I'm lost in my imagination, a swirling vortex of thoughts and dreams. It's my sanctuary, my comfort zone, but it's also a double edged sword. As I sink deeper into this world of my own making, I feel a bittersweet mixture of joy and guilt. Joy, because here I'm free; guilt, because I know I'm neglecting my responsibilities in the real world.
Society's expectations weigh on me like a heavy cloak. Their judgmental whispers seem to grow louder with each passing day. "Lazy," they call me. "Loser," they sneer. Frustration and defiance well up inside me. Who are they to judge my life? A mix of anger and confusion swirls in my mind. Are they gods? Then why do they worship other gods? The irony is not lost on me, and I feel a twinge of cynical amusement. According to this society's rules, I'm considered a loser and they're winners? The injustice of it all burns within me. So higher beings are trying to dominate lower beings? Then why are they becoming slaves to their man-made gods who don't even exist?.
"Wake up, wake up..." The voice cuts through my mind like a sharp knife. Confusion floods my senses as I'm roughly pulled from my dream, feeling like I've fallen from a great height. My heart beats fast, with a rush of energy flowing through my body. My mother's urgent tone bothers my stressed nerves as she quickly lists instructions. "Suvam, wake up and go clean yourself, put on your school clothes, and eat your breakfast. You're running out of time." I gather a calmness I don't feel, answering with forced kindness, "Okay, Mama, I got it." The usual routine washes over me, a numbing comfort to my wild feelings. Hope for change has long since died, leaving only tired acceptance in its place.
I walk into my classroom, I look around, unsure where to sit. Unlike some kids who always go to the same spot, I don't have a special desk. I just sit wherever there's space. As I choose an empty desk, I notice other students looking nervous when they can't sit in their usual places. Their eyes dart around, searching for their friends. A small knot forms in my stomach. Am I supposed to feel that way too? But I don't. Whether I'm sitting alone or next to someone, I feel... nothing special. No joy, no sadness, just... okay. This makes me wonder: Am I weird? Different? The thought makes me feel a bit uneasy. Then I catch myself. Who am I to think I'm better just because I don't need a specific seat or friend nearby?. Maybe they have reasons I don't understand.
When the teacher talks, my eyes are on the book, but my mind flies free. I dream of ruling the world, imagining people saying sorry for hurting me. But a quiet voice inside whispers, "Let it go," and I sink back into my daydreams. I think, "I think I know myself, but I know that I don't know myself, and this is what I know about myself."
The lunch bell rings. Sir leaves, and the room gets loud. My made up world fades away. Kids rush to eat or chat, but I sit alone, feeling left out. I pull out my secret comfort book I bought online. As I read, I feel both happy to escape and lonely in the real world.
Lunch ends too fast. Back to class we go, and I feel trapped at my desk. The next two hours drag on forever. I bounce between boredom and flashes of imagination, wishing I could stay in my dream world...
Finally, it's time to go home. I walk out of school, caught between two worlds .. the one in my mind where I feel strong, and the real one where I often feel small and unsure.
I've been booking the school bus for two years, but I haven't used it after college. I take the bus in the morning because I always wake up late, feeling groggy and rushed. After college, I skip the bus, preferring to walk home while drunk... knowing it's not healthy but enjoying the buzz. People say only bad folks drink, and society looks down on it. But I feel angry and confused because society still sells alcohol. Why judge others instead of looking at themselves? I wonder if people would even want it if it wasn't called "bad." Society's negative view makes some want it more, which frustrates me. Some drink to look cool, some out of habit, and some to escape sadness. I feel torn, understanding all these reasons. The world talks about how bad drinking is, so why allow it? I feel bitter thinking about how countries make money by hurting their own people. What's the point of trying to look better than others? Why talk about peace while causing harm? I feel lost in a world that doesn't make sense.
I eat and clean up after my bath, then settle in to watch TV. My room wraps me in a cocoon of comfort, As I mumble to myself, my thoughts spiral "I love getting lost in my imagination, but it's slowly eating away at me. The world outside pushes its rules on me, rules that don't even make sense. Maybe we're not so different, though .. they live in their made up world, and I live in mine. At least I know mine's not real... or do I? The more I think, the more I doubt everything, even myself."
Suddenly, panic strikes as I remember my forgotten homework. Exhaustion weighs heavy on my eyelids, and I'm torn between responsibility and the sweet call of sleep. A familiar wave of self loathing washes over me as I realize I'm about to repeat the same pattern "First things first," I sigh, a bitter smile twisting my lips. "And as always, today follows the same old script."
My eyes snap open. The homework! My heart races as I jump up, then slumps as tiredness hits me. I look at my desk, then my bed, torn. "Just like always," I mutter, flopping back down. "Tomorrow me can deal with it." As I curl up, my mind starts to wander. What if I wake up as someone else? What if I find myself in a world where homework doesn't exist? Or worse, a world where it's all we do?
I imagine different versions of me in different worlds, all facing this same choice. Are they all giving in too? Is there a me out there who's actually doing the work? My thoughts get fuzzy as sleep creeps in. Maybe dream me will be more responsible. But as I drift off, I know that's just another story I'm telling myself. Tomorrow will come, and I'll be right back here, stuck in this loop I can't seem to escape completely.