As planned, we agreed to hang out and ignore the fact that Elan, Harry, Max and Carlos were out with some funky dorks and that I was slightly bothered by the fact that Diego was with Cathy. Somehow, Dawn and Shayna's plan was indeed epic though crazy at first. They'd snuck down to the library and Shayna'd done a perfect impersonation of an old Russian lady, the chairman of the Connecticut high school principals' board meeting committee. On the phone to Principal Wilbur and believe me it was messed up but it worked!
" Hello itz ziz Principal vilbur?" Shayna began. I had to press my lips tight together to hold the bubbling laughter back in.
" It certainly is. Who am I speaking with? " Principal Wilbur crooned. Dawn raked her hand through the telephone directory and whispered.
" Stjenford"
" Aha!" Shayna crooned " Miss Stjenford here"
" Ah Miss Stjenford what a pleasant surprise... Oh my do you go by Miss now? What happened to your husband?" Shayna gasped and pressed the speaker to her palm.
" She's supposed to be married!" She whispered, glaring at Dawn.
" How was I supposed to know that?!" Dawn whispered back.
" Dang it!"
" Just go on with the call!" I urged and she placed the reciever back on. We closed in and listened.
" Oh Miss Stjenford are you there?"
" Itz absolutely iz. My husbandz" Shayna made a barf sign and went on " And I are zivorced now"
" Oh my I'm so sorry for prying. Really"
" No" She feigned a sniff and June giggled " I now have a zog to keep me company"
" I'm so sorry"
" What's the fuck...I mean, worry not my zear companion." " So how may I help you Miss Stjenford"
" Ve're having an emergency Headteacher's board meeting" " That isn't supposed to take place till next month"
" Zat is vhy itz an emergency Mr Vilbur"
" But I..."
" Zarling you vouldn't vant to keep everyone waiting vould you?" that seemed to melt Principal Vilbur....Wilbur ( Oh-oh! Russian much) and he sighed.
"Ok Miss Stjenford I'll be there. But I'll have to leave early. My school's having a Homecoming Howl and you know how crazy it gets when you leave a group of clueless half-wit kids with no adult supervsion when there's a meth shop downtown"
" That is so..." Shayna wanted to scream but recovered from her rage " Fine by me. See you there Mr Vilbur. Byeeee... I mean till ve meet again" She cut the call off and looked at us, wide-eyed. We squealed and yelped, doing happy jumpy dances with a butt-clicking move in the end. We laughed and fell back to the cold stone floors.
" Like seriously Shayna? Till we meet again" Dawn asked. Shayna shrugged. " That's what old people say right?"
" Seriously Shay?" June piped " Even that is outdated for Shakespare and Shakespare is dead, was dead and has been dead!"
" And Homecoming howl?" Carlizza said, patting her hair " Like WHO says that?"
" Meth? Most of the boys don't even know coke's a slang word for coke and not soda"
" Not that we don't have jocks..." We heard footsteps from upstairs and hid under a bookshelf that cramped us all in one place and sneaked down to the loos for my dress-up and make-up. Shayna'd brought a make-up kit that looked like a war artillery. she obviously didn't know what she was fighting. I was a mess and I have to admit that desperate conditions did call for desperate attention ( Is that supposed to be attention or what? It's the twenty-first century so pardon my manners...Eek! Geeky!!) Even though those desperate measures come in heavy end of fashion world make-up kit. Shayna spent a long time doing my hair up in a fashy ponytail with braids and hurriedly did my make-up that came out splendidously ( Not a doubt about that!) Everyone watched my transformation as Shayna did my mascara. I could hear the music booming in from the cafeteria few rooms away, feeling terribly anxious. Carlizza and Dawn'd bought into the whole thing that they had walkie talkies for everyone and made us play detectives. Right there, Carlizza was giving Dawn the 'coordinates'.
" Target's right on the left side of the hall with a cup of evil and an eye for the cute victim" Her voice went dreamy " Diego Sanchez"
" Wait!" I said, smudging my mascara. Shayna glared at me. " That's exactly what we need. A distraction. Then we can get Diego's phone and make the call"
" Cute!" Shayna screamed (??????) and June gave me a stare that certainly didn't mean we-don't-need-you-as-a-distraction.
" June..." I warned.
" Come on. You look so pretty, any guy would be crazy NOT to be distracted by you"
" You've got to be kidding me June"
" I kid you not Summer. You go out there and do what you do best" She said, pulling me out of the loos and into the dance floor.
" Which is?"
" Being the dorkiest dork you could ever be" " But in a fashy way" She smiled at me.
" Totally. I'll go distract Cathy from him while you take your chance" She snuck back into the crowds and gave me a thumbs up. My heart was pounding and I could literally feel my blood boiling... freezing...boiling... God it was dying in a time loop. I watched her draw cathy away from Diego slyly, wondering how she'd managed to pull that off and took a real deep breath, sparing the place a look. As much as I hate Cathy, I must say that she's got taste though she'd probably gotten her minions to do all the work. The entire place was filled with neon lights, helium balloons and the loveliest assortment of blue and white curtains that floated in the air and made swooshing noises. I took one more deep breath. At the rate I was going, I could have been taking in 100 breaths per second and THAT wasn't good.
Diego Sanchez looked resplendent in a light blue tux with his wild sandy hair straight and smooth and twinkly under the wild disco lights. He was leaning against a round jock table, chugging a full bottle of soda in one gulp. I watched the smooth arch of his back, his smooth thick biceps that rippled each time he moved. with the way he looked, I'd have melted to goo in sticky heels right there. He tensed as soon as he saw me and looked around like he was in search of a possible defence tool.
" Hi" I whispered shyly, shocked at myself. Shy is totally NOT my breeze. He stared at me, shocked.
" Wait, no screaming or calling me a miserable jerk and a disgrace to... What did you call it... Yeah manhood?" I laughed.
" Yeah that sounded very trite. But that's not why I'm here."
" Does it include the possibility of having my head blown off by a blow torch?" I laughed again and he gave me a terribly sexy smile.
" Totally not. Can I..."
" You bitch!" Cathy screamed few feet away from us. Diego didn't hear her but I did. And I know when danger's very close enough to bite your head off so I panicked and spluttered:
" Can I borrow your phone? Yeah thanks byeeee!" I screeched, grabbing it and hurrying away. Cathy was fawning over Diego and glaring in my direction. She was with him and she wouldn't see him make the text. Distraction!
A waiter walked by with a tray of drinks and I pushed him over a bit, making him spill a glass of wine on Cathy's dress that was probably worth the GDP of a small third world country. She shrieked and stared down at her dress in horror.
" How dare you?! Arghhhh you piece of metabolic thrash! Fuck you...Goddamnit!" She screeched, shrieking her way into the loos. Jenny and Jess trailed after her, looking sympathetic. When I finally got Diego alone, I made the text.
Diego: Hey babe. Got ya a present. It's outside, right next to a dumpster. Ssssssh. It's a secret.
I pressed send.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!