The Notion of the Journey vs. Destination
People say it's the journey that matters, not the destination or goal. I don't know why, but I find that notion quite stupid. I'm not sure in what sense that Instagram post tried to express this idea, though. As for my understanding, I can never put my journey on the same level as what I accomplished at the end. I got her. After all those years of looking at her and getting nervous, it all seems funny in retrospect, but it's nothing compared to what I was able to accomplish in the end - her.
The Annoyance of Generalized Motivational Quotes
I don't like it when people try to speak on behalf of everyone, when they think it's alright to make one shitty sentence of words and present it as the most motivating or positive thought in the universe. Don't they know what individuality even means? Ugh. What the hell am I muttering about? I don't know, man. These days I'm getting quite annoying and overthinking everything. It's probably booze getting to me. I mean, I have been drinking for hours now and talking to myself. You know something? I find it very interesting that I haven't even thought a sentence fully, but I already know it.
The Roots of Annoyance and Overthinking
I'm sure, but I think I've always been like this. I don't know whether it started in high school when everyone was so busy trying to act cool and delusional, thinking they were the absolute smartest person, which made me hate them. Possibly because I was more of an asshole than them back then. Or maybe it's because of my dark, gloomy room which has piles of trash, or because I haven't seen the sun in months, or probably because I'm doing nothing but waking up, eating, watching movies, series, anime, reading fucked up things on Wattpad so-called novels and manga, watching fucked up things, and sleeping all day.
The Blame Game and the Lack of Purpose
I guess it's all thanks to my father's money. Who knows, maybe he fucked up my whole childhood as part of some grand scheme to kill the only person I loved - my mother - and die with her, leaving me alone rich. I could never find a job, communicate with other people, become successful, have a family, a child, a loving wife.
The Reason Behind the Overthinking
Ugh... I think I now know the reason... It's her. It's because of her that I don't know why she left. If it was because of my uglier face, ha ha, I don't think I'm ugly. If it was because of my eyes, where the right side is smaller compared to the other one and they make the weirdest pairs when I look up to the side, making them look so ugly. But even though I used to wear glasses, she saw them many times. Ha, I think the last time she saw them was probably when she saw that ugly pair they made. Ha ha, that's right, that's the reason maybe.
The Pretense and the Lack of Self-Pride
I really am not that much of a sad person. I don't really laugh and smile, I meant pretending, of course. It has become so ingrained with my soul deep inside my heart that I don't even know what's the matter with my pretended laugh or my gloomy face. I even laugh or find my own situation funny, make a fool of myself and try to make myself laugh, just like in those high school days when I used to make a fool of myself and make people around me laugh, trying to be liked by them even though I hated them. While I was making a fool of myself, I had a feeling deep within me, I don't know what it is now, that feeling when you destroy your self-pride. I don't know what that feeling is. Probably because I haven't stepped out of my door. Even now, I have a small smile on my face. Damn those motherfuckers.
The Expectation of Humor in Pain and Suffering
I am not a person who is afraid of pain and suffering because I think I have a lifelong brotherhood with them. But I at least expect them to be funny.
The Unrealistic Expectations and the Harsh Reality
She was a girl of my dreams, my destination, a goal of my life. I mean, they do say women have their minds in their foot, or was it their asshole? That's probably why this generation of men is obsessed with fucking them. I mean, girls talk about how their boyfriends or husbands are getting on their nerves. That's probably the reason. Well, this is one of my studies. You can find them on Twitter or Reddit somewhere, or in some women's comment sections on Instagram. Even though I'm trying to hold a serious conversation here, I still can't. I'm so fucking disappointed in myself for these fucking hours. Fuck your fucking mind, damn, it's out of my fucking control, my fucking mind is full of fuck.
The Lingering Love and the Uncertainty of the Future
I loved her. It's already been 3 months since the breakup, and I still love her. What a woman wants is a caring, loving, successful partner with whom she knows she can feel like living in his arms for life. I guess I wasn't that. It's also possible that maybe she was a hore from the beginning and wanted a big, black, huge cock in her ass.
The Contemplation of Ending It All
I think I've written enough. It's my hurt and pain talking now. Now, even the destination, my goal, sounds like pain and suffering, not a journey or destination. Maybe what I'm seeking is a start or a beginning. That's why I'm here in front of my chair with a hanging rope on my fan, for the new beginning of everything. I hate myself. Fuck me, I'm thinking of myself as the main character of this story, as if dying here will reincarnate me into some other whole world with a better beginning. Fuck! I'm hungry. People are afraid of uncertainty. Who knows, I might turn to compost after I die. Why not give Mother Earth a little better soil with more nutrition? Huh, I really want to end this. I wish there was an easy way out. Haaaa😩
The Hilarious Misadventures of an Introvert
The Bright Light and the Mysterious Orange Ball
Today, I wanted to go out when I opened my door. A bright light struck my eyes (rhyme 🧐). I was happy, thinking maybe aliens had finally come to take me out of this hideous world. But why were they here in the noon? Ohh, probably a planetary difference in time. And again, I was proven wrong - it was just a white-yellow ball, or was it orange? I wish humans had really eaten it.
The Introvert's Lair
I walked out of my apartment, which was the same as they show in Japanese cartoons - long and ordinary. My locality is famous for introverts. Most of the apartments and rented houses are full of unemployed and useless people, just like me. I noticed it when I saw it in the news. They even called it an introvert's hub, more like a useless introvert hub. They interviewed a bunch of people from here, of course, it was fake. I would never believe anyone from here who has the guts to give an interview or even go to the public.
The Convenience Store Encounter
I reached the convenience store, and an old man was sitting at the cashier position. He's been there as far as I remember. I think I know why his wife left him - who the fuck puts an old fart in that chair? There should be a cute, sexy woman with a seductive voice. This MF has so much money but no idea about running a business. While thinking this, I put my 4 packs of chips, 2 cold drinks, and a condom. Why the fuck did I buy a condom? It's probably because I didn't want him to think that I was a loser of any kind, which I am. But even losers can buy condoms for whores.
The Plane Hijack News and the Judgmental Stare
I was hearing news about a plane hijack from the moment I walked into the store on the TV hanging on the wall. Something, something about terrorists dead, etc. I looked at that old man, and he gave me a disgusting look. I thought, why? Maybe he figured out I was not trying to be a loser by buying a condom, even though he looked like he had no lover until he got rich, maybe he never had. Or was it because of my unshed, unwashed face, messy hair, dark lips, and bad breath?
The Reflection and the American Dream
With the beep, I took my kindness for Mother Earth and walked out of the store. While getting out, I saw my reflection in the mirror, and I knew. I saw two long buildings standing, saying "American Dreams," and I felt fucked. Fuck that dark humor. Shit, I'm not much of a dark humor fan. I think people just try to justify whatever - someone's personal life or some public embarrassment - anything they try to make it out in humor. And when people try to tell them it's not right or funny, they just think of them as old-fashioned and look as if the nobles in the past used to look at the normal public - uneducated, stupid, and old.
"I wonder who bought that" a voice came from inside of my head.
"Shut it …
The Unexpected Dinner Plans
Suddenly, I remembered one thing - oh shit, today my sister is coming with her family to take me to dinner. And I turned my watch from my wrist and took a long breath, thinking I still have time.
The Mysterious Encounter and the Shocking Revelation
With this on my mind, I was near the gas collection center. I don't know what exactly that is - it's something I think is a nuclear plant or a gas plant, petroleum storage center, I don't know. I looked up, and the sun was ready to set. The whole sky looked like an orange, and I thought maybe the sun is about to burst. Before that, let me have those oranges. I saw a bird coming in that beautiful moment. It was white but looked oranged because of the sun, or was it a fire? As seconds passed, the bird got bigger and bigger. Fucking birthday, it had huge legs. Just a second before that huge bird hit me, I said only one thing: "Alka ho kber."
The Unexpected Transformation
There was darkness all around me. I don't ask if I still had my convenience, looks like our future generations people are gonna starve now. I wish I had found what I had bought. Suddenly, I was able to feel light around me. I was able to see. Fuck, finally, a new star, a new beginning. Yes, yes, I started crying, but I heard no voice. Damn, I thought I got reincarnated as a deaf noble or the 6th or 9th prince or something. I tried to look around, but I was not able to see the other direction. Huh, maybe reincarnated as paralyzed a prince, and my show title will be "reincarnated in a wealthy kingdom of king as his 69 son who can't speak or talk and can't hear and also can't move his body whith low level spell for hypnosis , especially for women of middle age ."
The Shocking Revelation
I started to look and inspect what I was able to see in front of me. There I saw a huge Brinjal lying inside a glass-caged box, decorated by sparkling tapes and soil, with a written sticker saying "Premium." Fuck, that's a fucking huge dildo. Why the fuck is there a huge dildo in front of me? Then I knew it. Hmm, hmm, poetry by me:
"There I was, gazing at the mirror,
Looking at myself,
Realizing what I saw in that reflection wasn't merely a reflection,
Hmm. But it was the truth I never accepted.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Mkkkkkkkkni, I am a fucking dildo!"
I am a fucking HUGE😉 dildo. Fuuuuuck!