Proud to be a Coward
Act I: Chapter 5
For the past three days, I familiarized myself with the journal and skimmed through a couple of the other books(which honestly felt useless at that time). I tried memorizing every monster listed. And I must say, as a senior high school dropout, I didn't do as terribly as I thought I would. Seeing as there were at least 56 types of monsters listed in the journal, 65 if I include ones that have taken the Carmot Serum, I decided to try and learn about all of them, all the while familiarizing myself more with how the journal was organized.
I remember how, in high school, back when I was 14, I was ridiculed and bullied for studying well (I only studied because it was the only thing going well for me). I noticed how they wouldn't interact with me unless it was school-related, and they even called me bakla and duwag behind my back. I assume it's because I had a weak heart; I got scared easily and would often react to their threats in fear.
Among the bastards whom I called classmates, there was Ayson, who often hits me when we play games together. I remember I puked once because he hit me in my stomach. It was because we were against each other in a MOBA game, and I managed to kill him, giving me confidence and the stupid bravado to smile and chuckle… What can I say? It felt good… I felt proud.
Another classmate of mine, Villegas, always took money, snacks, and lunch from me, and Ayson would even take some if he were ever around the area; and once the rest of my classmates see me giving out my food, they would swarm me asking for some as well like an invasion of cockroaches hunting for lunch. I couldn't refuse at all; how could I? How could an ant face against a cockroach? A small nerd against a basketball athlete? Yeah, I'd rather starve and get made fun of than live the rest of my life a cripple.
And ever since then, for the following two years, from Grades 8 to 10, I was a top student. Teachers would love me, while students would hate me. It didn't matter, tho; nothing really did. Getting valedictorian, getting validation for my studies, and receiving medals- none of them moved my heart.
I just wanted to become someone memorable, to shine on a stage, to be cheered for by an audience and to have followers, to write my own story; thoughts like these make me think, perhaps this world isn't that ba– "BANG!" My daydreaming was interrupted by what sounded like it came from the lower floors. I stood next to the locked door, placing my ear on its surface. I tried listening for any kind of noise, and then I heard a voice.
"Search the area. Check for survivors!"
I wanted to shout out and ask for help, but something in me held back my voice, as if I was telling myself that it was a bad idea to call for them. I was torn. I wanted to call for help. I was excited to hear human voices, but I was also too scared to do so.
Did I grow paranoid after reading the journal? Or maybe it's something more selfish than that..? I thought as I turned around, looking at the remaining food and supplies I had left.
Hmmm.. I decided to gather all of them into one corner and cover it with some of the cabinet stalls. I got big pieces of tablecloths concealing the stack I had made. I also hid some of them in cabinets, storages, and containers, hiding every food and supply and leaving an empty pantry as far as the eye can see.
I redesigned the room as well, making a clean and organized pantry room, look like it was an empty and ruined bunker. With this, I now have a safe space to return to and an emergency food supply.
As for Tago… I'll keep my head down, and if ever he's still here, I'll just close my eyes and walk around him… It shouldn't be that hard. I walked out of the room, bringing only my bag, the journal, and two bottles of water with me. I made sure to walk, looking directly at the floor, fearing that Tago might still be around. The hospital still felt like a maze; I was able to find a fire exit plan with a map of the floor in the pantry. I redrew it in the journal just in case I were ever to step out of that room.
Heading north of the pantry, where I currently am, would lead me to the canteen, directly to Tago. However, on the way north, there should be a hallway heading west that leads to an office room and a library halfway through. From there, I can head east, leading me towards the reception and lounge, which has the elevator and the stairs.
While walking, I tried making myself look as haggard as possible; I wanted to seem very pathetic and pitiful. I didn't have to do much, as the blood-covered hallway was more than enough to give me anxiety, making me look like I was a criminal hiding from the cops. Not to mention my paranoia of what story I'll have to tell these people. Should I come clean on how I managed to survive this far? I wanted to keep the food storage all to myself, but telling them about it could raise my usefulness to them. Hmm... my answer would depend on how these people treated me once I saw them—
All of a sudden, I heard a shout coming from the stairs;
"Is anyone there?"
"Yes, I'm here!" I shouted back.
"Stay where you are!" He replied, giving off a sense of authority and power.
"I'm on the floor above you," I stated, excited to finally get help, and with the way the voice carries itself. It was a deep, raspy voice, and it gave me the impression that the person I was talking to was a brave police officer or maybe even an army veteran. Or perhaps a nicotine addict who ruined his vocal cords smoking?
As I stared at the staircase, I saw a boot peek out. My eyes widened with joy. I slowly started sprinting towards the staircase, with a joyful heart and tears falling off—
"HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM." He exclaimed while pointing a gun directly at my face.
Ah fuck… I thought as I got zapped by a taser gun equipped by another man standing behind the man with a gun. I fell face-first towards the floor. The pain was so excruciating. Like getting stung by a million bees, every muscle tightened uncontrollably, leaving me helpless and unable to move. When it finally stopped, I was left drained, sore, and somewhat pissed.
"Now, why would you do that?" Asked the man in a deep, disappointed, and confused voice.
"Sorry, sir, but he was sprinting towards you. He could be carrying a knife." Said the bastard who electrocuted me. Dumbass, if that were the case, I wouldn't have shouted my location.
The man with a raspy voice sighed and started searching my body. He removed my bag and emptied it, leaving my journal and two bottles of water falling to the ground. The man grabbed the journal and asked me,
"Where did you get this?"
I replied with a very jittery "F-f–f-f–fl—"
"Yeah?" Said the bastard who tased me, giving an expression filled with anticipation.
"Fuck you…"
Is what I wish I had said…
"Floor.. on the ground floor." I couldn't give the reply I wanted, as at the end of the day, these guys were the ones armed with guns and a taser. Meanwhile, all I could give them were headaches and probably insecurity if I tried hard enough. The man with a deep voice pulled me from the floor, forcing me to stand back up. And in my wobbly stance, I tried expressing gratitude.
"Thank you—"
"Are you alone?" He cut me off.
"Yes, sir," I answered, like a bitch.
"How did you get here?" He asked, scanning me from head to toe. The man seemed like he was ready to execute me at any moment.
Fearing to answer incorrectly, I instinctively said, "I woke up here…"
"Huh?" He scoffed. "You woke up? Here? Alive? The building that Tago is using as a home base?" He chuckled once more before claiming, "Bullshit…"
"It's true! I woke up here a few days ago, and I was too scared to get out… " I tried to express my conviction, but I'm quite shit at that. The more genuine I am, the more awkward I act. So, the more genuine I am, the more I have to act.
"Hmmm…" The man began contemplating. He let go of his hand holding the gun and rubbed his beard. I don't care if I looked weak, a suck-up, or a people pleaser. If anything, that was the goal. I need to survive.
"Would you two like my water? You can have it if you'd like…"
"Well, don't mind if I do!" Said the bastard with a taser, holding out his hand as if he expected me to pick it up for him… Which I did. And I proceeded to hand him the water bottle.
"Would you also like some?" I asked Batman.
"It's fine. Just tell me where you got them."
"I got them from the cafeteria, but I wouldn't recommend going there... That's where I saw Tago." Honestly, more than Tago, I was more concerned about keeping them away from my food and supply stocks. They'd know I was lying, and the moment they find that out is the moment I'm fucked. They'd lose all trust.
"Hm.. Did you read this journal?"
"Yes, I used it as a guide to survive Tago.."
"I see." He said as he let out a deep breath while opening the journal. He started reading the journal while I also began observing him. The man had a gun strapped over the police uniform he was wearing. He also had a vest with a badge. 'Chief Tan,' it stated. Seems to be the name of this man. He also had a belt, which had a knife attached on its right side, as well as an extra handgun on the left. He has a strong, expressive face with deep-set, dark brown eyes. Thick, dark eyebrows frame his eyes, adding to his striking look. A prominent, well-defined nose complements his angular jawline, often accompanied by a neatly trimmed beard that enhances his rugged charisma. His full lips and gray undertoned hair complete his presence, both captivating and commanding.
"My leader's a badass, huh?" Asked the dumbass with a taser.
"Yeah, he looks experienced, very fit. I think he might be the most well-built person I've seen, especially compared to the people I knew. And they're much younger than him." I hope that reply was enough to butter up his leader while making conversation.
"Right? I really aspire to be someone like him!" He seems to really respect the old man.
"Let's continue; we still have to bring back supplies." Said Chief Tan. I think he heard us but is trying to act nonchalant about it.
"Yes, sir. What do we do with the kid?" Taser-man asked.
"As long as he doesn't get in the way or do anything stupid, he can come with us." Tan's reply gave me solace and peace of mind.
"Thank you so much.." I said, but Taser rejected my thanks, saying:
"Don't thank us yet. Give your thanks once we get out of here alive."
I complied and proceeded to walk with them. They brought me downstairs, back to the ground floor. We somehow avoided Tago along the way, which wasn't surprising but comforting all the same. The rest of their team was huddled there, in the exact same area where I rested and found the journal. So I told Tan,
"The area where we're at right now, this is where I found that journal."
"I see. I'm keeping hold of this." A statement that I did not like at all. I felt like a child who got his phone taken by his teacher for playing in class.