The lab felt heavier than it should have, the silence pressing down like a weight on my chest. Rena stood a few steps away, her arms crossed tightly over her chest, her expression a mix of confusion and frustration.
"Did Jee know about this?" she asked, her voice steady but low, as if afraid the answer would confirm her worst fears.
I hesitated, unsure of how to frame my response. Finally, I shook my head. "I told her about the evidence we gathered, but… not about what I was going to do."
She narrowed her eyes, studying me like I was some puzzle she couldn't quite piece together. "So, you didn't tell her about the way you planned to… handle it? The whole rage thing? The public confrontation?"
"No," I admitted, my voice quieter now. "That part was all me. I didn't tell anyone."
Her lips tightened into a thin line, and she looked down at the evidence I had given her earlier. "You didn't just lose control did you?," she said, her tone sharper now. "You told us not to interfere because you were going to take care of it. You already had enough proof. And yet, you still chose to corner her, over and over again."
I swallowed hard, trying to keep my voice calm. "I didn't plan this from the start. It just… happened. I got frustrated, okay?"
"Don't lie to me, Ashan," she snapped, her voice cracking slightly. "You've been playing this out in your head for days, haven't you? You knew exactly how you were going to make her pay, and you still didn't stop yourself."
"Rena, I…" I trailed off, my hands curling into fists at my sides.
"You didn't need to go this far!" she continued, her voice rising now. "I was fine, okay? I was okay with the rumors, the stares. All I needed was support—and you gave me that. I could've handled the rest on my own."
Her words struck a nerve, but I forced myself to stay calm. "She went too far," I said, trying to keep the anger out of my voice. "She humiliated you, and no one was doing anything about it."
"So you decided to take matters into your own hands?" she challenged. "To humiliate her instead? That's not the kind of person I thought you were. So please, Ashan, tell me why you did all this"
I looked away, unable to meet her gaze. "I said I just… lost my cool," I said, the words bitter in my mouth. "She's a girl, Rena. And she still did that to you. I couldn't just let it go."
She stepped closer, and before I could say another word, her hand connected with my cheek—not hard, but enough to make me flinch.
"Liar," she whispered, her voice trembling.
I turned back to her, startled, but it wasn't anger I saw in her eyes now. It was hurt.
"I told you," she said, her voice softer now, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I wanted to know everything about you. Why won't you trust me? Why do you keep shutting me out?"
Her words hung in the air, the weight of them settling heavily in the room. I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out.
Rena's voice trembled slightly, but her words were sharp. "I saw what happened after you left."
I froze, unsure of how to respond.
"The classmates… they surrounded her," she continued. "They started consoling her, defending her, and then…" Her eyes burned into mine. "They began badmouthing you."
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
"That would've never happened if you'd just revealed everything directly," she said, her tone a mix of frustration and sadness. "You changed the narrative, didn't you? You twisted it so you could protect both me and Isha—even after everything she did."
"That's not it, Rena—" I tried to explain, but she cut me off.
"Shut up. I'm talking here." Her voice cracked, and for a moment, I thought she might cry. "I was waiting for you to tell me. That's why I asked you the reason. But still, you won't trust me."
I lowered my gaze.
"If you had trusted me enough to tell me everything," she went on, "we could've figured out a way where no one had to get hurt. Not her, not the others, and especially not you." Her voice softened, but the weight of her words only grew heavier.
I clenched my fists, the guilt washing over me. "And that's precisely why I didn't tell you about it," I admitted quietly.
She blinked, caught off guard.
"If you'd known my motives, you would've stopped me," I continued, meeting her gaze. I'm sorry, but this was the only way I knew how to handle it. Twisted or not, it's all I can do."
Rena stared at me, her expression a storm of disbelief and pain.
"Ashan…" she whispered, her voice trembling. "Why can't you understand something so simple?" She stepped closer, her words cutting deeper than I expected. "You need to include yourself among the people you want to save."
Her words hit me like a blow. I wanted to say something—anything—but no words came.
She let out a deep breath, the tension between us thick and suffocating. "I'm going home now," she said, her voice steadier. "You should go home too."
"Rena," I called after her as she began to walk away.
She paused, not looking back. "Don't worry," she said flatly. "I won't tell anyone about this. And I won't do anything to change the current situation. I wouldn't hurt Isha, not after everything you've done to protect her."
"Rena, I—"
"Just leave me alone for now," she interrupted, her voice distant, almost hollow. Then, without another word, she walked away.
I stood there in silence, her words replaying in my mind like a haunting echo.
Lying on my bed in the quiet hostel room, I stared at the ceiling, lost in thought. Rena's words kept echoing in my mind, as if she had ripped through the walls I'd built around myself. I laughed quietly to myself, bitterly. How easily she saw through me.
"I thought I had fooled everyone," I muttered, almost mockingly. But not Rena. She had sensed the cracks, even if she hadn't fully pieced everything together.
Then, her words struck me again: "You need to include yourself among the people you want to save."
I leaned back, exhaling sharply. She was right. I had been so focused on saving everyone else that I had forgotten to think about myself. I was so desperate to protect others that I had ignored the simplest thing.
But then I smiled a little, a sad, almost empty smile. But I guess even she didn't see the entire truth.
The truth was, the whole thing was never really about Isha. Sure, I helped her along the way, but that wasn't my driving force. The real reason I did it was for Rena. I wanted to fix the damage, to make sure the rumors won't bother her in the future. But I just couldn't bring myself to tell her that.
Isha had her own reasons for the way she acted, but I could see it all. She thought she was losing because of something she had no control over—because of Rena, and the way people saw her as this perfect, untouchable person. Isha didn't know the whole story, but she believed that she was just being overshadowed, that she was doomed to lose by birthright.
Losing to someone who was born with advantages, it had to feel like a crushing blow. And then, of course, the student exchange program. Both Rena and I had been selected, leaving Isha behind. It wasn't hard to see how much that stung.
I understood why she acted the way she did, but even as I justified her behavior to myself, I couldn't ignore the fact that none of it excused the humiliation she caused Rena.
I closed my eyes, trying to push the weight of the guilt down. At least I wanted to ease some of her burden, I thought. At least I wanted to help her a tiny bit.
The hardest part was realizing that for any of it to work, someone had to take the fall. I didn't know another way. Expect this, it was the only way I could see to make things right. At least, that's what I firmly believed—back then.
As I sat there, caught between the past and the present, my phone buzzed, pulling me back to reality. I glanced at the screen. It was a message from Tsula.
"How was your day?"
I hesitated before replying, my mind still tangled in everything that had just happened. How could I even explain it to her? Could I even tell her?
I stared at the screen for a long moment, feeling the weight of her concern through the simple words. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, unsure of what to say.