I stormed away from the training grounds, the anger simmering in my chest like a cauldron about to boil over. My pace was quick, each step fueled by the adrenaline still coursing through my veins.
My side ached, a sharp reminder of my injuries, but I ignored it, too furious to care. Ciara's words echoed in my head, each one like a lash against my already frayed nerves.
How dare she speak to me like that? How dare she act like she knew what was best for me? The anger pulsed with every beat of my heart, but beneath it all, there was a gnawing discomfort a guilt I didn't want to acknowledge. I pushed it down, letting the anger take over, letting it drown out everything else.
By the time I reached the infirmary, my side was throbbing, the pain sharper now, harder to ignore. I burst through the doors, startling the nurse who was organizing supplies near the back. She looked up, her eyes widening as she took in my disheveled appearance, the flush of anger still evident on my face.
"Lady Aeliana, are you alright?" she asked, hurrying over to me.
"I'm fine," I snapped, though my voice was strained with the effort of holding back a wince. "Just check my side please."
The nurse frowned but didn't argue. She guided me to one of the cots, her touch gentle but firm as she helped me sit down. The infirmary was quiet, the only sound the soft rustle of the nurse's movements as she gathered what she needed.
The calm of the room was at odds with the storm still raging inside me, and it only served to heighten my frustration.
I barely noticed as the nurse carefully unwrapped the bandage around my side, her fingers deft and practiced. My mind was still back on the training grounds, replaying every word of the argument with Ciara, every flash of emotion in her eyes.
The more I thought about it, the angrier I became angry at her for pushing me, for treating me like I was fragile, and angry at myself for letting her get under my skin.
"It doesn't look too bad," the nurse said, pulling me from my thoughts. She was examining the wound with a critical eye, her brow furrowed in concentration. "Just a bit of strain, nothing serious. You need to take it easy, though. No more overexerting yourself."
I bit back the urge to snap at her, instead nodding curtly. The nurse gave me a look that was equal parts stern and sympathetic as she began rewrapping the bandage. The tightness around my ribs was a welcome distraction, something to focus on besides the mess in my head.
As she finished securing the bandage, the door to the infirmary creaked open. I glanced up, expecting another soldier or perhaps one of the castle's attendants, but my heart skipped a beat when I saw who it was.
Leora stood in the doorway, her presence commanding as always, though her expression was soft, concerned. She closed the door behind her and made her way over to me, her eyes taking in the situation with a quick, assessing glance.
"Aeliana," she greeted me, her voice gentle. "I heard what happened. Are you alright?"
The nurse stepped back, giving us some space, but I could feel her lingering nearby, her eyes flicking between us as she pretended to busy herself with the supplies. I knew there was no hiding the tension in the air, no disguising the fact that something had gone very wrong on the training grounds.
"I'm fine," I repeated, though the words felt hollow now. I forced myself to meet Leora's gaze, my anger simmering just beneath the surface. "It's nothing serious. Just a minor setback."
Leora raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. She waved a hand, dismissing the nurse, who nodded and left us alone. The infirmary door clicked shut behind her, the sound echoing in the now-silent room. Leora took a seat beside me on the cot, her expression patient, waiting.
I sighed, the anger slipping away just enough for me to feel the exhaustion creeping in. "Ciara," I said finally, the name heavy on my tongue. "We had an argument."
Leora didn't say anything, just nodded for me to continue. Her calm demeanor was both reassuring and frustrating. I wanted to rant, to lash out, but the words seemed to stick in my throat.
"She was being overprotective," I started, the words coming out in a rush. "Acting like I'm some delicate flower that can't handle a bit of training. I'm not weak, Leora. I'm not." The last sentence came out harsher than I intended, but I couldn't help it. The anger, the frustration it was all too much.
Leora nodded slowly, her gaze thoughtful. "And what did you say to her?" she asked, her tone neutral.
I hesitated, my mind flashing back to the look in Ciara's eyes, the hurt that I had tried so hard not to see. "I told her to fuck off," I admitted, the words heavy with regret I didn't want to feel. "I told her she doesn't get to decide what's best for me."
Leora let out a soft sigh, shaking her head. "Ciara has her faults, but she cares about you, Aeliana. More than she's willing to admit, even to herself."
I bristled at her words, the anger flaring up again. "She doesn't get to control me, Leora. I won't let her."
Leora placed a gentle hand on my arm, her touch grounding me in a way I hadn't expected. "She's not trying to control you, Aeliana. She's worried about you. You've been through a lot, and she's just trying to make sure you don't push yourself too hard too soon."
I clenched my fists, the anger warring with the guilt that was now clawing its way to the surface. "She acts like she knows everything, like she's the only one who can decide what's best for me. It's infuriating."
Leora smiled, a small, understanding smile that made me want to scream and cry all at once. "Ciara's not used to feeling like this," she said softly. "She's spent so much of her life building walls, keeping everyone at arm's length. But with you... those walls are starting to crack, and it's terrifying for her."
I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat making it difficult to breathe. "I don't need her to protect me," I said, my voice shaky. "I don't want her to."
Leora's expression softened even more, and she squeezed my arm gently. "Maybe not, but that doesn't mean she'll stop trying. You mean more to her than she'll ever admit, Aeliana. And maybe... maybe you care about her more than you're willing to admit, too."
I stiffened at her words, the truth in them cutting deeper than any wound. "I don't," I said quickly, too quickly. "She's just... frustrating."
Leora gave me a knowing look, the kind that made me want to squirm under her gaze. "Frustration often masks deeper feelings," she said gently. "But I won't push you, Aeliana. Just... think about it, alright?"
I didn't respond, couldn't respond. My mind was too tangled, too full of emotions I didn't want to face. Leora gave me one last reassuring squeeze before she stood up, her movements graceful and calm.
"I've assigned you a room in the castle," she said, changing the subject with the ease of someone who had mastered the art of diplomacy. "You should get some rest. I'll have someone bring you dinner later."
I nodded, grateful for the change in topic. "Thank you," I said, my voice quieter now, the anger finally starting to ebb away, leaving me feeling hollow and drained.
Leora gave me a small smile. "You're stronger than you think, Aeliana. Don't let your anger cloud what's really important."
I watched as she left the infirmary, the door closing softly behind her. For a long moment, I just sat there, the silence of the room pressing in on me, my thoughts a chaotic mess.
Eventually, I forced myself to stand, the ache in my side a dull reminder of everything that had happened today. I made my way to the room Leora had assigned me, my footsteps echoing in the empty corridors. The castle was quiet, the halls dimly lit, the atmosphere heavy with the weight of unspoken words.
When I finally reached my room, I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, letting out a shaky breath. The room was simple, but comfortable—a bed with soft linens, a small table and chair, a window overlooking the courtyard. It was a far cry from the infirmary, but it didn't feel like home. Nothing here did.
I walked over to the bed and sat down, my mind still racing. I couldn't stop thinking about Ciara, about the argument, about the way her eyes had flashed with something I didn't want to name. I was angry, yes, but there was something else there too—something that scared me more than I wanted to admit.
As I lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, I felt the exhaustion finally catch up with me. My eyelids grew heavy, the events of the day weighing me down. But even as sleep began to pull me under, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something... something important.