*hehe, keeping up with the chapters (took me longer to write cuz my lazy aah's brain wasn't working)
Here we are tho. Enjoy, and I'll once again shamelessly plug my Discord server here :)) (cuz if you like the fanfic and want to enter random discussions during the day, this is the spot) https://discord.com/invite/8RcQy2aQ36 (copy n paste into google)
Welp, take care. Peace out and Deus Vult.*
Mark's steps were heavy, sluggish as he struggled with himself. Brief were the moments where his body listened to him in full. It felt off, more than any moment before. His mind argued with itself, the shadows eerily long as he stepped. At some point he could have sworn that a white glowing sphere floated among them, but he couldn't check, for it was long gone as his vision twitched its way.
He went back to his room, retreating like a defeated general who'd lost his army and his honor. He had no will to argue, and his words refused to come out either way.
"Why do you keep struggling?" whispered the shadows, crawling all around as he entered the room. Gone were the ambient lights, welcome instead were the hungry, bottomless pits of his mental hell.
"Because I have to," he muttered weakly, his breath close to choking upon itself. It was his own selfish desire, a duty chosen with the mere childish thoughts of an easy adventure he could fix like some novel hero, facing no difficulties—at least not having himself as his biggest foe.
"You know it, yet you deny it yourself. The futility in your struggle is there. It's all meaningless... you saved a life or two after nearly losing yours and pointing your weapons at your supposed 'friends'... need I remind you they don't trust you? That they thought you a Stellaron Hunter on the first occasion?"
The whispers grew louder, more intense, pressing down on him. He struggled to drag his feet across the floor in a pitiful attempt at stepping. His mind was about to divide, to simply break apart and leave him in a state of pure chaos. With a few muttered prayers, he held it together, clinging to the only constant in his life.
"Stop resisting, Mark... you know how much you want to give up, to simply accept that all you're doing is for nothing. Nothing has meaning in this life of yours."
Mark's breath grew heavy as his lungs refused to push against the weight on his chest. The shadows were pressing on it, forcing him to simply embrace them, to just accept their offering of silence and lack of problems. He could rest, accept that it was all worthless. What use in trying to change the fate of everyone? Was he even a part of it all? His doubts surfaced, coming out clearer than day. Would Himeko even care if he was gone?
His eyes were wet, drowning in unshed emotions that condensed as tears. It had been some time since his last outburst, yet it felt like an eternity. The dam was near breaking, but he held on. His jaw was clenched as he spoke, growling through his teeth.
"Get out of my head, you monster... you're not part of me, you're nothing but a mix of those already insane wills from the Stellarons and my own damned fears and worries. Get out, you piece of shit..."
Laughter, heavy, thick with mockery, rang out in his ears like thousands of weapons firing off on the battlefield at once. The shadows enveloped him further, clouding his vision until he saw nothing around.
"You call me a monster, a piece of shit, but you fail to realize something..."
Out of the darkness walked a figure, eerily familiar, twisted as it was. Somehow, it kept resemblance to a human, despite the thousands of tongues and tentacles that meddled together to build up the body. Its arms were no better, covered in eyes and mouths that morphed into teeth and empty sockets, a constant change in its flesh. The face, however, was a cruel imitation of his own.
"...I'm you, whether you like it or not. You and I are one and the same... I'm the side you refuse, but the side that is still within you, no matter if you like it or not..."
Mark's eyes were fixed on it, not wavering nor seeking to look away—he felt that, should he avert his gaze, the creature would leap at him and go feral. His heart beat loudly in his chest, striking more and more with each passing second.
"Don't act like I'm not a part of you... like I'm a stranger... you know it deep inside your heart..."
It stepped closer, unbothered by Mark's pitiful attempts at crawling away.
"...you're worthless... you think she'd care for you? She thinks you're nothing but a young fool looking to pleasure himself... do you think that's the type of man she'd want? You know that the answer is no... so why even bother?"
Mark's eyes shook in their sockets, the pain in his head growing stronger as the thing got closer. His knuckles went white as he clenched his fist, bringing it to his chest. Warmth, unexpected, but it was present, a forgotten memory that snapped him out of the moment, painful as it was to recall that scene—her lifeless body falling, no one to at least retrieve the remains. What's left is just a fragmented blade that somehow made its way to him.
"The answer... when did I even care about her answer? When did I even lose sight of the definition for what I'm doing? I'm here to see them alive, living no matter what happens, with a big smile on their faces... it doesn't matter if I myself happen to lose it..."
Mark stood up, staring straight at the creature. The shadows seemed to shy away, lingering around without touching him. The flicker of white among the mess was quick, going before it could be spotted.
"You cling to a stupid ideal, and you know it... you know it deep down that you WANT something in return... you're no saint..."
Mark stepped closer to it, his teeth grinding together.
"I'm no saint, I know... I'm just a selfish prick who wishes to reach a specific ending, but I couldn't care less... fuck off before I smash your slimy skull in, freak..."
The creature shook its head, grinning with an eerie, double-tongued smile.
"I see... Don't worry, you'll soon wake up to see the consequences of your actions..."
The room returned to normal the second he blinked, but his heart was still thumping loudly, trying to break his ribs from within. The memories were vivid, sunk into his retinas. Split mind, weakened body, ravaged heart—he was close to accepting the thing's offer, yet he kept going.
"God, just... just a bit more..." he muttered, struggling to walk across the room. His body fell into the weird liquid, limp, barely moving as his eyes closed themselves, the pain lessening for a moment as he was forced into the Dreamscape.
Inside, his eyes opened to a familiar scene. He wasn't in the hotel room, but rather outside in the lobby, and suddenly the memories of the scene pierced his skull like a bullet, bringing about a wave of pain with a million voices that shouted in unison: "You're meaningless!"
To the side, he caught sight of Stelle, Acheron, and Black Swan, all of whom were walking towards Firefly. Stelle ran ahead, and a dark, foggy cloud formed in the air. The creature he had pummeled once dared to appear again. His Stellarons fired up at once, ready to set his body into motion. His vision went out, as if someone turned off his eyes.
"Useless!"
The voices raged in his mind, but he didn't falter. It was all or nothing, a simple gamble. He had the direction in mind, so he left the rest to whatever senses worked. Sight was off the table, while hearing couldn't help since the voices kept him busy. Thus, he forced himself to adapt to the situation as much as he could and do the only rational thing—rational by his own standard. His legs coiled like springs, sending him forward at full power in a straight line. He saw nothing, heard nothing, but the feeling of the air on his skin was there.
The creature appeared out of nothing, floating with rage in its veins, aiming for Firefly. From behind, unseen, came Mark the cannonball, appearing in the scene without a sense of direction and just a predetermined trajectory from a split-second glance before his sight was taken. Black Swan and Acheron watched with wide eyes, while Stelle tried to figure out what was happening. Firefly turned around, staring at the piercing tip of the memory zone meme's wing.
In came Mark like a wrecking ball, fists pointed forward, about to hit the creature. Firefly's gaze fell on his blank eyes, no light in them, like something was covering them. He slipped right by as the thing dodged, moving swiftly through the air in an arch. It was expecting him, used to his tricks and fierce attitude. Instead of focusing on him, it chose to go for the weaker prey, letting Mark fly off the railing, falling off a few floors.
The death meme turned around, its purple eyes staring at Firefly, while Stelle could only watch, not fast enough to act. It twirled around, piercing Firefly through the chest with a loud crunch. It lifted her in the air, throwing her lifeless body at Stelle, who tried to catch it, helplessly wishing to help. It dissolved into droplets, falling on the ground with a soft splashing sound.
"What... just happened?" asked Stelle, her body shaking. She stared at the weird droplets, then looked to where Mark had fallen off from. Loud was the sound of him crashing, followed by a multitude of curses that came in the weirdest of manners, one more vulgar than the other.
"Stelle, calm down... deep breaths..." said Acheron, who stepped to her side, hoping to calm down the worried girl. Black Swan stepped in, using her abilities as a Memokeeper to somehow soothe Stelle down. She stopped shaking, but her mind was still in a bit of disarray.
"That... that was way too sudden," whispered Stelle, her voice shaking. While the three of them were trying to understand the situation and calm one another down, a large pillar of ice emerged from the background, with Mark's angry frame standing atop. He was shaking too, seething with a turmoil of emotions. His vision came back to him, followed by endless laughter that pierced his eardrums. The word 'useless' echoed in his mind over and over. Firefly, he... he failed. She had died in the same manner, and he was powerless to try and stop it from happening. His sight had been stolen, his hearing rendered useless. What he could have used to fight was rendered... useless... just like him.
"Where is that creature?!" howled Mark, twisting his head around as his veins simply inflated from his boiling anger. He had to focus on that emotion, lest he'd break down into a mess of pure agony.
"Mark, calm down," said Black Swan, turning to look at him with a serious gaze. She wasn't playing this time like she'd usually do. Mark's teeth were clenched together, pressing down like he was clinging on to dear life.
He stepped closer, trying to calm down. Stelle was shaken by the events, her body still trembling slowly. Mark glanced at Acheron, who was staring at his eyes with a curious expression. He said nothing of it, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself down.
"I'm sorry, Stelle... I missed... I... I'm sorry, I..."
She shook her head, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder to try and ground him.
"Mark, it's fine... don't beat yourself up over it... you can't do everything alone, no matter how much you struggle. I know you have your own issues, and the earlier situation sure didn't help with it. I'm sorry I didn't speak up for you. After all," her voice drifted off as she glanced at Acheron and the missing Black Swan, who had gone to check up on Himeko and March. "...the ones you shared a dance with are present at the scene. We should have trusted you, but... it does sound bad, especially with how Black Swan put it."
He nodded, understanding the feeling.
"It's fine, and... thank you..."
Acheron smiled softly at the scene, her arms crossed over her chest. Mark took another deep breath, staring at the spot where Firefly had died. Black Swan came back in the meantime, carrying a Memory Bubble.
"Stelle, Himeko has something to tell you... good news and bad news."
She handed over the Memory Bubble, and Mark watched as Stelle pressed it to her forehead. For him it was all known information, even if the tug of war going on in his mind raged on, forcing bits and pieces to work together in a futile effort at keeping his sanity consistent.
"I think we should move on to a safer place or something and try to head out, right?" said Mark, his voice a bit softer than before, hints of fatigue seeping into it.
"Sorry, but could you give me a few minutes before we depart? I still have some unfinished business," said Acheron, her gaze betraying a faint hint of emotion, raw and crushing.
They all watched her step closer to the spot where Firefly had died. She hunched down as if gathering something with her hands, and rose again.
"May death be the end of your boundless dream... Guiding you back... to the waking world..."
Her voice was soft, almost sad as she gazed up, taking a moment to process her own words. The words spoken, 'the end of your boundless dream', crushed Mark, driving one more wedge in his mind. It was too much, the information scattered about. The way he saw his mind in those moments was like a planet close to splitting in half, held together by a few wobbly bridges that came crashing down as more information came in—information that he found familiar and foreign at the same time.
"Boundless dream..." he muttered, forcing back the vertigo, choosing to focus on it for a bit. Dream... it sounded so close yet so distant, unlike the dream he was in at the moment.
"Let's go," said Acheron, snapping him out of it. He nodded, turning to follow the rest of the group, keeping the idea of a boundless dream close to him.