(Yumi POV)
"So we've gotta catch a pig and cook it huh?" Leorio says walking with his suitcase over his shoulder. "This is going to be much easier than the first phase of the exam.:
Yumi chuckles darkly causing concern among the four well three as Gon is focused on tracking the pigs by sent.
"What is it?" Leorio says concerned.
Yumi realized just then that she was chuckling and didn't want any unnecessary complications with their relationship and actually knew how to lie smoothly unlike the MC's (no hate though) in most other fanfics and instead just explained how she felt like he was jinxing it and no one was suspicious not even Killua!
"I also do not believe it is that simple" Kurapika says worry in his tone.
'Now should I fit in and slide stupidity behind Gon or should I make myself look cool and jump down or something? Wait when did I ever worry about looking cool? I just didn't want to become a Mary Sue! Okay sliding it is!' Yumi decided soon to slide behind Kurapika which was of course super fun.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!" Killua yells about to yell more before Gon interrupts.
"I found them," he says simply directing everyone's attention to the pigs.
"They're all chewing on bones" Leorio comments still fully taking in what that means Kurapika finishing his thought for him.
"Don't tell me. They're carnivores!?"
As everyone begins running I grab Gon and jump up into the nearby trees and hide. Killua seeing us soon jumps up into the tree with us watching the spectacle while Leorio and Kurapika are still running.
"Hey, what about us!" Leorio shouts as he runs past us.
"Sorry! I don't think I could jump very high while carrying a 16-year-old!" I tease making everyone temporarily stunned that I correctly guessed his age.
'Watching all these people get run over. It's giving me goosebumps. This is definitely a fun way to die!' Yumi ponders observing the sensation. 'I guess it was a good idea bringing Gon up here as now I'm able to observe mote fatalities before they all copy his strategy! I'll just make sure Kurapika and Leorio don't become a part of those fatalities and we're good
I look to my right and see Gon itching to go but being patient enough to chill out with me for a while. It's obvious that he had something he wanted to ask me and I could make a good guess as to what it was. But if he asks me I'll officially be his friend which is huge.
"It's obvious you want to ask me something. Come on spit it out" I say going for a more tsundere approach. Less suspicious.
"Okay then." Gon starts happily. "Why do you want to be a hunter Yumi?"
'Yes! He asked me the question! The initiation question! I thought I'd never get it as I wasn't with them at the run and I'm a self-insert. But I got the question! Answer Yumi! ANSWER!'
I was so excited that on the outside it seemed like I flinched and suddenly turned grave focusing on how the people were getting trampled on rather than answering. Which is obviously weird and it made Gon think that it was a question he shouldn't have asked. That was until I finally spoke.
"Well, I guess I've always lived in the darkness in all my years of living. I bet even in my past lives all I knew was darkness. But then one day it felt like a light finally broke through that darkness. A hunter with a smile like yours, Gon, helped me out of that darkness. And that's all I've wanted to become the second I got the chance. A hunter," Suddenly the atmosphere got heavier than it should have so I decided that dropping something of a bomb should break the ice a bit.
"Now that I think about it the hunter that helped me looked a lot like you Gon. He had a weird turban thing though but I could see his hair poking out and it was the same colour as yours"
This made Gon immediately perked up and he looked like he wanted to burst as the words left my mouth.
"Could you have met my father!" He yells. Which naturally draws the angry pigs our way as they bash their oversized snouts on the base of the tree. Of course, this annoyed Yumi who was having fun dropping this bomb on Gon just to have it spoiled.
"YOU DAMN PIGS!" She yells jumping down and delivering a flying kick to the pig's weak spot sufficiently killing it.
"Cool you found its weak spot!" Killua adds also killing another pig by kicking the same area.
Seeing this many others started trying this including Kurapika and Leorio who gladly were not too far away. Anime logic at work.
I pretended to think for a bit and then turned around giving Gon a huge real smile even if it was slightly creepy.
"I never thought of that. Maybe? He told me his name was Ging and that he had a kid who should be around my age.!"
"That's my father!" Gon shouts as he carries his now-dead pig.
"Wow! It's this a small world we live in." I say which confuses Gon.
"Our planet isn't that small?"
"It's a phrase Gon," Killua says rolling his eyes.
Our walk then consisted of Gon asking a bunch of questions about his father and how I met him. He didn't even stop when we joined up with Kurapika and Leorio. I couldn't answer all of them very well as the owner of this body hadn't met Ging for long. He didn't even actually tell her his name either as the way they met was kind of weird but Gon didn't need to know all that.
We soon made it to the exam site but this time thanks to my meddling about a quarter of the applicants died so I guess less competition.
Soon, as the NPCs they all were, they all started grilling their pork it was a weird sense of creepy for Yumi watching as they all turned it at the exact same time. It only upset her more when she saw the main four about to do the same.
"Stop!" She says to them all confusing them on why she was so upset.
"Were none of you guys listening when Menchi was speaking at all!" This time I let genuine concern creep into my voice as I didn't want them to fail and embarrass themselves as they did in the anime.
"Yeah, we were and she told us to cook some pig and give it to them!" I just can't help but facepalm at Leorio's very cute ignorance.
"They said that we should make a dish that's to their liking. Don't you think as gourmet chefs they'd have higher standards than haphazardly cooked pork? Do you even know their tastes? Not to even talk about how Menchi already said that it's not even only about taste! That's practically shouting how it has to look good too" Yumi then looked at Killua a bit perplexed as this always confused her in the anime not like it made her like him any less.
"I thought at least you would be smart enough to think about this and not just lazily grill the pork like everybody else?"
Killua shrugs. "I didn't even care about this challenge. Plus I've never cooked for myself either so I'd have no idea what to even do to meet their expectations."
Yumi nods her head internally. 'Yeah that sounds enough like Killua'
"Okay as you four seem helpless I'll help you a bit but I can't make four separate dishes and neither can we just make the same dish so" I sigh helplessly. "It looks like I have to tell you guys what to do while you're cooking. I might be able to help once in a while but not all the time. Let's just see how this goes."
And so that's how the second stage of the exam became a shouting mess for me. It didn't surprise me that Gon overcooked the pork loins, nor that Killua cut the pig too thinly making it cook faster than expected not giving the soup enough flavour before getting overcooked. Heck when Leorio got all stubborn on me and insisted that the Pork Chops needed to be taken out already making them undercooked and bloody.
Not to even talk about Kurapika who was practically attached to me at the hip constantly asking questions when he was making a fricken taco!
It was all endearing though and I couldn't help but laugh at them as well as wish that I wasn't a poor orphan in this life making me not able to afford a phone to take a picture. They were a perfect mess that made me want to squeal. I swear if I died then I would've died happy. Well, I guess my pig wasn't very happy though as I was distracted and burned the first batch. But it's fine as this pig was huge and had more them enough meat to use for another try, and maybe a few more.
I was about halfway through finishing my dish when I saw the first applicant (was his name Todo? I forget?) come up with his overcooked pig and expect to be passed.
'Did they all have cotton in their ears or were they under some sort of genjustu? She literally told them to try! Maybe they were too focused on her boobs to hear that part.'
"Stupid brain-dead idiots," I say accidentally letting the last line slip. Hearing this Killua (who was the closest to me) couldn't help but laugh while Gon (who had an unnaturally good hearing) didn't get it.
Applicant after applicant failed just like in the anime but this time around it took less time to get to our turn as there were much fewer applicants because of yours truly.
"Tell me how much you love it," Leorio says iconicly as he brings up his over is undercooked pork chops. One cooked spicy and one cooked on the sweeter side (that one was bigger).
"I like it! I kinda just wish there was more!" Buhara says while still passing Leorio.
"Oh someone put in some effort," Menchi says looking at the decent plating and the nice cut of course a little flag on the top of each. "Too bad it's obvious that's undercooked. You should've listened to your little friend there. I could hear her shouts from here." She rolls her eyes in annoyance yet her mood slightly lightens at the thought that somebody cares about cooking a little bit as much as she does, she still failed Leorio though.
"Okay, I'm up next!" Gon says in a proud tone.
Bahara passed him but Menchi failed him saying that the pork loins were overcooked and the quick tomatoe sauce couldn't cover that up.
"The next entry is mine," Kuripika says his mini and large tacos.
'I put a lot of effort into the presentation and even went by every one of Yumi's instructions.' He thinks to himself trying to rationalize why he should pass.
Yummy!" Buhara yells out devouring his massive taco.
Menchi taking a bite this time chews for a bit contemplating the taste and textures.
"It's fine. At least edible this time even if I would have made it spicier. But it's not something worthy of a first-star gourmet hunter like myself so fail".
"What about mine?" Killua says soon presenting his soup with sweet and spicy ingredients on the side that you can dip in.
"Where's the pork?" Menchi asks in an accusing tone as if she thought he decided to completely skip that part altogether.
"It's in the soup."
Menchi looking into the massive bowl the two shared uses her fork to taste a bite of the pig before spitting it out.
"Overcooked" she then sips from the soup. "And as I thought bland. Try again next year"
Buhara drinks the rest of the soup with a smile on his face ignoring Menchi and giving it a pass as usual.
'This b*tch she did not just fail them all when they tried! No one here is Gordon Ramsey and they shouldn't be expected to be! Oh, this woman is going to pay' I think as I secretly take the red pepper and dump it into her side sauce. Smiling I balance my dish prepared with extra care.
"Today I present you both with double-cooked pulled pork. The pork is being complemented with sauces tailored to each of your palates. Buhara has a pineapple sweet and sour sauce as well as your pork which is the bigger portion has been marinated and cooked with brown sugar. Now for you Menchi I've gone for a more savory and spicy approach. Your pork was cooked with light spices but I suggest you try it with your bell pepper sauce first as that's where a majority of your spices will reside." I say putting effort into describing their dish like in the cooking shows.
Buhara who had already dug in passed me without much fanfare other than commenting how this was the best thing he's eaten all day. Now I was watching Menchi with anticipation as she first commented on the smell and look of the food (like she was actually f*cking Gordon). She then uses her fork and heads my advice dipping the pork into the sauce. A creepy smile breaks onto my face as she puts it in her mouth.
"Spicey!" She screams as flames seem to shoot out of her mouth. She then quickly drinks her water.
"Fail!" She shouts practically throwing the X sign at my head. I enjoy seeing her suffer and give an innocent smile ready to rub salt in the wound
"Oh, I'm sorry, Ms. Menchi. I didn't know you wouldn't like it. It's just because you said you liked spicey food I thought making my dish's spice level match your temper would make you happy?" Now she was angry while everyone else was trying desperately to hold back their laughter. This of course only further pisses her off.
'That's what you get for failing the main four' I think walking back down into the crowd feeling her irritation at the mocking laughter of everyone who failed Buhara holding her back from killing me and everyone else.
"You all fail! Every last one of you! Good luck becoming hunters now!" She shouts turning the laughter of the crowd into anger at this decision but thankfully before the extra can commit suicide the blimp flies down.
"Well, that said it seems a bit excessive to fail every single applicant" The next thing we all know like on every single anime opening Netero came down flying/failing from the sky landing perfectly even if he kicks up a bunch of dirt.
"No way, who's the old man?" A mob character says aloud making me wonder how he survived the carnivorous pigs.
"HE is the head of the exam committee and he is responsible for the hunter exam. Chairman Netero." Menchi explains cooling down.
"Oh I just work behind the scenes it's not all that impressive," Netero says downplaying his influence.
" I only intervene in the exam when issues like this one pop up. Now dear Menchi"
"Sir" Mechi says nodding her head.
"It's come to my attention that you've chosen to fail all of this year's applicants reason being," He says looking down at her chest before looking back up. "As I understand it their general reluctance to challenge the unknown."
'Damn I forgot he was a pervert' Yumi thinks to herself watching Netero's Drifting eyes.
"No," Mechi says apologetically. "I'm sorry sir but I snapped when a candidate insulated Gourmet Hunters. And I am afraid I made the exam harder than necessary."
"I see. But it seems that you are aware that this exam was completely unacceptable."
"Yes, it's just that I get so emotional when food is involved. I'm not suited for this position. So I must resign from the examiner. Please let them retake the second phase!"
"Sadly, I can't imagine where we'd begin to find another examiner on such short notice."
"My deepest apologies sir" Menchi reiterates.
"Hold on I have an idea," Netero says raising his finger. "You continue serving as an examiner but you yourself must participate alongside this year's applicants I'm compelting any challenge you choose. Well, what do you say? Does that sound reasonable?"
And that's how we ended up on the ship and then the ridge.
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SeekerofLight: Now Yumi. I thought you said you didn't hold anything against Menchi.
Yumi: You aren't seriously asking me this.
SeekerofLight: Never mind. I'm sorry.