Leaving Lila to protect the warehouse we now call home, we walk. I don't know where to, but Caelestis seems to know exactly where. Tearing a bit of inner fabric from my skirt, he created a veil to hide my face. Every cactus we come across, he plucks the flowers and hands them to me to hold, but I don't know why.
It is nearly nightfall and halos of lights are visible in the far distance. Approaching closer, it seems like a secret village, bustling with outcasts who seemed to have rebelled from the authorities and fled The District. And we are meant to earn coin here?
There are children running around, their souls seem light, and their eyes reflect the clear moonlight, rather than a clouded darkness. They beam a happiness that is a rarity anywhere beyond here. There are stalls surrounding, night markets and entertainers. To one, this may be comparable with heaven.
I look over at Caelestis, and he holds a light smile and a hidden glimmer in his eyes. As if he found the thing he had been searching for. Hope. If hope was a word, it would be this. A place where people can forget about everything else, close their eyes, and throw away their prayers.
Caelestis takes me by my hand and tugs me towards a back entrance of a tent. Before entering, he takes his cloak off me, and puts it back on himself.
"Will you trust me?"
I nod, and breathe.
He turns me around and it feels like he's braiding the top half of my hair. He combs his fingers through my hair tenderly, and I'm reminded of Lyra. But I can't reminisce.
"The flowers."
His hand open and I pass him the flowers he picked on the way. He tucks them into the braid, tied with a bit of thread he ripped from his cloak. Touching it, it feels perfectly neat, and I wonder where he learnt how to braid hair.
He turns me back around and neatens my hair, tucking it behind my ear along with the last flower. He rummages through an inner pocket of his clothes, and brings out a pair of earrings of what seem to be emeralds. Putting them into my ears, he explains to me.
"When we go in there, I want you to just dance. Tonight, you are simply a dancer, and nothing more, nothing less. If anyone attempts to touch you, I will be there. Let yourself flow, if the flowers fall, that's okay. It's okay if you can't smile, it's okay if you cry. Tonight, just look at me, okay?"
I nod slightly. I don't understand what he means by dance. But his comforting eyes tell me there's nothing to worry about.
And we step into the tent.
It's full of people, women, men, drinking laughing. How did society go from this to desolation? I'm reminded of the warmth that people should hold and a memories from once upon a time. My heart overwhelmed, and I wonder when this will be the present once again. These people have no idea that the one who ruined their lives, is standing right in front of them.
The lights dim, and I bring myself to take a step forward. I look back at Caelestis, and he's looking directly at me. Pushing me forward.
The torches directed towards me, and all eyes are once again, upon me.
My heart grows heavy, and my feet are grounded. The only dance I know was for the heavens. A prayer the priestess would learn and pray her entire life. A prayer that calmed the heavens who were angered by the humans, and would breathe life to the world below.
A familiar voice emerges. Singing?
"Amidst the silent dunes, a lone white crocus stands,"
This song…
"Whispers of solitude, in the desert's gentle fate."
How does he know it?
"Petals softly share tales, carried on a breeze so light, longing for your touch, in the quiet desert night."
My feet move through muscle memory, and I see flashbacks of a time when life was much kinder. The slight breeze through my fingers take me back to a time when the desert sand felt like silk. When the desert heat felt like a paradise, a time when I believed in a bright future.
"Here with me, 'neath the pale moon's glow, lost in your gaze, where love's whispers flow. Hold me close, let our souls intertwine, in this solitary bloom, forever, you'll be mine."
Caelestis' voice honeyed but husky. He sings with pain, but I try to mouth the words along with him, my eyes always on him.
I can't look away.
He's sitting in the darkness, watching over me, watching my footsteps, as if he's seen this before.
"A single white crocus, a symbol of grace, blooms in the desert, an intimate embrace."
Just a little more. I want to hear his voice more. This song that was only ever sang by me, is now being sung by a man, who somehow entangled himself with me.
With every movement, the embers that radiate, dance like fireflies, and flickers reflect within their eyes. Perhaps reflecting their hope for their stories to rewind, and start again.
"I miss the way you speak, like echoes in the sand, craving your presence, in this solitary land."
I'm drowning. I miss him ever so much. The ashes that burn remind me of the destruction he's caused. But he loved me, and I want to believe he still does.
He still loves me.
I cry out his name in a breath, but I get an unrequited response.
Am I the villain in his story?
"Here with me, 'neath the pale moon's glow, lost in your gaze, where love's whispers flow. Hold me close, let our souls intertwine, in this solitary bloom, forever, you'll be mine."
I want to go back to when we laughed, and chased each other around the monastery.
I want to forget the confusion Caelestis has caused me.
The feelings he ignites within me.
I pray to forget.
"As the lone petal falls, in the desert's quiet plea, our love, like a single white crocus, eternally free."
I pray for a simpler time.
"A time when I believed a crocus would bloom once again."