Returning from my mission, I felt the familiar buzz of adrenaline still coursing through my veins. My body was still wired, ready for another fight, another challenge. But as I walked through the halls of the castle, something gnawed at me, something I couldn't quite push away no matter how hard I tried.
Aeliana.
It had been days since she and Nathaniel set off on their mission, and despite my best efforts to rid my mind of her, she lingered like a bad fucking itch. Her defiant eyes, the scent of her skin, the warmth of her body when we'd slept together—though "slept" was the wrong word. I hadn't actually slept.
Not really. I was too busy keeping my thoughts in check, trying to ignore how good it felt to have her close. The memory was like a damn splinter stuck in my brain.
As I handed over my report to Leora, I forced myself to look bored, indifferent, like I didn't give a damn where Aeliana was or what she was doing. I didn't need Leora, of all people, poking into my thoughts.
I could already imagine her knowing smirk if she caught a whiff of what was really going on in my head. So I kept it cool, giving nothing away. But the second I stepped out of that office, it hit me—the tightness in my chest, that stupid, fucking nagging feeling I couldn't shake. I clenched my fists, nails digging into my palms until the pain centered me. Fuck this.
I needed air.
I stalked outside, hoping the chill of the evening would snap me out of whatever the hell this was. The breeze hit my face, cool and sharp, but it did nothing to ease the storm inside me. Every step I took seemed to echo with the thought of her. Her. Always fucking her.
Why the hell couldn't I stop thinking about her? I hated it—hated how she got under my skin, how she made me feel things I had no business feeling. I was a demon, for fuck's sake. I didn't do attachment.
I didn't do warm, fuzzy feelings or any of that sentimental shit. I broke hearts, I didn't lose mine. And yet, here I was, walking around like a goddamn idiot, letting some human girl mess with my head.
I tried to reason with myself, tried to find some logic in this chaos. Maybe it was just the thrill of the chase, the fact that Aeliana wasn't like the other women I'd toyed with. She didn't just fall into my lap, didn't give me those doe eyes, all sweet and begging for my attention.
No, she challenged me, pushed back, made me work for it. Maybe that was what was getting to me she wasn't easy. But the more I thought about it, the more frustrated I became because I knew it wasn't just that. It was something deeper, something that scared the shit out of me.
As the night settled in, I found myself in one of the castle's courtyards, the moonlight casting long shadows across the stone. I kicked a loose rock, sending it skittering across the ground, but the action did nothing to ease the tension coiled in my chest.
Aeliana's face flashed in my mind again, her stubborn, determined gaze boring into me. Damn her. Damn her for making me feel like this.
What the hell was wrong with me? I wasn't some lovesick fool. I was Ciara, strong, unyielding, the one who called the shots. I was the one who left others pining, not the other way around. But every time I closed my eyes, it was her I saw, and it made me want to punch something or someone just to get rid of the feeling.
I needed a distraction. Something, anything to keep my mind off her. I wasn't going to let some human girl unravel me. I was better than that. Stronger than that. But as I turned to head back inside, the weight of it all settled on my shoulders. It was like carrying a fucking boulder heavy, unrelenting, crushing me with every step.
I tried to think of the other women I'd been with, the ones whose hearts I'd broken without a second thought. The way they'd looked at me, so full of hope and desperation, thinking they could be the one to change me. It was almost laughable. Almost. But the thought of doing the same to Aeliana...it didn't sit right with me. And that pissed me off even more.
I stormed back inside, trying to channel my frustration into something productive. Maybe I'd find a training partner, someone to beat the shit out of until I could clear my head. Or maybe I'd go hunting, find some rogue demon to take my anger out on. Anything to stop thinking about her. Anything to make this gnawing, irritating feeling go away.
But as I wandered through the halls, it became clear that nothing was going to help. Not tonight, at least. I was too wound up, too fucked up over all of this. I hated how much control she seemed to have over me, how she made me feel things I didn't want to feel. How she made me care.
As I passed by the great hall, I paused, looking out over the empty room. It was so quiet, so still, but my mind was anything but. I could almost see Aeliana standing there, defiant and beautiful, staring me down like she always did. And in that moment, I hated her for it. Hated her for making me feel this way. But more than that, I hated myself for not being able to let her go.
I needed to get a grip. I needed to stop thinking about her, stop letting her take up space in my head. She was just a human, just another girl, and I was letting her get to me. That wasn't who I was. I was stronger than this, stronger than her.
But as I turned to leave, I couldn't shake the thought that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't as strong as I thought. Maybe Aeliana was the one who had the power here, the one who could break me if I let her. And that scared me more than anything.
With a frustrated growl, I stormed off toward my chambers, determined to push her out of my mind once and for all. I wasn't going to let her win, wasn't going to let her break me. But as I lay down in my bed, staring up at the ceiling, I knew it wasn't going to be that easy.
Aeliana was in my head, in my heart, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get rid of her. And that realization that she might actually mean something to me was the scariest thing of all.
I needed to get her out of my system, needed to remind myself who the fuck I was. But as I drifted off to sleep, her face was the last thing I saw, and I knew I was screwed. Because no matter how much I wanted to deny it, I cared about her. And that was something I wasn't sure I was ready to face.