Last Wish
"Faith must be truly novel, beautiful and timeless, so gives life to thee."
Act 0
Chapter 13 - Cursed ardor. A curse and a blessing.
Xavier turned his attention back to Phanuhel, his eyes filled with eagerness and determination. "So, where do we start?" he asked, his voice laced with excitement.
Phanuhel smiled faintly. "First, we need to start with a few exercises to help you understand the fundamentals of cursed ardor. But let me warn you, this won't be an easy journey. It will require a lot of hard work, practice, and patience. Cursed ardor has its own advatnages and disadvantages. If it helps you understand it better, imagine if cursed ardor was a universal law, a law that can be both a help and a hindrance."
Phanuhel paused for a moment, allowing Xavier to take in what he had just said. "You see, cursed ardor is a double edged weapon. Its power can be harnessed and controlled, but if you let it go out of control it can consume you from the inside. So it is very important to learn how to control this power. Although mostly being a genetically given power, cursed ardor significantly relies on emotions of the person. Today is going to be a very important day for you. Instead of physical training, which I obviously can't help you with, you will write a diary. I want you to find out two things - why were you born, and what are you fighting for."
Xavier looked at Phanuhel, unsure of where this discussion was going. "A diary?" he asked, confusion etched across his face.
Phanuhel nodded. "Yes, a diary. I want you to write down your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It may sound simplistic, but trust me, it will help you understand yourself better. By the time our interview comes, you will have already answered the two most important questions about yourself."
Agaue, who was listening to the conversation through the door, peeked her head back into the room. Her expression was a mix of curiosity and concern.
"Phanuhel, are you sure about this?" she asked, her voice laced with doubt. "You're asking him to open up about himself. What if he comes across something that upsets him?"
"That's going to hurt, but won't kill. What if he couldn't control his cursed ardor and accidentally hurts his loved ones, or us? It's better to prepare him mentally now." stated Phanuhel.
Agaue considered Phanuhel's words for a moment, then nodded reluctantly. "I suppose you're right," she said. "But we'll be keeping an eye on him, just to make sure he doesn't push himself too far."
Xavier looked back and forth between Phanuhel and Agaue, still a bit confused and uncertain. He trusted them, but the thought of opening up so deeply scared him.
"Please Agaue, be dear and leave us for now." asked her Phanuhel. Phanuhel sensed Xavier's hesitation. "It's okay, Xavier," he reassured him. "Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be difficult and even scary, but it's an important step in understanding yourself. And it doesn't have to be perfect. Just write down whatever comes to your mind, no matter how nonsensical it might seem at first. The important thing is to be honest with yourself."
Agaue nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her. Now alone, Phanuhel shifted his attention back to Xavier. "So," he began gently. "Are you ready to begin?"
Xavier took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, I'm ready," he said, trying to mask his nervousness.
Phanuhel smiled faintly. "Good. Now, take a deep breath and close your eyes. I want you to focus on your breathing for a few moments, and clear your mind. Let all your thoughts and emotions flow through you. Try your best to imagine your past, and how much it affected you. Every moment of it."
Xavier followed Phanuhel's instructions, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. As he focused on his breathing, he tried to clear his mind and let his thoughts and emotions wash over him. He tried to imagine his past, and how it had shaped him into the person he was today.
His mind began to wander, drifting back to memories of growing up, of his training with his friend Rol, and of his imprisonment. He recalled the thrill of his first kill, and the feelings he felt when he gathered himself and did it.