Kim Ra-on had not been able to sleep after the disastrous experience with the portal machine.
After consulting the terrified members of the physics ad IT areas, whom he found huddled in a corner of the observation room, they told her it would take months to reconstruct everything; she gave them two. She spent hours and hours reviewing the paperwork and recordings of the event, in addition to reviewing her institutional email or the intelligence community's networks in search for notable news, but eventually got bored of the subject, and with no desire to process anything else, she came up with a silly idea, amidst her infinite insomnia. She opted to go and check on her counterpart's condition, even if it was just to stretch her legs and find enough physical fatigue to finally go to her private room to rest for a long while; eventually she was let into the emergency wing, but didn't ask about the result of the operation, because she... didn't want to know.
She would wait and see it for herself.
Her other two escorts, the firstgens, waited outside. They had walked alongside her through the empty rooms and hallways illuminated only by the guide lights, streaks parallel to the floor, until finally reaching those double doors. Entering the emergency room, the doctors and nurses rushed in and put the still-unconscious Mari on a bed; her torso, head and calves were well-bandaged, one arm casted and a hand covered in gauze, leaving as quick as they came after cheking in on her signs and following their procedure, knowing Raon wouldn't say a word to them. A couple hours went by, and someone else came to checking the main monitor; it was Ah Ra, who made her own work for a couple minutes before getting jumpscared by her superior's presence getting out the shadows, and turning around the medic said:
- Director. Wasn't expecting you here. May I ask what you need?
- My sister said your training starts at 0500. You should be going there at this time.
- Excuse me - she replied - This is something I tend to do often, when I cannot sleep...simply ask where I'm needed, and go there until my turn comes.
- I notice. That's why I myself came but... you rather stop doing it. Now get out and ready...
- Yes, director.
She was going to leave, quite a bit annoyed inside, but not before adding:
- As of Mari's state, she's still very weak, Must wait til tomorrow and see...
- Never asked. Don't worry, I'll take care of it. – Raon replied, turning the back on her.
The medic was somewhat perplexed by the tone of that response, but decided not to give it any more thought and to leave without asking questions. Now that she was completely alone, Raon approached the actress, and sat at the foot of her bed; she stared at her and after a while said:
- I see you survived the surgery.
The patient remained quiet.
- It was better for you to not know but... I ordered a tracking chip to be implanted in your body. This way I don't risk you trying to flee again while I solve this nuisance.
Suddenly, she felt the actress's aura indicating she got conscious seconds ago. Mari began to heavily lift her bandaged hand and rest it on her counterpart's forearm:
- You killed…you killed them. You never hesitated…despite knowing who those two were.
- Why you even care? They were just a bunch of…
- They meant hurt to you before, isn't it? Not these... the others from here...
- True. Huh, almost forgot you knew about Shadehand and Woobin. They were on those movies too, after all...
- Was really there... no option?
- My counterpart was also their target in that world, it seemed - she mocked - They were so confused before being taken care of.
- If it is so easy for you to kill like that, why not us?
Raon remained silent:
- Why not get rid...of us...we were no longer useful, you got what you wanted, didn't you?
The director look her gaze away soflty as she replied:
- Better not talk anymore. After all, you're still human.
Raon stood from the bed leaving Mari's hurt hand over the bed.
- Save strength if you want to live and get back home.
- But you... never wanted that...you...
- It was my fool's errand - she replied - But you want no apology from a monster like me, do you?
- It was outside... that plan of yours...
- You're correct... hmph, anyway, I don't want to spend myself in you so...
Raon was going to leave, however, what Mari said next made her turn around abruptly. She wanted to get away from her, but she couldn't when she heard:
- You lie…!
- Did I hear something? - she replied bitterly - Want me to put you out your misery?
- You were never going to end us...I was wrong. How you... treated me... you were hitting yourself...
- I am well above such pathetism.
- Doesn't seem so... deep down... there is a human in you... and you hate yourself for that.
- Again with your nonsense... you don't... - Raon replied, already a little nervous.
- Your sister...she really matters to you. You helped her... without need... because you love her...
- She's my most valuable asset, don't get things wrong.
- Garbage...lies. I'm sure...your parents miss you, you miss them too...more than ever...
Raon recalled the couple who raised her since childhood, ones she did not share blood with. It was supposed to be just a facade for her to fulfill the assigned role as an undercover. Nothing more:
- Enough of this, you better cut it.
- You and Ae Moon…was it fake? It couldn't be... your relationship... how it was... you can't fake that.
- You're going overboard again. Stop or I will... - Raon threatened, more uncomfortable than angry.
- Do what?...
The actress then tried to sit, holding herself with her good elbow. Raon once again remained silent, looking at the floor:
– You can mistreat and pick on everyone here, you can denigrate and distrust them all you want...
- You pathetic... cheap copy of me...
- Make everyone think you're like the ones who made you such... but you can't deceive yourself...
Raon rushed until getting face to face with the actress, taking her by the chin:
- I won't hear you anymore! You're going to shut your mouth or I'll rip you apart now...!
- What you have built. The atrocities you…have committed…you do it all for them, don't you?
Raon was about to collapse in a frenzy, and was just raising a hand while trembling both in fear and anger, feeling nude against someone who couldn't even dream of defeating her in combat:
- You're such a smartass, aren't you…? Shut. Up. Now.
Mari started to feel drowsy, crying tears not out of fear, but utmost, semi-conscious compassion:
- You want to protect them...from what is out there...oh, Raon, poor of you... hope one day... you...
The actress began to have seizures, and the stitched wound in her abdomen began to leak blood while the monitors beeped madly; some nurses and one doctor came running, shouting and carrying out the rigorous processes to stabilize her. The doctor checked her opening, requesting that the x-ray be prepared and surgical implements brought to him along with a cannula to clean and re-stitch the opening. As soon as he gave this order, Raon herself, who only stood watching her counterpart continue fighting for her life, finally had the will, or the cowardice, to turn around and hastily retreat out of the emergency wing.
At the entrance the bodyguards were waiting for her, and with them she set off back to her office, to continue with her regular activities, and all the pending paperwork; on the outside she demonstrated the same authority and recklessness as always, but inside her an all-out war broke. For the first time in many years, she felt completely vulnerable and exposed before another person; Mari, in reality, had touched her most sensitive chord, her most intimate confidence, the underlying reason why she had sunk herself in blood up to the neck.
Now she was totally certain that, truly, the actress knew, and inferred, too much.
Even so, and as convenient as it was, Ah Ra was once again the one who reminded her of what, on many occasions, she would've liked to forget and bury in the past; an oath she made to herself the night the Dragon Division sent agents to her parents' house, Onyx arriving to take her back "home". She would never kill an innocent person, no matter what; thanks to living youth as a normal human, she was tought that not all people were evil or against her, something the Kims also instilled along with many other things which were not applicable to her line of work, only if they have known of it.
They were unwitting of who she really was, and such deceit, lies and treason by her part would only merit leaving them behind so as to not hurt their hearts and lives anymore; even today, that ached.
She fell behind her desk and hit the table with restrained fury, breaking its legs and causing one of the corners to fall, tumbling it apart. Anger and angst drowned her to the brim, but she had to stand firm, she had to do what was necessary, or else... she didn't even want to think about it.
What would happen if his greatest weakness ended up exposed to everyone?
She could not allow them to be threatened in any way, the only people for whom she kept herself alive, for whom she could proudly bear a human surname and her own name; the Board had not disappeared from her life, far from that, survivors were part of her highest ranks, feigning loyalty. They really didn't see her as anything more than meat, an animal, an object that could be used until they simply broke it, one that, perhaps not right now due to fear and the limited room for maneuver she left them, but that eventually they could find an insidious way to ruin and eliminate. Reason enough to be prepared, even with her predecessor and his henchmen no longer around to try to hunt her and her sister down; none of the aforementioned could unmask her unless they came out of their cold unmarked graves, but others within Tiger, Turtle or Bear could very well try.
Thinking about all those who had fallen before trying in vain to hinder her and her great plan, and about her only reason for continuing to wake up in the morning, she found relief again but this time it also made her feel something her own mind had kept distant and buried just like her foes.
It was loneliness.
Normally, such nimiety would warrant her not even a single thought with how busy her job was, at least until tonight, seeing how people had mocked her with contempt yesterday, remembering In retrospect the fear and resentment on the faces of all the people she had met in these latter years. She knew she was hated, certainly, but now she realized how such fact left a bottomless hole in her stomach, a suffocating weight on her chest that refused to alleviate; unfortunately, as her brain tried to get her some sleep, her blood could went so cold in her heart that it became impossible:
- No. I won't be weak. I will never falter. I am not frail. I am not Kang Ma-ri...
Saying that in the most intimate privacy, she smiled again with her lips, but without her heavy-lidded eyes following, not even a little; it didn't matter if her chest was heavy, or her mind was clouded, she would do as she always did, force herself to stand again and again, to try again and again, she would never give up, never. She would not, however, fall into making the same mistakes, so if one way of doing things didn't work, she would try something new, and if plan B failed, she would have a plan C, a plan D, and so on; if necessary, she would implement several options at once, move heaven and earth until she achieved her desire by her own hands.
- This is the only way…
It was then that a voice reached her mind with a mocking tone, one whose timbre, expressions and everything else had accompanied her since S-0 was eliminated, when she had to escape with S-1 to put her current strategy in motion. A voice that, although infrequent, had never abandoned her:
- Really? – it asked.
Raon looked from side to side, and like all the previous times, she found no one:
- You don't sound too convinced. - it continued.
- Show yourself, and tell me once and for all...who the hell are you?!
The whispers appeared, the voices spoke to her, made her remember, they looked at her, they pointed at her, they were condemning her, laughing, whispering secrets to each other that only she knew, that not even her family should know, all she had done:
- You know who I am. You know who we are. You should have chosen death that night...
Raon collapsed on the floor, getting her hands to her head, scratching and closing her eyes:
- These are just hallucinations, absurd illusions. I must silence them.
- That or someone's using a psychotronic weapon on you. We all wait for you in hell after all.
The director stopped scratching and slapped herself on the face, looking at the floor, clawing the red rug slowly while she trembled:
- No, no, you shut up...!
- But that's not possible Raon - said that young man - the energy field would not allow it.
She crawled pitieosly through the floor trying to a vase full of white pills placed on a bookshelf:
- No, no it wouldn't. Even from the otherworld, you insist on tormenting me again... - she uttered.
- You're a fool, Raon. We are not human, we never will be. You will not die well. We'll make sure of it
- You were always wrong about me. And you'll always be. In the end I always win, I'm...
- Above all? You can repeat yourself that, but we know. You are stupid, pathetic and broken. The jester would surely do better than you in your place. She is no less-than-a-beast like you are.
The laughter rose in pitch until it became unbearable, just as Raon tried to take the pills, spreading them on the floor alongside some books:
- You've had enough of me! Get! Out! - Raon shouted, but only inside her head.
- We'll drag you down! You will never escape! – the voice shrieked.
Then everything became a black void where she would be lost, forever floating, forever screaming while tearing off her own ears, nose and lips, forever gazed by red fiery eyes, forever chased down by those who did not go, even when she closed her eyes. Forever watched from above by that thristing, three-horned silhouette.