Waking up was a struggle. Even trying to explain it didn't do it justice. I wanted nothing more than to keep sleeping. I didn't want to deal with anything or even think of anything. Hell, if my story had stopped here with me forever in a state of sleep, I may have not minded, but… I couldn't just let it end here.
Even if I knew my future was going to be frustrating. I wasn't even a super Saiyan, a fact I keep hammering into my skull, but my failure to destroy the capital ship only made it worse. It reminded me, yet again, just how weak I was in comparison to the universe as a whole. In cultivation novels, protagonists start in the worst locations possible. This allows them to steadily power trip themselves to higher ranked zones until finally they stand at the top.
Each area they gain an arbitrary power ranking to home in on the main characters weakness, while also creating a sense of tension. The idea that you just moved into a larger pool and face greater threats than before. It was also a common literary device. Pipe lining threats and essentially spoon feeding your protagonist fights until they can stand at the very top.
Perhaps the director was working behind the scenes to set me up with advancement opportunities. Or perhaps circumstances caught the eye of people high up in the governments. Likely, if so, another benefit of the director's moves. Yet, it becomes obvious that I wasn't on a farm. I wasn't being carefully raised or set along a path where I would consistently get stronger.
At least, not immediately… There were things I had to do, things I didn't want to do. First was inspecting the ship. I had to at least know the ship I was on, and even briefly checking the schematics through my helmet barely did it justice. I found though, that I didn't really care.
The ship wasn't worth anything to me. Only the idea of it eventually holding a gravity chamber held any attraction. In fact, I'd love nothing more than to be back on my attack ball and flying around. Except, the attack ball is limited in many ways.
I couldn't really watch shows in transit. Nor did I have the space to train or test ideas. I couldn't train my telekinesis, even if at this point, I knew it wouldn't improve. I didn't have a bed, a shower… Nothing. Just me and my small pod.
I didn't wish to live such a life. Nor did I enjoy my current life. Ship life was frustrating. Rarely could I go all out or test myself for fear of puncturing a hole in our coffin. More so since just my explosive pressure could break countless small mechanisms throughout the ship.
Worse still was how limited I was in space. I could slam myself into and force breach a ship of a larger size. Perhaps ignore the fighter and mecha, but would this always be the case? Nappa when he was on earth casually decimated armies and jets. But could I say the same in space? Would Nappa be as courageous if the whole of earth's armies marched on him? Would the sheer quantities of people rushing him eventually be too much?
In a way, spaceships and mecha would be. Fighters and mecha had various grades, much like normal ships did. But they also had different armaments and purposes. Assuming they could hurt me, or at least bruise me individually, what would I do if faced with hundreds? Thousands?
One thing a universal collection of civilizations would hardly lack in were bodies to throw at problems. A single planet easily has billions, if not trillions of people due to advances in tech and specializations. Each civilization was easily made up of hundreds of different planets to boot. Which begged the question, how many could I kill before I fell?
Even if I were to play a game of hide and seek. Constantly striking at weak points and avoiding direct confrontations. How long could I keep that up? And how long until I am forced into a confrontation as the noose tightens? On top of the idea that perhaps I wasn't so special in the grand scheme of things.
Human history is full of heroes. If out of trillions of people, there weren't a single individual capable of superhuman feats what would that mean? Arms, though weak when I first fought him, what if he wasn't exactly special? A single of him I could beat easily? A hundred, would take some effort, a thousand? A hundred thousand? A million? I wouldn't win that fight.
What frustrated me wasn't that I was a big fish in a small pond. It was that I was a big fish in an endless ocean. Countless smaller creatures exist, but I wasn't big enough to compare with the true threats of the ocean. I had a good bite, but what if faced with a shark? Or a whole shiver?
And assuming it's just a normal shark and not the great white equivalent. Or perhaps killer whales or whales. Giant squids. Or other horrors long lost to time and space. And what of that thing I saw after our first salvage? Was it strong? Weak? I didn't know, but I knew if I tried to exert my dominance over everything, I had to be able to deal with that thing at minimum.
My path to power was reliant on taking steady steps forward. I wanted to run, but the path was paved at a near glacial pace. I was literally dragging my pirate crew with me because I needed them. If, at best I was a shark, they were my remora. Feeding off the scraps, keeping me clean, and even protecting me if the worst happens.
I had a feeling that super Saiyan would only give me the basic ability to survive in space on my own. Which is why Saiyan's tended to group up into units and handle planets together. In case something stronger than them did appear. Perhaps if I had another Saiyan with me, if I did, the amount of power we could bring to bear would be so much more.
We could train against each other, following the old adage of iron sharpening iron. The two of us constantly matching each other in strength. The only method I could think of is having a kid… I'd need a human mate, which I only know of master so far… Even the thought of raising a kid for a sparring partner felt… disturbing. Especially since I wasn't entirely against it.
With another Saiyan I could pull off energy transfer techniques. Even combinations attacks, and most importantly. Fusion. I remember when I was younger and saw the fusion dance, the long hours spent practicing it for the sheer hell of it. The idea that I could fuse, that people could combine their powers together into a stronger whole. It was a fascinating concept that captured a child's imagination.
Granted… I don't know if it would work, but I had a feeling it might. I only needed someone close enough to my power level to make it worth it. But… again? Raising a kid for that specifically? I didn't want that, especially when I consider what it means for my potential kid. How much would it mess with him, or her, if they knew I only had them so I could have someone to train with?
Fucking hell, if I knew that was the reason for my birth I'd be pissed. I'd be lucky if they didn't just kill me, but with how those story lines usually go that would be the best outcome. The other possible fates belong in a variety of Hentai, or even dark erotic fantasies. None of which I want to genre shift into.
With that out the window I needed another Saiyan, or some insane method of improving myself. Goku had Vegeta… As sad as that sounds. Goten had Trunks. And there were probably more combinations I didn't know about, but Saiyan Duo's were near unstoppable. And no matter how strong my master got he would always be a step behind me, something akin to Master Roshi, or a Krillin. Which sounds like two completely different levels, except when you consider that Krillin is actually somewhat useful during most major battles.
I wanted to improve, to grow stronger, but my greatest limiters are those around me. Worse still, I couldn't just leave them. They were more useful to me, acting as my method of moving around and finding opportunities for good fights without getting myself killed. The previous fight only made that apparent.
If I was on my lonesome, sure I wouldn't have even fought the fleet in space, but what if… What if I was on a planet facing a fleet in space? Perhaps I could kill the via attrition, but what if they decide on simply bombarding or even attempting to glass the planet? Should I just hide in a hole and wait them out? I wasn't a fucking mole person! Just the idea of having to hide makes my blood boil and my heart race.
I needed to get stronger, but there wasn't a clear method to do so. I wanted more exhilarating fights like with the giant planet squid thing. I wanted to go all out, I wanted to hear the planet buckling under the force of the fight! I wanted our fights to echo through the universe! The force of our blows cracking reality itself!
What I didn't want to do was deal with people. I didn't want to worry about leading a bunch of space pirates, or following rules, or even having to wait for them to play catch up. Playing as captain can be fun occasionally, but I didn't want to play captain right now. I didn't want to do anything, rather, I knew if I was to do anything I'd probably break it.
Which is why I didn't want to wake up. Why I didn't want to do anything. It was a damned if you do, damned if you don't moment. It was childish, but I felt it burning me, scorching me charred black. I knew I couldn't lose what I had, but I also knew I didn't want what I had.
Like wanting to run free despite wearing a cast on your leg. Wanting to take a nice deep breath in when on a ventilator. Wanting a nice hamburger when you're on a liquid diet. A nice filling meal after near death by constant starvation. I wanted it, so very bad.
Which resulted in the strangest result. I almost sleepwalked everywhere. I ate, I slept. I barely paid attention to the reports coming in as I settled on the best equivalency of both worlds. I wouldn't participate, I wouldn't do anything. I wouldn't even think. Such was how I lived out the trip to wherever we were going.
I ate, I shit, I slept. Punctuated by occasionally taking a shower and just standing dumbly underneath it. I think at one point I heard something from Doc. A kind of diagnosis, which is why nobody dared to mess with me, why even master didn't drag me out for training. I often spent hours just doing basic exercises like a machine.
My own blood was scorching. My body constantly on the finger edge of me just letting loose. Like a tension ratcheted up to the max. I think someone may have tried to make an issue with me once, only for me to slam them into paste against the wall without even a glance. I knew nothing, save for that burning ache in my body. That need to push myself to above and beyond.
The more I was in this state, the more I realized just how out of funk I was. I hadn't gotten a good fight in since the giant squid planet monster, thing. I hadn't felt the rush of endorphins, that rush of pleasure as I beat down my opponent. I had many other fights, but none compared.
The closest fight to my fullest was in the pyramid, but even that fight wasn't at my best. Rather, I was limited in what I could if only because of its frustrating habit of absorbing my energy blasts. I could punch and kick as I pleased but loosing my energy in one big blast was always a refreshing exercise. Or so I told myself.
Yet, how does it feel when I go all out with a blast, only to find myself short. I couldn't blow up the capital ship. My contributions were more or less extraneous. A side dish.
I didn't like that. I wasn't a side dish! I was the main course! No, I was the whole damn feast! No, no! I was the whole damn venue!? If I was in a show, I'd be the show, the audience, and all the actors at once! Only then could I be happy with what I was doing.
I wasn't doing this for them. I was doing this for me, myself, and I. Did I care for these pirates? No more than one person cares for their distant cousin they met once or twice. Did I care for my master? Perhaps, but if he were to die, I wouldn't be to upset. If Doc were to simply cease, I wouldn't care either, despite our many therapy sessions.
Or… So, I told myself. It was easy to imagine myself being uncaring, but… Would that really be the case if it happened? I didn't know, and that worried me. It honestly felt like, like I was holding myself back associating with these people. That I'd be able to progress so much faster on my own, except, I knew that wasn't true.
I only snapped back, like a rubber band stretched to its limit when I was called to the newly built med bay. It took nearly a dozen times for me to finally register that Doc was even calling my name. I was only slightly aware of the glances I got as I moved. The worried whispers and fearful glances as people stepped out of my way.
We had apparently docked. New faces were already filling our ship. I knew this because I could sense them, I could sense the nearby space station and everything else. Like countless ants I was aware of, a swarm of bugs crawling all over me. I barely held myself back knowing there had to be a reason I was called.
The new med bay was fancy from what I could tell. Even if I only took a small glance, I could see countless monitors and strange machines with flashing lights. A small area cut off had beds with white sheets and tiling emphasizing the clean nature of those rooms. In the back of the room, taking up a good chunk of it was a large glass enclosure.
"Good, you made it. Step inside the enclosure."
I heard Doc speak to me as I listened and walked. I didn't consider if this was a trap or a method to harm me. If anything, I welcomed such an attempt. An excuse to break out and let loose. The second I stepped in the door behind me slid shut. I became aware of everything in my vicinity, my senses blocked by the enclosure's walls. It was almost like my senses were immediately muffled.
"The fuck."
The words left my lips, the first words spoken in what felt like months.
"I assume that means it's working. This enclosure was built specifically to measure your energy, or ki as you call it. It also has a diverse array of equipment built into it that lets me accurately judge your health. So, stay still for a moment and I'll have something for you."
I folded my arms and waited. It was calming here for some reason. I breathed out and in. Feeling tension leave my body. I rolled my shoulders and stretched my muscles. Cracks and pops echoed out as my muscles rolled and loosened. Was I really that tense? It was strange though, the silence. The feeling of being alone despite knowing I truly wasn't.
"Done. Feel free to check the forward monitor."
I opened my eyes and looked. What I saw was mesmerizing. An image of me, except filled with a glowing blue energy. It leaked from me forming a thick haze around me. I stared and I felt something click as I breathed out. I could almost see the haze around me, the qi released and inhaled with every breath.
"From what I can see, your ki has hit a threshold of sorts. Rather, I do need more time to figure out what is going on with you, but I have an idea. Using the data, I got from you back when you fought my experiment I went ahead and built a better device specifically to diagnose you.
First. Your ki is leaking excessively. In fact, this leak has gotten worse over time."
I didn't listen more as I understood. I laughed. My voice silencing her as my mind trembled. Cultivation novels were like junk food for me back in the day.
"Ki deviation."
I said tasting the words.
"Excuse me?"
I ignored her and thought hard. My mouth moving with my thoughts.
"Ki is the expression of the soul. Using ki requires one to be in complete control lest they form heart demons or such. Lately I've felt lost and unsure. Since I failed to destroy the capital ship, I've been stuck in the cycle of thinking I would be better on my own. Yet, I know that's not the case. Back and forth, like a scale whose weights are altered constantly.
Mm… Yes, that makes perfect sense."
I exhaled again. I grab at myself. Shoving down those thoughts and insecurities. Pummeling them into submission and burying them deep. With every breath I could see less ki leaking until it became a fine mist, almost as if I was a statue of dry ice.
"Hoh…"
I exhaled a final burst. It wouldn't be a perfect fix. But, for now it would work. Next time though, it would be far worse. Unless I find something to do.
"Fascinating."
Doc says after a minute.
"Isn't it? I must admit, I am impressed you could build something like this."
"Is it? To be fair nothing in the galaxy is entirely undiscovered. Your energy source, or rather your ki isn't an entirely foreign concept. Only that it is a rather uncommon energy. However, the method you utilize it is unique. Which is why it is so highly compatible with just about every species I could find.
In fact, ki infusion, which is commonly called life force infusion is a common method to strengthen clones. Without infusion clones tend to be far weaker than normal people."
"Really? Why did you seem so interested in it at first then?"
"Because, I didn't actually know what the method was called before. Only that it worked. Truthfully, I only was able to get this tech and information due to your clearance given to you by the Pirate Baron."
I sneered defensively.
"So what? I'm not actually that special?" My voice had more bite then I intended.
"Hardly. In fact, the more I know the more special you are. In fact, I now realize why my experiment failed against you. As a Saiyan I noticed special cells within your body, cells I have taken the liberty of calling S-cells. These cells are what make you so hardy and also so strong. S-cells are a mutation of normal body cells, but with a far higher capability of holding energy and reconstituting themselves from death.
Your tail especially seems to be made entirely of these S-cells. The only issue is that these S-cells have higher energy requirements and pump out far more energy than normal, which is why Saiyan's have much higher aggression than most species. If anything, the mutation of normal cells to S-cells creates a special type of dopamine that makes getting stronger almost addictive. Which is only amplified by the tail."
That… I only partially followed it, but knowing what I did from the anime it sounded about right.
"Then, what do you know about going super Saiyan?"
A pause, followed by the sound of something moving rapidly.
"As absurd as it sounds, I can believe such a transformation can occur with the information I have. In fact, you could probably go super Saiyan now if you focus your energy on the S-cells concentrated in your back at the base of your neck."
I felt a white noise build up, it couldn't be that simple, right?
"I can?"
"Yes, but… I would suggest you don't. I estimate that naturally hitting super Saiyan would be dramatically stronger than abusing it."
"Fine, I'm willing to believe you. How close am I to hitting that point?"
"Well… Currently you're at about 30% of your cells having transformed. Was there more to being a super Saiyan?"
I think for a moment and relate all I know from the first form to the third. She seems to think about that.
"Right, I assume you can access Super Saiyan normally at around 60-70% the second form is likely around 80% give or take. Where the third is probably 90%"
I find that confusing.
"Really?"
"Yes, I assume there's likely another transformation or two. Are you sure you only know about those forms?"
"Yes. I mean, there could be more, but I don't know."
"I assume there's likely another pair of transformations, one likely near 98 or 99% where the final form is at full mutation to S-cells."
Interesting. "Why is it such a small amount difference though? Wouldn't it be easy?"
"Hardly. Each additional percentage of new S-cells is exponentially more difficult."
So, like endgame RPG's with each additional level costing more and more exp? I can live with that.
"What's the best way to build up my cells?"
"From some preliminary tests, it seems the cells propagate faster when left alone. Essentially when you're sleeping or not trying to force them to grow. Whereas attempts to increase their number actually results in them propagating slower."
"That's total bullshit."
It also made perfect sense why Goku was so much stronger than Vegeta after a shorter period of time.
"Well, maybe take a hobby and care less about getting strong?"
"I'd rather drown myself." I also watched enough dramas for a single lifetime. Let's be honest. Catching up on a century old drama is enough for one lifetime.
She sighs.
"Well, not much else I can say, but you will slowly accumulate S-cells through constant training either way. It will just be harder."
I sigh and stand by as Doc does more tests.