—Really, wake up already.
I remained silent, pretending to sleep.
—Oh, little one. It's okay, I'll be back in 10 minutes. After that, there will be no more extensions, understand?
I continued without responding, listening to the soft steps of the blonde woman moving away from my bed and the sound of the door closing behind her. Only then did I dare to open my eyes and cautiously examine my surroundings.
Where was I?
The question echoed in my mind as I tried to orient myself in this strange place.
—This isn't hell... nor is it heaven.
I murmured to myself, the words barely a whisper in the silence of the room.
I observed every detail of the room with a skeptical look. It was a normal room, the kind of place where an ordinary child would sleep.
—Where the hell am I?
The question hung in the air while a memory invaded my mind without warning.
Mom's smile.
Her sweet voice, the last one I heard before... The thought remained incomplete, the pain too fresh to process.
After seeing her die, I found myself exposed to the harshness of the world without even having time to mourn her loss.
Dario, I remembered with a bitter taste in my mouth.
The man who took me away from her simply left me in this orphanage and left without saying a word.
I held no grudge, the truth was that no one wanted to take care of an orphan like me.
The least he did was leave me in some underground shelter for orphans.
I looked around with new eyes, evaluating the place. The orphanage was surprisingly large and housed about twenty new orphans.
The facilities left me perplexed: dormitories, dining hall, playground, sports field...
How is it possible that an orphanage with such good conditions exists?
For someone like me, who had lived in a house similar to a shack, this place seemed too good to be true.
I lowered my gaze to my bare feet, feeling the wooden boards beneath them. My clothes were clean, too clean.
How strange, I thought while observing the plate in front of me: an apple and two breads. All of this is too strange.
All the children were eating at a large wooden table while sitting on wooden benches.
The feeling that something wasn't right never left me while I spent most of the time analyzing every detail.
When the bell rang that afternoon, I saw the children playing in the yard entering the orphanage.
Some were my age and height, others were larger. The boys wore long shirts with white pants, the girls wore long shirts with white dresses.
What was that?
I wondered when I saw one of the sisters handing a letter to a blond boy.
—A letter sent by a godparent.
A voice beside me startled me.
I turned and found a redheaded girl with beautiful crimson eyes staring at me fixedly with her hands behind her back. Sometimes they also send gifts.
The girl seemed to be one or two years older than me and was looking at me with raised eyebrows.
—Don't you have a godparent?
I didn't respond. I didn't want to talk to anyone, not even a girl. But she had other plans.
Suddenly, I felt her hand grabbing mine, pulling me like a toy.
—A godparent is an adult who takes care of you and wants to adopt you
She explained while dragging me with her.
Later, in the dining hall, I heard her declare with conviction:
—Adults are kind, they're not bad.
—No! They're not!
Protested a boy of similar age with reddish-brown hair sitting next to her.
I remained silent, watching the exchange without expression while she negotiated:
—Okay, let's say half are kind and the other half bad, Reinhardt.
—Very well!
The boy named Reinhardt seemed satisfied with the compromise.
The redhead continued talking while eating with the fork in her left hand:
—That boy, Matthew, received a huge toy from his godparent last time. He wouldn't stop bragging about it. It's for hitting people on the head!
I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I just listened to her in silence. My gaze must have reflected the sadness and melancholy I felt, but she never moved away from me.
Even during classes, while one of the blonde caretakers explained something in the classroom full of wooden seats and children eager to participate, the girl continued talking to me.
—Lily's godparent bought her clothes. A pink dress! It's so disgusting
She commented with feigned disgust.
Later, under the lamp light in one of the dormitories, I heard her declare proudly:
—Me? Of course I don't need a godparent! Because my mother promised to come and get me!
—She said she would come when a hundred nights pass
She raised her left hand, showing her fingers.
—A hundred nights will pass in the blink of an eye! Do you know?
I forced myself to smile, feeling my heart drowning in my stomach.
—...I hope she comes soon.
I heard her murmur, her small voice while intertwining her fingers.
The next day, I heard my name. The blonde caretaker was smiling and holding a letter in her hands. She knelt in front of me.
—It's a letter for you.
She announced sweetly.
—You now have a godparent. Aren't you happy?
I looked at the letter with uncertainty. I didn't want to be adopted. I didn't want to replace my mother.
A noise distracted me: the tray, shovel, and fork the redhead was carrying fell to the floor when she stopped dead, looking at the letter in my hands.
I saw how her expression changed: furrowed eyebrows, trembling lips, bright eyes containing tears. For some reason, I felt terrible when I saw her run away crying.
I should let her calm down, I thought, but after a while, I went to look for her. I found her in another room, hidden under a study table covered with a white blanket.
—Go away!
Her trembling voice tried to scare me off.
I obeyed, but only for a moment.
For the first time, I was going to act like the child I was.
I returned with two cookies, lifting the blanket to leave them next to her.
—...Those are things one appreciates.
She muttered with a sulky expression.
I saw her take a cookie and take a bite while giving me her back.
—...The truth is, the hundred nights passed a long time ago
She confessed in a low voice.
—My mother thinks I don't know how to count to a hundred, but I do.
Her voice broke and was replaced by sobs that shook her small body.
—Now I'm alone.
The words came out between tears.
I sat silently, leaning my back against hers.
I was also alone, but I didn't say it. There was no need. I felt her surprise at the contact, turning her tearful face toward me.
For a moment, a small smile appeared on her lips and I felt something inside me soften a little.
Perhaps we didn't have to be alone.