Chereads / Hives in madness / Chapter 7 - If only I knew, Roli

Chapter 7 - If only I knew, Roli

Before kindergarten, when the trees hadn't sprouted yet, Roli was anxiously waiting for his older brother, Jay. Jay was coming back from a rugby outing with money he made winning. It was Roli's and Jay's only chance to get decent food because their mother was currently unemployed. That would've been fine, dysfunctional, but better off than the reality they had. Fatima, Roli's mom, had a habit of getting new boyfriends each month that were 'different and actually made her happy' compared to the lost one. The former was never true, as evident from the bruises that weighted Roli's small face and Jay's back. The latter, however, usually was. They only really cared about her and put up a front in her presence. Jay would tell Fatima, but she wouldn't listen. The curse of love drugged her senses. Jay, with him growing bigger, was able to fend off most of the ruffians, even becoming his couch favorite. 

On their usual walk along the snowy streets when home was uninhabiable, the two brothers would have talks of going together to a distant place. Away from everything. But on this particular day, Jay's banter was a bit bleak. Roli noticed the scar Jay failed to hide just beneath his collar. It was a bright violet, and it left his skin in a burned state. "Jay, what's that?" Roli started. Jay followed his eyes and lifted up his collar. "No. Don't worry about it." He says it with strain in his voice. Roli shuffled in front of him, blocking Jay's path, and said, "Was it 'dad' again?" Jay only scrawled and sidestepped him, "You should get out of the habit of calling them dad." 

"Mommy likes it."

"But do you believe it?"

A pause. "No." Roli finally said. "Then let's keep going; I have something important to tell you." 

Roli followed his older brothers movements and watched the exsperation that clearly emanated from him. Call it child intuition, but Roli knew this wasn't going to end with them smiling.

Jay walked until they circled to their house and lingered around a tree just blocks away. Its decaying leaves cried out as Jay treaded on them. He sighed deeply yet quietly and said, "I'm going." 

Joy sprang from Roli's gentle face. He was about to go to their home, pack up, and go, but Jay lifted him up. "No. You didn't hear correctly. I'm going alone." A frown dawned on Roli's face.

"Oh, okay, then. When are you coming back from your outing?"

Jay shakes his head, drops Roli gently, cups his face, and, through sniffing, says, Listen, Roli. I'm leaving. Forever. I won't come back. I just can't take it anymore. This constant tangle with that woman The coach offered me a good place. A place where I can regain the health lost by these bruises. I wish I could take you with me, but you're still too young." He let Roli down, who sat silent and turned his head. "I'm sorry.". The echos of his footsteps rang further and further away. Finally, when it stopped, Roli realized what had happened and cried out.

...

The breeze seemed to murmur something in the night. Maybe it was a prayer for the death, as it is often done in the graveyard. Roli sat with his knees on the cool dirt floor, his hands cradling his face as if the slightest wind could break his visage. Fatima and Sarah lingered far behind him but were close enough to see the name written on the gravestone. 

"So Rolylyn Armstrong was..." Roli started. "Yes, your brother." Fatima finished.

"But you said he died." Roli continues. Fatima kept quiet. 

"Why!" Roli glared at his mother. "All this time. You just let him disappear from my life and not tell me. Do you know how lonely it was just to live in that hell house while you were with another man? It was me and my brother against the world, but you didn't care. You drove him away from him. You killed him. And now, I lost my chance to say goodbye—to say I'm sorry for not understanding him back then." Mrs. Gray slowly approached him, but Roli scrawled at her.

Pain washed over her face, leaving her with regret. "I know there is nothing I could say to make it better. I was... when I lost your dad, your real dad, I just couldn't... but I'm hearing now, okay? Look at all the years. I stopped looking for someone and got in touch with Sarah's family members to help. Son..." She was dripping tears from her eyes and fell to her knees. "I'm sor--"

"No." Roli points up one finger and says, "Say sorry to him. Bring him back if you mean it. Why are you crying? You have no reason to. Get up and disappear already. Stand, dammit!" Roli rose from his position and held a huge rock. He raced the stone towards his mother. There was a scream, leaves cried, and liquid laced the snow scarlet. 

Sarah held Roli's hand but let go when she felt how weak and shriveled his skin was. His mouth gushed out a light spout of blood. It continued to drip from his cracking lips. Roli looked at Sarah with his vexing, lifeless eyes and fell to the floor.