me. Honestly, I'm not sure if you can even call that a moral compass.
I feel a shiver run up my spine at the realization. How close am I, at any given moment, to truly being a monster? If I felt like they deserved it, would I murder an entire city? A country? A race of people? I don't know…maybe I don't want to know. Either way, the possibility terrifies me.
I'm jolted from my thoughts by a sudden pressure around my body and a familiar earthy scent. Refocusing on my surroundings, I notice Nina hugging me. I sense strong anxiety and guilt from her.
I just stand there without moving, staring back at her in bewilderment. Catching my gaze, she relaxes her hug and gives me a pained expression.
"Mizuki…I'm sorry. I didn't realize how neglectful I was being as a mate. I swear I care about you. I'm just not used to having another person to think about. Please don't be upset with me." (Nina)
What in the hell is she talking about…how could she possibly think that I'm upset with her? I guess I got lost in my own thoughts for a while there, but I didn't think that I was acting negatively towards her. I give Nina a truly stupefied expression.
"Nina, you're a wonderful mate, one who does make me happy, and I've never doubted that you care about me. I'm in no way upset with you, so why would you think otherwise?" (Mizuki)
"Well, I just told you that I don't even know what you want out of life. After I did, I could sense fear and confusion from you while you stared off silently." (Nina)
Ahhh...great…I made her feel like she's the bad person here. I really need to get my act together.
"I'm sorry, Nina, that's just a misunderstanding. I was…troubled…by the question itself, not the fact that you asked it. It made me realize that I'm not a very good person. That's the source of any negative emotions you felt…confronting my own nature scared me." (Mizuki)
This time, Alto gives me an incredulous look.
"What motivations for your decisions so far could have possibly been so terrible? You've mostly reacted to other people, and your actions only seem to help those in need and harm those that would oppress. At least, that's what I've seen." (Alto)
Nina and Alto stare at me expectantly following the question. Should I tell them the truth? Nina hasn't exactly demonstrated a respect for other creatures' lives, but Alto...I can't imagine her viewing me as anything less than a monster if she learned what I've just realized myself. It hurts her when she takes a life, even if they were a monster themselves. She's a good person, she's not like me.
I nod to Alto hesitantly.
"I suppose…I'm just concerned about all the carnage surrounding my actions. I haven't hesitated to kill people, and I'm not exactly losing any sleep over it either." (Mizuki)
"You didn't have a choice, Mizuki. You've only ever done it to protect us or others, and it's rarely your first solution. Especially with Belmod and his guards, you gave them every possible opportunity to avoid violence. You're not going to convince me that you're a bad person, Mizuki, and I'm not going to let you convince yourself either." (Alto)
"Fufufu…I must agree with Alto. If anything, you've been too lenient on those that wished you harm so far. You have far more sympathy for them than you're obligated to." (Nina)
Nina and Alto both stare at me seriously following their reassurances. So, that's what they think, huh? I can't say that I agree, but I don't think this is the time or place to have a philosophical debate with them. More importantly…I'm not sure that I want to convince them otherwise.
I force a smile to my face and nod agreeably.
"Maybe you're right, sorry. Thanks, both of you. In any case, Nina, I guess the answer to your question is...my goal is for myself and all my friends to be able live on our own terms, freely pursuing whatever makes us happy. With that in mind, what's your advice about revealing myself?" (Mizuki)
Nina smiles softly.
"Fufufu…then it doesn't matter whether you tell the nobles about your abilities or not. You've already made me happy, and I know Ilina, Alto, Zara, and even Alara feel the same way." (Nina)
Following Nina's comments, Alto just nods her agreement towards me with a serious expression.
I sigh in exasperation at them both. It's not like that actually helps me decide what to tell the nobles. Still, glad they feel that way. They trust me entirely too much, but...it's heartwarming. I just hope I don't turn out to be the monster that I think I am. I'd rather be the person Alto sees me as.
I give the two of them an appreciative smile.
"Well, I think you both have way too much faith in me, but I appreciate your council, nonetheless. How about I finish up this MMC, and as thanks, we can spend the rest of our visit here doing whatever exploring you two want?" (Mizuki)
Nina gives me a blistering smile, and Alto just smirks.
"Oooh, yes! Cara has bragged about how nice her restaurants are – I would like to judge for myself!" (Nina)
"Well, now that I know how happy it will make you to cater to my whims, and being the magnanimous woman that I am, I guess I could agree to that." (Alto)
I involuntarily roll my eyes at Alto, but inside I'm suppressing a smile.
¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬
After sending Cara a thought message to let her know that I was done with the MMC, she returned to collect us, and we resumed the tour. We're now making our way back to the reception hall on the first floor of her house.
When we arrive, I see Vito standing near the front door with another man that I don't recognize. He doesn't appear to be a soldier or guard of any kind.
Cara, on the other hand, seems to recognize him as we draw near, and she makes the same unenthused expression I saw on her face earlier. Ahh…this must be the Prima of Wellick, Devon. They did mention bringing him here ASAP to have a meeting with Cara.
Devon quickly approaches us with his eyes fixed on Cara. Vito follows close behind with an apologetic look on his face. Devon stops a couple meters from our group and gives a hurried bow to Cara.
"My Lady, why would yo-…er, I mean, welcome back. I must speak with you at once about your message regarding this 'train' you want to put outside the city! I've only just received reports of the one in Avalon. What is it like? Is it safe? How is it getting built? What will we do about the businesses and merchants that may be affected? How will it be profitable for the city? Why do we even need transportation to a territory that's only a couple of weeks old?" (Devon?)
Yikes! I'm…starting to understand why Cara looks exhausted every time this guy is brought up. I mean, those are fair questions, but this dude needs to work on his delivery and pacing!
Cara, whose expression is already laden with emotional exhaustion, turns towards us without responding to Devon. She directs a deeply apologetic look at Nina and me in turn.
"Great Dragon, Mizuki, please pardon the interruption. It seems I'll need to address some of these questions before showing you around the city – I hope you can forgive the delay. Vito, could you please show Lady Nedonera and her escorts to a comfortable waiting area and see to their entertainment in the meantime? Devon, you can follow me to my office." (Cara)
Devon, seemingly piecing together our identities, slowly turns his head towards us for the first time. He goes pale as he looks at Nina. If I had to guess, his reaction is because of the annoyed scowl on Nina's face that's been directed at him since Cara mentioned our trip through the city being delayed. Rest in peace, my dude.
Thankfully for Devon, a knight in shining armor bravely steps forward to save his bacon!
"Actually, I'm available now, Cara. I'd be happy to begin showing Lady Nedonera and the others around the city in your stead. You could just join us when your meeting is over." (Alyse)
Devon is looking at Alyse gratefully, and subtly moves so that Cara is between him and Nina. He doesn't look like he's willing to draw attention to himself anymore. Cara, on the other hand, glances in surprise at Alyse before fixing a nervous gaze on me. She looks deeply troubled by the idea of us being alone with Alyse.
I sense a rebuttal coming, but there's no chance in hell I'm passing up this opportunity. Sorry, Cara, but that's what you get for routinely airing such tantalizing family drama in front of me!
"Err…while that's very generous of you, Alyse, I don't thi-" (Cara)
"That's a splendid idea, Lady Alyse, thank you! We'd be delighted to have you escort us! I'm sure my Lady wants to see as much of your beautiful city as we can in our short visit." (Mizuki)
Cara's gaze snaps to me, and her eyes narrow suspiciously. I just look back at her innocently. Before she can try to undo my acceptance of Alyse's services, however, Nina gets involved.
"Fufufu…yes, Mizuki is correct! Shall we go now?" (Nina)
Seeing Nina's enthusiasm, and being aware of her earlier displeasure with the delay, Cara begins glancing frantically between Nina and me. I guess she's trying to figure out a countermeasure that won't invoke Nina's ire.
Alyse, watching the inner turmoil play out on Cara's face, is wearing an incredibly amused grin. She also keeps sneaking the occasional curious glance towards me following my sudden support for her escort services.
Eventually, the light goes out in Cara's eyes, and her shoulders sag slightly. She casts one last gaze full of betrayal towards me before nodding reluctantly.
"Uhm…very well. Thank you for the offer, Alyse. I'll catch up with you all as soon as I can. Please try not to do anything problematic until then." (Cara)
"Me…problematic? Whatever do you mean little sister? I'm just offering to make up for your shortcomings as a host." (Alyse)
Alyse's voice is full of fake shock, and she is giving Cara a very confused expression. Cara doesn't seem convinced, though, and she's looking at Alyse with equal parts desperation and annoyance. I can't blame her, but the entire exchange is pretty entertaining, so I'm not going to back her up either.
Unfortunately, Alto doesn't seem to support my sadism. She sees the stupid grin sneaking into my expression and gives me a disapproving look. Does she really have room to talk, though? She loves watching it when I'm the one being teased!
"Ehem…Lady Cara, I'm sure Lady Alyse will be a perfectly appropriate host until you rejoin us. We appreciate both of your consideration. Mizuki, perhaps we have delayed our Lady's tour of the city long enough, hmm?" (Alto)
What a buzzkill. I sigh internally, then nod at Alto politely. Nina, whose agitation was rising again, smiles. I sense satisfaction from her.
Alyse watches the whole exchange play out, then directs a smug grin towards Cara. She gives the rest of us a mischievous smile.
"How exciting for all of us! Let's depart at once, then." (Alyse)
I agree…I, for one, am very excited.