A few days had passed since I agreed to tutor Rachel for the mid-terms, and it quickly became apparent that science and math were not her strong suits, I mean, I have never seen anyone as hopeless as her.
Despite her best efforts, she struggled to grasp the concepts, often mixing up formulas and getting frustrated with the equations. I soon even doubt myself if I would be able to make her comprehend these concepts within two and a half weeks.
One afternoon, we were sitting on the floor of my room books and notes spread out on the coffee table. Rachel stared at the math problem in front of her, her brow furrowed in concentration.
"Okay, so if we have the equation 2x + 3 = 7, what do we do first?" I asked, trying to guide her through the steps.
Rachel sighed, tapping her pen on the table. "We... subtract three from both sides?"
I nodded encouragingly. "Right, and then?"
She bit her lip, thinking hard. "Uh... then we divide by two to solve for x?"
"Exactly!" I said, smiling. "See, you got it!"
She groans, leaning back on her. "But that's the easy stuff, I mean those were taught to us at like early high school years, some even elementary."
She then places her head on the table, turning her head to me. "What about all the complicated formulas and functions? It's like another language to me."
I chuckled, reaching over to pat her head. "It just takes practice. You've made a lot of progress already."
The girl gives me a small grateful smile. "Thanks Joanne, I'm honestly lucky to have met you. Like seriously, no one would be as patient as you when they teach me all these."
I shrugged, feeling a warm glow from her compliment. "I mean, I used to tutor my little cousins whenever my aunt visited soooo...it's not so hard for me to be patient."
She looked at me thoughtfully, a hand on her chin and a small smile growing on her face. "Y'know, you're really kind, and cute."
Her words caught me off guard, and I felt my cheeks heat up. "Thanks," I mumbled, feeling both flattered and a bit embarrassed.
Her smile widened, and she leaned in slightly. "I'm serious, like...you're really smart, and you get all these complex things in Algebra"
I chuckle and laid down on the floor responding "Everyone has their strengths. I mean, you're amazing with art and history, you even have this unique incredible perspective in art and life"
She smiled at my comments "That's sweet of you to notice" her eyes meeting mine.
I glanced up, meeting her gaze. There was something sincere in her eyes, something that made my heart flutter a little. "I'm glad we're spending time together too. It's been nice."
Rachel smiled, her eyes softening. "Yeah seriously, thanks for helping me. I promise I'll do my best not to fail miserably."
I giggled and gave her a small nudge, "You won't," I assured her. "We'll get through this together."
She laid down beside me, now staring at the ceiling, letting out a deep sigh. "You know, sometimes I wish things could be simpler. Like, just focusing on what we wanna learn about instead of all these subjects we might never use."
I nodded, understanding her frustration. "Yeah, it can feel overwhelming, but I guess it's all part of figuring out what we want to do, right?"
Rachel turned her head to look at me, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Yeah, I suppose. I mean, I'll be honest I don't know I want anymore"
I frowned, as I turned my head to her. "Really? I mean, you're pretty confident for someone who doesn't know what they want."
She turns to me with a teasing smirk and raised eyebrow, "You're not sure what's going on underneath though."
"Well, I kinda expected as much for the queen bee," I say, stretching my arms.
Rachel laughed softly, though there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Yeah, the queen bee. Always put together, always knowing what to do and say. But honestly, most of the time, I'm just trying to keep up appearances."
I propped myself up on one elbow, looking at her seriously. "It's okay to not have everything figured out, you know. No one really does, even if they seem like they do. Even parents too, they usually improvise."
Rachel falls silent at the mention of the word 'parents', I turned to her with a worried glance. "I'm guessing the silence means..?"
"That they're complicated." She sighed, looking away. "There's this expectation that I have to be this and that and...it's just too much, I've sacrificed TOO much.."
She placed both of her palms directly on her face, taking a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. I could see the weight of her emotions pressing down on her, the pressure of her parents' expectations and the sacrifices she felt she'd made.
"It's like... they want me to be perfect," she continued, her voice muffled through her hands. "To be this golden goose. And I try, I really do as you can tell."
I nod in agreement and allowed her to continue, "but I just feel like, everytime I look at the mirror, I see the queen bee, and not Rachel you know?"
"Maybe it's time to show them Rachel? I mean she seems to be pretty amazing too you know?" I reassure her with a smile.
She smiled softly, looking touched by my words. "Thanks, for that. But I don't think they'll y'know, accept that?"
I shrugged. "Just being honest. You're talented in so many ways, and we're going to college soon. They have to come to terms that you're your own person one way or another."
Rachel sighed and nodded in agreement. "You're right, but...it's just, hard to let go of everything I worked for...I can lose everything with just one fatal mistake."
I held her hand and squeezed it tight. "You'll still have me, and your real friends you know? Those who will stay and accept you for who you really are."
She interviewed our fingers and smiled at me warmly. "You're right, and I'm glad that you're here for me." Rachel's voice was soft, filled with genuine gratitude. "It means a lot, more than you know."
I blushed at her gesture, feeling a surge of warmth and connection. "Of course, anytime you need to talk or just be yourself, I'm here."
Rachel took a deep breath, as if letting go of some of the weight she had been carrying, as she let go of our intertwined hands.
"You know, it's funny. I always thought being popular and perfect was everything. I mean it kind of is, not gonna lie. The attention and spotlight is everything, but now, after being exposed to it too much, I think I'd rather just be happy."
"That's a good realization," I said, smiling. "Happiness is way more important than living up to everyone else's standards."
Rachel nodded, her expression thoughtful. "I guess I just need to start figuring out what makes ME happy."
I nodded in agreement, feeling proud of her. "You'll find it. Like, it might take some time, but you've got people who care about you, and that helps."
She turned to me, her eyes soft and a bit misty. "Thank you for all of this. Really. You've been amazing, and I don't know how I can show appreciation."
I blushed at her words, feeling both flattered and humbled. "No, no, it's alright, really. I'm just glad I can help."
Rachel smiled, a genuine and warm expression that seemed to light up her whole face. "Well, it means everything to me."
We lay there in a comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company. The weight of the conversation hung in the air, but it felt like a turning point for Rachel—a moment where she began to shed the expectations of others and started to focus on what truly mattered to her.
As the afternoon light began to fade, Rachel finally sat up, stretching her arms above her head. "We should probably get back to studying, huh?"
I laughed, nodding. "Yeah, mid-terms aren't going to ace themselves."
Rachel grinned, a new determination in her eyes. "Heh, you got that right. But, promise me, if I start to go off the rails, you'll reel me back in?"
I chuckled and nodded. "Do I even have to promise? I mean, I've been doing it for a few days."
Rachel blushes, seemingly embarrassed as she smiled sheepishly. "I knowww, and I'm very thankful"
As we dove back into the textbooks, the atmosphere felt lighter, more hopeful. We were not just studying for a test anymore; we were also figuring out who we were and what we wanted. And that journey, with all its ups and downs, felt like the most important lesson of all.