After dressing for dinner intrigued at the prospect of gaining a secret ally - and it being the Hero of Ferelden, no less - she hurried down in a casual forest green silk dress. The neckline was wide but not deep, and she wore her two-toned hair of mahogany and birch to one side. Having expressly desired a private conversation over dinner, only Josephine was planning to join them as her other two advisors regrettably had matters to attend to having just returned. She had successfully given Cullen enough to do to dodge the invite, and she was almost certain Leliana declined knowing exactly what was going to be said already. To be honest, she had a pile of work on her desk as well, but when the Hero of Ferelden wants to discuss several issues facing Thedas and offers her aid, that pile can suddenly wait another day.
Entering the Great Hall, the guards announced her arrival at the orders of Josephine, still trying to impress Her Majesty with all the pomp. Before he could get halfway through her many titles, she squeezed the man's shoulder who was speaking, whispering with a hint of sarcasm, "That's plenty, thank you." The queen was already seated waiting for her, and she dismissed the nobles who were beginning to stand with a few stern waves of her marked hand. Sitting at the head of the table beside her guest with a huff, an amused smirk twitched at Elissa's lips. "Maker, I'm lucky they don't inform the keep when I make a bowel movement. Can't a woman just walk into a room for a meal? Our soldiers already seem to know too much providing these nobles with ample entertainment when asked." She gave the Ambassador - who was seated to her left - a pointed look.
Elissa chuckled, "It's the worst, but unfortunately I've grown used to it. I didn't have a fortress full of gossiping people, but every town or city I passed through made up plenty of tall tales."
Evelyn reminisced about the myriad of wild stories she had heard, musing, "Among them all, I must admit my favorite was the legend of your solitary escape from Fort Drakon, stark naked."
The Hero nearly choked on her wine, "That one is true, except I stole a guard uniform and had assistance from Leliana and my Mabari in escaping. It's utterly ridiculous that people would honestly think I wouldn't try to arm myself. I suppose I did distract the guards a bit in getting the key…" She threw Evelyn a cheeky smile. "You know, while I was dressing, I remembered that my mother had been looking to marry me off to a Trevelyan before the Blight hit."
"If there is a silver lining to that awful time," she placed a consoling hand on the queen's, "it is that bringing you and King Alistair together saved you from a truly frightful mother-in-law." They all shared a light laugh as everyone had now heard of the theatrics her mother had brought to Skyhold.
"Even so, treasure the time you have with her, you never know what the Maker has in store for us."
"I wholeheartedly share the sentiment, but it's different for us mages from a noble house. My mother hated me for it and my first two years in the Circle she never spoke to me. I was only ten. Many mages of noble birth suffer the same shunning or disinheritance altogether. Their parents get angry they wasted years of time and effort training them to be a pawn in their schemes."
"I'm sorry for your trials, and I can sympathize, for joining the Wardens saw me stripped of the status my family name granted."
The mage sighed, "It's not about the inheritance, it's about the treatment and perception of mages."
"I take it then you are against reinstating the Circles?" Evelyn leaned back, remembering that even it was a partial jest, she had warned Her Majesty about her opinions. As if reading her mind, Elissa chuckled lightly to herself knowing the deep rabbit hole they could be going down. "Please, go on, this is what I want to hear after all."
Scanning the others dining in the hall giving her a moment of reprieve before laying it all out before Elissa, Evelyn's gaze unfortunately landed on the one person she was purposely avoiding…
As if having a sixth sense, Hawke strutted his way over to the ladies. Only he would be so bold as to ignore the guards keeping the rest of their noble guests at a distance. Evelyn pinched the bridge of her nose looking up with a frown as they watched him approach. Under her breath, she muttered, "Maker help us." Elissa raised an eyebrow, before sizing up the rugged-looking mage. Even Josephine looked at the Inquisitor incredulously, no doubt wondering what Evelyn had not told her yet that occurred between the two mages. His beard and hair looked groomed at least, but he had clearly been at The Herald's Rest most of the day. He moved to stand between the Inquisitor and Ambassador, resting his two meaty arms on the backs of their chairs. The rum he had been guzzling gave him a spicy scent that matched his attitude.
With a hum, the Ambassador patted her mouth with a linen, before launching into the Champion's introduction. "You Highness, I'm honored to present to you the Champion of Kirkwall, Ser Garret Hawke." He bowed with a dashing smile, "Won't you dine with us?" At the prospect of having the three greatest heroes of their time all at one table was too much for Josephine to resist it seemed, as well as the rest of the hall, as astonished gasps echoed about. The Inquisitor, however, grumbled a curse, to which Hawke gave her a pitiful yet, smug look.
"Come, Evie," his breath was strong enough to give her a buzz, "don't be like that." He addressed Elissa now, "It is an honor, Your Majesty. Don't mind the Inquisitor, she and I had a bit of a spat that she's still sore over."
Lifting her head from resting her cheek in her hand, Evelyn glowered over at him, "That's not how I remember it, Garry." She said his name with a bite. The Ambassador stood, moving over a place at the table, "Oh, Josie you don't have to--"
"Nonsense! This is a historic meeting, one that I'm honored to be privy to," while her words were filled with giddiness, the delivery was ever graceful. Her excited smile and the way she brushed down her silk dress displayed her pleasure at the turn of events. Pointing to her aides and directing them with hand gestures, there was a sudden flurry of movement about the hall. No doubt she was already drafting in her head what she would report to the public about the monumental meeting. Evelyn however was more inclined to call it a monumental something with a few more impolite words…
"Thank you, Ambassador." A shit-eating grin came to rest on his face, staring at Evelyn as he claimed the spot on her left.
"I do hope this 'spat' will not detract from our conversation, for I'm sure the Champion--"
"Please, Garret," he purred with a sloppy devenir smile that came so readily.
"-- Garret, would offer much to it as well," Elissa finished.
Evelyn gave a deadpan stare back and forth between them, "Maybe a bit too much. It was this exact topic that became rather heated a few days ago." Her cold glare landed upon Hawke, as the Inquisitor shifted in her seat uncomfortably.
"Well, to be fair," he paused to burp quietly into his hand, "we were under a lot of stress in the Fade." He tilted his head playfully toward her as if all was forgotten. It was not. Not by her. "Did you hear of it, Your Majesty?"
"You may call me Elissa, Garret. I heard something of it, though I must admit, my interest in coming here had more to do with the Warden you saved."
Garret leaned back creating a large dramatic flourish with his meaty arm, "You should've seen the way the fearless Inquisitor led us through the Fade." With a cheeky smile, he added sarcastically, "I think you only screamed like a girl twice at the demons."
She sighed thinking, Don't let him get to you. You know how he can provoke a reaction from you when he manages to stir you up. Look at poor Josie, she is smiling so hard she'll shatter her teeth. She changed the subject by speaking stiffly through her teeth. "Elissa and I were just about to discuss the issue of the Mage Rebellion, and you're welcome to add your perspective so long as you do it respectfully this time," her pointed look conveyed her annoyance at having to rehash it so soon with him.
Her scolding tone was amusing for him apparently, and his smirk grew as he swayed slightly in his seat. He held a hand up as if pledging an oath, "On my honor, no mention of the Commander."
Evelyn groaned, debating whether to get it out of her system and throw her wine in his face now rather than later. She thought better of it when she spied at least two Orlesians with sketchbooks out, hurriedly scribbling away. Thankfully, Josephine had her back to the other nobles, for her look of mortification at Hawke's words seemed to overwhelm her stalwart diplomatic mask. This "debate" was going to go very well for one of them, and Evelyn prayed Hawke's drunkenness would get the better of him. A spark of inspiration made her look at the glass in her hand, and she quickly finished her cup of wine, signaling for a servant to bring a glass for Garret. She staged a short toast to having a civil debate with him once more and tossed back the glass eyeing the Champion the whole time as he followed her lead.
With the most congenial smile she could muster, Evelyn decided to poke the bear, "Are you always such an arse, or do you like to show off when I'm around?"
His arm was resting across the table as he fingered the wine glass, "All for you darlin'."
"Darlin' me one more time, and I'll burn your pants off and really give these Orleasians something to sketch, that is if they could see anything from that distance," her politely terse glare flicked down into his lap for emphasis.
"You two remind me of Morrigan and Alistair," Elissa commented with a snort of a chuckle. "And while it is quite nostalgic, may we move the insults along?" They both expressed a short apology, but she waved it off in good humor. "Evelyn, I must admit, I believe I already know your stance on the necessity of Circles, for Alistair and I were passed several transcripts from proposals you gave to the White Spire years ago. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you believe that they are still useful, but would see various reforms enacted to give mages more freedom and opportunity. Is that right?"
Pleased that the Hero of Ferelden had taken an interest in her call for change, Evelyn straightened her back and happily expanded on the brief summary. "Yes, truly what we need is a change in the culture of how non-mages see us. Yet, this change must progress naturally otherwise it will be met with fierce resistance. In my experience, the majority of mages are resentful of Circles because they have become asylums to lock them away for the safety of the public. There are no windows, for fear of escape or suicide attempts, and what outdoor space mages can use is within view of a great wall manned by Templars. When I entered the Ostwick Circle at the age of ten, I was taught both by the Chanty and relations that I should feel shame for something I had no control over and that I needed to be locked away for the good of everyone. My father had said the Circle would teach me to respect my power and how to wield it responsibly to protect people. So when I first entered the Circle of Ostwick, I saw it as a school, not a prison. I resent that some mages believe me to be brainwashed, that my affiliation with working so closely with Templars has made me blind."
Hawke choked out a snarky laugh "Just remember what you said when I remind you of that fact."
She rolled her eyes continuing, "It was only when I proved that I could control my mana, was I worthy of the title of Knight-Enchanter and the trust of the Templars. Rather than complain I was some victim of circumstance, I studied and mastered my powers. As the Templars got to know me and trusted me - Evelyn - not mage Evelyn, they began to see beyond the fact that I was their charge, but their comrade. It took time, of course, to peel away the layers of prejudice and suspicion, but I earned it through my devotion to making sure I was in control of myself to not harm anyone."
A glance at the drunk on her left revealed he was hardly listening, picking at something under his fingernails. "Ah, such a heartwarming tale. I can barely hold back the tears," he remarked dryly. "Thank you for being so brave and revealing the source of your undying love for Chantry boys."
"Ser Hawke," Josephine interjected, "perhaps you'd like to share your views. This is, after all, a polite debate." He stared at the Ambassador a bit too long for Evelyn's liking, and she kicked him under the table, pretending she was just trying to cross her legs. He was so numb from drinking that he hardly flinched though.
Turning back to them, his heavy lids made his every gaze seem more sensual than he intended, especially towards the Inquisitor. "You kick hard for a Knight-Humper."
"Enchanter," she corrected flatly.
"That's what I said."
She rolled her eyes and huffed, "You know, the queen doesn't need to sit here and be forced to tolerate your drunken stupidity as I must daily. You have the rest of your life to be an idiot, couldn't you have just taken tonight off?"
"It's quite alright, Evelyn. I think you forget who I'm married to. Childish insults and arguments consume my days while in Denerim." She was relieved to find Elissa taking it all in good humor, as she too sipped her wine with a smirk. "Please Garret, I'd like to hear what you have to say as a mage who evaded the Chantry all his life." At that, Evelyn swiftly finished her glass of wine and called for another.
The stare that he gave the queen was one of a man's undivided attention - though Evelyn mused in her head it was probably because his drowning brain couldn't manage much else. "Simple, Elissa: Here I stand, a shining example of a mage who has forged his own path, untainted by the Chantry's indoctrination. It's quite shocking, isn't it, that I haven't succumbed to becoming some accursed maleficar, as they would have you believe. Raised by a mother who embraced love and wisdom, I gained a deeper understanding of the world than those imprisoned within the Circle's walls, surrounded by their dusty tomes. My mother taught me morals, distinguishing right from wrong, rejecting the Chantry's narrow-minded perception of mages. I have no desire to see myself or any other mage subjected to the Templars' oppressive rule. They are nothing but relics of a bygone era, puppets controlled by the strings of the Chantry. Their purpose? Merely to suppress and subjugate mages, driven by their fear of our innate power. I say leave things the way they are, it'll work itself out in time."
"You're joking?" The Inquisitor couldn't help her gaping mouth, "Seems hypocritical of a man who took matters into his own hands quite often. 'Oh look, the Qunari are invading. I suppose it'll work itself out.' I'm sure that is what Varric quoted you saying in his book, right? There needs to be a balance and healthier change to how Circles are managed. They should be centers of learning not just for mages but for everyone due to their vast stores of scrolls and books. Every Circle should also have a healing center, where mages, surgeons, and alchemists work together. So many times we've seen infectious outbreaks in cities, yet, no one dares summons the mage healers to assist simply because of fear."
"The fear of mages runs deep in Ferelden's people." Elissa alternated her weary gaze between the two. "Horrid stories of Tevinter and the barbaric rituals that they perform on slaves do not help alleviate their fears. Now, an ancient Magister, one who breached the Black City, is trying to destroy our world. Things just keep getting more and more complicated for mages, and yet, the ones I know are some of the best people I've met - Anders excluded." Elissa's brow drew down and she looked to Hawke, "Your friend did mages no favors when he blew up the Chantry in Kirkwall."
Garret huffed, and for once Evelyn didn't blame him. He was asked more about his rebellious companion than anything else, and it always seemed to weigh heavy on him. "I'm not sure I could call him my friend, for I'm not sure if any of us truly knew the real Anders. I may believe Circles have outlived their usefulness, but I cannot condone the killing of innocents by them either. What he did was wrong, but the Templars have no doubt condemned more mages than the amount of people Anders killed that day."
The Inquisitor interjected, "It is the Chantry who is to blame; the Templars are merely their weapon." The queen looked expectantly at her for an explanation, "If we trace the path of treachery from oppressed mage, to the abusive Templar, up the chain of command, there is always a Chantry Mother at the end of it. There is enough blame to be shared between all the parties involved, but all the hate and fear is spread by the heads of the Chantry."
"I suppose then it is convenient that the head of it is dead now." All three looked in quiet shock at the Hero of Ferelden. "Come now," she said in a more hushed tone, "you've both seen the ugly truth of having had dealings with it now. Do you think we monarchs are unaware of it? We all call ourselves Andrastians, but are we really? Or do we follow the tailored teachings of the Chant of Light? How many times has it been reworded to their advantage throughout history? The Chantry wields its two most powerful weapons, fear and repentance, like a true master. All of us are seemingly on their leash, not just the ones they've convinced with lyrium. It is as you say, Evelyn, they preach to us from a young age to hate mages, then train the young minds who give themselves to the service of the Templar Order that they are above their charges, and you know the rest that follows. I've seen young untainted minds look at mages with awe and amazement, only to be reprimanded by an elder that they should fear it instead. Hate is taught and bred, we are not born with it." She took a slow sip of wine allowing her words to sink in. Her sharp eyes never left them, but were more focused on the Knight-Enchanter.
Hawke crossed his arms with another burp, "Let's say you enact these changes and the Chantry miraculously stops spreading hate in its teachings, people are still people. They will always fear what they do not understand."
Evelyn shot back, "Then they need to learn. They need more interaction with mages to understand them, and to build trust. I've spent the last decade doing just that. I've taken their spite and kindness in kind simply for a chance to show them that we are just people like they are, just with a stronger connection to the Fade. We aren't Tevinter Magisters here to enslave them but stand beside them to stop that from happening. The South is literally the opposite of Tevinter! Neither way has it right, but we have to start somewhere that doesn't involve traumatizing the populace as this Mage Rebellion has done." The Inquisitor looked to her Ambassador, "Josie, how many officials have written to us to intervene in disputes between mages and a frenzied mob?"
"Too many, and they still are delivered to us in the dozens." Josephine's tone was somber, as this issue was a frequent discussion in the War Room. Even after all this time, there was no way to put a definitive end to it amidst the rest of the chaos. "Most of the time, our agents arrive too late. The mob has simply taken justice into their own hands and the mage dies. After investigating, the majority of cases have proven that the mage was simply trying to survive - begging, purchasing food, providing healing services, and so on. The times that were able to diffuse the situation, it was our Templars who talked down the mob or used justifiable force. The mages we save usually join the Inquisition for protection."
"The king and I personally believe reform is needed." She looked to Hawke now with a touch of disapproval, "However, this change cannot be the complete dissolution of the Circles, for the people will riot and mages will be the ones slaughtered." A glance back to Evelyn brought back the earlier sentiments she shared about the elves should Briala had become Empress. In both cases, it was too much change too quickly. It had nothing to do with race or magic, simply human nature that when such things are forced upon generations of people who have thought one thing for decades, public resistance was to be expected. "So, I ask the two of you, what is to be done then? We cannot reinstate Circles without change, yet we cannot simply let mages loose among the populace. What is the middle ground?"
There was a long pause as she and the Champion gazed at each other thoughtfully. It had occurred to her that on the day this matter was to be decided by the next Divine that she'd probably be standing beside Hawke looking at him in such a way. They were two of the most infamous mages in Thedas, and somehow it qualified them to decide such things. Evelyn had already been instrumented in the stewarding of Thedas' future, how much more would she be responsible for? "I'm inclined to believe that this is a bigger problem to solve than with just those of us at this table. Shouldn't we discuss it with--"
"Evelyn," the Warden's hand came to grasp her forearm with a will of steel, "you should've learned by now that if the Chantry didn't put your reforms in place then, then they weren't ever going to. No one is going to; you have to do it." The Inquisitor's eyes widened at the queen's firmness. There was an unapologetic resolve that dwelled in her, one that spoke of her rise to fame. She and a few companions against all odds saved Ferelden and the rest of Thedas a long decade ago. Yet, the fight wasn't out of her even having been elevated to a life of privilege beyond her birthright. Blinking them back into the present, her countenance became more congenial, "I've heard the sky here in the mountains boast an unmatched view of the heavens. I would love to see it from your highest tower." A glimmer of conspiracy brightened her eyes once more.
Catching on, Evelyn stood excusing them from dinner with the help of Josephine who took care of Hawke and guided Elissa up to her quarters to speak privately. "I know you were using that as an excuse to ditch dinner, but I really do have the best view," she said in good-natured as she opened the doors to the veranda. The women leaned against the windows, not wanting to go out in the cold, but wanting to take in the spectacular display of the moons and stars.
"Have you heard of the events that occurred at the Landsmeet back during the Blight when Alistair became king?"
Evelyn nodded, "That's when you were nominated for queen as well."
She looked over at Evelyn with a sharp stare, "No. I proclaimed myself queen. By all rights, Alistair should've married Anora Mac Tir. It would've pacified both sides of the schism, uniting one of Theirin blood and that of King Cailin's widow. It was the perfect solution." She gazed up at the stars again, "Tell me, would you trust the fate of the Inquisition, after this is all over and if you triumph, to whatever puppet they place on the Sunburst Thone?" Evelyn didn't answer but shrugged having not necessarily spent much time thinking about it. "When the new Divine is "elected," the first order of business will be to bring you in and have you surrender your authority back to Her. In that moment, you will give Her everything you've bled and suffered for, and She will undo it all. Everything you have fought for since you became the Phoenix would have been for naught." Feeling her eyes return to hers, the women shared an understanding of those thrust into the Void and forced to make something of it. "I love Alistair, but I became his queen because if I didn't, Ferelden would've been stewarded by a woman whose family had mine killed. Anora may not be a thug like her father, but she has ambition. My kind, innocent, and hopelessly immature husband," her eyes sparkled with the depth of her love as she spoke of him, "would've been simply a figurehead beside her. I may have designs for the country myself, but when Alistair is being especially king-like, he has made some excellent decisions with my full backing. I can confidently say he'd not have the chance joined with her."
"If this is a lead to asking me to become the next Divine, my answer is a hard no. Should I survive all this," she held up her marked hand, making it spark, "I wish to disappear, live in peace…" A smile graced her lips as she thought of her own Ferelden beau, "hopefully somewhere in your kingdom, actually."
Elissa chuckled, moving to face her more skeptically, "A Marcher preferring frozen Ferelden over the sunny north? You must be doing it for a man." Evelyn gave her a pointed look, smile, and wink at the truth. "Good to know, we'll have a woman such as yourself in residence, but no, not you. The Mothers are speaking of three candidates, all of whom are prominent members of the Inquisition." Walking to her sitting area in front of the fire, the queen took a seat rubbing at her arms from the chill. Stoking the fire with a wave of her hand, she bid the Warden to hold her hands out as she jumped a warming flame from the fire to circle her cold hands. "A handy trick, thank you."
Shutting the doors, the mage joined her and poured them both a glass of sweet red wine. "See, I'll do just fine living in Ferelden."
Elissa hummed in agreement, " I leave tomorrow to ready Vigil's Keep for our brothers and sisters." Evelyn would've thought she'd leave it to others to do, but after getting to know the queen, she knew she left nothing to chance. If she wanted something done, she did it herself - just like the Inquisitor. "I truly believe you and could be formidable allies, Evelyn. You seem to be a woman after my own heart and Leliana trusts you, which speaks volumes." Standing to retire for the evening, the two walked to the stairs, "A Warden's time is limited. It has made me consider the bigger questions in life earlier than one would expect to. Your time leading the Inquisition will be much shorter, so I'd advise you to use what influence you can now rather than later." She and Elissa grasped hands, "Call on me when you need my aid or rather have Leliana. The less people know about our partnership the better. And thank you again for doing all you could at Adamant."
"I will, thank you, Elissa. I look forward to our correspondence. May Andraste guide us both." Descending the steps, Evelyn's lady's maid, Saphira, was waiting in the stairwell for the ladies to finish. When they appeared, the Inquisitor had her show the queen back to her room and dismissed her for the evening. There was one more Ferelden she wanted to see...
Walking over to his office like she had a purpose, she bid all those exiting the Great Hall after dessert goodnight in passing. Though the hour was late, it looked like Skyhold's guests were still celebrating their victory and return home. Slipping through the bedizen nobles and diplomats, she caught two Orlesians gossiping. Typically, she ignored it, but she had an uncanny feeling that they were speaking of her:
"Would you have guessed such a pairing?" Out of the corner of her eye, Evelyn caught the woman who was speaking as she skirted around them.
"Oh, yes. The lure of command. Noble names. Classically arousing in every sense."
"Careful, ears."
"Of course," he whispered back.
She thought to herself, Command? Noble name? Was it a coincidence? Shaking her head at the oddly chosen phrasing, she continued in her mission only getting suckered into a brief conversation or two before finally slipping out through the rotunda and across the bridge. Pausing outside of his door she listened to him speaking to some of the messengers regarding supplies for the Grey Wardens. She gazed up to the sky saying a silent prayer to Andraste that that whole ordeal over… sort of. They still had to speak about her returned memories and spreading mark, to which she was not looking forward to either discussion.
Knocking when she believed he was done, she heard him bark out a 'Come,' and she entered. "Inquisitor. Why are you knocking?"
"Oh, I wasn't, that was me banging my head against the door after the night I had."
He chuckled, not looking up from shuffling the papers around into neat piles on his desk, "So long as you haven't started a war with Ferelden, it couldn't have been that bad." He gave her a sidelong stare, "Evelyn, you sassed the Hero and Queen of Ferelden… Maker's breath, the next time you plan on speaking like that to a monarch - and one who has killed an Archdemon - tell me so I can at least bring my shield!"
She just shrugged laughing, as she walked over to his bookshelf to peruse the titles, "Sometimes it just happens. You know me and my mouth… especially when I'm hungry."
He made a snort of a scoff in agreement still bent over his desk making notes, "You still haven't told me why you were banging your head on my door? What was so awful?"
"What would you say about debating the future of Circles with a drunk Hawke in front of the Queen of Ferelden?" Cullen's head snapped up with a scowl. She hummed raising her eyebrows and rolling her eyes.
He stared at her in disbelief, starting and stopping a few times lacking the articulation to express his shock. "And the Ambassador allowed it?!"
Evelyn spun from the shelf, chuckling lowly, "Oh if you could've seen her face! She had no idea Hawke and I got into it in the Fade and--"
"About that," he interrupted, "you've yet to tell me as well." He arched an eyebrow straightening to full height with his arms crossed. When the hour bell rang, he twisted about as if looking for something hidden beneath the papers cluttering his desk, "Shit, is that the bloody time already?"
She swallowed hard at being saved by the bell. It wasn't that she didn't want to tell him, she just knew it'd ruin his night because he'd blame himself for Garret acting like an arse to her when it was not the case - at least anymore. No, their disagreement was now political. Lost in thought for a moment, she realized he was trying to hurriedly organize his papers for the morning's messengers. "You have a date tonight that you're rushing off to, Commander? Does someone else command your attention?"
"Believe it or not, I need to get down to the tavern to see Varric."
"Either I drank too much wine tonight, or you just said you were headed to the tavern… to see Varric?"
"That's right," he still didn't look up, making marks here and there on several pieces of parchment before standing back with a final inspection. "Care to join me?"
Standing in shock and befuddlement with an expression to match, Cullen rounded his desk to place a kiss on her lips, looking amused by her state. "Having endured Garret's stench of the tavern for the past few hours, I think I'll pass and simply meet you in bed. Will you be long?"
"If I know you'll be waiting for me, not at all." He strode to the door, but looked back, "Lock the doors before you head up, I have my key. And then you can tell me about Hawke and the Fade." With that, he was off and after doing as he bid, she climbed the ladder.
As she changed into one of his shirts, she swayed her way over to the single window where there was once a gaping hole. The moons had moved since she gazed upon them with Elissa and the stars twinkled to a celestial tune. All was quiet, save for the occasional jingle of armor from the guards patrolling below. Propping herself up on the table under the window, she shivered when the cool breeze snaked its way in through the window as she unbound her not-graying hair. Hugging and tucking her legs up into herself, yet enjoying the way the chill felt against her bare skin beneath the shirt, she sat silently closing her eyes. It was the first quiet moment she had all day. As much as she loved Cullen and having him near, she still needed some time to herself now and then to sort through the chaos of her days. Having been away from Skyhold for almost a month and with the army, she had not had a minute to herself for the sake of her sanity.
When the door down below clanked open and closed, she smiled to herself. Even though he expected her to explain what was said between her and Hawke, the respite from everything and everyone was enough to bring forth clarity to her thoughts. Each boot hitting the rung on the ladder, getting closer and closer just made her breathe deeper. The veil of tranquility that settled over the room must have confounded the Commander for when his blonde hair appeared, it was followed by a look of concern.
"For a moment I thought you left," the rest of him followed, bounding up over the ladder.
"Shhh, listen," he froze as his eyes darted back and forth, "it's so peaceful." Her head fell back against the window frame as she closed her eyes once more. The loose collar of the shirt drifted down off her shoulder and she lost herself in the moment again. Listening to him trying to unbuckle his armor without disturbing her made her chuckle to herself and she slipped on the table to help him. He'd be at it all night at this rate. When his plates were off, they went back to the window and he embraced her from behind. They stood there in silence once more for a long time just listening to their steady breathing. She knew he needed this as much as she did.
"One day, perhaps you and I will be able to do this more often," he whispered sweetly.
She turned to face him, "I hope so." Elissa's words came back to her, "Do you think we'll be able to let go of our duty when the time comes? You know, leave the responsibility to someone else to carry?"
His face tensed with serious thought, "It'll be difficult, but hopefully, we'll find a new purpose."
She hummed in agreement, "I think you're right." She led him over to the bed and stripped him of his remaining clothing.
"If you think this is going to get you out of telling me what happened in the Fade--"
Evelyn pressed a finger to his lips, "Cullen, it's our first night back from being in the field. It can wait until morning… and until you're next to a practice dummy." She pushed him down and straddled his hips.
"It's going to make me that angry?!" Even in the silver moonlight streaming in from the window, she could see his cheeks already reddening.
"Yes, my Ferelden farm bumpkin." He scowled at her. "See," she pointed to his face, "his words, and that wasn't even the worst he said." He growled, but she claimed his lips swiftly, pressing his shoulders into the mattress. His hands grabbed her sides and pushed her off, but she was persistent grappling him with her legs and arms. She found the melee amusing, giggling every so often as she thwarted his attempts to unseat her. When Cullen finally freed one of his legs as she was all but laying flat on top of him, he hooked it around her and rolled them. With a grunt from the weight of his body landing atop hers, she flipped her hair back out of her face as she tried to reason with him, "If it makes you feel better, my shining reputation did not go unscathed either. Can we stop talking about him?" She forced her voice back to a soothing tone, closing her eyes for a moment with a deep breath, "I want to think about you. Us. Look, we even meet your minimum requirements of having at least one pillow."
Gyrating her hips up against him, he let go of a big huff gazing back down at her. A smile he was trying to suppress peaked through his rage, "Fine, but the first training dummy I see is getting splintered into a million pieces."
"I'm sure it had it coming anyway," her hands and fingers teased about his hips and thighs. Making their way up his back now, she dug her fingertips into the solid muscle, dragging them hard down his back. He let out a groan as if she released some tension in them. Massaging what she could from on her back, he closed his eyes and surrendered to her ministrations. When his anger fled a minute or so later and was replaced by arousal, she felt safe to speak again without flustering him, "No matter what each day brings, know that when we meet at the end of it, I'll be here to give you what you need. Whether it is this," she arched her body up against him, "or space, and everything in between, I'll be here."
"I don't deserve you," he kissed from her scared shoulder from Haven up to her jaw.
She couldn't help but chuckle, "Cullen, I'm not quite sure there is another soul out there that would put up with me as you do. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you're stuck with me."
He pushed the large shirt up out of the way, up past her hips, "I think you have it backwards, I'm the charity case after all."
"And I'm a magical time bomb. There we're even," she pulled him down into a searing kiss and after some time as the tingling between her legs began to coil, she murmured, "Now make love to me already before I throw all your pillows out the window."