I lean on the door to the training room. I had it sealed while the trainer was going through his breakthrough or epiphany or whatever. The few crew members to stop by were all turned away with the same sentence.
"He's going through a breakthrough." They seemed relieved and happy. None questioned me beyond that. No suspicion, none. It felt strange. These last few months have been strange. Worrisome even.
My blood was beginning to burn. A searing pain that keeps pulsing under my skin. It demanded blood. Demanded a fight. Even just sitting here felt like I was scratching away at my sanity. It's been months since I've joined the crew. Months of little to no progress.
The cycle was repeated countless times over. The cycle of receiving a salvage request only to head to a small station to refuel and restock. During those stops I made the time to better furnish my room and replace my captain chair. At some point the armorer even managed to integrate the scouters into everyone's helmets…
Everyone around me was progressing. Improving. Except for me. I felt like I had barely moved. My body itched for combat. A proper fight. After our first salvage job… None of our jobs were easy. Almost like fate itself was taunting me.
Zombies… It was a research ship. A size larger than our own. The size classifications were all over the place, but the best I had was we were maybe a frigate. We had a hangar for deployment of fighters and mecha extra guns allowing for orbital bombardments. It could house hundreds of people, but it was obvious the ship was understaffed.
Automation took care of many of the problems, or rather good chunks of the ship remained dark or unmanned. Such a fact only became more obvious the longer I stayed. Our lack of numbers was made up by the expertise of those around. Every crew member was valuable as they easily did two or three people worth of work.
The ship was apparently an older model. The other two ships that made up the fleet were similar models too… It made me wonder if I wasn't lied to. If maybe, they were friends with those on the other ships? Or at least they were at one time. The crew's drifting apart as time went on. I wasn't sure if I'd ever know the truth, but for some reason it seemed to fit. Especially since this was the lone surviving ship of the original trio.
The crew members eyed me with caution. Many saw me for what I was, a weapon, a tool. I was using them as much as they were using me. Which is why the salvage missions were a priority. With me, many of them became trivial.
We did the same as my first salvage operation. Closed on the research ship with a crew of similar people. This time they managed to hack the doors and get us in silently. The ship was deathly quiet. My senses pinged nothing back. Not at first, but I sensed a ripple, almost like a false blip on a radar.
The hallways were clean, almost too clean. Sections cut off and sealed, welded even. We were being paid for the information on the ship. Information that required us to breach into the sealed sections. At first nothing came out, but it wasn't until we turned on the power that they moved, and my senses flared.
What followed was my liberally vaporizing the zombies. Masks were sealed to prevent possible air contamination. Unfortunately, the data was already scrubbed. Which meant we had to strip and decontaminate everything we found. It should have been interesting, but somehow, I just found it annoying.
Next the AI… An exercise in frustration. The AI only came alive as we got to the center of the ship near its core. I couldn't sense the defenses, but they couldn't hurt me. Which ended up with my clothes almost entirely destroyed save for my boots by the end. Every corner I passed bullets would hit me. Lasers appearing from the walls as the thing screamed nonsense over the comms.
I blasted my way through blast doors and walls until I ripped apart the mainframe. There were injuries. It wasn't until the alien salvage mission that I figured out something I hadn't noticed. These people were beginning to rely on me. These sacks of meat and bone that I could obliterate with a flick smiled and laughed easily in my presence.
They joked and relaxed with me. And that only made me feel worse. It was fun, but it wasn't what I wanted. Or perhaps it was? Perhaps that's why I feared giving the trainer power? Feared that he'd no longer train me, or perhaps somehow the crew would change how they saw me.
No… Since when had the gazes of respectful wariness faded into joking grins like seeing a friend? They never made me feel uncomfortable, no… Instead, it was like a piece fitting into a puzzle. I was melding into their culture. It felt like I was denying my own existence with them.
It was a different feeling from when I had stood alone amidst those city ruins. Different from when I fled the squidizens. I sought power, or so I had thought when I was with the squids. Seeing them I sought control, an excuse to exercise my power. Yet, in the end I was disgusted with what I saw. A species with no ambition, no power. A species that would likely cease development the moment I left.
In a way… Seeing them developing, no, seeing them fight one another even as they saw me as indomitable… My emotions and feelings flip-flopping… I wanted them to fight. I wanted them to seek me… In a way, it almost felt like a desire I would hold for my own children. A wish for them to surpass me… A wish for them to carry my own ambition… But what was it I truly sought?
In the arena I fought for recognition. The eyes of the crowd on me, witnessing my strength, but was it really that? In the end what they witnessed was nowhere near my true power. And when I wiped out the upper city with my power… I felt like… Mm… Like I had wasted my time. Like, my attempts to make people witness me failed. All because nobody knew just how strong I really was.
No. I suppose that's wrong. I had Fera who knew. And what about Gran? I curled up, hugging my legs. In a way, I considered those two friends. I didn't know why. Gran accepted my request, but what was I to him? Just a tool to get stronger? Were we just using each other? Could he be a true friend?
And what of Fera? I felt like we had connected at dinner. Our rampaging wills colliding in true Shounen fashion. Only… did she still feel the same after seeing my power? The devastation I unleashed on so many people? And why did I find myself caring so much?
Companionship. Is that what I wanted? Is that what I asked for when I met the Director? I'd discarded that idea. The fringe smoky memories of my past giving me little to no clue, but… The way I feel surrounded by friendly faces… The way it makes me feel even as my blood demands satisfaction. I wanted to ditch and find a planet. To flood myself with evil ki and just let go. Become the monster I knew I was.
Even if I knew how stupid it was. Such was my fear of the current situation. Because… I feared betrayal. I feared how close they were getting to me. They could die in an instant. A single misplaced shot. Our ship could simply vanish, and I would be the only survivor. What would I feel then?
Would I cry? Would I simply be apathetic? Empty… What were they to me? Tools? A means to an end? Or perhaps… were they companions?
When we went on the alien ship, it was perhaps the largest salvage we took yet. The ship was a freighter ship. A massive tanker ship meant for moving large quantities of goods. Once we closed in on it, I felt them. The ship crawling with life signs. Our mission was to retrieve some of the cargo. Everything else was free game. The freighter was filled with illegal goods like pirated casts or whatever else.
There was no way it would be a simple salvage. We had all agreed, but none of us expected it to be overrun with mysterious aliens. One of the cargo containers had been carrying their eggs. And the containment was breached because of an idiot during transport. The eggs hatched and infested the ship. Killing the crew and leaving it dead in space.
We went in with a full complement. Mecha was brought into the hangar for overwatch. Shuttles filled with security personnel were brought on equipped with the best combat gear we had. The moment we landed shit went bad.
They flooded the hangar like a swarm. The mecha opened fire, their weapons lancing lines of pasted meat through the xenos. Walls of combat personnel opened fire to push back the tide. I stood front and center unleashing massive blasts, vaporizing entire columns of xeno. Even still. We had losses.
They only stopped once the last of the swarm died. Combat medics went to work on the worst of the injured. Worse was how the xeno bodies disintegrated. A defense mechanism likely to prevent predation by rivals. What followed was a trudging mess.
I had to blast out chunks of the ship to cleanse the xeno. Even flying through the infested ventilation shafts as I vaporized all that came. Even better was how the main hive of the Xeno was right on top of the cargo we needed. Which meant a near constant staccato of gunfire and ki blasts.
I should have gone alone… Is what I had thought as I saw our casualties pile up. Even with my power, my strength, I was only a single individual. My heart nearly stopped as a xeno snuck by and ripped through our group. Only barely stopped as the Instructor beat it back with insane skill that barely breached the divide in their physical abilities.
That moment cemented what I had known. Instructor was but a man. Fragile. Weak. Mortal. Whereas I wasn't. His talent, his skill was incredible, or so my instinct told me. He was merely a single half-step from attaining true power on his own. I could help him. Push him through the final step, but what then? How would our dynamic change? Would he hate me? With power in his hands, or rather a path to power would he seek me out for his student's death?
I was a god, in a matter of speaking. I wasn't that far gone… yet. And in my hands was the key to godhood. The key to the door to the endless path of ascension. Did I want to hand him the key? Such were my thoughts. Indecision. A fear of being relegated to a lesser being… Fear of betrayal most foul.
It was a garbage thought process. A thought process of a weakling. A loser. I didn't fear that he'd come hunting for me. If I did why would I have awakened that woman from before? Why would I have encouraged that squidivator who swore to kill me? Where had my resolve gone? Where had my drive gone?
Which is why I barged into the training dojo and did it. What may come, will come. I will not stop it. I will not hold back the raging waves. I wasn't some two-bit villain afraid of the hero! NO! I would relish the chance of him crossing blades with me! I would laugh atop my throne of skulls and bones and face him with a smile on my face.
I would let the seeds I have sown grow. I would continue to sow these seeds. I would reap the whirlwind to come and tame it with my own two hands. I would break the unbreakable with my will and fist! After all, if it won't break with a punch, you're not hitting it hard enough.
I sighed. I could feel the energy within the training room stabilize. Instructor was like a blazing beacon of Ki as his lifeforce pulsed and bled out. I got up from my spot turning to face the door as it opened with a rusty grind. I faced my instructor. Our eyes locked as we measured each other.
He had gotten younger looking. His body aged and past its prime suddenly reversing its degradation. He looked fit and nearly twenty years younger. The gray in his hair was nearly completely gone. The first to speak was him.
"I see why you've been distracted all these months." The way he says it, it makes me unsure what he means. "To cultivate your instinct your mind must be still and clear. I wasn't sure what was on your mind, but… Mm I can see why you'd hesitate." He throws a punch. The wind blowing as I stared into his eyes. His fist stops right before my face. Just barely touching my nose.
He smirks.
"I can't promise much but let's spar." He stretches and rolls his shoulders as walks in. Before he turns, I see an excited bloodthirsty grin on his face. It sets my heart racing as I move to follow. Consciously trying to slow myself. We faced each other, both of us not moving as my heart hammers.
"Should I be worried about you assaulting me?" He points out my conflicting emotions. And just that makes me near die of shame I didn't know I had.
"Me? No." I stop, my mouth dry as I shake away the distracting thought. Letting my boiling blood speak for me. "But… If you beat me, well, anything could happen." He laughs. "A fine goal then. Assuming I want such a prize!" He steps. His foot just a mild pat on the padded floor.
His fist though, carried an incredible might. My mind addled, his speed so fast, so sudden. I couldn't think, but my body moved. A block practiced a thousand times coming to the fore. Blocking his hit. The sound of flesh meeting flesh echoing out with a crack. Despite the speed and suddenness of his attack, the force behind it was pitiful. It barely even stung.
Even as my mind tried to catch up to what was happening, he was continuing his assault. Simple straight punches echoing out. My body blocked them out of instinct. And just as I felt comfortable, he just had to talk again.
"Shit, hitting you still feels like I'm punching industrial steel." I should have been proud, but the way he said that didn't feel like a compliment. And it bothered me for some reason. Before I could even speak, he continued his assault, my frazzled mind aiming for the familiar. I swung and missed. His fist aimed for a familiar punch as my body moved to block. Only for him to smash into my rib as he changes the trajectory of the hit.
I was frazzled and every hit. Every word he spoke made it harder to think. I needed a moment to process these emotions. Which meant I needed to go harder as I swung more violently. And he only replied with more hits. Every time I failed a block I felt my blood race in anger, in embarrassment. He was schooling me. Making a fool of me.
I should just kill him! Blast him the hell away! But… that would be losing. And I couldn't lose! RETTAS DOES NOT LOSE! And just as I once more prepared to fight… he spoke again. His words like a lance to my heart.
"You think I didn't notice? The way you look at me? that little crush you have? The way you watch me?"
His words branded my mind… My raging blood grew white hot. Frothing over. I didn't care anymore! I had to hit him! The floor cratered. MY ki blasting out as I tried to obliterate him with my fists. But he was like a slippery loach Constantly dancing in and out of my attacks, but I could feel myself getting closer and closer to a resolution. My instincts screaming, I could hit him!
And it came. Like a snapshot the world stopped and went monochrome. I could see the sweat flying in the air. My breath in the air. My blood echoing, screaming. My hands and feet were committed, but I didn't just have four limbs! With a whip like crack my tail snaps around. The stopped world cracking like a broken pane of glass as my tail snaps out like a viper. It would deck him right in the face, knocking him out and giving me the win!
It closed on him at an incredible speed. Completely forgetting that if it did hit, he'd likely not survive. I hadn't touched him once. No, I couldn't even notice as my aura pressing down nearly made him pass out. All I could see was victory against the man, the weakling that dared make fun of me! BELITTLE ME!
Except… The world didn't just instantly return to normal. Instead, it slowly sped up. And for a brief moment I swear he locked eyes with me. A cocky grin that said he had won etched onto his face. I had no idea why at that moment, but I felt fear. But… I was already committed. So, as time quickly sped up my mind desperately churned to find a solution.
It occurred to me like a strike of lightning on a clear day. My eyes widened. I did everything I could to abort my attack and blast back. Ignoring my rules, ignoring everything I prepared to obliterate him with my ki. I was too late. The sound of his hand stopping my tail echoed out. My overwhelming presence vanished in an instant as I awkwardly looked at him…
"Uh… instructor… mind, maybe, possibly letting go of my tail?"
I forgot to train my tail weakness. I mean sure I did tail exercises to make it stronger, but I never dealt with how sensitive the damn thing was! Sure, I could whip someone with it no problem. Brief contact was fine, even holding stuff with it was fine. But… Once someone gripped it… The sensation was so strange!? Like… Every time I touched or tugged it, I felt weak in the knees…
Which meant I was in an awkward position…
"Uh, Instructor?" He rubbed it a bit, my tail unconsciously wrapping a little around his tail as the muscles contracted. He tugged it a bit. I moved my body to follow. This followed as he circled, and I circled him. I should just ki blast him… but… my tail! He watches me with a stony face. His hand clenching my tail. He didn't say anything nor did I as he finally stopped.
Right, small ki blast right in the head. I can do that! I summoned up my ki, preparing to do a targeted blast when…
"Ah…" I snap my mouth shut as I feel a familiar blush. His other hand had grabbed my tail.
"Its… not polite to touch a lady's tail…" He was giving me a look like he didn't believe me at all…
"Fun fact captain." He had a big grin. "Simians are known to have extremely sensitive tails. Mm… I've even heard that just slight rubbing tends to be… stimulating…"
Oh… Uh…
"I had a suspicion that may be the case for you, but to think it would completely negate your obscene strength. I can see why you're so cautious with it."
I didn't move for fear of him doing something… drastic.
"I'm almost disappointed my student hadn't noticed such an obvious weakness, but well, he always was an idiot."
"Well, point taken. Now take your hands off my tail, yes? Or…" Or what!?
"What, you'll kill me? blast me with your energy blasts? You think I didn't notice how you were about to do so… twice in fact. Just from your poor instructor embarrassing you?"
I was sweating…
"No! No! Clearly that was a mistake!" I lied through my teeth, doing my best impression of an innocent schoolgirl, sans the uniform…
"Oh?" he relaxes, his grip on my tail just a little. "Then I'll go ahead and let go…" Chance! I can't let him live! I whip out a palm to laser him as my tail tries to slip away from his grasp… Only to fail as he grabs it, jerks it. My body going limp as my world flips, and I find myself face first on the ground. The finisher was his foot slamming down on my back.
I was frozen. I was afraid to move.
"So… what was that about me beating you? Think you said something earlier?"
My spine went rigid.
"You piece of Sh-!" I never got to finish as he brusquely started rubbing my tale.
"AH! FUCK!!! PI-UGH…" I couldn't speak. Only pieces and bits as I felt something coming. My whole body jerking.
"STAHP! PLEASE!"
He stops… I fall flat.
"Shit… Fuck…" I kept swearing constantly as I felt the feeling fading.
"So?"
He pushes… This… this isn't how this is supposed to go!? Why the hell did I awaken his ki again!? I go limp.
"This doesn't count." I bite back.
"It doesn't? But I won, didn't I?"
I open my mouth to argue, but… he did… didn't he? I mean… Could he actually kill me like this? I doubted it, but… suddenly he laughs and let's go of my tail.
I bolt! In an instant I blasted away from him to the opposite side of the room! I eyed him like a cat just dipped in water.
"We need to get you used to getting your tail caught." He responds calmly. No… In fact, he just nonchalantly walks off to a corner and grabs a container of water and throws me one. I catch it slightly dumbfounded. He won… didn't he?
"What's happening here?" I blurt out confused.
"Hmm? Drinking water after a good spar. Hoh… my muscles are stiff and everything." He sighed like an old man after drinking the cool water… He kind of was an old man. Well, more like in his sixties, but he looked a good twenty years younger.
"But… what about. That… you won?" Shit, I sounded like an idiot!
"Hmm? AH, right. Sorry, but you're not my type." My brain stalled. "What!? But I'm Rettas! Just look at this perfection given form!" I don't know why, but I pulled up my shirt to show off my perfectly sculpted body.
"Who wouldn't want a piece of this!"
"Put your shirt down. First of all, your young enough to be my granddaughter."
I blinked at that… Ah…
"Second, I'd prefer a demure woman. Somebody that could cook. Give me a good foot message after work. You know, a housekeeping type. You're more like a cat that'll hiss and scratch if I even got near you. I aint a masochist." …huh…
"Ah…" I stupidly said… "Then… why did?" I couldn't finish.
"Hm? I just wanted to figure out why you were defending your tail so much. It was fairly obvious, but just asking can be awkward. It's typical for martial artists to be sensitive about their weaknesses and I couldn't figure it out. It was bugging me, but I also knew I wasn't strong enough to keep up with you. Which is why I egged you on so much. I wanted you to use the damn thing.
Haa… Honestly thought I was going to die for real back there."
I… What!? He literally just felt up my tail, that's like!? …I think I know how all those simian fans felt when they asked to shake tails… Oh… I feel so dirty all of a sudden!? Like… Like! Like a kid who just discovered porn!? I mean I was never much of a perverted minded individual, but this!!!
I fell to my knees in defeat. I hung my head low for a good minute or two as I got over how dirty I felt. Mm… nope that was going to haunt me. Eventually I bucked up, sipped the nice cool water and laid on the ground. I splayed myself out on the ground. Just staring at the ceiling.
"Could you have maybe just asked? Maybe? I feel… violated…" Shit, I sounded like a kid. Didn't help that he laughed at my words.
"Sorry, sorry…. didn't think you'd tell me without a bit of roughing up." He apologizes only after I glare at him. I had to relent because he did have a point.
"So, captain… why so defensive of your tail? It can't just be due to its sensitivity. If so, I wouldn't have had so much trouble baiting it."
Was it that obvious? Mm… It was a good extra weapon honestly; one I've been keeping in the back. Hiding. Afraid to use. Maybe he had a point. I wasted a lot of energy protecting it. Guess I should tell him.
"To my people our tails are considered sacred." He nods and sips. "it's said we come from giant apes that found out how to attain human forms. This tail is a sign of our ancestry. A kind of proof of who we are and perhaps what we were."
He hummed at that. Taking another long sip as he wondered.
"It's also necessary to transform into our ape form we call the Oozaru, and it also is a major source of our near explosive growth."
He spit takes.
"Wait, what? You mean your transformation isn't innate?"
"Nope. We need our tails for it."
"What happens if you lose it?"
"Well… I'm not too sure, but I heard we calm down like neutered dogs. It can regrow, but… Beyond the first regrowth its apparently pretty random."
He blanches. "Oh… Uh… Didn't realize…" He stops and takes a deep breath. "That makes so much sense…" He sighs. "Well, that doesn't change the fact you need to not make your tail into a target. If I realized how important the tail was, I wouldn't have even done that. Shit… But… would you have even told me if I asked… shit…"
He was actually embarrassed as he muttered and shook his head. Blushing even. It made me laugh. His offended look only made me laugh harder as my stomach hurt. I felt tears in my eyes as I started hiccupping. "Is it really that funny? Gah… kids." He mutters and just that makes me smile. It wasn't until I stopped heaving and calmed down did, I see him. He was smiling too. Even if he was trying to hide it.
And for a moment… I think… I felt like I had a father. The both of us felt it. Our hearts and souls echoing in equal sentiment as we smiled. And for a brief moment he looked stunned as he stared at us.
"How about another spar, instructor?" Because… I may never actually call you father, but at least you can teach me. And perhaps those thoughts reached him, he grinned back. "Just be easy on these old bones." From there… training was so much more fulfilling.