The next morning, I made a decision. I was going to talk to Ciara. I didn't know what I would say, or how she would react, but I couldn't keep avoiding the issue. It was time to face whatever was happening between us, to figure out what we were and where we stood.
With my resolve strengthened, I set out to find Ciara. The castle, usually a place of comfort with its familiar corridors and well-worn paths, felt different today.
The wide expanse of the field was empty, the sound of clashing blades and shouted commands absent in the early morning light. The emptiness only heightened my anxiety, as if the very air was holding its breath, waiting.
From the training grounds, I made my way to the armory, my mind conjuring images of Ciara meticulously sharpening her blade or inspecting the weaponry with her usual intensity. The armory, however, was quiet, the scent of oiled leather and cold steel filling the space but offering no sign of her presence.
Next, I tried the strategy rooms, hoping to catch her pouring over maps or discussing tactics with the other commanders. But the rooms were deserted, the maps laid out on the tables like discarded plans, waiting for someone to breathe life into them.
My frustration grew with each empty room I encountered, each failed attempt to locate her. I felt the familiar tightening in my chest, a sensation that had become all too common over the past few weeks.
The gardens were my next destination, a place of serenity and beauty that always brought me a measure of peace.
It was as if the entire castle had conspired against me, keeping Ciara hidden away, out of reach. The longer I searched, the more frantic my steps became, my thoughts spiraling with each fruitless attempt. Was she avoiding me on purpose?
Finally, after what felt like hours of searching, I found her. She was in one of the private courtyards, a secluded spot away from the hustle and bustle of the castle's daily activities. The courtyard was small, bordered by high stone walls covered in ivy, with a single large tree at its center.
Ciara was leaning against the tree, her posture relaxed yet her expression far away, as if lost in thoughts that weighed heavily on her. The sight of her like this, so different from the confident, often brash woman I was used to, made my breath catch in my throat.
For a moment, I simply watched her, my heart pounding in my chest. She looked almost fragile in that instant, her usual armor of wit and bravado stripped away, leaving her vulnerable and exposed.
Summoning all the courage I had left, I took a deep breath and approached her. My footsteps were quiet on the cobblestone path, but they were enough to draw her attention.
As I drew nearer, she turned her head, her gaze meeting mine with a flicker of surprise. It was fleeting, quickly masked by the familiar smirk that tugged at the corners of her lips, but I had seen it, and it gave me hope. Maybe she wasn't as indifferent as she tried to appear.
"Aeliana," she greeted me, her voice laced with its usual teasing lilt. "What brings you here?"
The question was casual, almost playful, but the way her eyes searched mine betrayed the seriousness she was trying to hide. I could feel the tension in the air between us, the unspoken words hanging like a veil that neither of us had been brave enough to lift—until now.
I swallowed hard, trying to steady the trembling in my voice. "I need to talk to you."
Her eyebrow arched in curiosity, the smirk fading slightly as she tilted her head. "Oh? About what?"
This was the moment I had been dreading and anticipating in equal measure. I hesitated, the weight of what I was about to say pressing down on me. But then I remembered Leora's advice to start with how I felt, to be honest, even if it was terrifying. I took another deep breath, feeling my resolve solidify.
"Ciara, I..." I began, my voice faltering as I tried to find the right words. "I don't know what's going on between us, but I can't keep pretending that it doesn't matter.
These past few weeks have been confusing and... difficult. And I need to know where we stand. I need to know what we are."
As the words left my mouth, I felt a strange mix of fear and relief. It was as if a dam had burst, releasing all the pent-up emotions that I had been struggling to contain.
I had laid everything bare, vulnerable to whatever response she would give. The silence that followed was almost unbearable, every second stretching out like an eternity.
Ciara's expression shifted, her smirk fading completely as a serious, almost contemplative look took its place.
She studied me for a long moment, her eyes searching mine as if she was trying to understand something deeply buried. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, the anticipation almost too much to bear.
Finally, she spoke, her voice softer, more measured than I had ever heard it. "Aeliana..." she began, but then she trailed off, her gaze drifting away as if she was struggling to find the right words. It was so unlike her, this hesitation, this vulnerability, that it took me by surprise.
I waited, my breath caught in my throat, as she seemed to wrestle with something deep within her. The silence stretched on, heavy with unspoken emotions, until at last, she turned back to me, her eyes meeting mine with an intensity that made my heart skip a beat.
"You're not just another conquest to me, Aeliana," she finally said, her voice carrying a quiet strength. "I care about you. More than I've cared about anyone in a long time. But I'm... I'm scared."
"Scared?" I echoed, the word hanging in the air between us like a fragile thread. It was hard to reconcile this confession with the woman I knew, the fearless warrior who never backed down from anything.
Yet here she was, admitting to a fear that was more daunting than any battle.
Ciara nodded, her gaze dropping to the ground, her usual confidence replaced by a rare vulnerability. "I'm not good at this. Relationships, feelings... they've never been my thing. I've always kept people at arm's length because it's easier that way. But with you... it's different. And that terrifies me."
Her words washed over me, a mixture of relief and tenderness filling my chest.
I hadn't expected this, hadn't realized just how much she had been struggling with the same fears and uncertainties that had been plaguing me. It made me feel closer to her, understanding that we were both navigating this unfamiliar territory together.
Slowly, I stepped closer to her, my hand reaching out to take hers. She looked up at me, her eyes meeting mine once more, and I could see the fear and uncertainty reflected in them. But there was something else too a deep, unspoken connection that had been building between us for weeks, maybe even longer.
"I'm scared too," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper as I squeezed her hand gently. "But I don't want to run from this. Whatever it is, I want to face it together."
For a moment, I thought she might pull away, that her fear would overpower the connection we had.
But then, to my surprise, she squeezed my hand back, a small, hesitant smile tugging at her lips. It was a smile that held both uncertainty and hope, a smile that made my heart swell with warmth.
"Together, huh?" she said, her voice teasing, but there was a sincerity in her tone that hadn't been there before.
I smiled back, feeling a sense of peace settle over me. "Yes. Together."
We stood there in the courtyard, the weight of our conversation hanging in the air between us, but the tension that had been building for weeks seemed to melt away. It was replaced by something deeper, something real.
Finally, Ciara let out a small sigh,
her shoulders relaxing as she leaned in closer to me. "Alright," she said softly. "Let's see where this goes. But no promises, okay?"
I nodded, understanding the need for caution, but my heart was swelling with hope. "No promises. Just... honesty."
Ciara smiled, a real, genuine smile that made my heart skip a beat. "Honesty, I can do."
We stayed there for a while longer, simply enjoying each other's presence, the weight of everything we had just shared settling between us.
There were still so many things left unsaid, so many questions that neither of us had answers to. But for the first time in weeks, I felt a sense of peace, a sense that we were finally on the same page.
As the sun began to set, casting a warm, golden glow over the courtyard, Ciara turned to me with a mischievous glint in her eyes.
"So, how about we start this whole 'honesty' thing with a real date?" she suggested, her tone light and playful.
I laughed, the sound bubbling up from my chest like a release of all the tension I had been holding onto. "I'd like that."
"Good," Ciara said, leaning in to press a soft kiss to my forehead. The touch was gentle, filled with an affection that made my heart flutter. "Because I'm not done figuring you out yet, Aeliana."
I smiled, feeling that warmth spread through me again at her words. "And I'm not done figuring you out, either."
With that, we turned and left the courtyard together, walking side by side as the last rays of sunlight faded into the night.
There were still so many uncertainties ahead of us, so many obstacles to overcome. But for the first time, I felt like we were heading in the right direction, together.
And that was enough. For now, it was more than enough.