Aeliana looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights, her face a mix of surprise and something else fear?
No, I don't think she was afraid of me, but she was definitely startled. It was almost cute how easy it was to rattle her, and that thought made me smile in a way that felt too genuine, too honest for someone like me.
But I couldn't afford to be honest. Not now. Not with her.
I'd been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot of questioning my own motives, my own desires. It was getting harder and harder to tell where my need for her blood ended and where… something else began.
Damn it, this was supposed to be simple. Just another job, just another person I needed to get close to in order to survive. But Aeliana? She was different. She was light and warmth and everything I'd forgotten existed in the world.
And I needed her. In more ways than I wanted to admit. My demon side was gnawing at me, whispering dark thoughts into my ear at night, telling me that if I didn't get close to her soon, I'd lose control. I'd hurt someone. Maybe even her.
I didn't want that. I needed her trust, her warmth, and her goddamn blood. And I hated myself a little bit for that. Hated that I was conflicted, that I even cared about how she felt in all this. What the hell was happening to me?
I wasn't supposed to care. I wasn't supposed to feel anything but hunger and desperation. Yet, here I was, standing in front of her, feeling something twist in my chest that had nothing to do with hunger.
Her eyes darted around, probably looking for a way out, but I wasn't letting her off that easily. Not after what she had pulled. Running away from me? Hiding like some scared little rabbit? Oh, no, sweetheart, not today.
I decided to change tactics. I softened my stance, my smirk turning into something closer to a smile, something less predatory. "You look like you're about to bolt," I said, keeping my tone light, teasing. "Are you really that afraid of me?"
She blinked, taken aback. "I'm not… afraid," she managed, but her voice was too breathy, too shaky to be convincing. "I just… I don't have time for this right now, Ciara."
"Oh, really?" I leaned in a little closer, watching her cheeks turn that adorable shade of pink that made my stomach do strange, fluttery things. "You don't have time for… what? For talking? For… this?"
I reached out and brushed a loose strand of her hair back, my fingers lingering a bit longer than necessary. Her breath hitched, and for a second, I thought I'd gone too far. But instead of pulling away, she stayed rooted in place, her eyes wide and uncertain.
I could feel the tension between us, thick and electric, like the air before a storm. And damn, did I want that storm to break.
But I couldn't. Not yet. Not like this.
"Relax, Aeliana," I said softly, trying to sound more sincere than I felt. "I'm not here to hurt you."
She swallowed hard, her eyes searching mine for something reassurance, maybe? I wasn't sure. "Then what do you want, Ciara?"
Now there was the million-coin question. What did I want? Her blood, sure. But more than that? Did I want her to like me? To trust me?
Maybe even… to care about me? I felt a snarl rise in my throat at the thought. I couldn't afford to be weak. Couldn't afford to let myself get attached. And yet…
Yet here I was.
I took a breath, forcing myself to relax, to play it cool. "I want…" I hesitated, just for a moment. "I want to get to know you, that's all."
She looked skeptical, and I didn't blame her. Hell, if I were her, I wouldn't trust me either. But I had to try. "Come on, Aeliana. Give me a chance. I'm not as bad as you think."
She hesitated, and for a moment, I thought I saw something in her eyes a flicker of interest, of curiosity. But then she shook her head, almost as if trying to clear away whatever thoughts had crossed her mind. "I… I have to go," she stammered, taking a step back.
I tried to keep the disappointment from showing on my face, but I couldn't help the slight frown that tugged at my lips. "Going to run away again, huh?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood. "And here I thought you were braver than that."
She bristled at that, her spine straightening as if I'd just issued a challenge. "I'm not running away," she insisted, but her voice was still shaky, still uncertain.
"Sure you're not," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "You're just… strategically retreating, right?"
Her face turned an even deeper shade of red, and I almost laughed. God, she was too easy to rile up. "I don't have time for your games, Ciara," she snapped, but there was a hint of something else in her voice something that told me she wasn't as unaffected as she pretended to be.
I stepped closer, closing the distance between us, my smile softening into something almost genuine. "Maybe not," I said quietly. "But I think you want to make time."
For a moment, just a brief, fleeting moment, I thought she might stay. I thought she might take the bait, might give me the chance I so desperately needed.
But then, like a deer spooked by a sudden noise, she turned on her heel and practically ran out of the alcove, muttering something under her breath about Leora needing her.
I watched her go, feeling a strange mix of frustration and… relief? Was that what I was feeling? I didn't even know anymore.
All I knew was that the demon side of me was screaming, clawing at the edges of my mind, demanding I go after her, that I make her stay, make her trust me.
But I couldn't. Not yet. Not like this.
I leaned back against the wall, running a hand through my hair and letting out a slow, measured breath. "Damn it, Ciara," I muttered to myself. "What the hell are you doing?"
I wanted to chase after her, to drag her back and make her understand that this wasn't a game, that this was real, that I needed her in a way I didn't fully understand. But I couldn't.
Not if I wanted her to trust me. Not if I wanted her to see me as something more than just a monster lurking in the shadows.
Maybe that's all I was, though. Maybe that's all I'd ever be.
I clenched my fists, feeling my nails dig into my palms, the pain grounding me, keeping me from doing something reckless. I had to play this smart. Had to keep my head in the game, or I'd lose everything.
And for some reason, the thought of losing Aeliana felt like a punch to the gut. A punch I wasn't sure I could survive.
I strode down the hall, my mind still buzzing with thoughts of Aeliana. Every time I tried to push her out of my head, she kept creeping back in, like a damn itch I couldn't scratch. It was infuriating, and it was making me reckless. I needed to focus, to get my head back in the game before I did something stupid.
I reached Leora's office and pushed the door open without bothering to knock. The moment I stepped inside, Leora looked up from her desk, her expression a mix of annoyance and something else—concern? That wasn't a look I was used to seeing from her, and it put me on edge.
"Ciara," she started, her tone sharp. "We have work to do. Important work, if you've forgotten."
I rolled my eyes, trying to shrug off the tension that had been building in my chest. "I'm aware," I said, my voice clipped. "But this won't take long."
She narrowed her eyes at me, clearly not in the mood for my usual attitude. "We don't have time for distractions," she said firmly, rising from her chair. "If you're going to be here, then focus. Otherwise, leave."
"I'm not here to waste time, Leora," I snapped back, but she was already moving, rounding the desk and heading toward me. Her gaze was intense, scrutinizing, and it made me uncomfortable in a way I didn't like to admit.
"Come with me," she ordered, not waiting for a response. She pushed past me, heading out of the office and into the corridor.
I followed her, my irritation growing with every step. We walked in silence until we were outside, the crisp air hitting me like a slap in the face. I didn't know where she was taking me, but I didn't care I just wanted to get this over with.
Leora stopped abruptly, turning to face me. Her eyes were hard, no trace of the concern I thought I'd seen earlier. "You need blood," she said flatly.
I stiffened at her words, my fists clenching at my sides. "I'm fine," I lied, the words bitter on my tongue.
"No, you're not," Leora said, her voice softer now, but still firm. "You're unraveling, Ciara. I can see it. If you don't do something about it soon, you're going to lose control."
I glared at her, but the truth of her words stung. I hated admitting weakness, hated the idea that I couldn't handle this on my own. But the truth was, she was right. I was losing control, and I didn't know how much longer I could keep it together.
"Don't make this harder than it has to be," Leora added, her tone almost gentle now. "You know what you need to do."
I let out a harsh breath, my mind racing with conflicting thoughts. I knew she was right, but the thought of giving in, of admitting I needed help, made my blood boil.
But I also knew I didn't have a choice.