Chereads / Paranoia Circus / Chapter 11 - CHAPTER 11: The Room with the Mirrors

Chapter 11 - CHAPTER 11: The Room with the Mirrors

She entered the room with the mirrors. Perfect! Another labyrinth. She was a little reassured by the fact that it was smaller than the Box of Madness. She proceeded between the mirrors, seeing her reflection at every step, wondering what kind of trial this would be. Time passed, and nothing shocking happened. She continued to circle the labyrinth, lurking for any danger.

Reaching a dead end in front of another mirror, she noticed it was different from the others. It showed her back. She looked closely. Her shoulders were slumped, and her body stood still. As she approached the mirror, her reflection didn't move as it should have; it just stood there. When she got close enough, her reflection seemed to hear her and turned around. A strange smile formed on its face.

"I was waiting for you," her reflection said.

Madalen did not speak. She was trying to understand if she was actually looking at herself or someone who looked like her.

"I didn't surprise you, did I?" the reflection asked.

"A little," she replied sharply.

"Will you not ask me anything?"

Madalen wondered.

"What could I ask myself?"

"Many things, of course."

"Such as?"

"For example, why do you feel useless? Why do you feel that no one understands you? Why do you constantly seek the attention of those around you? Are you good enough for your parents?"

The questions from her reflection surprised her. Nevertheless, she kept her temper.

"You're just an illusion of myself. You're not real! No matter how much you try to get into my mind, you won't do it!"

"Oh, you have a lot of confidence for someone who isn't confident."

"Who told you I don't have confidence?"

"Oh, come on now, you're talking to me! I know your darkest thoughts. Even the things you don't admit. You want to look strong, but in reality, you are not! I know that since your brother died, your confidence has been in the ground, and why? Because you didn't manage to save him!"

"Shut up!"

"Oh? Did I hit a nerve?" the reflection laughed, full of satisfaction. Madalen began to get angry. Her reflection continued:

"You feel guilty about your brother's death, and your parents blame you for it! They give more importance to themselves and Jasper. You feel weighed down and lonely. Why?"

"They don't blame me!" she cried out.

Her darkest memory surfaced once again, the reason she hated the circus...

It was a frosty afternoon when she went with her nine-year-old twin brother to a show. She would never forget the day when one of the lions devoured her brother in front of her eyes. The tragedy happened backstage when they went to see the animals in the cages. But luck was not on their side. One of the lions escaped from its cage. She remembers people running in panic and the lion tamers trying to catch it. But it was too fast and attacked anyone in its path. She would never forget the moment the lion rushed at her brother, and she ran to save him but failed. That gave the lion tamers the opportunity to catch it. When they got her brother out of its teeth, it was too late. She would never forget the crimson blood that flowed like a brook through her hands as she screamed his name... "Jonathan..." A clown grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away. That fake, spooky smile, which looked like he was laughing at her pain, would forever be engraved in her memory.

She never blamed the lion or the people of the circus, only herself for failing to save him.

"And of course, you are jealous of Jasper because they give him more importance since he replaced your dead brother!" her reflection continued.

"Shut up!" Her lips trembled.

The words from her reflection were like a knife to her heart. Maybe inwardly she was jealous of Jasper. He reminded her of Jonathan in many ways. They had the same reactions to many things, and they both loved the circus. Maybe it wasn't coincidental. She believed Jasper was Jonathan's reincarnation. She was sure her mother had thought the same.

"You were always a strange kid. That is why no one understood you, not even your parents. You always had people around you, but you felt alone because of your differences. You approached the world from a different point of view." Her reflection then added, "Like Jio."

Madalen was now looking at her reflection strangely.

"The people you chose were never capable of understanding you, and that's why you closed yourself off."

Listening to her reflection's words, something felt like it was breaking inside her.

"You're wrong! I am not alone!"

"I only say what you feel, and what we feel is our reality. There is never one reality. There are many angles, and, depending on how we think, they change. Like the world here."

In each of its conversations, her reflection became more and more shadowy, darker. In the end, only the shape of her shadow was left. Her eyes were darker than tar, and her body like darkness. Her mouth only appeared when she opened it, like a black hole.

"You're selfish because you don't care about your parents' feelings. You are jealous of your own brother. You want everything to revolve around you since Jonathan died. You can't overcome the fact that you didn't protect your brother. You're right, because you're useless! So useless that you fell into antidepressants because you couldn't stand yourself, and no one cared to help you overcome the situation," her reflection in the mirror chuckled, which made Madalen feel weighed down.

 How could she talk to her like that? So overtly harsh? So brutally honest... She couldn't stand it.

"No, I'm not!" She began to cry. "I can't be. I don't want to be like that."

"And yet, you are! You say that. I am nothing more than a reflection of yourself!"

"You're a demon trying to break me."

"Break you? But you yourself believe that you do not succeed in anything!"

Her shadowy self continued: "You will not be able to save Jio!"

Another cruel smile full of malice spread across her lips.

"I can save him!" Madalen shouted, trying to believe it herself.

"Really? Are you sure?" Her reflection laughed.

Madalen didn't speak. She looked at herself, trying to contain her tears.

"Jio believes in me! And that is enough to save him!"

"Hahaha! Really, do you mean that Jio believes in you? He takes advantage of you! He has no choice. What a shame it happened to be you to save him," her reflection continued to laugh and mock her. "You are nothing! You can't save anyone!"

"Shut up!"

Madalen punched the mirror, breaking it. Her hand was covered in blood. But her reflection was still there, the mocking smile still stuck on her lips.

"You can't get rid of me, no matter how much you try."

"I hate you! Go away!"

"Nice, you hate yourself. We've made a good start."

The tone of her voice was full of irony and satisfaction.

"Go away!" Madalen covered her ears to block out her voice.

"I'm not going anywhere. No matter how you try to drive me out, you want me to stay within you."

The situation had become hopeless. She didn't know how to get rid of herself. Dark thoughts surrounded her mind.

What if she is right? What if I'm like that? Am I really so weak? What if I hate myself forever and feel alone forever? What if I'm so useless that I can't save anyone after all?

She was lost for a while in the abyss of her mind. Her breathing became rapid, and her ears began to ring. She felt like she was drowning, as if she couldn't get air. Then she heard a child's voice...

"Madalen, it's not true!"

"Jonathan?" It was her brother's voice.

"Our parents love you and do not blame you. You're not useless because you didn't save me; you were just a little kid, like me. What could you have done?" His voice was soft and sweet.

"Jonathan, forgive me for not saving you!" Her soul was breaking.

"Madalen, you have to forgive yourself, not i." His words gently faded as the darkness around her was illuminated. Her eyes were closed by the blinding light.

She opened them abruptly and shouted loudly at her reflection.

"No!"

Her reflection in the mirror was shocked.

"What no?"

"What you're saying is not true! If you are in my mind, then you would know!"

"But I am in your mind! You are me!"

"No, you are not me! You are just a part of me, the dark part, but you know something?" She took a deep breath. "I also have a bright part! All people do! We have two parts, and we go on with both."

"And tell me, what does your positive side say?" Her reflection was mocking.

"It says you are good, you love those around you, and you give everything for them. It also says that when you are going to protect someone, you give it your all. And that's exactly what I'm doing now."

Her reflection in the mirror grimaced.

"Do you think I'll sit down and listen to you?" she sneered.

"Yes, you will!" Madalen instructed. "Just like I sat and listened to you. The more I hate my dark side, the more you hate the bright side!"

She approached the broken mirror and touched it with her palm.

"I'll tell you something you don't believe, but it's true."

"What?" Her reflection's voice sounded frightened.

"The more I hate you, the more I love you!"

"What?"

"You heard me! I love you!" she said firmly.

"No! You don't mean it!"

"And yet, I do mean it! I love my dark side, and no matter how much I try to hide it, it will always come to the surface because it is part of me. We walk together. Without one part, there would be no other. That's how people are," she said passionately. "I love you," she repeated.

"You're lying!"

"I love you," she insisted.

"No!"

"Yes, I love you!" She smiled calmly.

"You're a liar!" The voice began to break into tears. The shadow began to shrink and change shape. Soon, it had become a young girl, the age Madalen was when the tragic event happened with her brother.

"No, I'm not, and you know it!"

"Then prove to me that you love me!" The reflection began to break down in tears. She seemed so innocent and small. Madalen's heart tightened when she saw herself like that.

"Let me come near you," she said, touching the broken mirror. Her hand passed through the cracked glass. She stepped through the mirror. She saw her younger self kneeling, with her hands covering her eyes, still crying. She went near her, reached out her hands, and hugged her. The mirror shattered into pieces, and Madalen found herself holding her younger self.

"I'm sorry!" she whispered to herself, tears streaming down her face. Then, slowly, her younger self became transparent and disappeared.

In Madalen's hands was a small, black piece of the heart. She put it in the pouch with the other piece. After wiping her eyes and recovering, she set out to find the demon.