The bird danced dizzily, from one flower to a primrose and I leaned in for the perfect shot, glancing through the slightly broken apertures of my beloved Nikon, my oldest but most fascinating piece, fascinating because it'd belonged to my father. The grubs and undergrowth tore through the light cotton my pants and I muffled a groan, all the while keeping still against the rough bank. The darned bird did a little jump and I followed, stepping carefully through the sticking thorns surrounding mom's favorite roses. Against the backdrop of the red-orange sky and the bright yellow rice fields leading its way to the encroaching forest, it was beautiful and I'd take the perfect picture if only the bird's just stayed put.
It didn't. Instead, it teetered over a light edge by the murky water, forcing me to plunge my new precious boots in. The things you did for love. Tired of watching me ail, it rested lightly against a small branch shooting through the murky pool of brown. Perfect. I clicked my tongue and sighed, squeezing the shutter. The shot came out nearly perfect. Till someone from absolutely nowhere jumped in on me.
" What the..." I muttered, heart thumping and eyes sticking out to see who. I resisted the urge to throw the camera in her face for making me miss what'd have been the perfect picture I'd ever take in Florida. Mom's eyes twinkled and danced as she held out a flower in my face.
" Forget me not" She took a deep sniff, eyes shut tight in reference as she liked to call it. I hid the urge to laugh. God knew how crazy she looked each time she made that reference look. " Just got them in today from Mrs. Lilia's wild garden. It has the most amazing scent."
I sighed and tucked my camera over my neck, watching the bird fly off into the evening sky " Everything has the most amazing scent to you Mom"
" No, no, no! Take a sniff" She plunged it right into my nose before I could resist and I half choked on the dizzying scent. " It smells like you" I squinted. Ok, what was my eccentric mother on about now?
" Forget me not? How on earth do they smell like me?" She gave me the saddest smile.
" Cause I'll never forget you Mira, no matter where you go" She let out a breath and tugged on my camera " Your flight leaves in three hours. are you all set and ready to go?" Still reeling from mom's heart-felt sincerity, I nodded and cleared my throat.
" Always ready. You never unpacked your bag Mira. It was like you knew right from the moment you came that your time here was numbered"
" It is isn't it?" I said, heading home " We've always known"
" But its your final year honey. You can stay on if you want"
" I know and I do want to but I like Charleston. I might even settle there. Florida's sunny and all but not where I see myself living" I pushed the patio door open and it creaked open. I wiped the mud off my boots and mom headed in.
" I've got pancakes for dinner and milkshakes" She held out a jug " here's a smoothie. I know you're thirsty"
" Thanks" I took a deep sip and like every other glass I'd enjoyed, it was amazing. I downed the entire cup and spun the frothy green glass in my fingers. " What's this?"
" Kiwi, bananas, milk and almonds" She did a little wiggle as she took out the last batch of steamy brown pancakes and placed the bunch on the counter. " I was trying to be creative though. Did the almonds work?"
" They were perfect" I muttered, walking up to the dinning to set up like every other day. It had a perfect view of the kitchen and I could watch mom cook and hum to her favorite musical piece, Fur Elise. Like photography and nature, classical music was one other thing mom and I shared in common. Asides that we were completely different. Where she was tall and built like a pro runner, I was small and petite with hazy black hair that fell in long massive ringlets, opposing mom's vibrant wave of auburn sleek hair. Plus, she was extremely spontaneous, funny and hands down the most eccentric person I'd ever met. I was just prim, strait-laced and boring.
" I was thinking a raspberry, blueberry and clover mix" She said, playing with the maple syrup" How terrible does that sound?"
" Very terrible"
Her eyes twinkled " Like terrible, terrible or drink and die terrible?" I laughed, wiping the light dots of dirt hanging off the bright vase of plastic flowers taking up the center of the table. They were the only artificial flowers mom could actually tolerate. For every other one that filled every room and space they could take, Mom'd plant them herself and fill the house up with it.
" Since this is your last dinner here I was thinking up a feast. Too bad I'm too exhausted from work to fix you something. We could order Chinese though..."
" Pancakes are fine. I had an early lunch anyway and I might grab something to eat on the plane"
" You could stay here Mira. Its your last year. You get to choose" I sighed and stood up a little straight and she walked up to me. " I don't want you to go Mira. The last two years I've spent with you has been my happiest." Her gray-green eyes went a tad softer " I really don't want you to go. Not yet"
" I'm not really going anywhere mom. Just consider me a flight away."
" That's like a million years to me Miranda" She held my hands " I really want you to stay. Can't you?" My heart ached from seeing her so sad that I nearly gave into my guilt and opted to stay but I held back. Be strong Mira. You can do this.
" I really want to go mom. It's for the best." I muttered, hating myself. She smiled and by God it was the saddest smile I'd ever seen.
" It's fine. You're stubborn, just like Jason. Neither of you want to stay no matter how bad I want you to."
" I'm not leaving like dad" I cried " He cheated"
" I could have kept shut and we'd have been together. Then you wouldn't have to go" She said shakily. I squeezed her arms.
" No mom. The divorce was you doing what's best. Living out your life. You're happier without him. I know"
" That's because of you Mira. What'd I be when you're gone?"
" You'll still live mom. I know you're a survivor. And there's the cute McDonald's guy" I gave her a light wink and she blushed " You see! I always knew you liked him. Just ask him to a date sometime. You two fit perfectly"
She pinched my cheek playfully, grinning so wide her cheek went red " You're growing cheekier by the day. You're giving me love advice now?"
" Anything for the best mom in the entire universe" I leaned in for a hug and she squeezed me tightly. We stayed that way a tad longer, just enjoying the warmth and peace it gave to our aching hearts. I sank my face into her soft silky hair. Hmmmh... coconut. And was that raspberry and a tint of champagne? Where the hell does mom ever gets her Hair wash?
" I love you so much Mira. Don't you ever doubt that. Ever" From behind her voice came out all muffled and muddy but I could hear every word as clearly as her heart rang. And I loved her a thousand times more. So much it made my heart ache.
" And I love you more mom. More than you could ever imagine"
" Don't forget me will you?" Her voice grew shaky " Like the forget me nots. Don't ever forget me Mira"
" Like I would" I pulled out of the embrace to find her crying. I ran my hands through her wet freckly cheeks, feeling the tears pinch at me too. " Oh mom don't cry will you? You'll make me cry too"
" I'm... I promised myself I won't do this." She sniffed and patted her cheeks dry " I'm just going to miss you lots that's all." She dived in for a hug that left me slightly dazed " Oh Mira call me every day you hear? It doesn't matter though cause I'll call you every breathing second but stay in touch. Send me videos, memes, pictures. And if your new family doesn't treat you nice I'll come running to get you. All you have to do is say the word." She leaned back and ran her eyes searchingly through mine " Ok?"
" Yes mom" I sniffed back the tears and swallowed back the huge lump threatening its way into my eyes " I'll call" She pressed kisses through my face and cheek, sniffing even harder.
" Let me check on the eggs. I'll be right back ok?"
I clutched the duster, my hands numb " Sure" She gave me a crooked grin and hurried back to the kitchen. Leaning against the hard oak chairs shaped like a heart, I watched her run the hot slightly browned eggs into a dish, avoiding the bright glow of the stove underneath to watch the backdrop mom's slim silhouette made against the fading glow of the sun streaming in from the windows dotted with goofy faces and handmade recipes filled with stickers and doodles that were only mom's. The image was perfect, more than perfect. It out beat every image I had and I grabbed my camera, holding it out in my face and zooming in slightly. I tipped the camera slightly to give it a blurry feel and took the first shot. Perfect. I moved in rolled off shots after shots. Of her standing, leaning against the counter and reaching out for a dish towel with the towel out of focus. The surge of artistic energy streaming through very pore in my skin was outrageous. I lost track of time and eventually mom noticed me and her eyes lit up like two little stars as she set down the dish she was re-wiping and let out a wide goofy smile. I took a shot and she leaned against the counter, pulling a face so serious it made me laugh and roll on shot after shot. She pulled her beautiful hair back and I caught the shot mid action, pulled back by how the sun shone through each strand with a silvery red glow burning through each.
" Come on over and lets take a picture together!" Mom yelled, grinning and waving me over. I shook my head. Bad, bad idea. I wasn't good with pictures. I think every photographer hates having their pictures taken. I don't know. I guess it goes with the territory.
" Mom you know..."
" Don't resist Mira its just a tinny tiny picture. Who'll it harm?"
" If I come over, who'll take the picture?" She pouted and shot me a grin that obviously said she was no ace photographer with a Pulitzer to boast for no reason.
" Ok, ok. I'll set it up now." I placed it against the stand. Mom leaned into me, clogging me in her orange tinted perfume and I leaned against her awkwardly, draping my hands over her shoulders. She held out two fingers and grinned as the camera rolled shot after shot.
" Smile Mira. Its not brain surgery"
" I'm trying" Contorting my face into an object of absolute terror, I grinned and waited for the misery to end. Eventually, mom let me go and dished dinner. We packed up and all through the drive down to the airport, there was an intangible silence no one wanted to break. After the longest checkouts and procedures I'd become so imminently used to, I got my plane ticket and boarding pass. Mom walked me up to the boarding desk, eyes dark and glazed.
" So this is it." She gave my shoulder a squeeze " You're really leaving me"
" Oh mom." I tossed my carry on bag aside. " I'm not going too far. I could always come visit" And as hard and daunting as it was, I leaned in for a hug " I'll call mom. Every minute" I leaned back to stare into those swirling pools of green. " Promise" She sniffed and wiped back a tear rolling down her cheek.
She held out a pinky " Pinky promise?" I laughed and fixed my all-too-pale one in.
" Pinky promise"
" You'll cut off your pinky if you don't call?"
" I swear on my Nikon" She leaned back to gaze at me.
" Oooh... You're swearing on your Nikon. That sounds serious" I laughed and she pulled me into a breath-squeezing hug. " I love you so much, Mira. Don't you forget that for one single minute"
" I won't Mom" Pulling back, she ruffled through her bag and I watched her pull off a wide present wrapped in crinkly paper. I groaned. Not presents. Not presents please.
" Its not a present" She said, right on cue with my misery " Just a little something to remember me by" I took it cautiously, knowing little was definitely more with mom.
" What is in it?" I asked. She shot me a mysterious smile.
" I didn't wrap it all up for nothing"
" Yeah" I nodded " And quite an expensive wrapping too. You shouldn't waste money mom. You need it. Especially since dad..."
" Don't be so old and boring Mira. its just wrapping paper geez!" She beamed and patted my arm " Be safe. Ok?"
" Yes mom" The speakers overhead yelled my flight and I grabbed my bag holding everything I held most dearly.
" And call me Mira!" She called as I headed off to the terminal, walking backwards. " Five times a day!"
" Would I ever sleep if I did?" I laughed and she grinned.
" Then don't!"
" Got it!!"
" And tell me everything about your new family. And if the boys are real cuter than the ones here!!" I flushed, looking around me self-consciously.
" Geez mom!"
" Love you Mira!" She yelled. A few people stopped to stare, leaving me red in embarrassment. I managed a wave and hurried off to sanity. All around me the world swirled in clouds of blue and black. I slipped into my soft plush seat right next to the window, feeling the deepest hole rip through my heart. Leaving her all alone wasn't wise. She was older no doubt but more gullible, especially with dad gone and all. And I wanted to stay. I badly wanted to but for some reason moving to South Carolina felt wise, in my opinion. Now, it didn't feel so enticing.
Staring through the hazy misted windows, I leaned against the cold glass and stared right through the image filling the sky as the plane took off into the dark stormy blue sky.
She was there. Waving and probably yelling crazy nothings I'd never hear or laugh at. Cause I knew. I knew deep down that I was never coming back.
And somehow the thought of that wasn't as depressing as I'd hoped it'd be.