As the soft morning light filtered through the curtains, I stirred from my slumber. A wave of relief washed over me realizing my cramps had subsided, leaving me feeling significantly better than the night before. With a contented sigh, I stretched my limbs and sat up in bed, my mind already buzzing with the day ahead.
With renewed energy, I go about my morning routine. Get showered, letting the warm water ease any remaining tension in my muscles, and then dressed in my amazing crisp hospital scrubs, ready to tackle whatever the day has in store for me and my cute infant patients. Taking a moment to admire myself in the mirror, a smile tugged at my lips as I felt a sense of purpose wash over me. Just as I finished applying a touch of mascara and gloss, there was a knock at my door. It was Jessie, who had offered to give me a ride to work this morning and with my car still at the hospital car park.
Jessie greeted me with a warm hug and a grateful smile, appreciative of the support and companionship. Making it to Jessie's car together and chatting animatedly and giggling about our plans for the day and her strict boss with his tight schedule. Jessie was thoughtful to get breakfast, knowing how hectic mornings could be for both of us, especially with my bad habit of skipping breakfast, and my monthly flow adding to it, I would always be so grateful to Jess. Enjoying breakfast and navigating through the bustling streets, the anticipation of the day ahead filled me with excitement. Pulling up at the hospital car park, I felt a surge of gratitude and happiness for my friendship with Jessie, and with a final word of thanks, I bid her farewell and was about to step out of the car, when she grabbed my shoulders making me stop and turn. Yeah, Jess? " Saturday night, there's a party around the block at Whispering Pine. I was wondering if you could go with me, I mean as my partner, I got tickets. "
For a minute, I stare into her dark brown eyes looking for a way to respond and choosing my words carefully, Jessie has become overly obsessive and clingy recently, I'm not sure when it changed or what made her change or be this way, or probably just overthinking I shake off the weird feeling in my head out.
"My friend Zoe from work is having her twentieth birthday party this Saturday, and I promised her over some months ago I would be attending." I shrug my shoulders and keep my eyes on her face, wanting to meet her gaze and view her reaction, which I know tells me everything I need to know. She's upset I wouldn't be going with her.
Raising my brows, I smile at her thinking of a way to make my friend happy, our friendship has always existed since we were kids and we became closer in 8th grade when she showed up at my house when I was going through the worst stage of my life demanding I let her see through me, it was easier to hide behind texts, calls and the fake smiles until Jess broke through the fake smiles.
I'm still unsure why I divulged all my secrets to Jess that day. Looking back at the time, I think she caught me on one of my bad relapses. I shared with her all the overwhelming darkness and despair I'd been struggling with for quite some time, and how they slowly dragged me into a suffocating abyss, I couldn't pull myself from. Every time I thought I held the power to be better at controlling my darkness, the trauma in my head reminded me how ugly I was not to deserve anything. I will never forget the despair and anguish on her face with tears rolling down her cheeks. I wondered why she would cry when she didn't even know how it felt. At first, I thought she just wanted to make me feel better but I realized every feeling Jess expressed that day was so genuine, she felt my hurt and my pain, and she felt my dread.
I hadn't put much thought into how someone would react to how I felt and how mentally sick I was, but I didn't anticipate tears being an emotion, I anticipated anger and disappointment or disgust, I anticipated worse from my friend but she expressed the opposite. After I confessed my struggles, Jess stood up wiped her tears, wiped mine , stole alcohol from my parent's bar, and dragged me out for a drive that day y, we kept driving and drinking, laughing out and screaming until we crashed into a tree. As we sat in the ER waiting to get examined for any internal bleeding, Jess held my hand, looking at me she told me I was good and not damaged, she smiled at me and kissed my forehead laughing saying . "she kissed the bad memory away" we both laughed hard and our parents and the attending doctor looked at us weirdly, it was one of my best memories with Jess. Now here we are years of amazing friendship with her obsessive side. From sleepovers and secret adventures to heart-to-heart conversations and laughter-filled moments weathered every storm together. I smiled coming back to the present, I hugged Jess and whispered thank you for everything Jessie, pulled back a bit, and was about to utter a thank you when Jess leaned and crashed her lips against mine gently yet with an unmistakable forcefulness that took me by surprise.
Stunned and bewildered, I pulled back, my heart pounding in my chest, my thoughts confusing and going through waves, as I searched Jessie's eyes for answers. The air between us crackled with tension, the weight of Jessie's actions hanging heavy in the air.
" I'm sorry, Maddison," Jess whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. " But I can't keep it a secret any longer. I love you. I've always loved you more than just a friend." My mind reeled with disbelief, my thoughts spinning as I struggled to comprehend the magnitude of Jessie's words. I had never imagined that our friendship could be anything that plutonic, never dared the possibility of thinking that way, crossing that line, or being with a girl.
Torn between shock and a flood of conflicting emotions, I reached out to grasp Jessie's hand my voice barely above a whisper as I struggled to find the right words. " Jess, I don't know how to react and what to say. I never saw you this way, but I , before I could finish my sentence I was silenced with another kiss, this time more urgent, more desperate, as if trying to convey a lifetime of unspoken feelings in a single moment. And as our lips met I couldn't help but feel sad if this unexpected moment and feeling would be filled with love or sadness, I was confused.
Finally, I freed myself from the kiss, said farewell, and stepped out of the car, rushing and ready to face whatever challenges the word would bring to me again today with a renewed lack of enthusiasm and vigor.
A throat clearing to my right has me halting and cursing lowly, looking towards that direction, when my eyes lock with my one senior physician Dr. Kimora. She's the reason I have been Soo hardworking and putting in my best, she's like my idol, and seeing me this late when my shift started some minutes ago is bad for me, well not bad I just feel bad seeing my idol look at me that way.
I Walk into the hospital and head to my workstation to start the already confusing day, but hell nah, today hates me because I walk into my workstation and see Zoe sitting in my chair. She must see the frustration in my face because she defensively puts her hands up before I say a word.
" Maddie, I just wanted to say sorry for yesterday. I know I put you in a tight spot, and I'm sorry. I fully deserved you being mad and understand if you change your mind about coming to my birthday, I don't want my inability to control my big mouth to hinder our friendship."
It's clear she's sincere and, truth be told, I've already forgiven her. I know she wasn't coming from a bad place. She didn't drop my name because I'm the only single person she knows. Zoe is one of those people who is constantly friends with everyone.
" yeah Zoe, we're cool, " I say putting my tote on my desk.
I'm about taking sit on the chair Zoe just vacated when she smiles and asks, "Still coming yeah ?" I can't help but sigh and smile. While that apology was sincere, I knew she didn't back me out of her head to pair and I didn't have plans to.
"Yes, I'm still coming, just a bit late, because I'm coming alone, and it's like an hour or so drive away from where I stay, plus I hate driving and I will be confused with the Google map, but yeah I would show up for you, I promise .
Black peach was so far and complicated from my normal route, I sighed and closed my eyes trying to push everything to a corner and get that determination to work today.