Third Person POV:
"Are you ready to go?" A velvet voice murmured in a whisper as its owner leaned against the door frame of his mate's room. His strong arms were crossed over his chest, as she was looking at the now barred room that had provided her a shelter in the darkest time of her young life.
The girl sighed wistfully and cranked her neck, hands tugged into the pockets of her jeans mini skirt, and a small smile was playing on her lips while the dark haired boy pushed himself off the door frame and closed the distance between them before he looped his arms around her waist, pressed her to him and placed a single kiss against her temple.
He loved it how her body nestled into his and how she felt against him, her warmth seeping into his cold, marble flesh. Every time he was near her his arms tingled from the need to hold her. It had become an uncontrollable reflex to unconsciously grab for her hand whenever they were standing close to each other.
He just couldn't keep his hands off her.
A content smile stretched across his face as he inhaled the perfection that was the mixture of their both fragrances and let it invade his senses before his lips dropped another innocent kiss on her temple.
She giggled lightly until suddenly a bad feeling stirred in the back of her mind and frown overtook her face. She pulled away, cranked her neck and gazed into the open bathroom door making sure that she hadn't forgotten to pack her make-up bag.
That always happened when Anna went on a journey she checked and double checked to make sure she had packed everything she needed and wanted to take with her but still this nagging feeling of having overlooked something wouldn't go away fully until she arrived at her destination and unpacked her bags.
Catching a glimpse of her delicate neck Edward imagined his mouth brushing lightly over her sensitive skin there. His breath caught at that thought and his eyes screwed shut. They weren't there yet, he knew.
It was frustrating to say at least.
At first he liked the idea of courting Anna like he would have done if the both of them would have met when he was still human but this was harder to accomplish with time passing. He craved physical contact with her and there were times when the urge to just kiss her silly would bring him nearly to his knees.
"OK, we really should go before I will inspect every single drawer once again," the girl sighed slightly anxious, bringing the Vampire out of his daze.
"What's that?" The immortal boy asked as he caught sight of the paper gift bag with the red ribbon handle that stood on the empty desk.
Following the line of his sight she smiled as she saw the object of his curiosity.
"It's goodbye present from Deb and her family. She gave it to me when I was over at the diner earlier to say goodbye and to get my last check." She smiled at him and stepped out of his embrace to amble over to the cute paper bag she had received just hours earlier and fished out a cute silver coloured charm bracelet.
"Deb told me that her son had personally picked that one out, that boy got good taste, and he even drew a picture for me. Isn't he adorable?" She showed the drawing of the seven year old to the vegetarian predator.
"You are going to miss them?" Edward murmured thoughtfully after gazing at her for a long moment.
"A little," Anna shrugged feeling a rush of sadness wave through her frame which reflected in her deep, dark eyes, "but at least I will have not only bad memories of this place."
Edward's golden depths softened. "Bali."
"Hmm?" The girl cocked her head to the side looking slightly confused at him.
"You wanted to know where we are going." He shrugged casually. For the past few days she had tried unavailingly to get him to tell her where he was taking her.
He hadn't been planning on telling her but he just couldn't stand that sad look on her beautiful face. And besides it was just one of their destinations.
"Bali," her face started to brighten but suddenly her brows drew together in confusion, "but isn't it quite sunny there?"
"Not for the next twelve days according to Alice and I heard the temperature and humidity will also be to your liking." He offered her one of his signature crooked smiles.
"Ahhh ….. Bali," Anna repeated and beamed brightly and excited at the thought of the beautiful green Island that was surrounded by a turquoise ocean she had seen on TV and read about in magazines.
"But be prepared Esme ordered all kinds of beauty treatments for you."
"Hm ….. so we are going to be lying in a tube filled with mountain spring water, coconut milk and honey while colourful, exotic flowers are going to be swimming on the surface?" She asked teasingly what caused Edward to grin and shake his head.
"Emmett would never let me life that down."
Anna laughed at that.
Seeing her dark coffee eyes sparkle with an amused twinkle, her full lips turned up into a true smile and that beautiful sound of her laugher fill the room made Edward's silent heart swell. He vowed to himself to protect that beautiful smile of hers forever.
Closing the distance between them he grasped her hand into his and intertwining their fingers. He loved the new found intimacy they had ever since Italy.
Edward was content, just enjoying the contact and looking forward to be there for his mate when upset thoughts entered his mind from outside.
"Charlie is coming down the driveway." A velvet voice sighed.
When the both of them stepped out of the front door they saw the Chief talk to Esme and Carlisle next to his police car which was parked behind a Jeep.
Bella's pregnancy and Anna's departure were not easy on Charlie. He felt like he failed them both as a father, especially after the wash down Renee had given him.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw the couple walk out of the front door and a frown settled upon his face. Though Charlie had had time to ponder over the revelations which had come to light a few days ago he still didn't know how to feel about Doctor Cullen youngest son.
Rosalie's wicked and sharp tongue had made both human parents believe that an act of unfaithfulness was the reason for Bella's and Edward's bad break up, causing there imagination to run wild about how this could have let to everything else.
The Chief observed how the boy had his arm wrapped around his daughter's waist and his eyes narrowed in displeasure. He was just too used to hate and blame the boy. A few days and that shocking "truth" were not enough to change the way he saw him on a wimp. And besides he still had this funny feeling that something was off about Edward Cullen.
Charlie just couldn't quite put his finger on it.
The over one-hundred years old gentleman took the purse out of his mate's hand, offered her a crooked grin silently telling her to go to the human who was pinning the lethal predator with his narrowed eyes.
"Hi, dad." The girl smiled as she approached the Chief of police wearing a smile on her face.
Arriving in front of him she threw her arms around his neck and hugged the stunned adult who awkwardly patted her back after the first shock wore off. Though Charlie loved "his" little girl very much he really wasn't the touchy felly kind of guy.
"Seems like you are ready to go." He stated briefly glancing in Edward's direction.
When his gaze met her hazel eyes again she saw the sadness in them and the pain. Her heart tightened in her chest and she couldn't help the stab of guilt that suddenly assaulted her. This good hearted, poor man was going through so much partly also because of her.
"I'll call, promise." Anna forced a smile on her face.
The Chief nodded before he swallowed hard and his emotions stole his voice away. He had no idea why but this simple goodbye felt like something more that it seemed to be ….. like he was missing something significant.
"I'm counting on it." He rasped before clearing his throat and the both of them stood awkwardly in front of each other for a moment.
"Well then," Anna broke the silence and pulled the Chief into a hug once more. Charlie hugged her with one arm before he pulled away and tried not to show how his daughter's departure affected him.
"Do you have your pepper spray with you? You know not to talk to strangers and ….."
"Dad, I'm not five anymore." Anna laughed interrupting his rambling.
"Yeah, unfortunately," he mumbled the last word under his breath as his cheeks heated up a little and he scratched the back of his neck with his right hand.
"Call me as soon as you arrive." He told her sternly.
"I will. I promise as soon as we arrive I will call you." She nodded hugged him one last time, placing a tiny kiss on his pink stained cheek as she pulled away and bowed herself off, once again, to Esme and Carlisle before she went to the immortal who was waiting for her next to his brother's Jeep.
Edward would have liked to tell Charlie that he didn't need to worry and that he would take good care of Anna but he knew what the Chief though of him. He heard it echoing in his mind. Which was why with a defeated sighed he nodded his head once at Charlie's chilling glare silently vowing not to let any harm come to the dark haired beauty at his side.
"Oh and dad," the hazel eyed girl said and turned around as she was just about to get into the back seat, "ask Sue out on a date already you two are not getting any younger, you know." She chirped with a cheeky smile on her lips before she ducked into Emmett's car as an utterly thunderstruck Chief couldn't believe his ears. His mouth popped open in stunned disbelieve while a married Vampire couple chuckled amused next to him what earned them an embarrassed glare from a heavily blushing Charlie Swan.
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"She has been crying for two days straight now," a pixie murmured sadly as she listened to the quiet and muffled sobs that came from the bedroom of her best friend accompanied by the soft piano notes which melted into a perfect symphony as the melody conveyed the feelings of the artist.
…. feelings and promises that now belonged into the past. The tiny Vampire sadly reminded herself and a sharp pain stabbed her chest. ….she is torturing herself so much with this …..
Jasper pressed his lips into s thin line as he leaned against a tree trunk with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Alice I know you are hurting and I'm sorry but you need to let go, as painful it is. All that she is to us now is a liability," the former major insisted softly.
He hated to see and feel his beloved, Alice, suffer over the loss of her best friend but he knew that it was important for his wife to distance herself from the human girl who caused so many disturbances in their family.
The blond Vampire understood the importance of cutting ties with the clumsy human. Edward had chosen another and Alice needed to make her peace with that as well as the fact that Bella would no longer be an active part of their lives.
"She's not a ….." the pixie bristled as she whirled around to face her husband before her shoulders sagged in defeat and she sighed.
"I know that we can't …. I know that things are different now … but," she turned around and looked torn at the window behind which Bella was.
She had known for weeks that saying goodbye to the clumsiest resident of Forks was a very likely possibility but still this knowledge did nothing to dull the pain and loss that the tiny immortal was feeling.
Though the brunet had made many mistakes, her behaviour was at occasions highly disappointing and even caused the little immortal to shake her head in lack of understanding a couple of times the clumsy human still had been Alice's first and only BFF ever.
"I can do it if you want to," the blond Vampire offered as he placed his hand on his wife's shoulder.
"No," the pixie shook her head, "I own it to her."
She took a deep, unnecessary breath before a determinate expression settled on her face.
"I'm here," the former major murmured and pressed a kiss on the top of her head.
Alice cranked her neck and offered her husband a sad smile before she was across the yard knocking on the brunet's window.
The clumsy girl's shoulder's shook with ever painful sob that wrecked her body while she was lying crushed and inconsolable on her bed, face buried in her with bitter tears damp pillow, as she held her hands firmly over her belly.
Ever since she woke up in her own room after the scene her mother caused at the Cullen's and her breakdown the full weight of the situation she was in hit her. And all the brunet was capable of was to cry her eyes out.
If only she hadn't been frozen with shock and her mind wouldn't have been such a mess after the Doctor at the hospital informed her of her pregnancy she would have been capable of wondering why her mother asked for the directions to the Cullen's but as it had been the brunet was just able to answer listlessly like a robot while her world was crashing down around her.
The clumsy girl cried harder when she remembered the looks on the pale porcelain faces when Renee dropped the bomb.
She was thankful that Charlie had not let Jacob see her when he had arrived earlier that day. Renee's high-pitched voice as she screamed and cursed the pup out was still fresh in the brunet's mind.
Bella buried both hands in her messy and sticky hair curling further into a ball as tears leaked out of her swollen eyes and suddenly a knock on glass startled her.
She winced and cursed her luck. She really did not want to deal with her baby's daddy but a female voice which sounded like a wind chime that called her mane made her bold out of bed and move across the room in record time.
"Alice!" The brunet croaked breathlessly as her sad, swollen and lifeless chocolate brown eyes lit up at the sight of the tiny Vampire on the other side of the window.
"Alice," the clumsy girl breathed again as she hurried to open the window and let her friend in.
Gracefully, like a little prima ballerina, the short haired energy ball entered the messy room and her sad golden pools swept over the piles of clothes on the ground, some of which she had bought for Bella mixed with well worn sweaters and ratted t-shirts, papers and books were carelessly sprawled over the old desk and then her eyes landed on the bed, inspecting the rumpled bedcovers.
Her silent heart nearly broke when she spotted the photograph of Bella and Edward which had been taken shortly before the birthday incident lying on the with tears damp pillow.
The scene in the photograph looked arranged and forced. Edward had one hand lightly on Bella's slim shoulder while she had her arm wrapped around his waist in an almost possessive way.
The brunet in the picture obviously tried to smile but it turned out to be more of a scared grimace while Edward's face was an empty, expressionless mask and his eyes appeared to be dull and listless even though he forced the corners of his mouth into a fake smile.
A strangled sound escaped the human's lips what snapped the little immortal back into reality before the brunet started to sob harder as she threw herself at the tiny Vampire in front of her, wrapping her arms around her cool neck and squeezing so hard, as she cried tears of pain and relief, that it might have suffocated a human.
Alice sighed against Bella's shoulder and patted her back before she led her to the bed where both of them sat down and the pregnant teen continued to sob and wail while her supernatural friend comforted her.
The little Vampire felt terrible for her friend, though deep down she also resented the brunet a little for sleeping with the mutt while she had been trying to get her back together with her brother.
Nothing had happened as she had seen it in her visions and as much as a small part of her wished she could "right" things she knew that her brother was happy with the one he had chosen. As much as Alice loved Bella she loved Edward more.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," the brunet chocked through her sobs.
"It's alright Bella." Alice was stroking the clumsy girl's back in comforting patterns.
"No, it's not!" The human cried out hoarsely shaking her head as tears were falling from her red, swollen eyes.
"Nothing is alright," she moaned and rose from the bed to drive her hand into her messy hair out of frustration.
"I was supposed to marry Edward. I was supposed to have his baby, our little Nessie. I was supposed to become your sister. I was supposed to become like you and have my happy ever after with Charlie still in my life and Jake as my son-in-law and best friend." The brunet groused.
"But now look at me! I slept with Jake and everything went to hell from there and I'm even pregnant with his baby. God, this is so wrong! So, so wrong." The clumsy girl cried.
…. it went to hell when you stole the life of another and pushed her onto my brother …. Alice thought as suddenly something inside her snapped, exposing a gaping hole.
Desperate and slightly crazed brown eyes south out conflicted melted gold.
"What am I supposed to so now, Alice? How am I going to fix this?"
The little Vampire cocked her head to the side and looked confused at the frantic girl in front of her.
"Fix what?" Alice's brows drew together as she pushed her newfound, confusing emotions aside.
"Things between Edward and I …. The Volturi…" Fork's klutz number one cried out.
The tiny immortal sighed feeling her sadness mix with unexpected annoyance.
"Bella," her voice was soft and cautious and she waited until she had the full attention of her friend before she went on, "you don't have to worry about the Volturi. They won't come after you. Since you are with Jacob, the mutts, they can't touch you."
"W-what?" The brunet questioned utterly stunned while her mind was struggling to accept what her ears had heard as her breathing accelerated.
Her last tiny piece of hope, that maybe there was still a chance, was drifting away from her what violently punched the air out of her lungs and ripped the ground away from under her feet.
"You are not going to be turned into a Vampire…. Bella, do you understand what I am telling you? You are free to live a normal human life with your baby and his or hers father without the Volturi breathing down your neck." Alice explained slowly and carefully eyeing the shocked brunet with concern.
The clumsy girl could not believe what her best friend, her supposed sister-in-law, had just informed her about. The only light on the end of a very dark and endlessly long tunnel was diminishing before her eyes.
The clumsy girl had been counting on Aro's desire for gifted immortals. She had hoped that her ability, the shield that prevented Edward from reading her mind, would be the key to their common future.
"Ha, ha," that two pained, broken and sarcastic noises left her lips after a moment of helpless and disbelieving silence. And they weren't the only one's soon the brunet was laughing hysterically while tears were streaming down her red blazing cheeks.
"Bella?" The tiny immortal was calling the human's name but receive no sign of recognition.
Alice was worried about the brunet's mental state and started to become scared just as Fork's klutz number one seemed to gather her bearings.
"Not even the Volturi want me?" The clumsy girl choked while pain and rejection was graved into every feature of her blotchy face. "But Eleazar was here. He saw me! He tested me! Was I not good enough?" She asked in a meek and quiet voice, gazing truly confused at the pixie.
She couldn't understand that. Why wouldn't Aro want her? Didn't he know what a powerful shield she was?
"Why?" The brunet demanded, staring into golden eyes which were filled with pity.
"They have nothing to gain from your change since you wouldn't join their guard and Aro knows he has nothing to offer you to keep you at his side. " Alice mumbled as she gazed into watery chocolate depths.
I'm not worth the effort. The brunet thought as she squeezed her eyes shut. More tears streaming down her blotchy cheeks in response to the new hot pain that suddenly throbbed in her chest. Rejection.
Her already nearly non-existent self-esteem crumbled further.
Fork's klutz number one wept quietly while the psychic looked down on the hands in her lap while pressing her lips together into a thin line.
"Edward," the brunet's quiet whisper cracked as a result of the crying.
"What?" Alice's head snapped up and looked at the brunet.
She looked tired, worn, paler than usual and way too thin. Her tears stained, blotchy cheeks were fallen in and there were thick dark rings under her swollen and red eyes.
"Please," the brunet croaked, couching softly because of the direness of her mouth and throat, "I …. I need to talk to him …. just see him."
The desperate girl licked her chapped lips as she grabbed the immortal's hand and squeezed it as hard as she could. Despairing chocolate brown eyes were pleading with sad melted gold.
"Please, ….please," she whispered as a fresh tears prickled in her eyes before they run down her face.
Alice's face fell before she swallowed hard and her head sank back down.
"You won't…." the brunet cried forlorn letting go of the pale, cold hand in hers as new pain was ripping it's way through her chest.
The tiny Vampire looked back up then and she grimaced in sorrow.
"It's not that I don't want to, Bella," she explained.
"Then why?" Isabella sobbed.
The small immortal sighed, her eyes flying off the brown chocolate for a brief second. She snapped them shut tightly knowing that this would be the last nail into Bella's coffin.
"They left Forks this morning."
If one listened very carefully one could hear the crack that shattered a bleeding heart as the owner's body froze in shock and anguish.
It were just five words, five little, trivial words, but the meaning behind them was more than the brunet could bear.
He had peremptory chosen another.
He had decided for another live.
Another future.
He had left her again ….
…. but this time it was final ….
…. without even as much as a goodbye.
The clumsy girl suddenly felt like she was the main hero of a Shakespeare play, a great love surrounded by even greater tragedy.
All that was felt of a beautiful dream were tears, pain, a broken heart and a meaningless life.
In this moment she wished she had never found those books, never read them, never discovered what life she could have had maybe then it would have hurt a little less like dying.
But of course she was not that lucky, she never had been. The little bit of happiness that she had found had been violently ripped from her grasp and she was left with nothing but anguish, painful memories and the knowledge of what she had been deprived of.
If she would have been able to she would have chosen dying because death came at some point offering peaceful relief but there was no end to what she was feeling.
No way to fix the hole that had been punched through her chest.
No way of smoothing the wrenched cries of her phantom heart.
No way of …..
Had she anything left at all? She suddenly wondered as she was caught in her sorrowful stupor. The only answer that came to her mind was "no".
Of course not. Edward had become her perpetual source of strength. During the time they had been together she had become dependent on him. He left her, lied to her, hurt her and she would have taken him back without a second thought within a split of a second didn't that say it all.
Suddenly for some unknown reason Jessica's face pooped up in the brunet's mind and the memory of a rare hot summer day in Forks, during summer vacation, as the always cheerful and slightly hyper girl told her and Angela that she thought she loved Mike haunted her thoughts.
Back then in that specific moment Bella had turned the corners of her mouth into a fake smile while she pitied her classmate being convinced that she had absolutely no idea what love was nor had ever experienced it unlike her.
Now a tiny part of her envied the cheerful girl that liked to gossip because first Jessica had been hurt, then angry and finally was moving on with her life within a few days after their break up …..
"Bella," Alice whispered her name not having a clue what else to do.
Unexpectedly and suddenly the clumsy girl scrambled awkwardly onto her shaky legs that barely could carry her and she slowly wobbled the few stepped to her bed. Numbly crawling under the covers and burying her head in the pillow.
The tiny Vampire watched sadly as the human girl was lying lifelessly in her bed and what worried her a little was that there wasn't a single tear that had fallen ever since those five words had left her mouth.
The brunet's tired eyes remained open, unmoving and fixed on a point in her room as she barely noticed anything else.
"You have been the best friend I could have ever asked for," Alice whispered brokenly, kneeling beside the head of the bed as the brunet, in her catatonic state, was losing her fight against the onslaught of darkness that was trying to pull her under.
A single tear rolled down and sank into the pillow beneath her head as understanding crashed down on her violently like a sledgehammer.
"I will always love you ….. and I will never forget you." The tiny Vampire swallowed hard. Despite her conflicted emotions about Bella that had boiled underneath but surfaced just a few minutes ago it was painful to force those words out.
The pregnant teen wanted to scream for her best friend not to leave her as well. She wanted to plea and beg and argue ….. but she knew no matter what she did she couldn't stop Alice from leaving.
She couldn't the first time around nor could she now.
With that realisation fresh, and taunting her, in mind the bit of energy she had left in her body drained from her muscles leaving her listless and numb.
All she could do was to let the sorrow and pain wash over her as the tiny Vampire rose on her knees and placed a cool kiss on her hot forehead.
"I promise." A sad melodic voice chocked with unshed tears as she brunet' eyelids fluttered shut, all the breath left her body in one puff before a single broken gut wrenching cry tore from her throat.
It didn't take long before the soft sniffing sounds and ragged breaths diminished and the physical and emotional exhaustion had won.
A tiny immortal prima ballerina was standing by the only window in the small room gazing sadly and regretfully at the girl who had fallen into a fitful sleep on the small bed before she shut her eyes, sighed and disappeared out of the small room as well as its resident's life forever.
(*.*)
Three green peas had raised their heads out of the mashed potatoes on the fork that a pregnant teen held midair.
…green, the colour of his eyes as he still had been human …
…three: it would have been the three of them if…
The brunet screwed her eyes shut tightly and cursed the fact that even something as simple as ordinary lunch could ripped her chest open within seconds slapping her out of her numb drowsiness to burn in the fire of anguish and sorrow.
"Bella!" A shrill voice barked harshly snapping her out of her stupor and the clumsy girl was met with the annoyed blue eyes of her mother.
"Yes," the brunet whispered.
Renee sighed, shaking her head before she repeated what she had said just seconds ago.
"I said do not forget to take your vitamins and the antidepressants after you are finished."
The pregnant teen stared at her mother. She hated taking those antidepressant agents they were forcing her into the reality which she so frantically but unsuccessfully trying to escape.
As a glare started to build on her mother's face the brunet nodded reluctantly. With another sigh of annoyance Renee marched out of the kitchen.
She was not happy about the whole situation. She detested the fact that Bella was repeating her mistake and got pregnant way too early. If she could have had her way her daughter would have had an abortion. But back then Bella was catatonic, hospitalised, suffered from a severe depression and on top of that her ex-husband was dead set against the abortion.
It greatly surprised Renee and also Bella's Doctors that the brunet didn't have a miscarriage. Given her physically and emotionally state it had seemed highly likely and her body started to show signs of rejection but in the end the offspring of an active Werewolf had proven to be tougher than anyone thought.
Renee's only consolation was that her daughter was living with her and Phil now away from her father and the two boys that were responsible for Bella's condition.
Renee exhaled forcefully as she picked up the basket with freshly washed clothes not wanting to think of her rebellious, obstinate, other daughter because that only teased her ire. She was waiting ever day for the call when Anna or her "useless" and "irresponsible" ex-husband would call with the message that he had dumped her like her sister, possibly even knocked up as well.
The clumsy girl finished the last bite of her lunch with a heavy sigh. She had no appetite but she knew the trouble she would have to face if she didn't eat up what her mother prepared. After putting the dishes that she had used into the dishwasher she grimaced at the two little bottles on the counter that taunted her.
One reminding her of the huge mistake she committed while the other symbolized what she had lost.
The brunet gripped the edge of counter as waves of pain were washing over her. She squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lower lip as suddenly the loud ringing of the phone ripped through the warm air in Jacksonville.
Her eyes flew to the phone in the kitchen. She looked at it as if it might bite her, afraid of the possible caller. Jacob had been calling every day ever for ten days since she had left Forks under his frantic and desperate protest. After Renee threatened him with a restriction order that tuned down into one call a week.
After five rings the noise thankfully stopped. Once again Renee was taking his calls ignoring his pleas and crushing his hope.
"Tell her…..," Jacob murmured and then shook his head as he realised that he had no words to give to the girl who was carrying his child and held his naked, unprotected heart in her palm squeezing it painfully.
"Jacob?" Renee sighed annoyed, checking if he was still on the line.
"Nothing." The Werewolf shook his head, "goodbye."
Without waiting for a response he hung up and threw the head set on the kitchen counter in front of him before he gripped the edges to brace himself on it.
He took three deep breaths to try to calm himself but it was no use the angry ball of conflicted emotions was rolling around in his stomach and soon he felt his bones start to hurt. Pushing himself off the counter he shed out of his clothes and burst out of the back door, phasing before he took off into an angry run through the wildness of green surrounding La Push.
The brunet felt bad about what she was putting him through. She hated herself for hurting him time and time again and not having the strength or courage to face him or even answer his phone calls.
There were a few nights in which she had cried because she wished that she could love him that she could forget about her first love and just be with the one that how many time she pushed him away and hurt him he never stopped loving her, never stopped fighting for her.
But it was impossible. Her bleeding heart could not accept anyone else except of Edward.
"Bella, hurry up," Renee called from the living room, "your appointment with Doctor Welsh is up in half an hour."
"Oh," the brunet sighed it was time to visit the psychologist. She had successfully pushed that out of her mind without even trying.
She spent so much time wrapped up in her own head, her own misery, that most of the time she barely noticed the world around her.
"OK;" the doe eyed girl muttered to appease her mother though there was no use in doing therapy since she could never talk about what was really going on with her nor the reasons for her misery but Renee had insisted and the clumsy girl just had no fight left in her to go against her mother.
At least she was still allowed to drive on her own. A tiny little twist of her lips appeared when she held the keys in her hand. She had no idea why but sitting behind the wheel and driving herself was always the highlight of her day.
Red lights caused her to stop and she watched the people which were crossing the street. A girl, no young woman, in particular caught her eye.
The brunet wondered if that girl was going to college. Of course if life had gone like she had wished it to she would have been married to Edward right then - pain gripped her heart - and they would already have their little girl - a stab in her chest let all breath whoosh out of her body - but eventually she would have gone to college. Now she wondered wistfully if she ever would have the opportunity to.
(*.*)
Days passed in a blur.
Sometimes the brunet didn't even know which day of the week it was. Most of her time she spent on her bed starring into nothing wallowing in her misery and pain until some day something happened though.
As she was lying on her back, her eyes fixed on the ceiling, she suddenly felt a flutter, like tiny little wings beating inside of her abdomen. Brows pulled together in confusion as her hand slipped underneath her sweater, palm lying flat on her slightly round belly, and that strange sensation happened again.
What happened next had been completely unexpected for the mother-to-be. She was suddenly struck by the thought that there was a little person, growing inside of her.
Things had started to get better from there on, slowly though but steadily. She took better care of herself and even one day answered one of Jacob's calls.
Her mother had not been happy with the brunet when she decided to return to Forks but she wasn't able to stop her no matter how much she screamed, argued and pleaded.
Charlie had come to pick her up at the airport being relieved to see his little girl again. Jacob had wanted to go as well but the Chief wanted to have his daughter all to himself. The greeting had been as expected of those two, awkward and short with a lot of blushing involved.
As they neared the quiet little town that held so many painful memories for the pregnant girl the sky became gradually more mottled with heavy grey clouds and the sun was able to peek through less and less times.
Getting out of the car after the Chief parked in his driveway the brunet cherished the cool, damp air that settled on her pale skin and breathed the crisp air into her lungs. It felt nostalgic.
She never though that she would one day miss the cold and the wet but she did when she was in Jacksonville. The sun and the heat just weren't her thing anymore.
"Bells," a familiar deep voice called out and her eyes flew to the source.
What she noticed immediately was how much Jacob had changed during their separation. He wasn't the muscular kid anymore who she had left behind as she fled Forks.
No, he was a man now. A tall, big, strong, muscular, handsome, loyal, faithful man with the biggest heart she had ever encountered who was madly in love with her.
That was far more than most women ever had so why couldn't she feel just happy and blessed at the sight of his hugely smiling face and the way his eyes sparkled just for her?
Maybe it was enough that he was her "sun". Maybe that could be enough for them.
The brunet settled into her new, old, life in Forks. Despite the warm welcome things had been strained and tense between her and Jacob. He still loved her but he was also angry with her for leaving and hurt because she had been avoiding him.
It had taken many afternoons walks down First beach and secret meetings in her childhood bedroom but eventually Jacob came to forgive her and things started to look a little brighter as time passed that was until one night.
The pregnant teen had waddled down the stairs while holding her expanded belly before tiredly and sleepily making her way to the kitchen for a glass of water and possibly a little mid-night snack.
She had just opened the fridge when she felt something hot running down her legs just a second before a sharp pain shot through her lower back and her abdomen constricted.
The primeval roar of pain that tore from her throat as she held desperately on to the counter while her body was doubling over in agony because of the contractions ripped the Chief out of his sleep. Once he found his daughter huddled on the wet kitchen floor panic hit him like a fright train but he quickly gather himself and not fifteen minutes later they were in the hospital.
"Bella," the midwife, May Gaskin, murmured looking sympathetically at the exhausted teen, "I think it is time for a C-section. You have been in labour for twenty-seven hours, child. The contractions have slowed in spite of the pitocin."
"Yes," the doe eyed girl grabbed her hand in desperation and nodded her head furiously as tears of relief shot to her eyes, "please get him out of me." She squeaked before another painful contraction hit.
"Beth page Doctor Myers and prepare for the C-section." May ordered the younger nurse who nodded and disappeared out of the room.
"I …. don't want ….. anymore." Isabella hiccupped, crying, being tired beyond believe and in pain. She didn't have the energy to go on anymore.
"Don't worry sweetheart it will be over soon," Renee whispered holding onto her daughter's hand and wept the sweat off her forehead with a small towel.
After receiving a call from an excited and freaked out Charlie she had jumped onto the next plane to be there for Isabella.
Jacob was standing not far away from the bed looking utterly helpless but also fascinated at the brunet. He longed to be there for her but all the clumsy girl wanted was her mother. She had made that more than obvious when she was cussing him out the last few hours.
The next thing the doe eyed girl knew was that a screen had been set up across her chest while people were rushing in and out of her hospital room as her mother was trying to be encouraging.
The brunet was exhausted and wanted to close her eyes so badly but the strange pulling in her lower stomach wouldn't let her get any rest. Before she even had time to decide if the numb feeling inside of her abdomen was painful or not a piercing cry got her attention.
"Congratulations, Bella, it's beautiful baby girl." May said happily and the tired teen sighed in relief.
Her eyes were close and she was on the edge of falling into the welcoming darkness she so desperately craved but the presence she felt near her made her drag her tired eyes open.
"Your daughter wants to meet you momma," May smiled brilliantly at her and laid the pink bundle near Isabella's head.
Chocolate brown eyes blinked tears away before they took in the little, crumpled, pink face and counted the tiny fingers on the left fist that stuck out from beneath the blanket the little girl was wrapped in.
The brunet didn't quiet know how she felt as she saw that baby. She was numb and confused and then for the first time her little daughter opened her eyes gazing straight into her own.
"She is absolutely beautiful," Jacob's voice shook with emotions as he stared utterly fascinated at his tiny daughter but the brunet didn't hear.
She was shocked that those little eyes were as dark as the night. Somewhere in her mind she remembered that someone once told her that babies usually had blue eyes when they were born and that their eye colour changed in the first few months.
But the tiny bundle next to her had big warm pitch black eyes like her father and as she gazed into those pools of dark night exhausted from twenty-seven hours of labour the brunet felt nothing.
No connection.
No instant bond.
No great, fierce unconditional love that suddenly blossomed in her chest.
It was as if it was a stranger's child lying next to her.
Tears rolled down Isabella's red blazing cheeks as the world around her, which she had barely begun to build up again, fell apart yet again.
(.)
"You are on a good way Bella and don't forget take it one step at a time." The elderly man, with the silver white hair, smiled warmly at her.
The brunet forced a fake smile on her face, "of course Doctor Campbell." She said before she left the practice of her psychologist. The past few months of postpartum depression, more happy pills and therapy had not been easy on her.
The brunet didn't want the therapy but it kept her parents and Jacob off her back so she dragged herself into Doctor Campbell office once a week.
She had just reached her orange beast of a truck, that still lived, when the sun peeked through the clouds and shone into Isabella's eyes causing her to screw them together and tiredness overwhelmed her.
Those sessions were a pain even with the help of the prescribed happy pills. With a heavy sigh she opened the car door and got inside.
The clumsy girl was not in the mood to face her father, who was looking after her daughter, yet which was why she decided go to the one place that brought her solace.
Her sanctuary.
Soon the clumsy girl found herself on a familiar path overgrown by wild green. The grass on the front yard grew uncontrollably a consequence of not having been trimmed in forever. Weeds were growing everywhere in Esme's once beautiful garden and mother nature had begun to leave her mark on the unoccupied mansion.
She excited her car, climbed the steps up the house and pulled out a key from her jeans pocket. Her beloved had given it to her once, back then during their beautiful summer. The brunet opened the front door of the deserted mansion, stepped inside and went up the staircase to the level where his room was.
Arriving there she did what she has always done ever since she had been there the first time and discovered that some of the furniture was left behind among them his black leather couch.
The clumsy girl lay down, took in the lingering sweet scent and lost herself in her dream world.
If only her psychologist knew what she was doing. An amused smile appeared on her face before a sad and heavy sigh washed it away as it was time to return to reality.
For her sanctuary she had forced herself to function, she put a smile on her face, she visited the psychologist, she was fake friendly to people, ate regularly, took better care of herself all that and more to be able to steal some precious minutes being near him.
She was aware of the fact that Jacob noticed the sweet scent on her each time she came back from her safe place but he never said a word instead his best friend had become denial or understanding, the believe that this was part of her healing. Isabella didn't particularly care as long no one took her sanctuary away from her.
To keep up the status quo she even agreed to marry Jacob when he proposed to her.
She plastered a big smile on her face when her father was walking her down the aisle even though her stomach was twisting and turning and the urge to run the other way as defeating.
She tired her best to be on good terms with Charlie.
She tried to be accepted by Jacob's friends.
She tried to act normal for others but she failed in hiding the bitterness that was etched onto her face, became part of her voice and when she was not careful enough showed in her actions.
Sometimes when Isabella Swan, now Black, looked into the bathroom mirror in the mornings she laughed sarcastically at herself. All her life she couldn't lie to safe her life but now she managed to fool those around her.
Though she was wrong in that regard there were a few souls who saw through her act. Sam and his wife for example or Charlie who chose to believe that time would heal his daughter.
Another thing she tried her hardest on was to be a good mother to the sweet little girl that was her own flesh and blood and to love her but no matter how much she tired she couldn't feel love for that tiny innocent person.
When little Elizabeth looked at her with her round dark eyes it always seemed wrong because it were not her own chocolate brown ones that looked back at her.
When the clumsy girl brushed her hand through the thick black hair on the small head it always felt wrong because it were not the soft, silken bronze locks she expected to touch.
When the brunet touched her daughter's sun kissed skin she always saw the difference in their complexions. Hers, the pale porcelain against the tiny little girl's russet.
That was why she couldn't love her.
That was the baby's unforgivable fault.
Elizabeth had the wrong father….
….. the wrong DNA ….
…..… belonged to the wrong species.
Elizabeth wasn't Renesmee and that prevented the brunet from loving her own child no matter how hard she tried to love her. Forks klutz number one was too hung up on her past and the future that she would never have to appreciate what she did have.
(+.+)
"Here sweetheart," Emily cooed as she handed one of the white chocolate chip cookies which she and Bella had backed for observance to Elizabeth.
"Thank you," the little, three year old, girl answered with a smile as she took the cookie into her tiny hands and smiled gratefully at the cheerful woman with scars on her face.
"She is absolutely adorable, Bella." Emily sighed gazing at Elizabeth as she walked out of her kitchen into the backyard while she rubbed her hand protectively and lovingly over her still flat belly.
It had been a week since the Doctor confirmed that she was expecting and she couldn't wait to meet her tiny bundle of joy.
When she whirled around to look at the brunet she saw a blank and emotionless expression on her face as her eyes were zeroed on the small girl and the Queleute couldn't help but to get angry.
"What is wrong with you?" Emily asked harshly with venom in her voice what caught Isabella's attention.
The Queleute was still no fan of the brunet but for Jacob's sake she had arranged herself with his wife as had the others in the pack. It took some time but they all managed to be civil to the doe eyed woman.
"What do you mean?" The brunet retorted annoyed, sighing as she began to make another batch of cookies.
She was having a hard week and was too tired to put on a show for the others. Jacob and the brunet had been fighting more often in the past couple of months. Her visits were more and more becoming a thorn in his side.
Jacob had been very patient with her for years and she came to resent him for that. The doe eyed woman was bitter and unhappy and for the life of her she couldn't understand why her husband had not dumped her by now.
Yes, he got mad at her and even angrily stormed out of the house but then some time later he would come back with a sheepish and apologetically smile on his friendly face, offering her a bouquet of wild flowers or some other silly gift to appease her.
Jacob's love made Isabella feel even worse about herself and what she felt. The downward spiral went on and on in a never ending circle.
"I have been watching you for years and I am asking you again what is wrong with you. You walk around like some great injustice had been done to you," the brunet winced at those words and at the same time they struck her ire.
"I really don't know what more you want."
No, it wasn't just ire. There was something bubbling under the surface it had been for some time already but the clumsy woman could never quite put her finger on it.
"You've got a loving husband that would do anything for you…."
The air fled from her lungs as she left something rise inside struggling to make it's way out. It had been kept down, ignored, downplayed way too long …..
"….. forgave you anything and a beautiful little girl ….."
"It's not enough!" The words broke out of the brunet forcefully and loudly leaving the Queleute shocked and agape.
It's not enough!
The truth of those words hit her hard and laughably unexpected but the second they left her mouth she knew that they were true like nothing else in years.
A mortal, normal life was not enough for her.