Chereads / Double Love [BL] / Chapter 13 - Past Shadows

Chapter 13 - Past Shadows

Exiting the KG company building, the trio steps into the cool embrace of the evening air. The dim glow of the city lights paints the streets in hues of amber and indigo as they make their way towards their waiting car. 

Jae-hwa leads the way, his confident stride cutting through the silence, while Kaoru follows closely behind.

As they reach the car, Dong-geun uncharacteristically silent, he quietly slips into the backseat, leaving Kaoru to take the front passenger seat beside Jae-hwa. The engine hums to life, the soft purr of the car filling the quiet space as they begin their journey home.

The silence stretches between them, thick and palpable, until finally, Jae-hwa breaks it with a casual observation. 

"Looks like Dong-Geun fell asleep back there." He remarks, glancing at the rearview mirror.

Kaoru turns his gaze, confirming Dong-Geun's slumber with a small huff of disbelief. Cupping his chin in his hand, he turns his attention back to the window to observe the passing scenery outside, a veil of contemplation descending over his features.

As they approach a red light, the glow of the stop signal illuminates the interior of the car, casting long shadows against the dark upholstery. It is in this moment of quiet intimacy that Kaoru finds the courage to speak his mind.

"You were really cool today." He admits softly, his words carrying the weight of sincerity.

As Kaoru's words hang in the air, Jae-hwa's response doesn't come immediately. 

Curious, Kaoru turns to look at him, and his breath catches at the sight of Jae-hwa's gaze fixed on him, a soft smile playing at the corners of his lips and his face lit with earnest endearment.

Kaoru feels his heart skip a beat.

"Thank you." Jae-hwa finally murmurs, his voice carrying warmth as their eyes meet in a silent exchange.

Before Kaoru can respond, the traffic light changes, and the car begins to move again. The moment passes, but the lingering warmth remains as they navigate the city streets.

In a rare moment of vulnerability, Jae-hwa shyly admits, "I was trying really hard today... because you were there. I wanted to impress you."

Kaoru's heart clenches at the earnesty in Jae-hwa's voice, but he remains silent.

Eventually, they pull up to Dong-geun's place, and Jae-hwa clears his throat, addressing their snoozing companion in the backseat. 

"Sir, we've arrived at your place."

Dong-geun jerks awake with a start, rubbing his eyes in confusion. 

"Huh? Oh yeah, good job today. See you tomorrow." He mumbles before quickly exiting the car, leaving Kaoru and Jae-hwa alone once more.

As the car starts moving again, Kaoru can't shake the feeling of awkwardness that settles between him and Jae-hwa in their newfound solitude. The hum of the engine provides a backdrop to the tense silence that hangs in the air, amplifying the unease that breathes through Kaoru.

After a few moments of hesitation, Kaoru clears his throat, breaking the silence with a tentative voice. "Um, Jae-hwa... Can we talk about something?"

Jae-hwa glances at him, his expression unreadable. 

"Of course, what's on your mind?" He replies.

Kaoru shifts uncomfortably in his seat, fidgets with the hem of his shirt, his nerves coiling tightly as he gathers the courage to speak.

"The thing is, Jae-hwa, I haven't actually had my heat in five years," he admits quietly, his voice laced with vulnerability. "And... alpha pheromones... they've always been disgusting to me."

"Oh." Jae-Hwa says.

Kaoru pauses, and then forces his next words out of his tight throat, "But not yours."

Jae-hwa's eyes widen in surprise, his lips parting slightly in astonishment. 

"Oh." He breathes, his response tentative.

Kaoru continues, his words tumbling out in a rush.

"The doctor said our pheromones are a perfect chemical match or whatever, so that's why I got my heat again when I was around you." He explains. "She said that my heats would become more unstable around you."

"Is that why you were avoiding me?" He asks softly, his brows furrowing in concern.

Kaoru stiffens at the question, his jaw tightening with tension. 

"Not entirely." He replies, his gaze fixed resolutely ahead.

Jae-hwa's face softens.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." He murmurs, his tone laced with remorse. "I was just... happy to see you again."

Kaoru's breath catches in his throat, his heart skipping a beat at Jae-hwa's words, but he can't shake the lingering anxiety. 

"What do you mean by again?" He asks sharply, his tone laced with confusion. "I've told you already, I don't know you."

"Yeah, you wouldn't." Jae-hwa responds with a hint of resignation.

"But you know me? Just who are you? Are you a stalker?" Kaoru's voice is edged with suspicion, his eyes narrowing as he studies Jae-hwa.

Jae-hwa shakes his head vigorously. "No, never! It's a bit embarrassing, but I was bullied in school because I was a short, scrawny alpha. One day, I was being attacked by some of my classmates, but then some super strong junior high school kid came over and beat them up! And he was an omega! I was starstruck."

Kaoru's expression softens as he puts the pieces together.

"Was it me?" He asks quietly.

Jae-hwa nods, a sheepish smile playing at his lips. "Maybe I became a bit of a stalker, but I just wanted to learn more about you. I knew we'd never meet up, but I wanted to become strong like you. Then I graduated, and, well, we went on with our separate lives. But the day you saved me, you said to me, 'Just because other people think you're weak doesn't mean you aren't allowed to fight back.'"

Jae-hwa's gaze meets Kaoru's, his eyes sincere.

"You looked really cool back then. You left a huge impact on me and changed my life." He confesses softly. "I really did love you."

Jae-hwa laughs, a blush creeping up his cheeks.

"I... I'm sorry," He stammers, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "I didn't mean to say all that. I guess I got carried away."

"It's okay." Kaoru says gently. "But you said did."

"Huh?" Jae-Hwa stammers, caught off guard by Kaoru's observation.

"You said you really did love me," Kaoru clarifies. "Past tense."

Jae-hwa's blush deepens, but he meets Kaoru's gaze with unwavering sincerity. 

"I still do love you." He admits softly, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry if I came off too strong."

Kaoru's gaze drifts out of the window, the passing scenery a blur as he gathers his thoughts. His voice is soft, but there's an underlying edge of curiosity as he breaks the silence.

"Why… Why didn't you have sex with me when I was in heat?" He asks, his words hanging in the air like a delicate thread.

Jae-hwa's grip on the steering wheel tightens, his knuckles turning white as he visibly stiffens in his seat. 

"Kaoru, I..." He hesitates, the words catching in his throat.

But Kaoru pushes, his insistence palpable. 

"I need to know." He insists. "Why?"

Jae-hwa's jaw clenches, a flicker of frustration crossing his features. 

"Does the reason really matter?" He asks.

"Yes, it does." Kaoru replies without hesitation.

"Why does it matter so much why I won't have sex with you?" Jae-hwa's voice is tinged with exasperation; his frustration evident.

"Because an alpha who doesn't want to have sex is weird! You–"

"I know about your past, alright?" Jae-Hwa admits, his words hanging heavy in the air. "What you went through... I don't want to put you through anything like that again."

Kaoru's eyes widen, his breath catching in his throat like a jagged stone lodged in his windpipe, as a murky memory claws its way to the forefront of his consciousness. 

Through the fog of time, he sees the face of a man above him, his features blurred but a palpable aura of desire emanating from him, mingling with the scent of sweat and cheap cologne. The room feels suffocatingly close, the air heavy with the weight of unspoken transactions.

A surge of powerlessness washes over Kaoru, a suffocating grip tightening around his chest, squeezing the air from his lungs. Dread rises within him like a tidal wave, crashing against the shores of his consciousness with an almost deafening roar. It's a heavy weight pressing down on him, threatening to engulf him in its dark embrace.

He hangs his head, a curtain of hair falling to obscure his face, as he's consumed by the memories that threaten to drown him. Each recollection is a jagged shard of glass, cutting deep into his psyche and leaving behind scars that refuse to fade.

"Let me out."

Jae-hwa's brow furrows with concern as he tries to reach out to Kaoru, his hand hovering in the air as if unsure how to comfort him. "Kaoru..."

But Kaoru's anxiety surges, a tumultuous wave crashing against the fragile walls of his composure. 

"Pull over and let me out!" He yells, his voice raw with desperation.

Jae-hwa obeys, his heart heavy with worry, as he guides the car to the side of the road. The engine hums softly as he shifts into park, and Kaoru wastes no time in stumbling out of the car, his steps unsteady as he begins to walk away.

"Kaoru, wait!" Jae-hwa's voice echoes through the open door, pleading and desperate. "Do you even know where you are? How are you going to get home?"

But Kaoru doesn't respond, his gaze fixated ahead as tears blur his vision. Jae-hwa's apologies and pleas fall on deaf ears as Kaoru's anxiety consumes him, driving him to flee. With each step, his heart pounds in his chest, the weight of his emotions threatening to crush him as he disappears into the night, leaving behind a trail of shattered hopes and unforgotten fears.