*ding
What a funny sound from a scanning machine. Its bright red glow flickering and gleaming to the barcode. It's a tissue paper, probably rolled around 5 months ago.
"That's 1750 yen at all, Sir." My voice sounds awkward, maybe the guy in front of me might be frightened when one day he would contract this awful, husky voice. "Ah... Here you go." The guy holded out a 2 one thousand yen bills, he's expecting me to give him some hefty change. That man or more like young man appearing in his 20s, he's wearing a stacked and stuffed sweater, it's black and has fine threads, probably caused more than 5 thousand. It's evident that winter's around the corner with that checkered scarf cape hanging around his neck. He's wearing a beanie that's why I don't know if he's bald or just have a normal haircut, well who would expect a bald guy in college. I cannot talk about my hair either, it's messy, ruffled and did not experience any cut for more than half a year.
The cold hard cash is in my hands, at my finger tips. I wish I could just spend this paper in like toiletries and snacks the exact way this guy was. But for me that's just a pesky wants, it's better to consider buying stack of canned goods and Ramen cups than this. Of course I do also want to spend life lavishly but that's not the matter for now. *clack *clack, that's the eccentric sound of my fingers banging the keyboard while giving his change. By the way, his change's 250 yen, that's easy to count but it's more convenient this way. The case and counter opened meticulously, its metallic and shiny plating was stunning even though that's not its main feature. How considerate my manager was to put the coins and bills apart to maintain the comfort of arrangement, well it's convenience store counter so that make sense.
"Here you go, Sir." I handed the bits of coins for his change, two 1 hundred yen coins and one 50 yen coin. He reached out his hand to brought along the money in which if he does not I would just snub since 250 is still worth. But still, I'm not that desperate enough to do such a thing, or is it, I'm second doubting myself. How spiteful manner it is to act against the arbitrary of where I'm working. "Already done, Yuu-kun?"
Wow! Did this guy's lucky, by lucky I mean having a concerning girlfriend in his side. She have the same outfit with the guy called 'Yuu-kun' while clinging an rappling in his right biceps. This guy probably miles away from where I stand is since I cannot step from where he stand now. But, this shit kinda cringe by flirting in front of me, 'could you please stop that and leave already', is all I want to say if I'm not laid-back and coward store clerk, psst! I'm not exactly like that.
Well I'm actually coward I guess. 24 years old and still spending my holiday nights working overtime in an old, boring convenience store, based on brats who don't have anything to do than to rant all day all their problems on our slights. Their pesky and ear-tearing voice wailing in everything they see is the most annoying thing I could hear in my daily basis. Well if it's on daily basis then it's not the most irritating than your manager forcing you to just smile to those brats. And what do you expect I would do? Spiteful and wry smile making uncomfortable to just decide to leave with disgust face like imitating my expression. 'Haha', I could just laugh at myself.
Let me get back to spending empty holiday nights alone behind the store counter. It's not like I wanted it or something, this is all I know what to do that will bring something good to my self. I've reached the point where I'm still hoping that something will change if I would just push just a bit more and more, I will finally attain what I want to be the most and wanted to become. Whoever waits me in the house is a bunch of clutters from before, from my rugged past that I still hold on. The store would be a commonplace for the likes of I am, waiting for the people to finish their groceries and let us check them. I'm fine with this way, I'm good with this way, I know that someday, something will change for me, someone will pull me out of this pit if I would just keep myself pushing forward, I know it myself.
'But isn't that just insanity itself?' That voice, that one particular voice, who knows where that came from, probably my conscience that I shutted off to look into the world I see today sneaked out from the flailing of my soul and say 'You have completely wasted yourself.' Wasted myself? What's this thing even saying!? But I know deep down, he's saying the truth. The fact that I cling to my old views is what he says as insanity.
The couple have left the store in clinging manner in which was cringeworthy for me but who am I to say that. Whooshing is the sound of that entrance door accompanying many customers' arrival everyday damn and pitiful day. All I need to do is let out a sigh, every moment pondering my existence, as I wait for that something to come in 8 in the evening. You may be wondering why I say such pointless BS and attack to my self because that's the only thing I could, it's not like I can blow it out to other people if endeavoured to, I'm just this way and this is everything in my path. What's even waiting me after this? Rants and pleads of an awful and naive manager inforcing me to love this kind of work by grinning to indefinite strangers passing by. She's always like that. In the mid thirties, I know she's also suffering from supplications I also encounter way later than I did. Perhaps she's mourning the wasted talent she once had but ensuing her later years, in her college of dumps, I thought.
Well, it's up for my shift and I letted it passby by talking with you or who you may be how to grieve the life I have been enforcing to. Couple of stains hanging around with my apron after hanging it then to the one's where needs to be, lucky for them they don't have to be alone again.
"I'll taking my off, Chihaya-san." Passing it by to the ears of that one particular manager of 24/7 store, Haha, crazy for this store have that name even though I'm the last employee leaving. My voice isn't strained that time that's why I'm not gonna waste saying anything to other people for some mundane callings and farewells. "Got it, Jinpei-kun." Uhm... Could she please stop calling me by that name, I mean is that 'Hey', 'You', 'That Guy' become coherent to my senses when people refer to my existence. Unremarkable face that I had might be the due for it, don't alienate yourself from this also, I know you have experienced this also. Wait, who am I talking to again?
That's all she could say while still lumping her tired fingertips with keyboard doing what a manager should do, remarking store's sales. I bet she's tired and fed up as I am yet not being able to do what she wants since that's the only thing she knows what to do. I'm quite educated enough to not judge other people with our own discern only but that marks with her eyes.
Walking briskly in the streets while immersing myself with the night sky of the accursed city is a mundane thing for me in comes to spending my evening walks back home. I could spend the rest of the night hanging out in some bars and clubs but who knows for me not like those normal and hardworking citizens, I just cannot bring myself to lavish out minimum wage money in night drunk out. Around my age would be ideal to try this out but I can't envision myself drinking in those bars to just 'relax' from stress.
'Haha, how heretic I am,' I said to myself holding my right hand up reaching for a rusted door knob. How hypocrite I was with my words when I realized I have couple of canned beers inside my groceries. Didn't I said that I'm in the right age to drink, right? You bet I am, 24 years old and still spend his empty nights with root beers and Internet while suffering from insomnia and various complications. It have hitted me that hard that alcohol is my only sleeping pills or sleeping drugs. I'm kind used this way.
Of course I want better for myself, I want to get out from this rat race and live a more normal life. I want to quit my job and start my own. I want to stop my bad habits of drinking everyday, talking to myself, judging people, deluding myself into numbness. I want to let off my past and start looking to what's ahead of my current self. I want to get off my shell like other people. Even just a little, I want to make my self proud, making right decisions, make a contribution into this world. I want to be this and that... I want to make my parents proud even though they're long gone. I want to prove my self to other people that they could expect out of me, out of Jinpei Furuya. I dream of a better future for me, for those who expects something out of me, for those who will come after me...
But in the end, it's just all a dream. All words no deeds, actionless thoughts, empty statements, the fate of the insane. Shutting off my antique old TV while staying under the roofs of an apartment not being able to pay rent, is all just a dream for me.
"The ongoing dispute between the States and Communism is all around the corner," the reporter says from the television. What is it again? War? Probably they just making this up to gain publicity for their station.
"If this quarrel will go on, we will expect a nuclear war in no time. Does the world ready for the World War Three? Are we really gonna suffer from the impending Armageddon?"
Psst! What does this guy saying? It's like he's talking about video games. World war three? There's no need for that.
"Does the humanity really ready for it's final decade?"
What an accursed question. Why does people scared of this? You may be wondering why I'm like this.
For me, the world have already ended 7 years ago. My life ceased to exist since that day.
// I hope you liked my new novel//