When Tyrion waddled into the Small Council chambers, Joffrey was pacing back in forth, a gleeful look on his face. He was whispering to himself something that Tyrion couldn't understand, but the boy looked thoroughly unhinged.
Something that furthered Tyrion's worry was that the boy's mother looked pleased as well. She had a smug grin on her beautiful face as she sipped her wine.
"Kill any puppies today?" He asked dryly to his nephew as he took his seat.
Normally a comment like that would have set Joffrey off in a childish rant, but he was too happy to notice. He gestured to Varys.
"Tell him," he ordered.
The Eunuch folded his arms inside his sleeves. "My little birds in the Reach have told me that Renly Baratheon is dead and that Robb Stark has been grievously injured."
Tyrion was shocked. "Dead?" He asked. "Who killed him?"
Varys shook his head. "It is unknown. There are speculations that it was Robb Stark, but there are also rumors that Stannis had a hand in it. The only confirmed information I have is that Renly was stabbed in the back."
"And Robb Stark?" Tyrion asked, ignoring the humorous smile that Baelish had on his face when Varys mentioned how Renly had died.
Varys shook his head again. "My little birds don't know that either, but the maesters say that his back might be broken. He has been brought back to Bitterbridge and is currently under the care of the Tyrells."
"I want a raven sent to Highgarden immediately ordering Mace Tyrell to bring Stark to me!" Joffrey snapped. "I can't wait to behead him the same way I beheaded his father."
Tyrion wagged a finger. "Firstly, you didn't kill Ned Stark, you merely ordered his death. There's a difference," he said. "Besides, I just repaired our relations with the Faith and I will not allow you to screw that up again. Secondly, you have had a good idea for the first time, except you want to go about it the wrong way."
"What are you suggesting?" Pycelle asked curiously.
"Mace Tyrell is a power-hungry fool," Tyrion stated, pouring himself a chalice of wine. "If we marry the king to his daughter, then we not only get a massive army but we also get food that the city desperately needs."
Cersei looked up when Tyrion mentioned marriage. "You will not marry off my son like some pawn," she said angrily. "Besides, he's betrothed to Sansa Stark."
Tyrion sighed, shaking his head. "This is the way of war," he said, looking at his sister. "Besides, Margaery Tyrell is more beautiful than Sansa Stark and brings more to our side. We need the Tyrells." He turned to Joffrey, who seemed to be actually interested in what Tyrion was saying. "Believe me, you grace. You can not ask for a better marriage prospect. She is known as the 'Rose of Highgarden'."
"And they can bring Robb Stark to me," he said wickedly, completely ignoring what Tyrion had just said.
Tyrion nodded. "If we have Stark, we can single handedly bring the war to an end, and then we can focus on Stannis," he said. "Now the only question is: who will treat with the Tyrells?"
"Lord Baelish." Cersei said, looking at the Master of Coin. "Do you think you're up for the task?"
The man known as Littlefinger smirked slightly, bowing his head. "I will do what I can," he promised humbly. "As always, I am at the service of his grace."
Tyrion pursed his lips. Baelish was not his first choice. He didn't trust the man as far as Bronn could throw him. Then again, Tyrion didn't trust anyone in the bloody city, but Baelish was at the top of that list.
"What about one of his grace's kingsguard?" Tyrion suggested. "Ser Arys Oakheart is a man of the Reach, is he not."
Cersei waved aside Tyrion's suggestion. "My son's guards are needed here," she said firmly. "Those who went after his uncle might come for him next."
Tyrion glared at his sister, making his feelings known about her suggestion before he sighed. "Fine. Lord Baelish, leave as soon as possible."
"Make sure Stark is included in the deal," Joffrey added again.
Baelish bowed his head again. "Thank you, your grace, for your faith in my abilities,"
"Varys, do we know why Robb Stark was in the Reach?" Tyrion asked, looking at the eunuch.
The chubby bald man nodded. "It seems he was seeking an alliance with Renly."
Tyrion was not a religious man, but he thanked the Seven that Stannis or whoever had interfered with the talks between the northern king and Renly. If those two had combined forces, then the Lannisters and Stannis would have been well and truly fucked.
"What of the stormlords?" Pycelle wheezed out.
"Back to Stannis I'm afraid," Varys answered. "Twenty thousand men."
Tyrion cursed under his breath. "Send word to Lord Rykker to have his men ready in case Stannis attacks the capitol." He ordered.
"My uncle wouldn't be so bold to attack the city." Joffrey declared arrogantly. "He's too afraid to face me."
Tyrion bit his tongue, stopping himself from mentioning the fact that Joffrey has never been on the battlefield before and wouldn't be doing so anytime soon. The glare from Cersei also helped Tyrion hold his tongue.
"Your grace," Tyrion started, "Stannis held out against the Reach, and later beat the Iron Fleet at sea. He's a proven military commander. Let's assume that he is bold enough to attack the city."
Joffrey sniffed but didn't say anything.
"Lord Varys, is there anything else that we should know?" Tyrion asked, ready to move on to any other subjects.
"My little birds have been rather busy in the north," he said. "Edmure Tully has married Roslin Frey, the northern army has conquered most of the Westerlands, and it seems that Balon Greyjoy has rebuilt the Iron Fleet to its full strength."
Tyrion frowned. "The Iron Fleet?" He asked. "I thought that King Robert had banned the man from reforming his fleet?"
Varys nodded. "It's true, King Robert did place such a ban on the Iron Islands. My little birds have told me that Balon Greyjoy has placed a crown on his head once again."
"I want his head." Joffrey barked immediately.
Cersei made a soothing sound. "My father will deal with him, Joff," she said calmly. "In due time, he will deal with these false kings."
Pycelle nodded. "Quite right," he grumbled. "It's a terrible thing, fighting against your lawful king."
"So you're saying that Robert Baratheon was wrong for rebelling against Aerys Targaryen?" Tyrion asked innocently.
The old maester spluttered. "Of course not!" He replied indignantly. "The Mad King killed a lord paramount and his son in cold blood."
Tyrion nodded slowly. "My nephew killed a lord paramount as well. So you're saying that the Starks are right to rebel?"
"Of course not!" The grand maester replied again. "Eddard Stark was spouting treason."
Tyrion rolled his eyes, done with playing with the old man. He looked back at Varys, who had watched the byplay with a small amount of amusement. "Lord Varys, you say that the northmen have conquered most of the Westerlands."
Varys nodded. "Indeed. From Banefort to Hornvale. As well as the mines at Deep Den and Silverhill."
"But not Casterly Rock," Cersei said.
Varys nodded. "Correct, your grace. It seems the northern army has gone to great lengths to stay away from the castle and the neighboring city."
"Cowards." Joffrey snarled.
Tyrion shook his head. "Perhaps, but my father will have made sure that the Rock was properly prepared for a siege. He would never leave it undefended. If the Stark army wants the Rock, it would have to commit a large portion of its army to the siege."
"How do you know so much about siege preparations?" Cersei asked curiously, narrowing her eyes at her brother.
Tyrion shrugged. "It's common sense, my dear sister," he said with false sweetness in his voice. "Now, I believe we have bigger problems than the Rock not being attacked."
"And what's that?" Joffrey asked.
"The ironborn," Tyrion stated simply. "Let's look at the facts, the northern king is currently in the Reach and was trying to forge an alliance between himself and Renly, one that would have certainly killed us all if it had worked. Now, if he's willing to treat with Renly who has no lawful claim to the throne, then what's to stop him from reaching out to the ironborn as well?"
"Stark would never ally with the ironborn," Cersei argued. "His father fought them."
Tyrion sighed. "We have spent the entire war saying that Robb Stark can't do this or do that. Aren't you tired of underestimating the boy?" He asked, looking around at the council. "Stop treating him like a boy and treat him like the son of Eddard bloody Stark, the man who was instrumental in tearing down the Targaryen dynasty."
The room was quiet after Tyrion's rant. Baelish and Varys looked a little amused, while Pycelle seemed angry for some reason. Cersei and her son also looked a little angry after Tyrion's outburst, but probably because they felt like he was insinuating that Robb Stark was more dangerous than Tywin.
Tyrion sighed. "My father will deal with the Stark boy." He said finally. "We must keep our eyes on Stannis and make sure that terms are reached with the Tyrells before they choose another king to serve."
Tyrion was about to bring the council to a close, Cersei spoke up again. "Lord Varys, what news is there on the Targaryen girl?"
Tyrion raised an eyebrow. "Targaryen girl?"
Varys nodded. "Indeed. Daenerys Targaryen, daughter of the Mad King and the last living Targaryen. She is currently in Essos….and has managed to bring three dragons back to life."
Tyrion, who was taking a drink of wine, nearly spat the liquid on the table. He looked in disbelief at the eunuch like he had suddenly grown hair and a cock. Other's around the table didn't look too surprised.
"Dragons?" He asked, shocked.
Varys nodded. "My poor little bird was very shaken up, but they were quite clear. Three dragons, no bigger than house cats."
"We should kill her now," Joffrey said, his voice wavering slightly. "Before she has a chance of taking my throne."
Cersei nodded. "I couldn't agree more."
Tyrion shook his head slowly. "Let's table that idea for the time being," he said, thinking quickly. "From the sound of it, the girl is quite powerless, is she not?"
Varys nodded. "Correct. Her only friends seem to be Ser Jorah Mormont, an exiled knight who is the crown's informant on the girl, and Ser Barristan Selmy."
Tyrion cursed, sending a dirty look towards Joffrey. "We need to keep that last part secret," he said. "If others hear that the girl has dragons and the most famous knight in the realm by her side, we may yet have another monarch emerge in this bloody war."
"Which is why she needs to die?" Cersei pushed.
Tyrion shook his head again. "No. We can not make a martyr of her. If we wait, let her wander around powerless in Essos, she is no threat to us."
"Are you mad?" Joffrey said. "The bitch has dragons!"
"They are no bigger than house cats," Tyrion said firmly. "Think carefully, your grace. Aegon the Conqueror did not take Westeros with dragons that were a few years old. Balerion and the others were hundreds of years old. The dragons pose no threat to anyone, and won't for years. Besides, she has no children. By the time the dragons are rideable, there will be no one to ride them. Then Essos will have three wild dragons roaming their lands and we will be just fine."
"What if she is married?" Cersei asked.
"Then we kill the husband," Tyrion said simply. "We ensure that the girl remains powerless and friendless."
Cersei glared at her brother, but Tyrion didn't budge. She huffed. "Fine. But if she invades Westeros, then it is on your head and we will have no choice but to have her killed."
Tyrion nodded. "If she is making plans to invade Westeros, we will then have her assassinated before she arrives," he said firmly. "One problem at a time, sister, one problem at a time."