Sitting in Zephara's office was like being trapped in a room that was too small, too warm, and too full of unnecessary noise. The ticking of the ornate clock on the wall seemed louder than usual, each second stretching out interminably.
I sprawled in the plush chair opposite Zephara's massive oak desk, my legs kicked out in front of me, arms crossed, and sighing every few seconds just to annoy her. It wasn't like I was doing it on purpose well, not entirely. I was genuinely irritated, but pissing off my grandmother was a pretty decent distraction.
Zephara, the matriarch of our family and a force to be reckoned with, was shuffling through documents, clearly trying to focus on something more important than my presence.
I could see the crease in her brow deepen every time I let out another dramatic sigh. Her white hair was pulled back into a tight bun, and her green eyes so much like mine flicked up to glare at me before returning to the parchment in front of her.
"Ciara," Zephara finally snapped, her voice sharp enough to cut through my thoughts. "If you have no actual business here, I suggest you take your melodrama elsewhere. Some of us have work to do."
"Work, work, work," I muttered, rolling my eyes. "Is that all you ever think about, old woman?"
Zephara's glare intensified, but she didn't dignify my comment with a response. Instead, she set her quill down with a little more force than necessary and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms as she looked at me, waiting.
I let out another sigh, just to irritate her, but it came out more like a groan. "I've been friendzoned, Granny," I admitted, the words tasting bitter on my tongue. "Friend. Zoned."
There was a beat of silence before Zephara burst into laughter, the sound echoing off the high ceilings. She laughed so hard that I thought she might fall out of her chair.
I glared at her, feeling the irritation simmer into something hotter, but she just kept laughing, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye as she tried to compose herself.
"You, Ciara," she said between chuckles, "you're supposed to be the heartbreaker. The one who leaves women in tears, not the other way around! This is rich. Absolutely rich."
I scowled, slumping further in my chair. "Yeah, well, I guess the tables have turned. Aeliana wants to be friends. Friends, Granny. She said it like it was supposed to make everything better, like it wasn't a punch to the gut."
Zephara finally stopped laughing, though amusement still danced in her eyes. She leaned forward, resting her chin on her steepled fingers as she regarded me with a mix of curiosity and something that looked a lot like pity. I hated that look.
"And why, dear, does this bother you so much?" she asked, her tone more serious now. "I thought you weren't one to get attached."
"I'm not," I said quickly, too quickly. I could feel my defenses rising, the walls I'd carefully built around myself slamming back into place. "It's just… different with Aeliana. I don't know. She's different."
"Different how?"
"Different in a way that makes me want to… I don't know… Not screw things up for once. But I'm not sure I know how to do that." The confession slipped out before I could stop it, and I cursed myself for being so honest.
Zephara studied me for a moment, her gaze piercing as if she were searching for something in my expression that I didn't want her to find. Then she sighed, a long, tired sound that seemed to come from somewhere deep within her.
"Ciara, if you're serious about this and I mean truly serious then you need to be honest with yourself first. What do you really want from Aeliana? Because if you're just playing games, you're going to lose, and it'll be your own damn fault."
I opened my mouth to respond, but the words caught in my throat. What did I want from Aeliana? Did I really want to keep things casual, to keep her at arm's length like I did with everyone else? Or was there something more, something that scared me because it was unfamiliar?
"I don't know," I finally admitted, the words barely more than a whisper. "I'm used to getting what I want. With her, it's like… I don't even know what I want anymore."
Zephara's expression softened, and she leaned back in her chair, a thoughtful look on her face. "Let me give you some advice, then," she said slowly, as if choosing her words carefully. "If you really want to see where this could go, you need to get rid of Nathaniel. He's the biggest obstacle between you and whatever it is you're hoping to find with Aeliana."
I frowned, feeling the familiar spike of irritation at the mention of his name. Nathaniel. The golden boy, the knight in shining armor, the one who always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. The one who had Aeliana's attention in a way that made my blood boil.
"And how exactly do I get rid of him?" I asked, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "Challenge him to a duel? Push him off a cliff?"
Zephara rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed with my theatrics. "Don't be ridiculous. The best way to deal with him is to make him irrelevant. Kiss her. If she responds, you'll know where you stand. If not, then maybe you'll have to accept that this is one game you won't win."
"Kiss her?" I repeated, the idea settling uneasily in my mind. It wasn't that I hadn't thought about it I'd thought about it plenty but hearing Zephara say it out loud made it seem more real, more dangerous. "And what if that screws everything up?"
Zephara shrugged, a small, enigmatic smile playing on her lips. "Sometimes, dear, you have to take a risk. You might screw it up, but you might also find exactly what you're looking for. Either way, it'll be better than sitting here, moping and sighing like a lovesick puppy."
I glared at her, but there was no real heat behind it. I knew she was right, even if I didn't want to admit it. Sitting here, wallowing in self-pity, wasn't going to get me anywhere. I needed to do something, to take action, even if it meant risking everything.
"Fine," I muttered, standing up and brushing imaginary lint off my pants. "I'll kiss her. But if this blows up in my face, I'm blaming you."
Zephara chuckled, waving me off dismissively. "You'll thank me later. Now, get out of my office. I have actual work to do."
I rolled my eyes, but a small smile tugged at the corner of my lips as I turned and headed for the door. As much as I hated to admit it, Zephara had a point. I couldn't keep playing it safe, not if I wanted to figure out what the hell was going on between me and Aeliana. And if that meant taking a leap of faith something I'd never been good at then so be it.
As I left Zephara's office, the familiar swagger returned to my step. Maybe things weren't as hopeless as they seemed. Maybe there was still a chance to turn this around. And if not… well, at least I'd go down swinging.
I made my way through the castle, my thoughts churning with everything Zephara had said. The corridors were quiet, the stone walls cool and comforting as I walked, but my mind was anything but calm.
The idea of kissing Aeliana, of taking that step, was both thrilling and terrifying. But I couldn't deny the excitement that bubbled up at the thought of it. Maybe this was exactly what I needed to shake things up, to figure out where we stood.
As I reached my room, I found myself grinning despite the uncertainty that still gnawed at me. I could already hear the teasing tone of my mothers when I told them about this later if I told them, that is. But for now, I had a plan, and that was more than I'd had an hour ago.
Stepping into my room, I shut the door behind me and leaned against it for a moment, letting out a long breath. The familiar surroundings were a comfort, the dark wood furniture and rich tapestries grounding me in a way nothing else could. But even here, in the safety of my own space, my thoughts were consumed by Aeliana.
I couldn't shake the image of her from my mind the way she had looked at me when she'd said, "Let's be friends," as if that was all she could offer. But I wanted more. I needed more. And maybe, just maybe, that kiss would change everything.
With that thought in mind, I pushed off the door and headed towards the bathroom. A shower would clear my head, help me figure out my next move.
But as I stripped off my clothes and stepped under the hot spray, I couldn't help but feel a flicker of hope. Maybe Zephara was right. Maybe this was exactly what I needed to finally get what I wanted.
As the water cascaded over me, I closed my eyes and let myself imagine it Aeliana's lips on mine, the way she would taste, the way she would feel in my arms.
It was a dangerous game, one I wasn't sure I could win. But for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was ready to take the risk. And maybe, just maybe, it would be worth it.