I thought about the date we had with Ciara, about the way she had looked at me under the soft glow of the lanterns, the way she had kissed me like I was the only thing that mattered in the world. Those moments felt real, felt like something more than just a passing fling. But was that enough?
As the day passed, the distance between us only seemed to grow. Ciara was always busy, always occupied with something that kept her away from me. I knew she had her duties, but it was hard not to feel like I was being pushed aside, like I didn't matter as much as I had before.
I tried to focus on my work with Leora, but even that felt hollow without Ciara's presence. Leora noticed the change in me, of course. She was too perceptive not to.
The next day, as we were sorting through a stack of documents in her office, Leora glanced up from her work and gave me a pointed look.
"You've been awfully quiet lately, Aeliana," she said, her tone casual but her eyes sharp. "Is something bothering you?"
I hesitated, unsure of how much to reveal. Leora was my superior, but she had also become something of a mentor to me. She had a way of seeing through my defenses, of knowing when something was off.
"It's nothing," I replied, trying to sound nonchalant. "Just... a lot on my mind."
Leora raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. "Does this have anything to do with a certain demon warrior?"
I looked up sharply, meeting her gaze. "What do you mean?"
Leora smirked, leaning back in her chair. "Come on, Aeliana. I'm not blind. I've seen the way you two look at each other. There's something there, whether you want to admit it or not."
I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment, and I quickly looked away, pretending to focus on the document in front of me. "It's complicated," I mumbled.
"Of course it is," Leora said with a chuckle. "Love always is."
"It's not love it's attirance," I said quickly, my voice a little too loud.
Leora raised an eyebrow, but didn't press the issue. "Whatever it is, it's clearly affecting you. You should talk to her, Aeliana. Communication is key in any relationship, whether it's romantic or not."
I sighed, knowing she was right but not wanting to admit it. "I don't even know what to say."
"Start with how you feel," Leora suggested. "And go from there."
The thought of confronting Ciara, of laying my feelings bare, was terrifying. But Leora's words stuck with me, gnawing at the back of my mind. Maybe it was time to stop avoiding the issue and face it head-on.
But every time I considered approaching Ciara, doubt crept in. What if she didn't feel the same way? What if I was just another passing interest, another conquest for her to discard when she got bored?
The uncertainty was paralyzing, and it kept me from making a move. Instead, I found myself growing more distant, retreating into myself as I tried to sort through the mess of emotions swirling inside me.
Nathaniel noticed the change too, and his flirtations became more frequent, more insistent. I knew he was trying to fill the void that Ciara had left, but it only made things more complicated.
I didn't want to lead him on, didn't want to hurt him, but I also didn't know how to stop the growing tension between us.
On the evening, as I was walking back to my quarters after a long day, Nathaniel caught up to me in the hallway. He flashed me a smile, but there was a seriousness in his eyes that I hadn't seen before.
"Aeliana, can we talk?" he asked, his tone uncharacteristically sober.
"Sure," I replied, though my heart sank at the thought of what he might say.
We found a quiet spot in one of the castle's many courtyards, the evening air cool and crisp. Nathaniel turned to me, his expression unreadable.
"I need to know where I stand with you," he said, his voice steady but with an undercurrent of vulnerability. "I care about you, Aeliana. I have for a while now. But I can't keep pretending that I don't see what's going on between you and Ciara."
My heart ached at his words, the weight of the situation pressing down on me. "Nathaniel, I—"
"Please, just be honest with me," he interrupted, his eyes searching mine. "Do you have feelings for her?"
I hesitated, the truth caught in my throat. But I knew I couldn't lie to him, not when he was being so open with me. "I... I do," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.
Nathaniel closed his eyes for a moment, his expression one of resignation. "I thought so," he said softly. "I just needed to hear it from you."
"I'm sorry," I said, the words feeling inadequate.
Nathaniel shook his head, a sad smile on his lips. "Don't be. You can't help who you fall for. I just wish... I wish things were different."
"I do care about you, Nathaniel," I said, wanting him to understand. "But... it's just not the same."
He nodded, his smile tinged with sadness. "I know. And I don't want to make things harder for you. I'll always be here for you, Aeliana, as a friend, if nothing else."
"Thank you," I said, my heart heavy with guilt.
We stood in silence for a moment, the weight of the conversation hanging between us. Then, with a final nod, Nathaniel turned and walked away, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I watched him go, the ache in my chest growing with each step he took. I hated hurting him, hated the mess I had created. But I also knew that I couldn't keep pretending that my feelings for Ciara didn't exist.
That night, I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling as I replayed everything in my mind. Nathaniel's words echoed in my head, along with Leora's advice. Maybe it was time to stop running from my feelings, to stop hiding from the truth.