Chereads / Pokemon: Reborn As Ditto / Chapter 68 - Legendaries

Chapter 68 - Legendaries

"You're fired."

The grunt's face didn't just pale; it practically turned translucent, like a ghost who'd seen a ghost. Her eyes widened so much I thought they might pop out and roll across the floor like a pair of runaway marbles. "But...but why, sir? I thought I was doing a stellar job of keeping your, uh, stress levels down."

I fought back a laugh, maintaining a stern expression. "It's not about your... stress-relieving skills. I simply need someone with a different set of talents for that position."

She looked like I'd just kicked her puppy. "But...but I thought I was pleasing you—"

I cut her off with a wave of my hand. "Oh, you were pleasing me alright. But now, I need you to please me in a different capacity." I leaned back in my chair, a smirk tugging at my lips. "Congratulations, you're my new personal assistant."

Her jaw dropped so far I could practically see her tonsils waving hello. "Sir? You're hiring me again? Just like that?"

I nodded, enjoying her bewilderment. "Yep. And here's your first task: I'm going out of town for a few days. You'll be handling all my business until I return."

She stared at me like I'd just sprouted a second head. "But...but sir, how am I supposed to handle all your business? I can barely handle my own laundry without getting the socks in a knot."

I chuckled, standing up and walking around the desk. "Well, consider this on-the-job training. Now, tell me, how would one go about being reinstated as my second in command?"

She looked about as comfortable as a cat trying to solve a calculus problem. "Um...there would need to be a formal announcement, I guess? And I would need to be briefed on all the ongoing operations and given access to the necessary resources."

I nodded, trying to keep a straight face. "And how would you go about making that happen?"

She bit her lip, her mind working so hard I could practically see smoke coming out of her ears. "I would need to contact HR and inform them of the change. And coordinate with the other department heads. And...and maybe invest in a good planner?"

I laughed, stepping closer. "Good. Now, get to work. You have 15 minutes to gather all the relevant documents and bring them to my office for signing."

Her eyes bugged out like a cartoon character's. "But...but sir, how am I supposed to gather everything in just 15 minutes? I'm not a magician!"

I stepped closer, my gaze intense. "No, but you are incredibly... resourceful." I reached out, tilting her chin up. Her eyes widened in surprise as I leaned in, planting a kiss on her that was anything but professional.

It was a kiss that said, "I'm the boss, and I can do what I want." It was a kiss that promised more to come. It was a kiss that left her breathless and me wanting more.

When I pulled away, her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were glazed. She looked like she'd just been hit by a freight train of desire. "Wow," she breathed. "That was... unexpected."

I smirked. "I like to keep you on your toes. Now, get moving. Those documents won't gather themselves."

She nodded, her face a delightful mix of flustered and determined. "Yes, sir. I'll do my best." She turned and hurried away, muttering about the 15-minute deadline and the tasks she had to complete.

I watched her go, a laugh bubbling up in my chest. This was going to be a hell of a lot of fun. As she reached the door, I called out, "And don't forget to water my plants! They look like they could use a drink as much as I could." I winked, enjoying the sight of her scurrying away, her skirt swishing behind her like a battle flag.

After the grunt scurried away like a startled Pikachu who'd just seen a ghost, I turned my attention to Mewtwo. She was still captivated by the paintings on the wall, currently staring at an Articuno with eyes wide enough to make the legendary bird itself feel like it was under a stare-down contest from a Sableye. The painting was a stunner, capturing the icy beast in all its frosty glory. It was so lifelike, I half expected it to start blasting ice beams at us and demanding we bundle up in scarves or risk becoming human Popsicles.

Fuck, I wanna play in the snow now. I remembered Jessie mentioning her mom used to feed her snow for dinner. Poor girl, no wonder she's always got a temper hotter than a Rapidash's flames. Maybe I should send her on a vacation to the Sevii Islands, let her cool off a bit.

I sauntered over to Mewtwo, who was still eyeballing the Articuno painting like it was the Pokémon equivalent of a Picasso masterpiece. I mean, it was impressive, but she was looking at it like it held the secrets of the universe, the best berry recipes, and the meaning of life all rolled into one.

"That's Articuno," I said, breaking her trance. "The legendary snow bird Pokémon. When it flies, snow starts falling. It's like a frozen weather machine with wings."

Mewtwo tore her gaze away from the painting, her tail swishing curiously. "Legendary Pokémon?" she asked, tilting her head like a confused Pidgey.

I nodded sagely, like some wise old Professor Oak about to drop some serious Poké-knowledge. "Yep. See, every species of Pokémon has its own population, big or small. But then there are some that are unique, one of a kind in this world."

She processed this new info, her tail swishing like a metronome. "If being unique makes a Pokémon legendary, does that mean I am legendary too?"

I chuckled, rubbing my chin like I was contemplating the mysteries of the universe. Or at least, the mysteries of the Poké-verse. "Well, yes and no. Being unique doesn't automatically make a Pokémon legendary. For example, a common Pokémon's population might die off, leaving a sole survivor, but that doesn't make it a legendary. It just makes it lonely. You, on the other hand, you're legendary, but not just because you're unique."

Mewtwo looked at me, her eyes wide with curiosity. "Then why am I legendary?"

I leaned in, like I was about to share the secret of catching a shiny Ditto. "You're legendary because you're a sort-of clone of Mew, the ancestor of all Pokémon. Legendaries are like... primordial creatures, the top of the evolutionary chain. They're not just unique, they're fucking powerful. And most of the time, they are sort of governing over something."

She absorbed this, her tail swishing thoughtfully. "So, legendary Pokémon are special not just because they are rare, but because they hold a significant place in the world's history and balance."

I snapped my fingers and pointed at her, feeling like I'd just successfully taught a Magikarp to use Hyper Beam. "Bingo! And Articuno there, it's one of the legendary birds of Kanto. It's said to control the ice and snow, a force of nature in its own right."

Mewtwo looked back at the painting, a newfound respect in her eyes. "I see. And what about the other legendary Pokémon?"

I grinned, ready to dive into a Pokémon mythology lesson like a happy Lapras diving into the sea. "Oh, where do I even start? There's Zapdos, the electric bird that controls thunder and lightning. Then there's Moltres, the fire bird that can manipulate volcanoes and lava. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. In fact, these three can be said to be on the lower end of legendary Pokémon. There are others that are even more powerful and rare."

I paused, scratching my head like a confused Aipom. "You know, come to think of it, having all these legendary Pokémon around is like having a bunch of superpowered roommates. You never know who's going to hog the bathroom or accidentally blow up the kitchen."

"And boy—I mean, girl. Let me tell you, they're powerful, sure, but they're also pretty much retarded."

Mewtwo tilted her head, her tail swishing in confusion. "Retarded?"

I nodded, "Yep. Take Groudon and Kyogre, for example. Legendaries from the neighboring region of Hoenn, not to be confused with hoe in. They're like two boys having a crush on the same girl. They fight over her, cause all sorts of chaos, and basically act like a couple of lovesick idiots."

Mewtwo's eyes widened, trying to process the information. She didn't quite understand what a 'crush' was, but she got the gist of it. "And who is the girl they have a crush on?"

I chuckled, "The girl? Her name is Earth-chan. She's flat as fuck and has a lizard brain. Not exactly the prom queen, if you know what I mean."

Mewtwo looked utterly confused, her tail swishing uncertainly. "Huh? I do not understand."

I waved a hand dismissively, not bothering to explain the intricacies of my metaphor. "Don't worry about it. The point is, these two are so busy fighting over Earth-chan that they cause all sorts of natural disasters. It's like watching a really shitty soap opera, but with more property damage."

Mewtwo looked thoughtful, trying to wrap her head around the idea of legendary Pokémon acting like hormonal teenagers. "So, these two Pokémon are not just powerful, but they also cause chaos because of their... feelings?"

I snapped my fingers and pointed at her. "Bingo! And that's where Rayquaza comes in. Rayquaza is like the cool senior year brother who steps in and tells the other two to knock it off. He's the voice of reason, the peacekeeper who stops their fights and restores balance to the world."

Mewtwo's eyes widened in understanding. "I see. So, Rayquaza is the one who keeps Groudon and Kyogre in check."

I nodded, "Exactly. But even with Rayquaza around, those two are still a couple of lovesick morons. It's like trying to reason with a pair of drunk frat boys fighting over the last slice of pizza."

Mewtwo looked amused, her tail swishing with laughter. "That is an... interesting way to describe legendary Pokémon."

I laughed, clapping her on the back. "Well, Mewtwo, welcome to the wonderful, wacky world of legendary Pokémon. They might be powerful, but they're also a bunch of idiots. Kind of like high school, but with more explosions."

I pushed off the wall, ready to wrap up the lesson. "But enough about legendaries for now. Let's go back to my room and rest a little bit. These knees are really fucking killing me."

Mewtwo tilted her head, concern in her eyes. "How can your knees be killing you?"

I let out a chuckle, rubbing my knees. "This body's seen better days, that's for damn sure. Middle age is a bitch, and it brings along all sorts of fun surprises, like joint pain. Nothing serious, just a royal pain in the ass."

Mewtwo's tail swayed gently, her eyes filled with a mix of concern and curiosity. "Perhaps you should rest a bit?"

I flashed her a grin, giving her a playful nudge. "Rest? Where's the fun in that? Besides, I've got you by my side, right? You're my ace in the hole."

Her eyes lit up with excitement. "I'm glad to help!" She glanced around, her brows furrowing slightly. "Where did that grunt go?"

I chuckled, "She's off running some errands for me. Gives us a chance to have a bit of fun." We strolled down the corridor, Mewtwo's eyes darting from one painting to another, like a kid in a museum for the first time.

As we approached my office, I swung open the door, and a stench hit us like a punch to the gut—a mix of rotten eggs and week-old garbage.

"What the actual fuck is that smell?" I groaned, covering my nose with my hand. Giovanni's office smelled like goddamn toxic waste dump that I had visited when in past life. I quickly slammed the door shut before the pollution burned every hair in my dose. 

Shit, I'd left Giovanni's body in there. Classic rookie mistake. Nothing like forgetting to clean up the corpse of the guy you replaced to really drive home the chaos of the situation.

I turned to Mewtwo, who was wrinkling her snotty nose with a disgusted look that screamed promises of pulverating whoever was making that smell.

"Alright, I'm going to handle this. You might want to hold your breath when I open the door."

Mewtwo nodded, bracing herself. "Got it. Holding my breath."

I, on the other hand, had a genius solution. I turned my nose into goop. No nose, no smell! Fucking brilliant, if I do say so myself. I should patent this shit.

I swung open the door and stepped inside, leaving Mewtwo in the hallway. The stench was overwhelming, but with my nose transformed, I was invincible. Time to see what the hell was going on in here.

I scanned the room, spotting Giovanni's body slumped over the desk. Great, just fucking great. I walked over, grimacing at the sight. "Well, Giovanni," I muttered, "you sure know how to make an exit. Too bad it's not the kind that involves a stage door and a round of applause."

I sighed, rubbing my temples. Cleaning up this mess was going to be a pain in the ass. But hey, atleast it was not the type of pain in the ass you get when you drop the soap in a communal shower!

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