Superman gently put the train down on the floor of the mountain ravine. That had been one of the closest calls he'd ever had in a long long time. When he was flying towards the train there had been plenty of time to get Lois to safety and stop the train before it came to the windy mountain passage. When he landed however, he had not expected there to be kryptonite on the train car.
Superman knew about kryptonite since it was one of the only things that followed him from his planet. He used to think it would drain him of all his strength until he would eventually die after being exposed for too long. After some experimentation however, Superman had learned it wasn't true. All kryptonite did was weaken his powers and make him as normal as any human. One time Superman brought some kryptonite to the gym with him to see how much he could lift as just a normal man. He had lifted over 300 pounds. He had left feeling really good about himself but still wondered if there was someway he could lift even more.
Anyway, with kryptonite on the train, that meant that he was in as much danger as if he were a normal human. After checking a few of the packaged boxes he was able to find the case that housed a kryptonite gold necklace and chucked it off the train just in time to regain his powers, save Lois and stop the train. Now that the train was secured it was time to take Lois home. Superman flew up to the top of the mountain ravine where the train had initially started its fall.
He found Lois where he had set her down on the mountain track. She was shaking and pale. She didn't look like she was doing very well.
Superman reached a hand to her, "Are you okay?"
Lois cleared her throat and folded her arms, hiding her hands, "Fine. I'm fine."
"That's not true, you don't look fine."
"You don't get to tell me what I am and what I'm not." Lois said. Sometimes Lois could be so mean. Well, she was probably just emotional from an extremely scary encounter, her reaction was justified.
"You're safe now. I'll take you home and as soon as I take you home I'll come back and deliver the train to its destination. You've got nothing to worry about, so for now, just focus on taking care of yourself." Superman said.
"Excuse me?" Lois said incredulously, "There were men with guns pointed at me so I took their guns and shot at them. I can take care of myself. It's just… I could have been killed. I could have killed one of them. I just…" Lois stopped talking as if there was something too difficult to admit. Superman could guess that she was having a hard time with the possibility of almost having hurt someone, even if they were robbers.
"Where are they now?" Superman asked.
"I don't know. Back a few miles."
"I'll get them to a hospital, don't worry. I'll take care of it."
"You'll take care of it. You'll fix it. Of course you will, you're Superman. You can do anything while I'm just some reporter who can't do anything."
Superman was very confused. Why was she angry? He had never said that. He never would say that. He said, "That's not true. Given the situation you handled yourself amazingly. You took back the train from hijackers. That's amazing."
"Yes. I have an above average ability to handle situations. Thank you for noticing," Lois rolled her eyes.
Superman had no idea why she was acting this way. This was more than some post-trauma emotion. "I don't understand," Superman said. "What are you talking about?"
"So what, I stopped the hijackers, it still wasn't enough. It turned into a runaway train. I had no way of stopping it." Lois said, "And I was saved yet again by a man in tights. It doesn't matter what I do, I could never compare to that."
"I'm sorry, I still don't understand," Superman said.
"I could never run faster than a bullet or stop a speeding train. I can't fly and I'll never have super strength," Lois said.
"Well you don't need to feel frustrated by it. Nobody can do what I do."
"It's more than just that!" Lois said, raising her voice, "There are so many men that think that they're better than women. They prove it with their massive muscles, with their acts of heroism and bravery and what not. They brag about how many hundreds of pounds they can lift at the gym while I'm lucky if I can lift even one hundred! There are so many men, military, police, heck, even doctors, they go into extreme situations without batting an eye and here I am about ready to cry. I'm scared! I might have killed someone! I could have been killed! I'm not supposed to be scared like this. I'm not supposed to be feeling this way, feeling like… scared like… like a scared little girl. I'm better than that."
It took a minute for Superman to digest what Lois had just said. Every little girl he had met was incredibly tough and Lois made it sound like being a little girl was a bad thing. That wasn't true. Was she trying to say that it's bad that men and women are different? Because that wasn't true either.
"Men and women are not equal. We're not the same, we don't have the same body parts, we don't have the same thought processes. Just because we physically and mentally are not the same does not make either less important. And we need each other. The world wouldn't be complete without women and it wouldn't be complete without men," Superman said, not realizing that to Lois, "not equal" meant, "you're not my equal" which was another way of saying "I'm better than you" which was the possible worst thing he could have said at that time. At this point Lois realized that no matter what she said, this man in front of her would not understand so it was useless to try and talk to him.
"Take me home. Take me home now Superman. Go, deliver the train, get the crooks to the hospital and take me home."
And then Superman did exactly what Lois had told him to.
Though when it came time to take her home she ended up wanting to go to the Daily Planet building to start on her article. After all that had happened and she still wanted to get work done, the woman was incredible. But she probably wouldn't have wanted to hear that from Superman. He decided to try coming back a little later as Clark to check on her. Not that she would appreciate it or need it of course, but just cause he wanted to.
…
Lois stared at her screen, hands frozen above the keyboard. The words weren't coming. The words always came, why weren't they coming. She looked down to her hands and noticed they were shaking. Just like how they were shaking when she threw down the automatic rifle after shooting at the thief's car. She had done that, hadn't she. She had shot at another human being. They were wounded in the hospital, not seriously, they weren't going to die. At least, she hoped they weren't going to die.
She didn't have time for this. She had to write a follow up story to the largest shipment of gold ever exported from Metropolis. It was Clark who had dropped her off at the station as the shipment was being loaded, armed guards were everywhere. She was on board the train as it began its journey. They were traveling about 20 miles per hour when the hijackers mounted their attack. She'd jumped into action and fought the hijackers in the engine room. She'd managed to gain control of the weapons but unfortunately they had done something to the train and she wasn't able to slow it down, useless as she often seemed to be. Then she was on a runaway train. Some of their goons had tried chasing the train in a car but she had taken the rifle and blown out their car. Those were the men in the hospital now. She had been so calm then, that sort of unnatural calm when you know you should be panicking but instead you just do what needs done.
Well what she needed to get done now was words, she needed words. But where were they. What was wrong with her? She didn't need to dress up the story in any fancy way, the story would sell itself. What she needed was just to tell it. To write it. To put words down. But her hands wouldn't stop shaking and the flashbacks of the car she had pelted with bullets kept crossing her mind. She had almost died.
She remembered how the train had come to a mountain pass with winding tracks, the recommended speed limit, 5 miles per hour. Judging by the train's increasing speed and the sharpness of the curbs it didn't take a genius to realize the train was going to derail off the side of the cliff. Lois planned to jump off and hope she wouldn't fall off the cliff herself or get run over by the narrowness of the track and the remaining train cars. But then she saw that blue and red of Superman's dumb spandex jumping onto her engine car. It didn't look so dumb at that point. First he had taken her out of the car just as it was falling off the cliff. As soon as Lois was on solid ground Superman rushed to the train and stopped it before it hit the ground. Then he set it down gently as if he were playing catch with toy blocks. The ordeal had ended. It was over but Lois was somehow still living it. Still living that moment when she was about to fall to her death.
She remembered she had had a conversation with Superman but she had been in such a shock that she didn't remember most of it. From what she did remember he had basically told her she was useless and that men can handle things that women can't. It had infuriated her, but now that she was sitting in the office, in a safe place, she couldn't help thinking that maybe he was right. Maybe that's why she was having such a hard time trying to process the events of the night. Because she just can't compare.
Someone entered the office.
"Lois?" Came Clark's voice.
"Clark?" Came Lois's reply. She had been in the office alone. Everyone else was either finishing their work from home or off hours.
"I heard about the train incident, how's the article coming? Almost finished?" Clark asked in his smooth way.
"Just starting it would be more accurate," Lois said hopelessly.
"Really? That's not quite what I was expecting." Clark said.
"Me either, it's just…" Lois sighed, "I'm not sure what it is. I just can't seem to get any words down. On the train, as the hijackers were racing towards us I took their guns and I shot at them Clark. I could have killed one of them…" Lois felt a lump rising in her throat. She could have murdered someone and it haunted her. "I'm just not good enough. Even after all I did, I was useless on that train. I'm not as strong as men who go into battle on a daily basis. They don't struggle with these same emotions like I do. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way but I am. I have to face it, I just can't compare."
Clark blinked a few times with understanding then took a deep breath, "Lois, I have a weakness and sometimes it makes me vulnerable to the point that I can't help people and I can barely even help myself. It's scary. You're not the only one who feels that way. You're not alone. Many people, men included, go to therapy for PTSD. Many don't and try to deal with it on their own. To some it turns them violent or depressed. You're not weak because you have a hard time dealing with traumatic situations. I think you're actually extremely strong for having faced it the way you did. And strong for continuing to facing it even now."
Lois was strong? She had done something anyone would have found hard to do. Yes, she had been brave. And of course it was a scary situation to have to deal with. She had done her best and she was enough.
She would have thanked Clark but she couldn't. She wasn't ready to admit that he was exactly what she needed at that time. Instead, she smiled softly and the tension in her body seemed to dissipate. Clark too seemed to release tension in his oversized coat and the room became more relaxed.
"Anxiety?" Lois asked.
"What?" Clark said.
"Is your weakness anxiety?" Lois asked again. She noticed how he always seemed to shy away and hide whenever disaster struck. Even talking about dangerous encounters like the ones she had had with Superman seemed to make him uncomfortable. Only after all the drama was over did he ever come out of hiding.
Clark looked unsure as if he didn't want to answer the question. It was so adorable how he'd try to hide his true feelings, "Um…"
"You don't have to answer, your secret's safe with me," Lois said.
Clark still looked unsure.
"But what're you doing here at the office this late?" Lois asked.
Clark shrugged, "I guess I just felt like I should come in. Reporter's intuition?"
"Well it's been good to talk with you but I can't chat any longer Clark, I've got an article to write," and immediately Lois turned to start typing. The words came fast and furious.
Clark stood up, "I'll just head home. I'm hoping to catch some sleep before work starts."
Lois nodded, not hearing anything. She'd be finished before the morning newsletters were sent.
…
Lois was packing up for the day to get home for some well-deserved rest. As she passed by Clark's desk on her way out she noticed he was reading the article she had finished.
Clark turned to her and said, "I hadn't realized it was Superman that had saved you and stopped the train. Uncanny how he turns up just when you need him."
Lois thought about all that Superman had done for her, saving her life and everything. Maybe she had been a little quick to judge. She had been feeling very emotional when she had chewed him out, even if she was justified…
She stopped for a moment. "I didn't take the chance to thank him," she realized out loud.
Clark said, "I bet he knows."
Lois looked out the window, "I doubt it. See you tomorrow Clark. I'm taking the day off. I need a mental health break."
Clark nodded in agreement. He would understand about needing mental health breaks, wouldn't he. Having to a deal with his anxiety and all. It comforted Lois to know that she wasn't alone.