The trees moved backward as the car drove forward.
My eyes were counting the number of those trees we passed by. Soon we entered the gate. The big university main gate.
"I cannot believe there are so many children..."
"What do you think, Cole? Of course, there will be lots of them..."
"Well, community college...get used to it."
Mila said, rolling the steering to the right. While I could only sit in the back and ponder about how the hell a girl who had a full scholarship to Harvard ended up in a community college.
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"Emily? ....Em..."
Yup, Em...was the reason. She was the reason I had to move states and continue my studies in the community college.
A few seconds later, my daughter came running toward me. A silly smile was plastered on her face as she mouthed a sweet sorry to me.
How could I ever regret anything that had made me have her?
She got inside the car and I too walked towards it and strapped Aiden in the baby chair. Getting inside, once they were ready, I started the engine.
The same scenario repeated, instead of the trees skidding backward, it was the streetlights.
Emily sang out to her favorite song playing on the radio, moving both her hands with the rhythm and her baby brother stared at his sister, being entertained as I watch over them through the front mirror, driving forward.
The many voices in my head. They had been blocked by my daughter's singing out and it seemed peaceful...almost close to it.
I could not think straight since the morning. It was like the past was trying to get ahold of me once again.
I would not lie to myself and say that I had made peace with it. Because in reality, I had been only able to resist the temptation to keep falling back into its never-ending cycle.
"Mama! Mama! We are here."
I applied for a hard break, as the car made a screeching noise. I almost could have driven past the parking lot.
Thanks to Em. She had gotten familiar with it as it had become like our kind of ritual on the weekends to grocery shop together.
After parking, I got out and helped Em out of her baby chair and held the baby carrier with my other hand.
Collecting my purse and locking the car, we started walking toward the mall. Em ran before and tried to free one of the carts from amongst the line of carts.
I smiled and helped her with it. She wanted to act like a big girl and I let her push the cart forward as I start shopping, putting every essential from the deck into the cart.
I had to make it quick before my baby boy would feel exhausted and cry out his lungs.
And it happened right away, five minutes in. Aiden began to wail out. I got stares from the passerby.
"Why he cries with no reason?"
Em whined. I dropped the carrier down and picked Aiden up in my arms.
"He is a baby. He needs to be fed. "
I told my daughter and tried to look for the bottle of milk to calm my son down but then it drew upon me that I had forgotten to pump myself, let alone be looking for the bottle.
It was a correct preposition as I felt myself dousing my chest. It was like a mother's instinct for her baby.
As Aiden continued to cry out and my situation not getting any better, I acted out of impulse.
Shame must not stop me from feeding my hungry baby, be it in the middle of anywhere.
So I unbutton my shirt enough to let out one of my breasts and began to nurse my son right there, standing, and to my sanity, he was not crying anymore.
While I was too occupied with my son, my daughter had gone ahead with the shopping cart and hit someone as the other person cursed out.
"What the hell!"
"Em!"
I strode forward. She stopped, the cart stuck between her and a man, a very tall one as I looked up at him, drawing my daughter close to myself.
My lungs stopped pumping the air as my eyes interlocked with this man, standing before us, unmoving and static, absolutely in shock at the current situation.
"Arthur, honey, I'm done..."
The woman's voice that followed from behind him, broke our moment. She came to stand beside him.
"My my! If this is not Janet Johnson!"
Shasha's scrutinizing gazes racked my entire figurine from top to bottom, with a michvious hint.
All of a sudden, I had no idea, why I felt overly self-conscious. It was as if reliving one of those moments of my past.
I dared not look up at him. Although I could feel all his attention on me. I felt like hiding behind my own five-year-old.
"Mama, who are these?"
Em voiced out. Of course, she was not expecting the strangers, as they were to her, to know her mother's full name.
"Sweet daughter, you have there...also a son!"
Shasha let out as if mocking me...I had no inkling how to address any words that would come out of her mouth otherwise.
Under twenty-five and with two babies...could it be why?
Only then I had realized in which state I was standing there. Quickly I pulled my son off from feeding, buttoning up my shirt. Thankfully, my boy was not crying.
"Let's go, baby!"
She said, leaning onto him. And then giving one last glance at me, spilling out one last statement, she left.
"I suppose the rumors were after all true!"
I skipped a breath. Only because I heard her. Even though she whispered it to him, glaring at me, it was intentional that I could hear it too.
And he noticed it. I pulled Em closer to myself when I felt like he would approach her. He stopped on his track.
"Look out next time, little girl!"
His bold voice, although directed at my daughter, it felt too personal as I peeked at him. His eyes were on me too.
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The story will begin with a soft and static note before all the drama unfolds. It will transition between the past and the present.
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