Many assume I'm something else, while others think I'm a waste of their time. How can that be so if I feel like that to each other? For example, when people walk away from you after a heated discussion do you leave and forget about what just transpired within the hour? Well let me tell you not all things are rainbows and sunshine but a pack of lies.
I thought when studying something your whole life you wouldn't feel the need to interact with humans such as ourselves, and yet...why do I have the sudden urge to go out, have fun, and make messes with no regrets? It feels wrong to want those things right?
I'm just another girl writing my guts out to all while the world revolves around us without any thought or pity for others, but that's not what I want.
I want to live, I want to sing, dance, or do anything to my heart's desire that serves my greater purpose. To make people happy. My goal in life is not just writing but to be good at many things at the same time, it takes time yes am I patient enough for this? Well yes, I'm patient but also desperate for another traveling move to another country where I can dominate in my tongue without the need for people to look at me weirdly and say,
"Why doesn't she stop bothering us?
Or
"Why can't she just mind her business and get a life?"
To answer the question, I don't have a life other than to be pressured to study until I get a pass on my exams and do what I should be doing, studying. I miss my working life and it was my first experience with it. The way I felt about working until you pass out is amazing and getting a proper sleep after the night shift is awesome.
I used to think that hiding your emotions is a bad thing but now I see it as a necessity to survive in a world full of scream, patronizing words and hurtful thoughts/glances. My world is full of knowledge to unravel, where good and bad thoughts are in existence.
May some of you remember this...
If the world hates you hate them back until there's a day where there's nothing else to hate, but yourself. After that I dunno what else to tell you but treat yourself right and everything will be fine.
I hate myself but I'm still learning to embrace it with open arms my heart still yearns for heart-feeling warmth that I haven't received in a long time. Warm embrace
Sweet embrace
Loving embrace
these are the things I yearn more than life itself.
Seek to my calling and I shall tell you more of my story soon.