Adam Smasher, Level 1 Adventurer, Hestia Familia
They had to stop eventually, much to Adam's disappointment. Their bags had been practically stuffed with those little round orbs they were supposed to collect, as well as teeth and claws. Apparently monsters also had shitty rpg drop-mechanics. It was one of the stupidest things he had ever seen, and had nearly taken him out of the experience entirely.
He'd tolerate that bit for now, for the rest of the job was fucking perfect. Go into a dungeon, wait for things to show up, kill the things that show up and rip out their bits, sell bits for cash. A constant pest issue that just so happened to take the form of things that could potentially fight worth a damn and had wonderful bursts of gore whenever they died by his hands. And he got paid on a per-kill basis, assuming he brought the fucker's bits back up correctly and turned it in.
Adam was beginning to think this might be the best job in the world. The soreness in his frame felt like one of those good jobs, the ones that ablate most of his armor down to the orange or red and see him needing to replace all the plating.
Wide and satisfied grin on his face, pack of laden loot over his shoulder, and still dripping with red both from his victims and his own injuries, Adam walked up the spiral staircase out of the dungeon. Burden was excitedly chatting about something or another, far less drenched in gore than he was and somewhat less wounded.
Brat had sleeves and boots after all. Scratches and bites on him rarely left more than bruising on the limbs underneath.
Adam couldn't check his own structural status anymore, meatframes were shit like that, but he could get a sense by how much everything hurt. Currently, his meat was complaining loudly about how damaged it was, bruising over most of the plating, a deep pain in the myomer, scratches and brief bites over limbs, and slowly leaking blood.
Nothing that would kill him, so he'd heal up in time.
…How long did it take meatframes to repair themselves again?
Eh. Burden was chatting about healing potions being a thing, so it didn't matter anyways. He'd just buy one of those and be on his way.
"...sure you're okay Adam-san? You're still dripping there." Burden asked, glancing behind them and the trail of blood that was staining the steps, and the several people who were giving shocked or disgusted glances at all the gore currently covering his frame.
"I feel fantastic." Adam replied, half-grin still on his face as they ascended. "We need to buy bigger bags."
"I- uhh, wouldn't armor be more important?" Burden asked with furrowed brows. Adam considered that for a moment, before shaking his head.
"Bigger bags let us carry more." Adam rumbled out in explanation. "Carry more, make more valis, buy equipment faster."
"I see. Yeah that makes sense!" Burden chirped. "Still, I think you might want gauntlets at least. I think we can afford some now."
Adam considered the suggestion for a moment, raising once of his arms to evaluate. It was hard to see through all the gore, but it was indeed mangled somewhat. It was all upper-layer damage, so nothing that would stop him from fighting, but it was pretty irritating with how it was yelling at him.
"Good idea, kid." Adam rumbled in reply. Having those at least would get rid of this annoying sensation once he was done at least. That, and he'd need armor for things stronger than children later on, so getting some of that early should be a good investment.
Finally reaching the doorway, Adam and Bell stepped through and into the Guild reception once more. There was a lady there, who bowed and spoke politely.
"Welcome back! Would you like to use the Guild-operated showers to wash yourself off? Only a small 50 vali fee!" The line sounded well-rehearsed and mostly dead on an emotional level. She probably had to say that many times a day.
Adam didn't give a shit what she felt, because he was focused on what she said. They had showers here? Reaching up to take off his bag, he handed it to Burden and spoke. "Yes. Kid, take the bag and put it in my account. I need to wash off."
"Can do!" Burden eagerly chirped, bounding over to talk to his girlfriend at the counter again. Adam turned his gaze back to the woman in front of him.
"Showers."
She smiled politely, soulessly, and bowed again. "Would you like us to take the charge out of your account?"
"Yes." Adam grunted. Fucking corpos, wasn't that obvious?
"In that case, please follow the dotted line to the shower areas." Showermeat pointed at the blue line of tiles on the ground, which Adam grunted and began to walk along, stripping off his clothes as he went along.
In the distance, he heard Burden's girlfriend give out a loud exclamation. "What?!"
Be less loud woman, he's all the way over here and he can hear your shrieks.
—
A few minutes later, Adam stepped back out of the communal showers mostly dried off. His arms, whiners that they are, were upset that he had to use soap to clean them off. They'd shut up eventually. His clothes, of course, were still stained in bits of gore but the advantages of not having sleeves on proved themselves. If you get most of the viscera on your arms, it doesn't get on your nice stolen shit.
Taking up his sword, he wiped it off on said stolen cloak as he looked for the Burden.
As it turns out, Burden was exactly where Adam left him, talking to his guild advisor. Adam made his way over, ignoring the looks directed at his arms and the sharp look that the receptionmeat was giving him. Hearing his steps, Burden turned around and chirped a greeting.
"Adam-san!" His hand twitched. "We made loads today! Look!" A hand jutted forwards holding a paper slip containing the Familia account information and the most recent deposits.
Burden had a smaller bag, it honestly looked like a fanny pack over his ass but Adam didn't care enough to tell him that. They had managed to stuff twenty-five of the roughly marble-sized goblin and kobold stones in it, and the end payout was seven-hundred and fifty valis.
Doing some quick math, that was about… twenty-five vali per core?
Adam had a somewhat larger crossbody-strap satchel-bag, stolen from some other meatbag a few days back. They had managed to fit sixty-eight cores in before it was too stuffed to fit any more. That would mean it should be… seventeen-hundred valis if his conversion was right. Checking the deposit confirmed that, yes, floor one victims had cores worth about twenty-five vali. A hasbrown cost forty vali. A hashbrown in eurodollars might cost a dollar and twenty cents.
Adam frowned as he stared at the paper. He was used to contracts that paid a minimum of five figures. Five figures in the almighty eddie, which was far more valuable than this inflated horseshit. All that work and, as far as Adam could tell, they had made the equivalent to about seventy-three bucks.
"We need to buy bigger bags." He declared firmly, brows furrowed in dissatisfaction. "How long were we down there?"
"About three hours according to Eina-san." Burden replied. Twenty-four dollars an hour. Two of them working. Twelve-dollars and twenty-five cents per hour. Below minimum wage from what he remembered.
What dogshit wages. He was going to improve them immediately.
Looking up from the paper, he met the guildmeat's sharp look and scolding-frown. He was too old to give a shit what some meat thought about him, so he ignored it. Furrowing his brows, he spoke bluntly. "How much for your biggest bags?"
Unfortunately, the guildmeat ignored his reasonable question and started ranting about how he wasn't being careful and how dare he and something else he ignored halfway through. About halfway through her third sentence, Adam picked up Burden by the back of his shirt and left the building, ignoring her calls as he put distance between himself and the nagging bitch.
"A-Adam-san! You don't have to carry me, you know!" Burden complained, wiggling in an attempt to free himself from his grip without touching Adam's arm. Said arm was being a little baby about needing to carry the kid, so with reluctance Adam decided to be nice to it. It was going to work twice as hard tomorrow though, so it wasn't allowed to complain then.
"Hey, I know you said you're alright but your arms are still…" Burden trailed off. "That looks like it hurts alot."
Adam grunted dismissively. "It's just pain, kid, it doesn't matter."
"So it does hurt? We can go buy a healing potion for it you know?"
"How much do healing potions cost?" That sounded like magical bullshit, so it was probably pretty expensive.
"I dunno… maybe about a thousand vali?" So about thirty eddies?
"Absolutely not." Adam grunted out in reply. "That's a third of today's wages, almost half. That's entirely too much."
"...But can't we go back in if you get healed up? We already emptied our bags."
Adam's feet slowed in the middle of the street. Burden turned to glance at him with a raised brow. Credit where credit was due, Adam didn't think of that, and it was a great idea.
Adam nodded in approval. "Good idea kid, let's go find some healing potions. Where do they sell those?"
"...uhhh I think Hestia is friends with a pharmacy familia? Miach. They sell potions I think."
Burden and Adam stared at each other for a few moments.
"Do you know where it is?" Adam grunted out.
"No." Burden admitted.
Adam grumbled in mild frustration.
Then he grumbled in hunger. Looking down to his stomach and frowning, he looked up and declared. "Right, we'll ask Tiny where this 'Miach' is tonight, we're going to find something to eat first."
"Tiny?" Burden asked.
"Our employer." Adam replied absentmindedly, looking around and beginning to move through the streets on the way back to the church. If they could find a restaurant along the way, it would be convenient to eat at before or after each trip to the Dungeon.
…were restaurants a thing in the middle ages or was it all just carriages full of radishes and whatnot?
"It's not that she's tiny, it's just you're huge." Burden finally gained the ability to snark it seemed.
Adam glanced over and down, and raised a deliberate eyebrow at the kid. Burden maintained the look for a few moments, before glancing away. "...I suppose she is on the petite side." He admitted quietly. "But that's no reason to be rude to our Goddess yanno?"
"How is that being rude brat? She's tiny. She's tiny and has fat tits." Adam rumbled, looking at all the signs he couldn't read. That one had a picture of a bottle on it. That one had the picture of a cauldron. That one had a book. "Those are two defining traits."
Burden sputtered for a few minutes, face tinged red, unable to form a coherent response to that.
Eventually, Adam found a place that sold food. He could tell because it smelled like food and beer.
—
"Hello! Table for two, Nya?"
Adam immediately turned around, only stopped by Burden grabbing hold of his shirt. "W-wait Adam! This place sells food!"
"We'll find somewhere else." Adam resolutely declared.
"It's on the way back home!"
"We'll eat hashbrowns."
"I don't know what that is! C'mon we're already here!"
Adam's stomach rumbled again, causing him to give a long and low exhale. Fucking meat. Stop being hungry. He turned around to face the fucking meat that greeted them.
A brown-haired meatmaid in a green dress, white apron, ugly ass cat ears sprouting from her head. Currently, said ears were folded in and downwards. Adam stared back, letting his antipathy leak through, as Burden chirped. "Yes, Table for two please!"
They were led to a booth, and sliding in with great hostility, Adam glared at nothing as two menus were sadly put in front of them.
Burden, showing a spine, was actually glaring at him as the maid walked away. Yeah real intimidating look there kid, he's seen better glares from academy brats. "Adam, why are you being so mean to her!" He whispered loudly.
'Hey Adam, don't these look cute on me~?'
Adam glared at him for a moment, beforing sneering and raising the menu. "I'm gonna explain this only once, so listen up."
Burden was still glaring at him. Adam explained quickly. "Had an ex-girlfriend once, she had cat-ears. They were as stupid as she was."
Burden looked mildly irritated still and waited for him to continue. After several moments of looking at the menu of things he couldn't read, Burden leaned back slightly and realized there wasn't anything more to the story.
"...That's it? That's why you hate beastfolk?" He spoke in a quiet but confused manner.
"The fuck is a beastfolk?" Adam replied with a raised brow. "I hate cats, kid, that's all there is to it. They have stupid fucking ears and I hate them."
"...So you don't hate her?"
"She said 'nya' greeting us." Adam deadpanned.
"So you hate cats because you had a catfolk girlfriend and then you broke up?" Burden looked at him with furrowed brows and a sad frown. "...I don't know the details, so I can't tell you how to feel, but you shouldn't be rude to someone completely unrelated Adam, that's just being unfair."
"When have I ever been nice?"
Burden was about to respond, before being cut off by the same brown-haired catmaid coming back over, hopping into place with a bow. "Are you ready to order? Ny-" And cutting herself off with a glance towards him.
Adam grumbled before looking at the menu again. He couldn't read any of this shit and nothing had pictures. "Do you have burgers?" He asked. That was all he ever ordered from Hard Rock Cafe, back when he still bothered actually eating.
"Sorry, I don't know what that is, ny-."
Shit, there goes plan A. "Sliders?"
"Sorry, ny-."
"Nachos?"
"Nyope." Adam's eye twitched, as did her ears. Amber eyes locked on his blue. Her lip quivered, struggling to not make shitty cat noises. He turned his gaze back down.
Adam stared at the menu blankly, trying to glare it into giving him the information he demanded.
Burden chimed in, brows furrowed in worry. "Adam-san… Can you not read?"
Adam snarled. "Not this shitty language no. Look at it!" He held up the menu and flipped it around. "You fuckers use this dumbass blocky-nonsense. Why?! Nothing here makes sense!"
There was silence for a moment.
"Would you like the pasta, nya?" Brown ears flicked once.
Adam growled in defeat, handing the menu back to the catmeat and ignoring the sudden focus she had on his revealed arms. The cloak not concealing anything when he had to reach out.
"...Yes."
"That sounds good! I'll have it too please!" Burden was looking down on him, Adam was going to pound him into the fucking floor for this.
—
"We're back!"
"Welcome back!"
Came the twin calls of Burden and Tinytits, cheerfully greeting one another as they returned from the 'Hostess of Fertility' as it was apparently named. Catmeat had a determined look in her eyes as they left, so Adam resolved to never go back there again. All in all, the 'pasta' was filling enough and also cost them six hundred valis, so it absolutely wasn't worth ever going back.
Fucking restaurants, he should burn them all down.
He grumbled his way over to the fireplace, which his employer had been keeping nice and warm for them. "Hestia-sama! We made a whole lot today! Look!" Burden called out, handing her the Guild-receipt.
Tinytits took the receipt in her hands, before letting out an astonished sound. "Woah!" Then, clutching the paper to her chest, she started to spin around in place. "My children are doing really good!"
Adam decided to refrain from telling her they wasted six-hundred of those valis buying pasta. Their finances couldn't afford it in any reasonable manner, so it'd be limited to never until they got better per-trip payouts.
"Heh, yeah! Really it's thanks to Adam! He's incredible, with all kinds of fancy kicks and stuff! He said he'll teach me how to do them too!"
Annoying as the kid was, he had the right attitude. Adam was indeed incredible, rubbing his feet and holding them next to the fire. Shaded cobblestone was chilly and having these freeze off would be a pain in his ass.
"Humpft!" Tinytits puffed out her comparatively large chest. "It's to be expected of my woman's intuition. I could tell he was a good fit for the Hestia Familia just looking at him!" Setting the paper aside, she continued. "Here! Let me update your statuses!"
After a moment, Burden was nude from the waist up and getting tinytits to sit on his back. You know you normally have to pay for things like that kid?
"Heh! You did great today Bell-kun! Gimmie a moment and I'll copy this."
"Really? How'd I do?"
"Hehe! You have to wait! For me to finish!"
"Geh!"
This was possibly the least funny thing Adam had ever seen unfold before his eyes. All this touchy-feely shit was getting him sick.
"Alright. Here! Now it's your turn Adam-kun!" She looked over to grin at him, then patted the floor next to her rapidly as Burden marveled at his piece of paper.
Adam dropped the cloak and started pulling off the shirt, not pausing as he heard Tinytits wail in panic and rapidly start approaching. "Y-your arms! Why didn't you say you were hurt?!"
Adam grunted, moving over to sit down and ignoring her tiny hands trying to touch and evaluate his arms, but not too tightly. "It's all surface level. Not important."
"N-not important! One of my children is in lots of pain and you call it not important?!" She was actually glaring at him now, which was about as intimidating as a church mouse.
Adam stared at her blankly, unaffected, causing her to turn her glare to the very sheepish looking Burden. "Why didn't you say anything Bell-kun?!"
"I- I asked him if he was okay a few times when we got out of the Dungeon, but he kept saying he was fine so I… forgot." The kid looked ashamed of himself now.
"You have a friend that sells potions, right?" Adam interrupted with a blank grumble. Tinytits turned towards him with a tremendous frown on her face, before rapidly nodding and causing her twin-tails to flip up and down. "We don't know where that is. We were going to buy one."
"I'll write it down for you!" She immediately burst into motion, moving to scribble something out and handing it to Burden, before whipping around again towards his seated form.
She looked at him with great concern on her face, which he met with irritable aggression. After a moment, she glanced down to his arms again and her lip wobbled. Hands balled into fists, she stomped around behind him and barked a command. "Stay still, okay?!"
He hadn't moved, woman, don't be so fucking dramatic. Adam glared at nothing as her hands went over his back for a few moments.
After a moderate length of silence, his employer started speaking again.
"Your strength went up to fourteen. Your endurance went up to sixty two. Your dexterity went up to twelve. Your agility went up to fourteen. Your magic went up by one."
Tiny arms valiantly tried to wrap around him from behind. Adam flinched and jerked for a moment, before giving out an uncomfortable growl. Tiny pressed her face into his back.
"...Please take better care of yourself, okay?"
"I'm fine woman!" He growled out, shifting slightly.
"Please."
Adam gave a tremendous exhale and stared at the crackling fireplace.
"...If I say I will try, will you stop with the hugging?" He growled, stubbornly.
"I will try." She mumbled into his back, equally stubborn.
You aren't allowed to kill her Adam, you need her alive for legitimacy and superpowers. He forced himself to slacken with this in mind. Adam gave a blank expression, meeting Burden's amused smile in the process.