With Leora's words still echoing in my head like a goddamn curse, I rushed back to my quarters, my mind spinning with a thousand thoughts. It was all I could do to keep my composure as I barreled down the stone hallways of the castle, my boots striking the floor with a furious rhythm.
But even as I tried to focus on the mission, one thought kept nagging at me, creeping up like an insistent whisper at the back of my mind Aeliana. The idea of her being in danger, of her needing help, made my insides twist in a way I couldn't stand.
I forced myself to focus, but my hands betrayed me, trembling as I threw open the heavy oak door of my chambers. I didn't have time for this shit, and yet here I was, feeling like some pathetic lovesick fool. I shoved the thoughts aside, focusing on the task at hand.
I grabbed my weapons from their stands the twin daggers that had seen more blood than most soldiers would in a lifetime, and the enchanted sword that could slice through damn near anything. Normally, gearing up like this brought a sense of satisfaction, a cold, calculated readiness. But today, it just made me more fucking furious.
Aeliana was supposed to be out of my mind. I wasn't supposed to care like this. I strapped the daggers to my thighs and slung the sword over my back, moving with the precision of someone who had done this a thousand times.
And I had. But this time, it felt different. This time, every movement was laced with something I didn't want to admit to myself. My fingers were slick with sweat as I packed extra supplies healing potions, more knives, even some explosives. Hell, I didn't know what I was going to find out there, and I wasn't about to be caught unprepared.
But no matter how much gear I packed, no matter how much I tried to distract myself with preparations, my mind kept wandering back to her.
Damn her. Those arguments we'd had, the way her eyes would flash when she was pissed at me, how she'd stand her ground even when she had no fucking chance of winning. And then there were the quieter moments, those rare seconds of calm when it was just the two of us, and the world wasn't trying to tear us apart.
"Fuck," I muttered under my breath, slamming a fist down onto the wooden table in frustration. I wasn't supposed to be thinking like this.
I wasn't supposed to be thinking about her at all. But the truth of it was that I had missed her, and the idea that she might have thought about me might have missed me during this mission pissed me off and comforted me in equal measure.
Goddamn it, Ciara. Get your shit together.
Once I was packed and ready, I forced myself to stop for a moment, to take a breath and try to regain some semblance of control. I stood in front of the mirror, staring at the reflection of someone who was supposed to be a fucking demon, not some soft-hearted idiot.
My eyes were hard, the purple flames of my power flickering just beneath the surface, but there was something else there too, something I didn't want to see.
"This doesn't mean anything," I growled at my reflection, my voice harsh and unforgiving. It was a lie, and I knew it. But saying it out loud was the only way I could convince myself that I wasn't doing this for any other reason than duty. The problem was, I didn't believe it. Not really.
The cold truth of it settled in my chest, a dull ache that I couldn't ignore as I turned away from the mirror and grabbed my gear. I didn't waste any more time. I needed to get the hell out of here before I lost my nerve. Before the walls of this fucking castle closed in on me and I started second-guessing myself.
As I walked down the dimly lit corridors toward the garage, the air felt heavier than usual, as if the entire castle was aware of the shitstorm I was walking into. Every step echoed, the sound bouncing off the stone walls, and with each one, the dread in my gut grew. But there was no turning back now.
I wasn't going to let Aeliana down, not when she was out there somewhere, waiting for help. Needing me.
I hated how much that mattered to me.
By the time I reached the garage, the tension in my chest had wrapped itself around my lungs, making it harder to breathe. The car sat in the middle of the room, its sleek, black frame almost blending into the shadows. I didn't waste any time.
I tossed my gear into the backseat, slammed the door shut, and climbed into the driver's seat. The leather was cool against my skin, a stark contrast to the heat burning inside me. I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white, trying to steady myself before I turned the key in the ignition.
The engine roared to life, and I floored the gas pedal, the tires screeching against the stone floor as I sped out of the garage. The castle walls blurred into darkness behind me as I tore down the road, the wind whipping through the open windows like a scream.
I needed the speed, needed the sensation of movement to drown out the thoughts racing through my head. The faster I drove, the further I could push Aeliana's face from my mind.
But no matter how fast I went, she was still there, a constant presence in the back of my mind. The road stretched out ahead of me, winding through the mountains like a black ribbon, and the further I drove, the more I felt that gnawing sense of dread deepening in my chest. I tried to ignore it, tried to focus on the mission, on the thought of what I would find when I reached her. But it was no use.
I cursed under my breath, the words lost to the wind. This was exactly what I had been trying to avoid. This fucking human girl had managed to burrow her way into my thoughts, into my very being, and now I couldn't get her out. I hated it. Hated her. Hated myself for caring.
I wasn't supposed to care.
The miles flew by, the landscape shifting from the dense forests near the castle to the barren, rocky terrain that marked the edge of the enemy's territory.
The further I drove, the darker the sky became, as if the very world knew what kind of shitstorm awaited me. The dread in my gut twisted tighter, and I had to clench my teeth to keep from screaming out of sheer frustration.
I glanced at the map Leora had given me, the parchment now crumpled and creased from how tightly I'd been gripping it. The location she'd marked was still a few hours away, but I knew the terrain would only get rougher from here on out. The road would turn into a narrow, winding path, and I'd have to be careful. One wrong move, and I could end up crashing into the mountainside.
But I didn't give a damn. I wasn't going to slow down.
I pushed the car harder, the engine growling as I navigated the treacherous curves of the road. My thoughts were a tangled mess of anger, fear, and that goddamn ache in my chest that wouldn't go away.
Every time I tried to push it down, it flared back up, stronger than before. I knew what it was, but I refused to acknowledge it. Acknowledging it meant admitting that I'd let Aeliana get to me, that I'd let her worm her way into my heart.
And I couldn't afford that. Not now, not ever.
As the hours passed, the road grew more treacherous, the narrow path barely wide enough for the car. The darkness pressed in on all sides, the only light coming from the car's headlights as they cut through the night.
My hands were clenched around the steering wheel, my knuckles aching, but I didn't loosen my grip. I couldn't. Not when every muscle in my body was coiled with tension, ready to snap at any moment.
I couldn't get her out of my head. No matter how hard I tried, her face, her voice, the memory of her laughter kept playing over and over in my mind. It was driving me insane. I wasn't supposed to feel this way, wasn't supposed to be this goddamn vulnerable.
"Fuck," I muttered, my voice rough and strained. I could feel the panic rising in my chest, the fear that I was going to be too late. That by the time I got there, Aeliana would be gone, and it would be my fault. I slammed my foot on the gas pedal, the car lurching forward as I sped through the narrow, twisting path.
I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't let that happen.
The road began to narrow even further, the mountains closing in on either side, but I didn't slow down. My heart was pounding in my chest, my breath coming in ragged gasps as I fought to keep the car on the road. The darkness was closing in, the sense of dread growing stronger with every passing second.
But I didn't stop. I couldn't. Because despite everything, despite the fear, the anger, the frustration, there was one thing that I couldn't deny.
I needed her.
And I was going to get her back. No matter what it took.