The irregulars
Chapter : story of Gen
I am Gen, I live a normal Life, a normal family, a normal Person.
my caring parents restricted me to Go outside of the house for safety reasons, which I grew up like a caged bird. It was pretty boring.
Thankfully after my seventh birthday my parents gave me their laptop as a gift because they bought a new one. and i was happy.
I started playing videogames which I got engrossed to.
As my parents gives me freedom and personal space. Without knowing it, I was playing Videogames all day.
Then the school year comes. As a seven year old kid who only played inside the house. It was hard to make conversations which is the key to make friends, and I have an urge to Go home early to play videogames.
2 years later. I became isolated and don't have any knowledge of what my Peers actually do, like what kind of games they play, how they do it, what's the rules and is it fun?. As I was always inside the house playing Videogames without socializing.
Sometimes I look outside and saw my peers playing with each other, it made me curious but I became fearful to go outside as it contains the unknown dangers for me.
Time by time I became envious of those Kids at my age for being able to walk freely outside. i started to think to Go outside, however the nervousness and the thought of unable to communicate well has kept me back.
One day I asked my parents for a permission. Thankfully they agreed with their rules of not getting late when going back home and others, typically parents love and care for their children.
I stepped the outside world freely on my own for the first time, seeing new faces and new things until i saw the kids who were playing, I stared at the kids who were playing awkwardly unable to come close. Until some came to me and asked me my name.
I was really nervous that it filled my thoughts black unable to respond which made them ask the question twice. And then I said my name awkwardly.
After that They invited me to play, well I cannot decline their offer or more like I can't say no. we played various games However I was new to the game. I been played and became a loser at The Hide and Seek Game. I was always the Seeker.
Well it was my first, it was embarrassing but it was also fun. The feeling of playing physical game on first time. i felt joy.
The next day, after playing my games I hurriedly asked my parents for another permission to play outside. They agreed.
As expected it was fun, and so the next day and the next day and until a few weeks later. I became a little bit hateful to their toxic behavior.
We played games, however some would bully the others especially the loser, or they just hate someone because of just a small reason. And they play pretty rash that if not careful you could get hurt.
Well i'm not the loser though. It was the weak girl that sometimes play with us, However one day as a guy who likes to play RPG games i imitated those characters with their justice and kindness, I defended her and said. Hey stop it aren't your being mean to her for no reason?!.
The looks on their face was filled with hate and disgust while staring at my face, henceforth they started to pick a fight with me everyday and find any way to make fun of me.
And yeah, as a shut-in who never exercised was beaten up and mentally hurt, being bullied every time we play with their harsh words and rash game play.
And several weeks came. I locked myself on the house and just played video games isolating myself from the outside harm that I though was freedom.
I thought that Playing outside will just give me a lot of scars and I will be not safety either. To be exact I started hating to go outside that I even avoid the weak girl invitation to play.
1 year later I was 10. The video games was my only entertainment and purpose of life, Without socializing much. for me its my childhood.
I go to school, I don't have any friends. I'm also not that talkative that I won the award of being the quietest student on my classroom by my teacher who was angry at the loud students.
I am aware of it all However after playing lots of videogames I felt something strange like boredom, Or being empty. Lacking at something.
Like an undead who should be dead but alive without reason.
Like an empty shell buried on the sand.
Like a lost coin on the ocean never to be find.
The feeling of valueless . Emptiness.
I became a lone wolf. Even in group activities, I was alone and it did bother me. however i can do most activities on my own though.
I thought that. What is even the meaning of my life if I will be alone forever?. The feeling of valueless filled me. And it got me worried especially to my future.
However being alone comes with real peace, that is the sole reason why I did not want to make friends because it will be chaotic.
A year later I became 11, I got something new for entertainment, it was '' Anime ''. I became obsessed with anime that I watch three to four series a day.
Thanks to that I acquired some traits like anime poses such as putting my finger tip on my forehead or cracking my fingers one by one or holding a cup on its mouth. practically like 8 grade syndrome or middle school syndrome.
The feeling of emptiness was filled With several emotions and meanings I learned from several genres That I learned and felt by watching such as, bonds, life, joy, sorrow, fear, excitement, trill, sadness and even Love. even without living outside i feel like i did, a normal peoples feelings.
I watched 200+ stories which inspired me to be like them. And not long after, when I discovered about Comics such as Manga, Manhwa, and manhua. I read about 150+ chapters a day. Since I got freedom and time.
And the whole year passed very fast for me as a NEET i finally became 12.
I finally Got the trait of Getting Mad when somebody tramples others stories. Because the stories made me feel alive and has other feelings other than emptiness.
Well one of the reasons is I myself found out that I don't have my own Story yet and I don't really have that much memory from my past because of isolation and addiction to games. To be exact I didn't made any memories to treasure, or worthy enough for a story.
Then I found out that my feeling of emptiness is because I did not make anything to write valuable and memorable for my story, Therefore I wanted to create my own story, like the stories I watched and reads.
However to change my life I must socialize, However I became introverted that Does not know how to create a conversation the key to create a bond.
However I tried, with the inspiration from the series I watched. As an introvert I tried my best to talk. However as expected mostly of the people ignored me. as a guy who had different hobbies and interest i was not fit to them.
I became depressed with the thought. ''why they wont notice me? Doesn't they want to talk with me?
Well it's also probably because they are afraid or more like they know nothing to me or im something like a mysterious person that their interest and mine does not match.
Well maybe as an shut-in introvert gave me the ability to be alone and erase my presence in the room. or become the mysterious person in the room where everyone sees me something like weird.
For several months. It was the same. Until I tried to change my behavior to fit their cycle.
I was born with a little talent of observing the behavior of others. And with the hundreds of stories I reads and observed, I know much about human behavior and emotions just by watching it all, that gave me the ability to copy their characteristics and some of the behavior.
I tried to be the bright cheerful Guy that in most stories are the lead male in the room.
I talk with a higher tone of voice and strong aura. And finally I made friends with others. However it was mentally tiring. I was not myself.
I tried to match their preferences and talk to them with their behavior to be liked. It was like changing my personality.
For a year later I became 13 I became more depressed and the feeling of emptiness worsen. Before I know it I'm starting to forget my true nature.
I don't know why but...I feel like I'm losing myself.
I can even make anybody laugh while I'm Sad.
I forgot my true behavior and personality, when I created many behaviors and personalities to fit in others.
The emptiness grows more on me, the feeling of blank.
I learned that. Don't Change Yourself So That Other People Will Like You, Or You Will Lost Yourself.
Until the next year. I meet a person who had the same hobby as me, there are just a little difference between us.
The feeling of happiness took over my emptiness, at least a huge part of me shows what I really am.
We talk about Otaku stuffs, create conversation that only we can understand. Play games together. Join online platforms. Read comics and novels. And watch anime.
But that was only a part of who I really am. The happiness of having a friend that has the same interest and hobbies gave me the behavior of being a real human.
I noticed that I'm starting to change a little, I became more positive.
Well fun things are only temporary. After the school year. He had to enroll on another school for some circumstances. it was very lonely that i felt cold even the weather was Hot.
But the most thing that affected me is my parents who suddenly vanished and never came back, with a letter ''Gen, sorry we are your parents yet we didn't gave enough time to you, giving reasons for being busy however listen Gen, We don't know if we be back home or not however don't worry to us we well be fine, its just a problem we had to solve and most importantly as a parent, this is the only advice we can give ''you must live your life our son the world is full of happiness and sadness and you must accept both of them as part of life and see the beautiful colors in the world full of mysteries to you. sorry ''from mother and father''.
The atmosphere was Cold enough to make me freeze, i cried for a whole month until my eyes was lifeless enough to be visible to others. the thought came by.
''am I really a person a human?''
"What if I suddenly disappeared no one would cares"
With my emotions I learned from entertainment. I did not learn much emotions in real life nobody taught me to be a proper human.
Like I learned the feeling of Love but not in reality.
It was like I don't matter, or a fake human. i lived my life with like a Bland colors on my surrounding everything is valueless to me and me is not an exception however only the Videogames, Anime and comics was colorful. they gave me the will to live when my life was at 99% empty.
No talent, No Looks, No achievements, No Great memories, Nothing Special, Just a Normal boy.
Not sad not happy, just tired of everything, losing interest in everything.
The numbness inside me grown enough to be numb at emotional pain or sometimes physically.
Deep inside I wish My Story will be created like their Legends.