Trigger warning
i've found myself making them hurt.
its sad & i want to tell them not to worry, but i cant help but want to tell them that its not okay and that i need help desperately, but all i can do is lie through my teeth and tell them that im fine! i sarcastically make jokes & answer cause thats all i know!
I've been taught negatively with an alcoholic father & a mother who ignores it. Life sucks. I grew up with a well achieving sister whom never dealt with the shit ive gone through, being compared to her constantly even though its always indirectly, locking myself in my room crying myself to sleep for nights on end, dealing with a death and a friend whom is very suicidal -while trying to make everyone feel okay and steady while trying to forget about myself. I buy them food and drinks and things to ignore the shitty life im living - to ignore my pain.
I want to forget that i'm suffering, while i enjoy the time we have together - outside of my house - the place i am trapped. I want help - I reach out and feel like i am drowning, reaching for someone to save me.