Every second, minute, and hour, my mind would go back to her. It's becoming painfully clear that I'm an idiot. I've hardly ever spoken to her, and yet, I still manage to admit to myself that I like her. The most we've ever spoken was when she asked to sit by me on the bus a few days back. I'm not even sure why I'm falling for her; is that weird? As I stood here, lost in my thoughts, the bright lights of the bus brought me back to reality. I boarded the bus, taking a seat by myself. And as the bus took off, I knew it was only a matter of time until she got on.
I had my left earbud in and decided to play some music. Skipping a few songs, I landed on one that didn't sound bad within the first few seconds, Mona Lisa by Dominic Fike. As the rhythm of the song rang in my ears, the bus stopped, she was gonna get on. Maybe she's not here, which would be a blessing in disguise. I looked up, and there she was. Her height was what stood out the most, second of course being her beauty. There were two dudes in front of her, and I both hoped and didn't hope that they sat by me. The latter happened, and they both sat ahead. I looked down, too nervous to look at her face. I felt a small but weighted push against my shoulder. I glanced up ever so slightly to see her sitting right next to me. My mind went blank. The song lyrics added some pressure to me.
"I know you like your space and distance
Yeah, you don't take admissions
They told you not to date musicians
Yeah, but can't make you listen." I took my earbud out, not wanting it to be an interruption if I confessed to her now. Nothing was holding me back. She was the last stop until we got to school. And we had a few more minutes left until we got there. The bus was quiet except for a few conversations in the back. This was my chance, my moment. I turned to the right, she was looking down at her phone. I sat straight up looking forward to the seat ahead of me. I turned to her. Before I can get a single word out, a random girl swoops in, delving into a full conversation. I turned my head the opposite way, looking out the window. There goes my first chance of confessing to her. The bus arrived at our school, and the moment I got off, I could hear my friend calling my name.
"Thomas!" I walked over to him.
"What do you want?" I asked in a slightly off tone.
"Are you gonna do baseball? Tryouts start tomorrow?"
"Ethan, you know I said I was done with baseball after I tore my UCL, right?" Ethan sighed, clearly annoyed with my answer.
"You're the best pitcher we had last year in middle school. We need you to help this high school win the state championship and possibly nationals."
"I'm not fully recovered yet. Maybe next year I will."
"Whatever you say. And how have things been with that girl?" Of course, he had to bring her up at this time. Maybe I should play stupid, and see if he stops talking about her.
"What girl?"
"You know, the one from Europe. Liv or whatever her name is." He sounded so happy when he said her name. Something about that kind of made me wanna have him stop talking about her.
"We're fine. We're just friends, I guess.." He shrugged his shoulders at me.
"That's not how it looks to me. But it doesn't matter. We should probably head to class now."
I looked around, there were only like 6 people outside. I went inside, not bothering to talk with any of my other friends. Just walked right into my classroom.
I sat in the back, thankfully. Five minutes went by, and no teacher had walked in. I could overhear a kid saying,
"You know if the teacher doesn't show up within the first 15 minutes of class you can leave." I wasn't even sure if that was true, but I wouldn't mind leaving this class. A teacher did walk in, it wasn't our usual teacher, but a substitute. I would consider myself pretty smart when it comes to Statistics, so, I kept my head on my desk, and closed my eyes, sliding my bag on the floor in a quick motion. Everything was fading so slowly and peacefully. The quietness only lasted what felt like 2 minutes until I felt a tap on my shoulder. Whoever tapped me, mumbled a few words.
"Hu-huh," I said in a quiet stutter. I lifted my head to see who it was. It was some black-haired girl that I'd never seen before.
"I said, are you in this class?"
"This is Statistics, right?"
"Statistics? No, this is Geometry. You were sitting in my seat." I took a glance at the clock behind me, it was 10:03. I missed my whole 2nd period. I got up as quickly as I could and began to sprint for my 3rd-period class, English. Running on such low sleep messes with my perception of time. I stopped running and walked the final distance to my class. Only 20 minutes late. As I stepped in, everyone looked at me.
I looked around the class, completely forgetting Liv was in my class. I almost began to panic. Mr. Thompson, our teacher, began questioning why I was late.
"I had a doctor's appointment." This was the only excuse I had.
"Uh-huh. And, where's the doctor's note?" He asked.
"I didn't think I needed one."
"Well, you do, now sit down and stop disrupting."
Mr. Thompson was just an old and angry man. I wasn't sure why, but maybe it was his home life. Possibly going through a divorce, which would explain why he's angry so much. Nevertheless, I took my seat, which, thankfully, was also in the back of the class. This time I wasn't gonna sleep. I was gonna pay attention like a good student. And thankfully, Mr. Thompson never assigns us work outside this classroom.
"Alright everyone, we're gonna start our partner projects." Partner projects. Those words rang in my ears. So much for no work outside this classroom. But at least, we can choose our partners.
"And no, you will not choose your partners. This class needs to learn how to socialize. So, I'll be picking partners." What.. the hell? Either he's a mind reader, or he just doesn't want me to enjoy my day. He begins dropping name after name. No one was paired with Liv yet. There were only 6 of us that weren't with a partner yet. Me, Liv, Jonathan, Kaylee, Emily, and James.
"Let's see... who else needs to be partnered up." Mr. Thompson spoke so quietly, I couldn't tell if he was asking this to us, or speaking to himself.
"Thomas, you are with Liv..." My mind went blank. I'm partnered with Liv, and since me and her share the same lunch, which is right after this class, I might not confess to her. I didn't wanna look like a weirdo.
"Alright, class! You can decide how you wanna stay in touch for the project later. Now! Open up your textbook to Chapter 18." I looked at the side of my desk, for my backpack. I left it in my 1st-period class. This is what happens when you don't get enough sleep. I didn't wanna ask to get my bag, so, I put my head down again and closed my eyes. Only 20 seconds go by until I hear someone yell at me.
"Hey! Get out of my classroom, this isn't your bedroom!" Mr. Thompson's yell woke me right up. I didn't bother to respond to him, I walked straight to lunch.
I usually sat at the long table by the window, and Liv would sit in the middle of the lunchroom. I walked to my table and sat down, the sun was almost blinding me. I just kept glancing at Liv. Every couple of seconds, I'd look at her. She was so cute in her uniform. A black collar shirt, her black skirt with what I would assume are black leggings underneath. Almost an all-black outfit aside from her white socks. Am I weird for loving what she wears? All of a sudden, Ethan begins to walk over to her. "What the hell?" I mumbled to myself. What did Ethan need with her? Ethan started looking at me, and Liv also looked at me. In an instant, I looked to my side, observing the brick wall that seemed like heaven at this time. I kept my head facing the bricks but took a glance to see what they were doing. They were walking to me. I began to freak out inside. What do I do!? What do I do!? All I gotta do is act normal. I turned to them, who were at the end of my table. I waved to Ethan. Ethan turned around, and Liv continued to walk until she sat in front of me.
"Thomas, we don't know each other. I appreciate that you think all that about me. And I hope this doesn't hurt you in any way. But, I don't feel the same way. I do have a question though, how do you think all that about me, we never talk to each other outside of school, let alone, we barely talk in school." Well, thank you, Ethan, now, I look like a weirdo.
"I'm not sure. I guess I just made presumptions." It took me 3 seconds to realize how stupid that sounded.
"I see." Liv then walked away, leaving Ethan just standing, and me staring at him.
"Look man, I had to tell her, because I knew you wouldn't be able to." I stopped looking at him and checked the time on my phone. It was 11:12. 3 more minutes of lunch, then my last 3 classes of the day. After lunch ended, the rest of the school day was a haze of lectures and assignments, and before I knew it, the bell rang, signaling the end of school. I got on my bus, talked with a few friends, listened to music, and arrived home in no time.
My house was in a suburban neighborhood. So it was peaceful and never crowded. My parent's car wasn't there, so I knew they were out doing something. Being home alone is always the best feeling. I walked inside, took my shoes off, and sat on the couch. I love the quietness that I can get. I got off the couch and walked upstairs into my room. My room was kind of messy. I take a good look at the mirror on my desk and scoff. I've always been ugly. I jump right onto my bed and grab my journal. I took the pencil out of the spiral part of it and began to sketch. I picture sketching a sunrise. But in the end, it came out looking like a bunch of misplaced lines on an orange. I scribbled it out, and put my journal down. Alone with my thoughts. What do I think about? Ethan told Liv how I felt about her, and definitely overshared. Liv and I have the project that we need to keep in contact about. I guess I'll ask for a way to keep in contact tomorrow. I look ahead, at my drawer, seeing a lot of my trophies. Baseball, basketball, track and field, and football. Man, should I try out tomorrow? If Liv was there, I definitely would. I chuckled at my joke if you can even call it a joke. Until I figure out my humor, sleep is probably all I can do. Too lazy to play video games, or to work, just need sleep. I closed my eyes all the way and just started to think. I thought of my future, my past, and Liv. Liv, even though I got rejected, I wanna be close with her. But does she want that? I doubt it.
"Thomas! Me and your father are home!"
I woke up in a daze, and half hazardously stumbled to the staircase to greet them.
"Hey mom, hey dad."
"Son, how come you're still in your school uniform?" My dad asked, clearly confused. I looked at my wrist and felt the fabric of my suit jacket.
"I uh, took a nap."
"Well, hurry and change, we're gonna go out to dinner tonight."
"Dinner? Isn't it only 4:00?"
"It's 8:00 actually. That must've been a really good nap. Now go change, because I'm absolutely starving!" I quickly walked into my room, undressing as quickly as I could. I took off my suit jacket, my puff tie, and my collar shirt. I threw on a random dark gray Adidas shirt with a black logo on it. I took off my pants, switching it for a comfortable light gray Adidas sweatpants. I opened my closet up and went through all my shoes. My white Nike's, or my Puma's, that I never wear. I decided to wear my Puma Nitro's. They're basketball shoes, yeah, but I think they look nice for casual wear. The only thing is, I'm not sure why I got pink. Nothing wrong with pink of course, in fact, almost all my cleats are pink. I threw my Nitro's on and headed downstairs.
"Alright, I'm ready." My dad got up off the couch.
"Let's go then. Your mom is already waiting for us in the car." I nodded my head and walked out to the car. The sunset was going down, slowly but surely. I got into the car, and so did my dad. Off we went to this restaurant. When we pulled up, the first thing I noticed was how empty it was. I mean, only 2 cars were there. Maybe, it's more popular at late night. We parked outside the door, and I got out of the car.
I read the name of the restaurant that was imprinted on the door, "Elysian Dinner's." It sounded delicious, so my expectations were quite high. We all walked inside the restaurant, and a lady started talking to my dad. I looked at the decorations, and how open this place was. Spacious, and fancy. Maybe I should've kept my school uniform on for this.
The lady showed us to a booth, and we sat down. My parents sat next to each other and I sat alone. The table was gleaming, the lighting was not too bright, nor too dim, and they had a classical piano playing in the background.
"We'll have someone take your order in a minute." The lady said, then walked off. I took a look at the menu, and everything looked so good. My eyes were staring at one thing on this menu. On the left side. "Filet mignon with Truffled mashed potatoes and cabbage." That's exactly what I was gonna order. I looked to my left, one of the employees was cleaning the table across from us. I couldn't see her face, but I could see the back of her head.
"I'll be with you in just a second." Her voice sounded oddly familiar. She sounded so beautiful. I couldn't help but notice her outfit was incredible. I know it's rude and weird to stare. But I'm not staring, I'm just observing. It was a short dress, but it was black with roses going across the dress. I loved the design. She had her head down, set down her cloth, and turned to us. She was holding a few menus. She lifted her head, and, oh my God. My mind couldn't even comprehend what I was seeing. Liv... works here. Liv instantly dropped the menus she was holding. And we had a short stare-down until my mom started to speak. "So, you two seem to know each other?" She said this in such a light tone.
"Um, yeah, a little bit," Liv responded. I didn't say anything, not because I didn't want to, but I didn't need to say anything stupid. And knowing myself, I'm bound to say something dumb. Liv picked up the menus and mumbled something to herself, then, she took our order.
"I'll take the filet mignon with truffled mashed potatoes and cabbage." I looked at her after I said that.
"And how would you like your steak done?"
"Medium well, please?" As she wrote that down, it was the first time I noticed she was left-handed. She took my parent's orders, which I didn't pay attention to once so ever. At the end, she said she'd be right back and left. I can't believe she works here.
"You see how tall she is?" My dad said to my mother.
"Yeah, I know, she's like 6 '0, or 6' 1, she should play sports." My mother responded. After listening to them talk for a while, our food arrived. She gave us our food, and she realized something before any of us did.
"I forgot your drinks, I'm so sorry. What would you like to drink?" I asked for water, my dad asked for a Coke, and my mother asked for red wine. I started to eat my mashed potatoes first. She came back with our drinks after I finished my whole portion of mashed potatoes.
"If you need anything else, let me know," Liv said, taking 2 steps back until my dad said something.
"Tell me, how do you two know each other?" I wanted to smash my head into the table just because he asked that.
"We know each other from school." Liv gave an answer that almost screamed she wanted to leave.
"Come sit a little. You seem to work so hard." My mother insisted on her. "Thomas, move over a bit, and let her sit." I moved my plate and water, and myself against the wall that the booth was against. I could hear Liv sigh a little, but actually sat down.
This was the closest I've ever been to her. I started to eat my steak, while my parents talked with her.
"So, do you do any sports?" My dad asked her.
"Yeah, I usually do softball and track and field." "That's nice." My dad replied deeply. "Mr. Thomas over here is a baseball player. They say he's the best closing pitcher around the world." No one ever said that except for him. Liv glanced at me for an instant, and I looked down at my food.
"Is that so?"
"Yeah, I just wonder if he'll do it again. He tore his UCL last year in a playoff game, so now, he's not sure about doing it again."
"Best closing pitcher around the world. I'll remember that for sure." Liv said, but I wasn't sure if that was directed to me or my dad.
"What position do you play in softball?" My mom continued with the conversation.
"I play center field. I'm not considered the best center fielder in the sport of softball. But I've been considered the fastest and the best at hitting home runs."
"Oh yeah, how many home runs did you hit last time you played?" My mother asked, clearly expecting something around 5.
"I hit 21 home runs in the course of 30 games. Which, I think, is fairly impressive."
"Fairly!?" My mom exclaimed. "You'd be getting the attention of colleges if you continue with those averages! Liv chuckled.
"Yeah, but the problem is, my averages aren't that good. I tend to have bad eye coordination when I bat, and when I field, my accuracy can be pretty off sometimes."
"You can fix that with a lot of practice."
I finished my whole plate while they talked.
"Yeah, I've been working on being more accurate with my swings."
"You should try swinging against Thomas's pitches" my dad chimed in. I wouldn't mind pitching against her. But 21 home runs in 30 games is absurd. Maybe it'll be a challenge for me. Coming off an injury, and pitching against her.
"I'll consider it. Our softball field is being reconstructed so it's right next to the baseball field. So, tomorrow for softball tryouts, we have to do it next to the boys. They even said we'd run drills and practice games with the boys." Liv almost sounded disappointed to train with the boys. Wait, she's gonna be on our baseball field. I could be right next to her. But, would I go back into baseball just to be next to her? I guess I gotta think about that.
"Well, it was a pleasure to meet you." My dad concluded the conversation.
"Same to all of you," Liv said, looking at my mom. Liv got up and walked away.
My parents started to talk about her some more, excluding me from their conversation. I began to zone out as they continued to talk and eat. Wasn't long until they finished and called for my attention.
"Thomas, come on, we're all finished." The dinner was delicious, and the service was amazing.
"Your girlfriend is very pretty." my mom said. I felt like she knew we weren't dating. I instantly objected to her statement.
"We're not dating once so ever."
"You don't have to keep it a secret." She clearly wasn't letting up. I didn't respond to my mother, knowing she would continue and say we were dating. Thankfully, she didn't say that in front of Liv. As we walked to the door, I remembered she was my partner for the project. I need to be able to keep in contact with her.
"I'll be right back. I need to...use the bathroom."
"Alright son, tell your girlfriend I said hi." My dad only said that because my mom was getting in his head. They walked out to the car, and I turned around.
Wandering, looking for Liv. I took a turn at this intersection created by the tables, and boom, Liv was right there. Liv was a few tables down on the left side. So, at the start of this line of tables, I went to the right. I walked as casually as I could until I was across from her. All I need to do is act naturally and find a way to keep in contact. Only for the project.
"Hey, Liv." Liv turned around.
"Oh, hey Thomas, did you need something?"
"Well, sort of. So, for the project, we got put together and-" Liv cut me off.
"Yeah, I was gonna talk to you about how we can keep in contact, but you were sleeping in class." I laughed a little.
"Yeah, I was just exhausted today. But, how were you thinking of keeping in contact?" She took the pen she had and with the small notepad in her hand, she wrote something, then handed the note to me.
"Here. I'll try to respond as best I can." I didn't look at the note, I just slowly slid it into my pocket.
"Thank you. Talk soon." I said, trying to play it cool. Liv stayed quiet and went back to cleaning the table. I walked away feeling like a man. I managed to find a way to contact her. Should I contact her right as I get home? I'll have to think about that. I walked and got into the car, my mom and dad were laughing at something. After a few seconds of laughter, we began to come back home. I pulled the note out of my pocket and looked at it to see what it was. It was her number.
Quickly, I took my phone out and made her a new contact. But of course, I had to deal with these stupid questions. "First name?" As I typed her name, I couldn't help but smile. "Add Photo?" I don't even think I have a picture of her. So, I guess not. Her icon became the letter L. I wonder if I can change that. I clicked on "Edit", but absolutely nothing. Well, alright. I clicked her name and then opened messages. Absolutely nothing sent. I looked out the window, we were pulling up to the driveway. Wow, such a quick day. We parked, I got out, went into the house, and walked right up the stairs to my room.
The moment I got there, I turned my lamp on, lay down on my bed, and started staring at my phone, the empty messages between me and Liv. Should I text her? Does that come off as needy? What if she's still at work? Did she even wanna give me her number? I'm overthinking way too much. I need to relax. I took my shoes off and tossed them into the closet. I grabbed my SpongeBob pajama pants, some boxers, and my speaker, and went to the bathroom. I need to shower and take my mind off of her. I connected my phone to my speaker and checked my playlist on Apple Music. Not a lot of songs to describe how I'm feeling right now. I feel confused about what to do. As I scrolled through the playlist, many songs were being considered, but I decided to listen to After Dark by Mr.Kitty. As I started the song, the rhythm of the piano felt different. I listened to this song a lot, but for some reason, this time, I was interpreting it differently. I turned the shower on and began to take my clothes off. Before I hopped in the shower. I looked through my messages with Liv. Still nothing. I think I'm gonna text her first. What would be the most appropriate and non-weird thing to say after getting a number? I typed the most simple 3-letter word for a greeting,
"Hey." I sent it and hopped in the shower. Standing under the shower head, with the cool water pouring drop by drop on my shoulders, my thoughts kept drifting back to the text I sent. Each passing minute as I washed myself, I couldn't shake the anticipation of her response. I began the process of shampooing my hair when I heard a loud DING. Someone texted me back. But was it Liv? Well, let's think, who could've texted me? Liv is possible, my parents are possible, and a few of my friends. My chances are absolutely low. I hurried and washed all the shampoo out of my hair. I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. Feeling the cool breeze of the bathroom was oddly satisfying. I dried my hands off and wrapped the towel around my waist. I turned on my phone, and read the name of who sent the message. "Cooper". I opened Cooper's message, despite being a bit mad that it wasn't Liv. It said, "Hey Tommy, you doing baseball tryouts?" I turned off my phone, and just squeezed it in my hand. I put on my pajamas while brushing my teeth, I decided to check my and Liv's messages. She didn't reply, however, it said, "Read". She opened my message but didn't reply.
Now she's gonna think I'm some kind of weirdo. I didn't even say who I was, I just texted her "Hey". I stopped brushing my teeth, walked out of the bathroom, leaving my speaker in there, and walked into my bedroom. I closed the door, and sat in the chair by my desk, tossing my phone onto my bed. I need something to do while I'm bored. I opened my closet up and started digging around until I found my acoustic guitar. I took it out and leaned it against my bed. I went back to digging in my closet when I found an old picture of me standing by my dad's car, holding a baseball and baseball bat. I turned the picture around to be met with my old horrible cursive handwriting. Somehow I could read it. "The day of my first homerun." My first home run happened so long ago, and that's before I was pitching, back when I was a 1st baseman. Just before I could put the picture back, I heard another Ding come from my bed.
I walked over to the bed and picked my phone up. I read the name and smiled, "Liv". She texted me back. I jumped onto my bed, lying on my side, and read the message.
"Hey, sorry for the late text. What're you thinking for the project?" Now that I think about it, I don't even know what this project is about. Do I tell her that? No, obviously not, I'm gonna look dumb that way. I'll simply ask her what she thinks. I texted back,
"I'm not sure. What do you think?" I set my phone down and looked up at my ceiling. Maybe playing baseball wouldn't be such a bad idea. Just this one year, plus, training with Liv, I wouldn't mind that at all. I could see if she's truly a power hitter in the batter's box. Ding! That sound is slowly becoming my favorite thing to hear. I grabbed my phone and held it right above my face. She responded with,
"I'm not sure either. Since it's Friday tomorrow, how about we discuss it over the weekend?" I began to think about this message. Does she mean discuss as in hanging out, or discuss as in, most likely calling or texting? I began to type out what I thought would answer that question,
"Do you mean like, hanging out?" I sent it, but as soon as I sent it, I wanted to delete it. That message came off as a little forward. Was there even a good response to that message? Ding! I looked at her message, praying she didn't see me as weird.
"Maybe. We can talk about it more tomorrow, I'm too tired. Btw, am I gonna see you on the baseball field tomorrow, Mr. Greatest closing pitcher?" I thought for a while, completely unsure if I should do it. High school baseball is a lot more difficult than middle school baseball. After carefully thinking, I decided to text her my answer,
"Probably not. My UCL hasn't fully recovered yet." I left our chat and opened Cooper's message again.
I reread it,
"Hey Tommy, you doing baseball tryouts?" Should I tell him that I probably won't as well? Ding! Liv always texted fairly quickly. I opened her message and it said, "Hm, well, I hope you can pitch to me at least once. God Natt, Thomas." I pushed my phone into the bed. She wants me to pitch to her!? I mean, how bad can my UCL get after a few pitches? And what does "God Natt" even mean? I decided to translate it quickly. Turns out, it means goodnight in Norwegian. I never knew she was Norwegian, or Norse. Is a person from Norway considered Norwegian or Norse? Why am I asking myself these dumb questions the moment I figure something out? I picked up my phone again and opened Cooper's chat for the last time of the night. I texted him back, "You're definitely gonna see me on that field tomorrow." As I sent the message, I smiled lightly. Am I seriously only doing this for Liv? No, of course not. That'd be needy, and that's not me. I put my phone on the charger and tossed it onto my desk. Now, it's time to get some sleep. I closed my eyes, picturing the day tomorrow. I could imagine striking her out, time after time. But, let's make that a reality when the day comes. I still need to get my backpack, worst of all. A lot of stuff happening tomorrow. Need the best sleep I can get, and that's what I got.