As soon as I stepped out of Aeliana's room, I felt an irritating itch under my skin, like I needed to punch something or set something on fire. "Let's be friends." The words echoed in my head, twisting into something that made my blood boil.
Friends. What the hell did that even mean? I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it, but all I could do was clench my fists until my knuckles went white.
Friends. Sure. Like I needed more friends. Especially ones I wanted to pin against the nearest wall and fuck until she couldn't remember her own name. The thought was as natural as breathing, and that was the problem.
Aeliana had no clue what she was asking for when she said that. Friends. It was like a joke, some cosmic prank, and I was the punchline.
I started walking down the corridor, my steps heavy against the stone floor, the frustration simmering in my chest. I could still see the look on her face when she said it, like she was doing me a favor by offering something that was more than nothing.
But what the hell was I supposed to do with that? Pretend I didn't want her? Pretend I didn't spend half my time thinking about how she'd look writhing underneath me, her lips parted, eyes glazed with desire?
I scoffed, the sound bitter in the empty hallway. Friendship. It was like giving a starving man a crumb and expecting him to be satisfied. I wasn't satisfied. I was far from satisfied, and the more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off.
She had no idea how badly I wanted her, how every time I saw her, my skin practically itched with the need to touch her, to mark her as mine. But no, now I had to be her friend. I had to be the good little puppy that wagged its tail and followed her around without crossing the line.
Fuck that.
Without thinking, I teleported myself to my room, the familiar space greeting me with a sense of isolation that felt both comforting and suffocating. A twisted smile pulled at my lips as I realized how much I wanted to see Aeliana again, how much I wanted to be near her despite the frustration gnawing at me. It was pathetic, really, but I couldn't help it.
I walked into my bathroom and turned on the shower, letting the steam fill the room before stepping under the hot water. It pounded against my skin, a scorching assault that did nothing to ease the tension coiled tight in my chest.
I closed my eyes, letting the water stream down my face as I tried to drown out the memory of her voice, the softness in it that made me want to grab her and shake some sense into her.
But instead, I was stuck here, alone, washing off the remnants of a day that had been more frustrating than anything else. The water did little to soothe the restlessness inside me, but it was something to focus on, something to do other than replaying that damn conversation in my head over and over.
I stayed in the shower longer than I needed to, the water finally starting to cool by the time I stepped out. I grabbed a towel, drying off quickly before heading back into my room to throw on some clothes.
My mind was still racing, thoughts of Aeliana running laps in my head, making it impossible to focus on anything else.
"Friends," I muttered under my breath, the word tasting sour on my tongue. It was ridiculous, and yet I couldn't help the small smile that tugged at my lips.
Even as infuriating as it was, just the thought of her made me feel... lighter. Like maybe, despite all the bullshit, there was something worth fighting for.
I shoved those thoughts aside as I headed down to the dining hall, not really expecting anyone to be there. It was late, and most of the castle had already settled down for the night. But as I walked in, I spotted my mothers sitting at the table, deep in conversation.
The sight of them made me pause for a moment. They looked so at ease, so content, and it struck me how rare it was to see them like this, away from the weight of their responsibilities.
For a moment, I considered turning around and leaving them to their peace, but one of them my mother Thalia looked up and caught my eye.
"There she is," she said with a grin, her voice carrying a teasing lilt that I immediately recognized. "We were wondering when you'd show up."
I rolled my eyes, walking over to the table and grabbing a seat across from them. "Yeah, yeah. I'm here now, aren't I?"
My other mother, Lucie, gave me a knowing look, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "You look... different, Ciara. Happier."
I snorted, leaning back in my chair as I crossed my arms over my chest. "You're imagining things."
"Am I?" Lucie asked, arching a brow as she exchanged a glance with Thalia. "Because you look like you just got laid or something."
Heat flared in my cheeks, and I scowled at them, feeling like I was fifteen years old again. "Would you both stop? I'm not in the mood."
"Touchy, touchy," Thalia said, laughing softly. "We're just teasing, sweetheart. But you do seem... lighter. Less brooding."
I grumbled something under my breath, but I couldn't deny that they were right. Despite all the irritation, all the frustration, there was a part of me that felt lighter. Like maybe, just maybe, things would be okay. Not perfect, not by a long shot, but okay.
"Fine," I said, shrugging as I reached for a piece of bread from the table. "I guess I'm just in a good mood, that's all."
THalia's smile widened, and I could see the gears turning in her head as she tried to figure out why. "Does this have anything to do with Aeliana?"
At the mention of her name, I stiffened, my heart skipping a beat. I tried to play it off, but I knew I wasn't fooling either of them. "Maybe. Maybe not."
"Ah, I see," Lucie said, her voice tinged with amusement. "So, when are you bringing her to meet us properly as your girlfriend?"
I nearly choked on the bread I was chewing, coughing as I shot them both a glare. "Would you two give it a rest? She's not—" I stopped, realizing I didn't even know how to finish that sentence. She wasn't my girlfriend, she wasn't my lover... She wasn't anything, really. Just a girl I was hopelessly hung up on, who'd just asked me to be her friend. Whatever the hell that meant.
Lucie chuckled, clearly enjoying my discomfort. "Relax, Ciara. We're just messing with you. But seriously, it's good to see you happy."
I didn't know how to respond to that, so I just nodded, finishing the bread in silence. The conversation drifted to other topics, mostly about the goings-on in the kingdom, and I let myself get lost in their voices, grateful for the distraction.
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Aeliana out of my head. Her voice, her smile, the way she looked at me when she said we should be friends... It was all there, running circles in my mind, taunting me.
After dinner, I said goodnight to my mothers and headed back to my room, the smile I'd been wearing slowly fading as the reality of the situation settled in. Aeliana wanted to be friends, and I had no idea how to do that. How to pretend that I didn't want more. How to be around her without wanting to touch her, to claim her as mine.
As I got into bed, pulling the covers over me, I let out a long sigh, staring up at the ceiling. It was going to be a long night, I could already tell. Sleep wouldn't come easily, not with all the thoughts swirling around in my head, not with the image of Aeliana burned into my brain.
"Friends," I muttered again, the word sounding hollow and strange in the quiet of my room. I closed my eyes, trying to will the thoughts away, but it was no use. She was there, in my mind, in my heart, and there was no escaping it.
But maybe, just maybe, I didn't want to escape it. Maybe, despite all the frustration and confusion, I was okay with being whatever the hell we were. As long as it meant being close to her, as long as it meant keeping her in my life, I could figure out the rest later.
And with that thought, I finally drifted off to sleep, my dreams filled with visions of her, her voice whispering in my ear, her touch lingering on my skin.